"Take care of my daughter," bilin ni Papa nang tumigil kami sa tapat ni Enz.
Alam kong kanina pa pinipigilan ni Papa ang pag-iyak niya mula nang salubungin nila ako ni Mama habang naglalakad ako patungo sa altar. Ngumiti ako sa kanya nang mapansin ko ang patago niyang pagpunas sa mga luha niya at tumango naman siya sa akin.
Pareho ko silang niyakap ni Mama na kanina pa umiiyak. I know it's hard for them to give me away for marriage because I am their only daughter but I'm sure that they're also happy for this new chapter in my life.
"Yes... yes, Tito Allen," sunud-sunod na tango ni Enz at napasinghap nang bumaling siya sa akin. "Ah... grabe, grabe..." rinig ko pang sabi niya.
Napatingala siya habang tinatakpan niya ang mga mata niya dahil sa pag-iyak.
"Patay na patay ka pa rin sa akin after all these years," biro ko habang pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong umiyak.
Lumingon ako nang ituro sa akin ni Enz ang mga kaibigan namin at nakita kong nag-i-iyakan na rin sina Sab kasama ang mga college friends ko.
Si Keeno, ang best man ni Enz, tumatawa lang sa tabi niya kasama ang iba pa nilang high school friends.
Nakatayo naman sa kasunod na pew ang mga college friends niyang nanunukso sa pagiging iyakin niya.
Ngumiti sa akin si Mei nang magtama ang mga mata namin at ibinalik ko naman ang ngiti ko sa kanya.
She talked to me when Enz left the country to clear things up and she also apologized. I am not saying that we've been best of friends since then but we're on good terms.
"Stop crying. Nandito naman ako, ah? Ba't iyak ka nang iyak?" nakatawang tanong ko pa nang muli kong ibinaling ang atensyon ko sa kanya. I tried to wipe his cheeks but tears kept falling from his eyes.
"I got blown away the moment you entered the church. You are so beautiful," sabi niya bago niya hinalikan ang kamay kong nakadampi sa pisngi niya. "Oh god, I am so in love with you, Aly. Thank you for the second chance. For loving me still despite the hurtful choices that I've made."
"I love you," nakangiti kong sabi at isinandal ko ang noo ko sa kanya. "And I thank you for making those choices because it made me realize the true essence of loving."
"Mamaya na 'yan! May wedding vows pa kayo," nakatawang saway sa amin nina Charles at tinawanan lang din namin sila ni Enz.
Mapula pa rin ang ilong niya pero tumigil na siya sa pag-iyak at nawawala na naman ang mata niya dahil sa laki ng ngiti niya. This chinito guy never fails to make my heart beat twice as fast.
"Tara na? Hinihintay na tayo ni Father," aya ni Enz at humawak naman ako sa kaliwang braso niya.
Bago namin tinungo ang harap ng altar, muli akong lumingon at ngumiti sa direksyon ni Kiel. He returned the gesture before he lovingly stared at Leni who's standing on the front row along with my other bridesmaids. And from this moment, I know that things are finally falling into place.
{ TWO YEARS AGO ... }
"Doc Aly, someone called. Kiel daw? He's inviting you for a Saturday event," salubong sa akin ni Miss Tess, ang secretary ng buong institution, nang pumasok ako sa office pagkatapos ng consultation ko sa isa sa mga in-patients.
"Ano raw ang mayro'n, Miss Tess?" tanong ko nang lumapit ako sa desk niya.
"Blessing daw ng clinic, doktora," sagot niya. "He left a message for you to call him back if you're free," dagdag niya pa.
"Ah, okay. Thank you, Miss Tess," sabi ko naman bago ako lumabas para tignan ang phone ko.
I brought it out from my white coat's pocket and I opened the messaging app when I saw a notification. Kiel sent me a picture of their clinic and I can't help but smile as I type my reply.
Alyson Ruiz:
Wow! You are finally living the dream. I am so happy for you and Leni! ❤
Kiel is typing...
I was cheering for those two when they decided to try again and I witnessed how their love story blossomed once more.
Third year noon si Kiel at second year naman si Leni, pareho na silang nasa dent proper. Hindi naging mabilis na process ang pero nakita ko kung paano nila muling naayos ang relationship nila at masaya akong makita na stronger pa sila ngayon.
As for me and Kiel, he knows that I cherish him dearly because he is one of my closest friends who never left my side when I was at my lowest. But we both realized that we're better off as friends. And that's enough for us.
Kiel Vega:
Maliit lang ang clinic, marami pang kailangang idagdag. Pero ang saya na makita na ito na ang pinaghirapan naming dalawa. Haha. Punta ka sa blessing sa Sat, ha? Ingat, Doc! 😜
Alyson Ruiz:
Won't miss it for the world! 😉 Send my regards to Leni. 😘
They're both dentists now. Ilang taon nilang pinag-ipunan ang clinic nila kaya masaya ako dahil ito na ang bunga na pinaghirapan nila.
"Alyson," tawag sa akin ni Doctor Mendez nang sumilip siya sa consultation room niya. "Come here."
Pagkatapos ng apat na taon ko sa medical degree at ng isang taon kong postgraduate internship, I've decided to take the licensure exams two months ago and I passed.
"Yes po, Doc?"
I addressed her in a polite manner because she's my senior. She's been in the field for almost thirty years now.
"Sit down," she motioned the chair in front of her and I obliged. "You have a client after lunch," she stated.
"Po?"
"I said, you have a client later," pag-ulit niya. "He's specifically requesting for you according to Tess," dagdag niya pa.
At present, I am having my psychiatry residency training program in a mental institution. Bago pa lang ako kaya nakakapagtaka na may nag-request agad sa akin.
"Do I know him po, Doc?" curious na tanong ko habang hawak ko ang itim na clipboard.
"I think you do know him that's why he's requesting for you," sagot niya. "He's a new client and this is his first consultation. Do well."
"Oh, I see. Sige po. Ako na ang bahala," sagot ko.
Lumabas muna kami para mag-lunch kasama ang iba pang psychiatrists at tatlong resident doctors na kasabay ko.
"Alyson, may meeting kami ng ibang doctors with the executive director. If you need anything, just ask Tess," nakangiting bilin sa akin ni Dr. Mendez pagkatapos naming kumain ng lunch at tumango naman ako.
"Okay po, Doc. Thank you," sagot ko bago ako lumabas ng elevator at magpaalam sa kanya.
Sa right wing ang daan ko kaya lumiko na ako para bumalik sa consultation room. Nasa first floor ang mga wards habang nandito naman sa second floor ang administrative office at consultation rooms ng mga Psychiatrists.
"Miss Tess, wala pa ang client ko?" tanong ko nang tumawag ako dahil nasa loob na ako ng consultation room.
"I'll bring him to you, Doc. Please wait for a moment," sagot niya at nagbilin naman ako para sa mga forms na kailangang sagutin ng client bago ko ibinaba ang telepono.
Naupo ako sa isang swivel chair na nasa gilid ng sofa set. Sa gitna ay may coffee table at talagang homey ang atmosphere ng room para maging comfortable ang mga out-patients.
"Doc?" salubong sa akin ni Miss Tess nang buksan niya ang pinto pagkatapos niyang kumatok. "Your client is here," sabi niya pa at tumabi siya gilid para bigyang daan ang bago kong client.
"Good afternoon, Doc," bati niya sa akin at nabitiwan ko naman ang hawak kong clipboard nang harapin ko siya.
Kung hindi pa sumenyas sa akin si Miss Tess, hindi pa ako gagalaw mula sa kinatatayuan ko.
"G-good afternoon," nauutal kong sabi at kinamayan ko na lang siya nang maglahad siya ng kamay niya sa harap ko.
"Oh, by the way, your clipboard," sabi niya pa nang pulutin niya ito at ibigay sa akin.
Napalunok ako at nag-iwas ng tingin. He looks so fine and manly in his white coat but I have to be professional. Right now, I am his doctor and he is my client. Nothing more, nothing less.
"I'll leave you two alone, Doc. If you need anything, I'm just outside," pag-e-excuse naman ni Miss Tess bago siya umalis para iwan kaming dalawa ng 'client' ko.
"Shall we?" sabi ko naman at itinuro ko ang sofa para sa kanya.
This is me trying to be a professional doctor despite the awkwardness. Damn!
"So, how should I address you? What would make you feel comfortable?" panimula ko nang pareho na kaming nakaupo. Ako sa swivel chair at siya naman, nakaharap sa akin.
"You can address me as your future husband. Will that make you feel comfortable, Doc?" tanong niya at umiling naman ako.
"I think Enz will be fine," sabi ko. "Uhm... so... Enz..." nag-aalangan kong duktong.
I usually know how to start a conversation and build a rapport with the clients but I can't even think straight right now!
Sa dinami-rami naman ng pwede maging kliyente, bakit ex-boyfriend ko pa?!
"I hate to be rude but let's get straight to the point," diretsong sabi niya habang nakapatong ang magkabilang siko niya sa armrests ng upuan. "I want an expert's opinion because they told me that I've been showing symptoms. They say I'm crazy."
"In what way?" tanong ko. "Is there something clearly different from your usual mood, so much that some are noticing the changes?"
"I've been feeling off lately and I can't help but think that there's really something wrong with me," he explained.
"I've been experiencing long-lasting sadness and irritability because I keep missing you. There's also a drastic change in my sleeping and eating habits because I'm not with you. Plus, there's excessive fear and confused thinking—I think it's the fear of losing you all over again and I am confused if you still feel the same way about me," pagpapatuloy niya at napakagat pa siya sa labi niya.
Sinubukan kong kalmahin ang sarili ko nang tumayo siya at dahan-dahang lumapit sa akin. Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang armrests ng swivel chair para ikulong ako sa magkabila niyang braso at ngumisi pa siya sa akin.
"Tell me, doc, and correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't all these signs of someone who's crazy... crazy in love with you?"
"This is not a joke, Enz. Kung may problema ka talaga, I'll prescribe you some meds—"
"I am in love with you," diretso niyang sabi habang nakatingin sa akin. "You're still my main event even after all these years, Aly. I don't need medication, I need you."
"No, you're not in love with me. Because if you are, you won't leave. If you are really in love with me, you won't run away from me," iling ko at nanatili lang ang tingin niya sa akin. "Tell me, why did you really leave? Is it because of Kiel or your scholarship? Gumawa ka lang ba ng dahilan para iwan ako? Dahil ayaw mong magmukhang masama na iiwan mo ako para sa pangarap mo?"
"It's not like that," iling niya. "Alam kong maiintindihan mo ang tungkol do'n kung sinabi ko sa'yo. But we're not together anymore when I was offered that scholarship and I saw that as an opportunity to mend my pain."
"Mend your pain?" I scoffed. "You broke up with me, remember? Ikaw ang nang-iwan, ako ang nasaktan."
"Just because I was the one who broke up with you doesn't mean I didn't get hurt," balik niya at malungkot siyang ngumiti.
"Nasaktan din ako, Aly. I got hurt with the decisions I made because you have always been my dream. Hindi naging madali para sa akin ang iwan ka pero ginawa ko para sa atin. Because that time, I was so in love with you that it's breaking us both. It wasn't healthy."
"Stop. I don't want to hear your explanations. Limang taon na ang nakalipas, matagal na tayong wala. It doesn't matter anymore," sagot ko at itinulak ko siya para magkaro'n ako ng daan. "It shouldn't."
Napapikit ako nang talikuran ko siya kahit na alam kong gustung-gusto ko pang pakinggan ang mga sasabihin niya.
I missed him, so much. But I don't know how to be okay with all these. It's so sudden. And he can't expect me to accept him just like this. He left me without anything to hold on to. I was hurt.
"Aly, let's talk, please..." pakiusap niya at hinila niya ang pulsuhan ko para pigilan ako sa pag-alis.
Hinila ko ang kamay ko palayo sa kanya at malungkot akong ngumiti nang lingunin ko siya.
"Sabi ko noon, napatawad na kita. Na napatawad ko na ang sarili ko. Pero noong nalaman ko na umalis ka para sa scholarship mo sa med school, nagalit na naman ako. Ang dami ko na namang tanong na hindi masagot," mahina kong sabi.
Lumapit siya sa akin para yakapin ako pero hinampas ko agad ang dibdib niya. Tahimik niyang hinawakan ang magkabila kong kamay para pigilan ako at pakalmahin.
"But one day, I just stopped asking, I stopped getting mad because it's draining me. I decided to focus on what's important. Mas minahal ko ang sarili ko kaya akala ko okay na ako. Tapos... tapos ito ka na naman. Babalik na parang.. na parang walang nangyari," humihikbi ko pang sabi nang isandal niya ang noo ko sa balikat niya.
"Ilang beses kong ginustong bumalik pero akala ko, ito ang mas makakabuti para sa atin kaya anong karapatan kong guluhin ka pa? I even tried dating other girls just to forget you," sagot niya habang yakap ako.
"But I can't imagine a future without you in it. I can't imagine myself waking up everyday and you're not the one who's beside me, I can't imagine myself loving any girl other than you. And that I'd rather be alone if you're not the one I'll end up with."
"Ang kapal ng mukha mo," mahina kong sabi dahil hinang-hina na ako para makipagtalo pa. "May nalalaman ka pang ganyan pero nakipag-date ka sa iba? Ako nga, ikaw lang. All these years, ikaw lang. I never even tried dating."
"Sinubukan ko lang naman, pero hindi ko pala kaya," paliwanag niya habang pinupunasan ang pisngi ko. He even chuckled and I just frowned. "Nagseselos ka?" amused niya pang tanong.
"Shut up," saway ko at napailing na lang ako. "This is wrong. Transference 'to. It's inappropriate for a client to have feelings for his doctor," dagdag ko pa.
"But I am not your client," nakatawang sagot niya. "Doctor Mendez knows about this. Pati si Miss Tess."
"Damn," I cursed under my breath. "Ang gagaling niyong umarte," inis ko pang sabi at muli niya akong niyakap habang tumatawa siya.
"Ang cute mo pa rin," rinig kong sabi niya at ipinatong niya ang baba niya sa ibabaw ng ulo ko. "Na-miss kita. Sobra..."
"Enz..." sambit ko sa pangalan niya nang kumalas ako sa yakap niya. "To be honest, I missed you, too. And I know that we've both decided to love ourselves more which is a good thing but five years have passed. And you know that it's not easy to just pick up where we left things off."
"I know that I still have to make up for the lost time, na marami nang nagbago. At kung kinakailangan na bumalik tayo sa first step, gagawin ko. 'Yong unang pagkikita natin sa bus, our friendship, our courting stage... I'm willing to do those things all over again. Kahit mahirap, kahit pahirapan mo pa ako. Just let me in once more..." pakiusap niya.
Masuyo niyang hinawakan ang magkabila kong pisngi. "...will you let me try once more, doktora?"
"We can try," hopeful kong sagot.
I can't believe that after all these years, kahit na gusto ko siyang tiisin ngayon, hindi ko pa rin magawa. Because I am still in love with him, too. Only him even after all these years.
"We'll try and I won't let you slip away. Not anymore," ngiti niya. "You keep me sane, doc. There is no one for me but you."
"Dapat lang," sagot ko naman bago bumaba ang tingin ko sa kaliwang parte ng dibdib niya. Ngayon ko lang napansin ang asul na embroidery sa white coat na suot niya.
"Chua, Lorenz Antonio T., M.D., Institute for Neurosciences..." I read as I ran my fingers across the blue embroidery.
"This is the start of our dream together," sabi niya naman at malambing niyang hinaplos ang buhok ko. "Naalala mo? Sabi nating dalawa noon, magiging doctors tayo. Hindi man tayo sabay sa journey pero pareho naman nating natupad 'to."
"But what happens after all of these?" may pag-a-alinlangan kong tanong. "Paano kung hindi na naman mag-work?"
"We'll do this together. Again," he assured me as he kissed the top of my head. "We'll find a way. We always find a way to make it work."
"Babalik ka pa ba sa States?" tanong ko.
"Hindi na," sagot niya. "I'm having my neurosurgery residency training program here in the Philippines. That's six years..."
"And...?"
"May offer sa isang malaking hospital sa States but I've made up my mind," pagpapatuloy niya. "I'm staying here for good."
"Sayang ang offer sa'yo," nanghihinayang kong sabi pero umiling lang siya at ngumiti sa akin.
"I'm not going anywhere if you're not with me."
"Hindi ka na ba talaga aalis?"
"I don't have to," nakangiting sagot niya at yumakap naman ako sa kanya. Ramdam ko ang pangungulila namin sa isa't isa dahil sa higpit ng mga yakap namin. "Because I'm finally home. Right here, with you."
Indeed, I am neither dreaming nor hallucinating. Because this is our reality...
Our very own forever.
"Welcome home, Enz."
* * * END * * *
For all the hopeful souls out there looking for their match, may you finally find the one that fits.
Thank you for making it this far! — Pat ⭐️