P h o t o #37 - Low Light
"I swear, he laughed so hard that all the juice in his entire juice box squirted out of his nose." Kayla told excitedly, reminiscing about the times she and her little brother were smaller. She grasped one of my living room pillows in her arms, resting her chin on the plump fabric.
Cooper picked at the fuzz on his sweatpants, obviously abashed, "Ya, well you laughed so hard you peed your pants."
Kayla stopped and looked to him, "Oh, that's right! I did, didn't I?"
I chuckled with everyone at her simple response, wondering just how my grandmother allowed for all of these people to sleep under her roof for the night without top notch supervision on her part. Honestly, never did I think there would be a day she would be so lenient with me.
After Kayla's animated suggestion, I was almost too quick to shut it down, stating that we couldn't trouble my grandmother that way. Though I did have to admit that I didn't know how well I could handle having such different people in my humble home.
She was visibly upset by this, but understood where I was coming from.
"Why don't we just ask her?" Elliot had said right afterwards, silently confusing me with his lack of usual protest. I hadn't thought that he felt too fondly towards the few times we've all slept under the same roof, so this was quite the surprise.
I thought about it for a minute, saw no reason that I could use to turn them down, then reluctantly agreed. Kayla was more than happy with my obliging.
With a quick poke in the side to my grandmother's small sleeping frame, she was up and ready for my question, which she had no problem giving her blessing to. She was always a morning person, so getting up was her forte.
"I trust that you girls won't be sleeping too close to the boys tonight, it's improper and I don't need any babies on my hands." She had said before turning her bedside table lamp off and rolling over to let her back face me, leaving me blushing at her words in the dark.
Immediately buzzing with excitement, I quietly rushed out of her room and shut the door, ran down the hall to my room, and swiftly began getting myself into my pajamas. What was a sleepover without comfy pajamas, right?
Throwing on a thin dark blue t-shirt, black pajama pants, and pink polka dot fuzzy socks, I undid my hair and let it all fall in messy curls down my back. Worrying about its frizziness was currently at the bottom of my list.
Practically skipping down the carpeted steps, I thought aimlessly. 'What if none of them have clothes to sleep in?' I wondered to myself as I reached the last step, 'Kayla could probably borrow my clothes, though I don't know if they'd fit around her, uh, chest area...and the guys...' My slight fretting trailed off once I reached the living room.
An array of sports duffle bags lay on the ground, me seeming to walk in right as the guys had just finished dressing in their own comfortable attire, that is, everyone except Elliot.
With his shirt still ever so high over his head, his entire abdomen was exposed in the low light of the tall lamp in the corner of the living room. Toned muscles clenching as he worked the fabric of the basic grey t-shirt around his tan arms, then pulling it down over his chest.
My eyes ogled for only a second, the other three boys staring back at me equally shocked, before I spun on my heal and turned my back to them.
"Where...Where's Kayla?" I asked awkwardly, not sure how I was to break the ice after that event.
Silence hit the back on my head like whiplash, almost knocking me over. It wasn't that I was a prude or anything, though I wasn't not going to admit that I was on the shyer side. I had had my fair share of unsettling health classes just like everyone else, so I knew what the male anatomy looked like, but this was my first time actually witnessing a man I knew shirtless besides my father.
As sad as it was, I drummed my sweaty hands on the sides on my sweatpants-clad thighs, rocking back and forth on my feet as I waited for a response.
"She's in the bathroom." Elliot sighed behind me, giving the okay I needed. I turned, meeting with his only minutely sheepish face, "Sorry about that, we were rushing for a reason."
I held up my hands and waved them, "No, it's okay, really," I looked at the other three, all of them watching to see how I'd react. Keeping my cool as best as I could, I babbled, "I was actually worrying whether or not you all had something to sleep in, so actually I'm a little relieved. Not that I couldn't look for something you guys could borrow-"
Arms wrapped around my shoulders and squeezed, their source behind me. I whipped my head to the side.
"Pink." Was all I could utter as I stared at Kayla's attire. Matching pastel pink long sleeved shirt and silk fitted pants that hugged at her hips and ankles. Her feet in snug dark pink slippers and her hair up high on her head in a messy bun held together with - you guessed it - a pink hair tie.
She winked at me, her make-up-less face still as beautiful as always, "Yup. By the way, nice socks."
A small grin lifted the sides of my lips. A realization hit me as Kayla almost twirled into the living room in front of me, beginning to lecture the boys on just how they could dirty a room so much in under five minutes between their bags and discarded clothes drenching the ground.
Just as they were about to retort, I spoke up, "Wait, you guys had clothes with you? How did you know you'd be staying the night?"
Kayla looked to the side, folding her hands behind her back, "I may have predicted that there was possibly a very good chance of us staying for the night."
I stared blankly at the five of them as they all looked as though they had been caught taking one too many pieces of candy from a "take one" Halloween bowl.
Parker smirked, clearly entertained, "I told you this wouldn't go over her head so easily." He slid his glasses up and met my gaze with amused eyes, "She's too sharp for it."
Cheeks warming, I briskly ran over to the closet next to the lamp and opened its double doors, coming face to face with a multitude of folded blankets, sleeping bags, and pillows.
"Holy crap," Jonas mused behind me, "if there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I'm heading straight for your house."
I turned and gave him a look, though I couldn't surpass the smile brimming. Letting out a giggle, I put my left hand on my hip, "Blanket or sleeping bag?"
He held out his hand and grinned, "Sleeping bag."
I threw a plump dark green one to him, and suddenly everyone got in line. All boys except Elliot chose a sleeping bag, the rest of us gabbed a blanket of our choice.
I reached for a deep purple comforter at the bottom and closed the closet doors, turning around to come face to face with everyone sitting in a circle as before, except now the games were cleared from the ground and everyone was wrapped up warmly in their own individual way.
My heart leapt as I joined them, noticing that in the very back of my mind that this scene was one of the many I could only dream about just a few months before during one of my many nights without sleep. At that time, all I could do was create scenarios in my head in silence as I stared back and forth from the ceiling to the clock, anxious about the time I was wasting. Now I was living those tiny visions.
Filled with contentment, I took my place in between the Appollo siblings as always, wrapping the thick blanket around my shoulders as I sat cross-legged.
I glanced out the sliding glass doors to my right, only noticing now how fogged up they were. The winter weather was beginning to set in on our town.
Kayla's second suggestion of the night: telling our favorite stories, funny or not, about our past. Instantly my body broke out into a cold sweat, but I sat silently as everyone went around the circle beginning with Cooper at my right.
Tales of prodigal vacations, lavish events, and even just silly stories of when they were younger came to life through their voices. I closed my eyes from time to time as I listened to them speak, them sometimes even jumping in to other's retelling because they were there to witness it, imagining the memories unwinding behind my eyelids.
They had all known each other for such a long time, I almost felt lonely as they all reminisced together, but that little pin-pricking in the depths of my heart was drowned by the overwhelming surrealism of sharing little cherished happinesses with each other. Never did I think a person like me would experience something so small, yet so significant.
As Kayla finished up her extremely exuberant story and little feud with her brother, anticipating eyes all made their rounds to me. I tensed up under the blanket draped over me.
Kayla's light caramel colored eyes were soft, "What about you, Emma?"
My gaze darted to the digital clock on the cable box, the neon numbers reading that it was only about nine at night, then to the sliding door, which showed me my backyard's scenery coated in a dark blue light from the moon above.
It took me a moment or two before I realized how utterly ridiculous I was being. There was no reason I couldn't tell them about myself; they've been generous enough to tell me about them. I just wondered if my subconscious would allow it. It had been years since I'd dug up the memories I had forced down, at least willingly.
I quickly swallowed the small lump in my throat, scolding it for trying to sabotage my voice.
"There was one time," I began, silently praising myself for how even my voice sounded, "my family and I, we...drove all the way across the state just to go and see the blossoms of one tree. Mother's orders. She and my father had seen it during their first spring break together. So we piled into the car and took off without a second thought."
A silence, somewhat stiff, but otherwise gentle hung in the air. My friends understood just exactly what feelings talking about my past stirred up. I knew my voice held almost no trace of the weight in my chest, but I wasn't too sure about my face holding the same.
Getting lost in my past, I felt a small, melancholy smile on my face as I continued, "She had gotten car sick from the snacks we shared, even though my mother had warned us. It was a pretty miserable ride out there, and my father even contemplated whether or not we should just turn around and head back home. She cried because her stomach hurt so bad and my mother was starting to get a headache." A bittersweet chuckle escaped my lips, "Really, it was so horrible even I was upset by it, and back then I was always a happy kid."
I rubbed my arm with my hand, feeling goosebumps as I told of my memory. "But once we pulled up to the lake with the tree out of the side of the hill next to it, making it hang over the water, it was like everything changed." I was almost reliving the story by then, remembering just how blue the water was, how the Earth smelled as we eagerly ran out of the car.
I hadn't realized that my eyes had been gazing down for the majority of the story, so I looked up, meeting the eyes of my favorite peers, them looking back at me with uncertainty. I shook my head as another sad giggle slipped out, "The flowers had already fallen off the tree. We had forgotten to check the weather around the area for that week, and if we had, we would've known that that town had gotten hit with a peculiarly strong wind storm around then. It was almost devastating."
Another pause to collect myself before I went on, "Until she had suggested we make crowns out of the fallen flowers that coated the ground. The whole grassy plain couldn't be seen from the amount of cream colored blossoms that covered it. It was as if her suggestion had completely lightened our spirits." I folded my hands and studied my slightly long fingernails, "My mother pulled out some spare twine she had in the trunk along with many other art supplies we kept back there. My father spread a blanket down for us to sit on as she and I kicked off our shoes and competed for who could find the prettiest flowers."
I licked my suddenly dry lips, my hands shook a little, "After we returned with our dresses cupped in front of us, both full of flowers as we held them up, we had found my mother had set up a picnic for all of us to share. My favorite ham sandwiches and her favorite peanut butter ones. We ate until we pretty much couldn't move, and at some point we both fell asleep." The lump began creeping back up my throat, and I willed it back down with all of my might, "During our nap, my parents had strung together the flowers we collected, and when we both woke up we had fresh flower crowns for the both of us. God, we were so happy as soon as we later eyes on those things."
I thought about how I still had both of the crowns tucked in a small box in the back of my closet, withered and dead for many years, out of mind until now. I never had the courage to open that box, and I thought I never would, but now that I thought about I felt I just might be able to.
I shyly looked back up at my audience, swallowing the ever present dejection that came with the retelling, "It's...one of my favorite memories."
Silence flitted through the air, causing the gloom I felt to come surging back up as I wondered if I had sound too much. My heart pounded as I waited for a word, any word.
"Who is...'she'" Elliot was the first to speak up, startling me a bit. I looked in his direction, right across from me, and met soft, serious hazel eyes.
The question I had been putting off for months since I had met all of them. The one I knew I would have to face as the price for becoming close to people I cared for once again.
I wanted to change, I had already stated that, and this was one of the biggest steps I could take for that change. This was step I needed to take to cement this change into my very being.
The lump lodged in my esophagus threatened to cut off my windpipe as I gathered up every ounce of courage within my body.
I couldn't stop my lip's slight trembled as I finally whispered the words that hung in the air like the smell of fresh death.
"My sister."
My ears almost popped from the pressure of the deafening quiet that engulfed my family room.
***
~Elliot's POV~
The low frequency wave that can be heard only when all sounds were snuffed out rang in my ears.
As one of the last pieces of the puzzle of the enigma that was Emma Leighs slated itself into place, my eyes stared straight into hers.
A sister. Never in my life did I think of that possibility. Never did I think about the family this girl had left behind as she lived with only her homely grandmother at her side. Of course I had seen the many pictures hanging around the house of various family members of unknown identities, but I never stopped to ask why Emma would ever so slightly turn her head away from those pictures whenever she walked down the hall.
I almost wanted to smack myself for not vehemently searching for the answers I seeked to those little questions that had all to do with this girl that popped into my mind from time to time.
The look on her face when she first met Kae, how she understood what to do in times deprived of motherly care, the mumbling of a name that slipped out of her mouth when she thought no one was around to listen.
"A...sister..?" My jaw went slack as I whispered to Emma.
Seemingly startled, she squeezed her folded hands until her knuckles turned white. The red rims of her eyes were barely visible in the dim light. Talking about this was hard enough on her, and my questions weren't making the situation any better. I almost wanted to scream at Kayla for suggesting we do such a thing, even if her intentions were pure.
Emma swallowed hard, the pale flesh covering her neck bobbing a bit as she did so.
"Yes. Her name is Ellie." She said, the pain in her eyes almost completely masked, as if she wished for us not to see it.
My heart thudded heavily in my chest, making me wonder why just seeing her solemn face made it feel as if I couldn't breathe at all. It contracted sharply as her tiny voice went on.
"I'm the older sister." She told us, only enlightening our shock. She raised a hand to her forehead, as if to check her own temperature. She closed her eyes as she went on, "She...is so beautiful. Just like our mother. Honey colored eyes, warm caramel hair. We look nothing alike."
A lump formed in my throat, 'Why are you here in this house, Emma Leighs,' My thoughts desperately tried to wrap themselves around what I was hearing, 'Why aren't you with your family?'
Cooper stepped in next with a simpler question, "Where is your family, Emmy?" As blunt as it was, there was no other way to phrase what we all wished to ask.
Her dark chocolate eyes still covered by thin eyelids, she took a few shallow breaths. She unclasped her hands and let them fall into the lap of her crossed legs, the light red imprints on her knuckles indicating just how hard she held them together.
"They...aren't in my life anymore."
The thudding ceased. I felt as if my heart had stopped entirely. It took every ounce of my being not to leap across the floor and wrap my arms around the frail girl in front of me. Emotions intense enough to make my head spin swirled within me.
I looked to the group around the circle. Jonas' eyes held no emotion as Parker stared down at his own pair of folded hands. Cooper's looked as melancholy as I had ever seen him, and Kayla's eyes brimmed with tears as her mouth opened and shut like a fish out of water, probably searching for the right words of condolence.
Never had an air so crippling surrounded us. I almost wanted to exit the house entirely just to get a fresh breath of oxygen into my lungs, but I couldn't leave Emma. Never in this state.
Finally raising her eyes to look at our faces, a look of surprise etched her features. She raised her hands up and shook them, "Oh God, that was a really open-ended answer. My parents are alive, I assure you. They're just not around at the moment." She tried a smile, "It's okay, really, it's no big deal. I accept my circumstances."
'But that doesn't mean you're fine with them.' I thought bitterly, knowing all too well through my years with my own family issues that accepting something and being okay with it were two entirely different emotions.
The atmosphere immediately softened with her simple answer. A sigh of relief was released into the air from all of us.
"Jeez, Emma," Kayla sniffled as she wiped her eyes, a small smile playing at her pink lips as he chuckled off her tears, "you had me worried for a second."
Jonas sighed as he threw his head back, "You had me going there, Emma. Really, you gotta choose your words more wisely."
Parker grinned as he faced downward, adjusting his glasses, "Says the guy who always starts fights with a mere sentence."
"Watch it, four-eyes." Jonas growled.
"Exactly proving my point." Parker retorted, causing all of them to laugh.
As for me, I still couldn't make ends meet. The loopholes in Emma's explanation were just too great to ignore, but this was not the time nor the place to be asking for her answers.
Why wasn't anyone asking about her sister's whereabouts? Why was the air suddenly so light after that heavy conversation? Why was she separated from her family? What was the story behind the pills she took?
Questions sped around my head, almost making me dizzy enough to fall flat on my back. As everyone shared lighthearted smiles, I almost had to squeeze my temples between my palms to relieve the pressure.
Emma insisted that she had come to terms with her situation, and I would have believed her if I didn't know her better. No matter how hard she tried to mask whatever she was feeling behind a nonchalant attitude and a smile, the tiny, truthful glint in her eyes begged to differ.
With all of the possible sentence structures I had buzzing in me, all I could muster was: "Are you sure you're okay, Emma?"
Alarmed, she turned to me, and for only a moment her eyes said it all. She wasn't okay. She was shoving her complicated feelings down, wrestling with the lies she told and fighting with a voice inside her that I couldn't hear. Silently pleading for more time to sort out her emotions before presenting it all to us, emotions I knew were too complicated for me to process with my mind so heavily fixated on her wellbeing alone.
Just like the snap of a finger, it was gone.
Grateful eyes and a soft smile, "I am, Elliot. Thank you for worrying about me." She looked to the group, who's attention she now had, "All of you. Really, I know I've said this a million times by now, but thank you."
Kayla hugged Emma tight, which she had no problem returning as always. We all watched as the two girls did what girl's do, though the tiny grins turning all of our lips upward were apparent.
At the sight of how thankful Emma looked as she hugged most likely one of the best girlfriend she'd ever had, how could I not be glad? Even if it was a startling feeling for myself, being so lighthearted, I didn't wish it away.
The questions subsided in my mind, the clouds finally clearing out.
That Emma right in front of me was no fake. Not at all. No lies were stifled out as she embraced Kayla, nor when she had thanked all of us. There was no reason for me to worry so much about it.
I, of all people, should understand that there were some things that took awhile to share. Some things just didn't come naturally to others. That even if it may not seem like it to most, sometimes it took a lot of courage just to say a single word.
As I gazed at the dark eyed girl in front of me, I could still feel how much I wished for her to tell us the rest of her baggage, to finally let go of what's plagued her mind for years, but I snubbed out the flame.
I was sure I could wait until the day she was ready. I would be patient, even if my mind thirsted for her answers.
As my earthy eyes studied Emma conversing with the others, I realized that the others must've felt the exact same way. They accepted the time they would have to wait in order to figure out what they wanted to know.
'No, that's not right,' I mentally shook my head, 'They don't care whether or not they find out the answers to their questions, of course they want to know, but...their friendship with Emma itself means much more to them than these details. Means much more to us.'
I felt my cheeks flush in shame at how long it took me to finally reach this conclusion.
Finally pulling myself out of my haze, I hadn't realized how hard I had been staring at Emma during my mental debate.
Her eyes bored into mine. I had to force myself not to look away first as the baffling heartbeat in my chest started up once again.
The voices of our comrades muddled as our surroundings blurred into animated colors and shapes. As the air's weak grasp finally let go of its intricate details and smoothly ran down a blurred, forming canvas in a beautifully crafted, stunning blue streaks that embodied Emma Leighs' very being. As my breathing ceased, yet my heart still persisted.
As time stopped.
As she smiled. Sincerely.
Happily.
***
I feel this chapter is a bit choppy in some parts, I'll try tweaking it later. I hope it won't be too distracting!
A sister! Yup, the big secret is revealed, but maybe that's not all there is to it..?
We'll have to wait and see!