ARABELLA CASPER
I laid down on the bed staring up at ceiling. It's been three hours since Luchesi and I came home. I've been sitting here for the last two and half, crying, thinking, reflecting. How could I have ended up in the situation that I am in? A situation where I have to fear my brothers to a man that I've only known for a few months. What could I have possibly done for this to be my punishment?
Harry has been gone almost the entire day, and now that I know the reason, his disappearance puts me on the edge. How could he keep such a secret inside of him? I thought we were past the keeping secrets bit? Clearly he knows how to confront his thoughts considering he did tell me he loved me, but how could he possibly allow something this big and out of control to build up inside.
I have no idea what will happen when he walks in that door, if he walks in that door. What if he left? His life was at danger and the first thing he could possibly think of was to run? It wouldn't surprise me, he did it once, he most certainly can do it again. I don't think he would leave though, if he really did love me he wouldn't just pack up his things and leave at first chance.
My prayers had seemingly answered as the door swung open. His body quickly walked in, nervously scanning over the room. His eyes fell on me and immediately he let out a breath of relief. He shrugged his jacket off of his shoulders throwing it on the floor, and for once I chose not to say anything about it. He walked towards the bed and laid face down next to me before taking a deep breath.
"Hi baby" he said, leaning over a bit to kiss my forehead before resting his head on his propped up hand.
"Hi" I said quietly turning my body to face him.
His eyes studied the expression on my face as he pursed his lips in thought. His eyes were a darker green than usual meaning that wherever he just was, he was stressed out or angry, or maybe even a little of both. His cheeks seemed colorless but most of all he just looked completely drained. The black t-shirt that stretched across his chest was more wrinkly than usual.
It scared me to no end knowing that this could be the last night I lay with him in bed. Knowing that tomorrow night I could be laying alone in the bed in the pink room or better yet, in my own back at my house. I looked over his body watching him slowly inhale and exhale to a slow and nervous beat. I know better than to ask him about it but I can't help my inquiring mind.
Why is he in so much trouble with my brothers? Why is he taking this threat so seriously? Doesn't he receive threats like this every single day? Why is he worrying so much about it now? What could he have possibly done that would cause my brothers to do so much harm, knowing I would be there to observe it all? My brain was going a mile a minute and before I could even stop myself, words began flying from my mouth.
"I know what's going on tomorrow" I blurted making his eyes widen and head snap up.
"What?" he asked, scanning my face.
Why did I just say that? I'm so stupid. I sat up a bit on the bed as did he. "Uhm.." I said nervously.
"Who told you? And how much do you know?" he said lowly.
I don't want to rat out Luchesi. I made a promise to him that I wouldn't, but I also don't want to end Harry and I's what could be last night together, with a fight. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and in neither situations did I want to responsible for the anger of either of the two brothers. I bit my lip looking at Harry's worried eyes. He was worried? Why isn't he screaming right now?
"I-I shouldn't have said that" I said, shaking my head.
"But you did" he reminded me.
"I can't say, I don't want him to be mad at me" I said. He squinted his eyes at me before speaking.
"It was Luchesi, wasn't it?" he asked, knowingly making me shake my head.
"No" I lied, watching Harry see right through it.
"Ara.." he said warningly, raising an eyebrow.
I bit my lip before sighing. "Fine, it was. But please don't be mad at him, he told me not to tell you I knew but it was an accident. I promised I wouldn't say" I said quietly, hoping he wasn't too upset.
"I can't really be mad, if anything you should be" he said making me furrow my eyebrows.
"What?" I asked making his eyes squint.
"Wait, what did he tell you?" he asked.
"He said that you broke a deal, or didn't follow through with a deal for my brothers and now they're out to get you. He wouldn't tell me what the deal was, but he said that it was really bad. He also said that tomorrow my brothers could come here to kill you" I said.
"Might" he said, turning his body so he was resting back against the headboard of the bed.
"What?" I asked.
"They might kill me. It depends on what happens" he said.
"But still.." I said making him nod.
"So he basically told you the what, and now you want to know the why" he said.
"How bad is it?" I asked.
He bit his lip and looked at me with wide worried eyes. "It's pretty bad" he said. "I could tell you now, or you can find out tomorrow"
"So basically you're making me choose between what could be our last night, being sad and miserable or savor the moment?" I asked making him nod.
"Pretty much" he replied.
I bit down on my lip thinking over my options. If I let him tell me now, and it's as bad as he is claiming, it could ruin the last night we have with each other. This boy, the one who taught me not only how to open a beer bottle with my shoe, but how to live my life like no other, could die tomorrow. It feels like I've known him for so much longer than three and a half months, I can't even imagine going back to how it was before I met Harry.
Before I was brought here I was scared of my own shadow. Afraid that standing up will only annoy and offend others. My brothers constantly shut me out and pushed me away from any type of problem. At the time, it seems like a loving gesture, but now that I face the problems that I do, it has only caused me even more trouble than ever. Harry taught me how to somewhat fend for myself, and considering the life that I live, it's more useful than not.
There is no way I can go back to constantly being in the dark, not after living with someone who let me in on some gang related business. If our last night together gets ruined because of my nosey mind, I would never be able to forgive myself if Harry does die tomorrow. For once, I shut off every thought running through my head, pushing away any and all of the worry and let my heart take control.
My body crawled towards his lap and immediately my lips latched onto his. His hands were slow to react as well as his lips and soon his palms had fell on my waist. My arms wrapped around his neck and tugged on his curls, as he re-positioned our bodies so I was now straddling his lap. I felt his legs spread below me as his tongue dipped into my mouth, molding with my own. The cold metal of his lip rings, chilling my spine.
I felt butterflies in my stomach as he pulled me closer, allowing him to regain control of the situation. His tongue assaulted mine as his hand came up to cup my cheek. No matter how many times he gets me upset, this intimacy from his will always be untouchable. We can scream, fight, cry, and yell all we want but somethings you just can't compete with, and his love is definitely one of them.
His body rolled us over so he was on top. His hands roamed down my body before toying with the hem of my shirt. He pushed it up before pulling it over my head. He did the same with his revealing his toned stomach and dark tattoos. His body moved to lay between my legs as I felt his bulge on my lower belly. I let out a moan as his hands fumbled under my bra to toy with my nipples.
"I love you so much" he mumbled, burying his face into my neck.
His lips bit on the sensitive skin before moving down to the spot he always left marks on. My hands roamed his back, feeling the muscles flex in my palms. His lips kissed at the bruise that was now probably on my neck before moving down to my stomach. He left a trail of wet kisses before his hands played with the band of my leggings. His wide eyes looked up at me, as if he was asking for permission making me nod my head.
As soon as I heard the leggings hit the floor behind him, his fingers immediately dipped into the side of my panties. A single finger ran down my slit before allowing a single finger to enter. I watched his green eyes look up at me as he watched my expression change. I let out a moan as his thumb rubbed my clit. Something felt different, not that it was bad, I just needed... more. It could be the fact that I know what could happen or that he told me he loved me, but either way I needed him... all of him.
I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him up so his face was in line with mine while his finger slowly pulled out. His breath was ragged and his eyes were nearly black. The smell of cigarettes still lingered on him and for once the scent didn't seem to faze me. I pulled his lips towards mine for a moment before letting go and looking up at him.
"Harry.." I began. "I want to.." I said quietly, immediately shying away from the word.
"You want to what?" he asked, his voice thicker and deeper than usual.
I looked up at him with my bottom lip between my teeth. His eyebrows furrowed for a moment as he watched my expression before realization hit him. He pulled away from me a bit to study my expression before lifting up on his knees to look at me.
"What?" he said.
"I want to.." I said trailing of.
"You want to have sex?" he said with wide eyes making me nod. "Words, babe, I need words" he said.
"Yes I want to have sex" I said, the word feeling foreign on my tongue.
"Wait a minute, baby, I don't know about this" he said shaking his head a bit.
"Why?" I asked sitting up and back on my hands.
"Baby I- I can't take that from you. Tomorrow you are going to hate me more than anything on this earth, I will never be able to forgive myself if I took something like that from you" he said.
"But it's what I want now" I softly whined making him sigh.
"Sweetheart, I would never forgive myself. I'm greedy when it comes to this babe, I don't want you to see that" he said.
"Harry, I don't care what happens tomorrow, I don't care what I find out. The whole point of me finding out tomorrow is so that we can savor this last night together. If theres anyone in the world I would want to do this with, it would be you" I insisted making him sigh.
"Baby.." he sighed.
"Harry" I said pulling his face to look at mine so he knowns I mean it.
"Are you completely sure?" he asked making me nod.
"Of course" I said making him sigh and shakily stand up from the bed.
His hands fumbled with the button and zipper of his jeans before tugging them down his legs and kicking his feet out of them. His boxers were white for a change and his bulge was extremely prominent in the front. His hands moved for the nightstand drawer as he pulled out a foil packet, placing it on the bed besides me. He tugged off his boxers before throwing them somewhere in the room before joining me back on the bed.
His lips moved down to kiss at my lips once more. His body was extremely tense as he hovered over me. I let my hands roam over the span of his back to attempt to relax him. It was as if he was the one that was about to loose their virginity. His lips pulled away from mine as his hands made their way around my back to un-clip my bra before throwing it in the pile of clothes on the floor.
"Are you sure you still want to do this?" he asked again.
"Yes, Harry" I said with a soft smile as he nervously bit his lip.
"Okay" he said quietly reaching out for the condom packet next to me.
His fingers ripped it open and slid the condom over his long length. His hand pumped himself a bit before looking back at me. I felt my heartbeat pick up as his hand held my waist tightly. His other pulled down my panties leaving us completely bare against each other. My breathing had increased and it was as if the room had increased about 20 degrees.
"Are you sure?" he looked up at me once again making me smile.
"Harry" I whined playfully making him smile a bit.
"Just making sure" he said.
"Come here" I said pulling him by his curls to give him a quick peck on the lips. He retracted a bit before looking down at me.
"It's going to hurt" he said.
"I know" I replied.
"No, like really bad. And if it's too much just tell me and we can stop" he said making me nod.
"Okay" I said, feeling butterflies in my tummy.
"Okay, spread em" he said patting my knees. He crawled his way closer between my legs.
I felt his tip poke my entrance, making a shudder run through my body. One of his hands came up to lace with my own as the other guided himself. He looked at me with wide eyes before pushing himself into me. For a moment I lost my breath at the uncomfortable feeling. It hurt, just as bad as he said, if not worse. The stinging didn't stop and brought tears to the corners of my eyes.
He kept himself still, allowing me to somewhat adjust to the painful feeling. His other hand rested on my hip rubbing small circles on the bone. I looked up at him, watching his eyes droop in pleasure. I know he wanted to move but I just couldn't even think about going any faster. Very slowly, he slide himself further into me making me half gasp half scream at his size.
"Harry" I whined, my eyes screwing close in pain.
"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, concern thickly laced in his voice.
"No.." I said, breathlessly. "Just go slow" I said pulling his chest towards mine. I looked up at his worried eyes as I felt him slowly pull himself out.
"Fück you're so tight" he moaned, slowly thrusting back into me.
The pain was still there, but the feeling of emotional connection was muting it. His breath mixing with my own. Our lips connected us as I felt him moan against me. Each of this thrusts leaving a stinging burn as his breathing was hot against my neck. He was starting to speed up, just a little bit, barely anymore for him, but for me it was the absolute complete opposite.
"Fück Ara" he moaned.
"Harry.." I cried, as his thrusts continued on.
In no way did I feel any type of the euphoria that I felt when we do other stuff. I have a feeling there won't be any orgasm for me, but for Harry it seems the complete opposite. His eyes were rolling to the back of his head and his mouth cursed like sailor. His hands were steady on my waist as his hips slowly rocked into me, sending shocks of pain thorough me.
His lips came down on mine as a type of distraction. His tongue entered my mouth without any form of warning and immediately dominated my mouth. His teeth bit at my bottom lip as a groan ran through his mouth. His once steady thrusts were beginning to get sloppy as he was starting to come closer to orgasm. His lips pulled away from mine as he took both of my hands in his.
"I love you so much" he grunted out.
Say it Ara, say it.
"I don't care what happens tomorrow, I will never stop loving you" he said.
"Harry.." I whined, not even being able to say anything.
The mixture of pain and heartache was causing my thoughts to jumble over one another and before I knew it, my eyes were rolling to the back of my head. Harry's thrust had began to quicken and become sloppier as the time past and sooner than later his curses and moans were being laced.
"I'm going to come" he moaned out.
His lips attached to my neck as I felt him release into the confines of the condom. Moans left his lips as he rode out the high. He laid there on top of me, still inside of me and still panting like an animal before he decided to regain consciousness. He sat up and very slowly pulled himself out of me. I winched as he did so, feeling the immediate pain once he was out.
He pulled the condom off before tying it in a knot and getting up to throw it in the trash. The once discarded boxers were now pulled up his legs and settled onto his waist. He lazily trudged back over to the bed before laying down next to me. His arm slung over my stomach as I remained the same position. His head popped up to look at me.
"How bad was it?" he asked with a small smirk.
"You weren't bad.." I said with a smirk. "This was.." I said, reaching down and grabbing his crotch.
A laugh escaped his lips as he pulled me in closer and kissed at my neck. "I love you" he mumbled, letting his lips litter kisses all over my neck.
"I'm sore" I pouted making him shoot up and look at me.
"Do you want me to run you a shower?" he asked, making me nod.
"Yes, please" I replied, moving to stand up.
As soon as I moved an inch, immediate pain halted me. Harry turned around to look at me with wide eyes as I struggled to even lift myself from the bed.
"How about a bath?" he asked with a small laugh as he pulled my body off the bed and into his arms.
"Thank you" I said.
"I'll change the sheets while your in there" he said.
"Why?" I asked making him sigh. His finger pointed towards the sheets as my eyes widened. I didn't know you bleed when you loose your virginity. "Oh.." I replied.
"It's fine don't worry about it" he said, kissing my forehead and walking towards the bathroom.
He sat me on the toilet lid making me winch at the contact as he walked over to turn the bath on. He took out the towels and laid them next to the tub before picking me up and placing me in the warm water. I was still extremely sore, but the warm water was helping a lot of the pain. I looked up at Harry as he sat over the tub.
"No matter what we face tomorrow, I will always love you" he said stroking the back of my head.
And boy, what we will face, will destroy us.
A/N:
I suck so bad! I was supposed to update on Tuesday but after the chapter was completely finished, i HATED the way in turned out, so i re-wrote the entire thing.
so yay to Harabella sex!
Sad to say that next chapter will be the last chapter of Excessive 😭 (well at least until Obsessive starts)
Next chapter obsessive's author's note will be up, which means the contest will be over tomorrow when the voting begins.
The way I'm doing the voting will ALL be on twitter. I understand many do not have twitter, but it's just so much easier for me to do it this way.
I will upload 4 covers at once and you have to reply with your favorite, there are some 100 covers meaning I will need to do this rather quickly. I highly suggest you turn on my post notifications so you don't miss out!
Please do not be upset if your cover is not chosen! I change my cover constantly and also I am going to post many on Instagram regardless!
So for a bit of end of book fun... what do you think will happen???????
oh and also.... just because there is a sequel, doesn't mean i cant kill Harry's character off 😉
Love you all 😘