When I woke up, Brendan was gone. My window had been shut and his side of the bed made.
I leaned over to check my phone. No texts.
Stella D.
Where'd you go?
I looked back at my messages and saw that Maxie had texted me.
Maxie R.
Wanna head down to the studio today? In need of blowing off steam!!!
Her sister owned a dance studio/gym downtown. She let Maxie and me use it whenever there's no classes in session, which was an amazing stress relief.
Stella D.
Yes please!
I went back to the conversation with Brendan and saw that he read my message but didn't answer. My eyebrows pulled together in confusion. What in the hell was his issue? I took a deep breath and tried to push him out of my head as I got up out of bed.
I pulled on some sweats, a sports bra, and a t shirt before grabbing my bag and heading out the door. Maxie was waiting outside the apartment complex, and I eagerly climbed into her car. I had to talk about the Brendan situation.
"Brendan is pulling some weird shit on me," I told her as she pulled away from the curb.
"Like what?" she questioned.
"Well he came over last night. He was gone before I woke up, and read and didn't answer my text," I explained, running my fingers through my hair in a half hearted attempt to get it to go into a pony tail.
As if he knew I was talking about him, his name lit up my phone.
Brendan G.
We can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. It's just not working.
"What the fuck?" I said loudly. Why in the hell did it sound like he was breaking up with me? This wasn't a relationship. I read the message to Maxie and she looked just as confused as I felt.
Stella D.
Umm.... Okay?? This is a little weird.. Can you at least tel me why?
He replied instantly.
Brendan G.
I can't.. Sorry.
I rolled my eyes and locked my phone, tucking it into my bag. I fought back tears as the city whirred by in Maxie's old Subaru. This was exactly why I didn't want to have feelings for him. I knew this would happen. I fucking knew it.
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After a couple of hours of dancing my ass off, I felt a little bit better. Maxie could sense my mood, so she was pretty laid back for the whole time, which I extremely appreciated.
"Would posting a sexy pic to Insta help?" she questioned with a laugh. I grinned at her and went over to the wall mirrors. I stood on my tiptoes and took a quick picture.
I went back over to Maxie and sat down before posting it with the caption:
"Nothing like a four hour dance session to blow off some steam😈"
I briefly considered tagging Brendan, but I decided to take the high road and just posted it as it was. I set my phone to the side and laid back, looking up at the off white cracked ceiling of the studio. Maxie's sister was always complaining about the cracks in it. It added character, I thought.
My phone vibrated loudly on the wooden floors.
Lucas B.
Such a beautiful picture there on Instagram. Perhaps you could dance for me?😏
I rolled my eyes and set my phone down. The more and more this guy talked to me, the more creeped out I got. I found my mind wandering, and I realized that if Brendan had sent that message I would have been insanely turned on.
I pushed him out of my head again. Until I looked at my Instagram notifications.
bgally.11 liked your photo
What an asshole.
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Two weeks later, I still found myself getting upset over Brendan. Having Sarah yelling at me as soon as I walked through the door definitely wasn't helping my situation.
"What in the good Lord's name is this??" she squealed, holding up a used condom. I felt my eyes go as wide. "Don't lie to me, either. I may be innocent, but I sure as hell know what a condom looks like. A used one at that."
"Where did you find that?" I questioned, trying to dodge her original question. I knew what she was getting at, and I was terrified of what she would do if she knew.
"On the floor of your bedroom. I went in there to clean! And I find this!!" she wiggled it, and I winced. If anyone were looking in on this conversation, they'd probably think it was hysterical. Sarah standing across the room with a rubber glove, holding up my ex friend with benefit's used condom. Haha. Hilarious.
"I can explain-"
Apparently she didn't want to hear the story.
"Oh, I heard whoever this belongs to leaving that morning. Maybe next time you should tell your little buddy to be quieter!"
I had never seen her this angry. Not once.
"Please, just let me explain," I begged, running my fingers through my mess of a hair. She was glaring at me, and I realized that I should probably just keep my mouth shut.
"You know how I feel about sex, Stella," she said in a scarily calm voice.
"I'm really sorry," I told her. I didn't even know if I really meant it. If I had the chance to get with Brendan again, I would've taken it in a heartbeat.
"No, you're not. Because this wasn't a one time time thing," she continued as she slammed the condom into the trash. "Do you think I'm stupid? I went to take out the trash last week and found three used condoms and your empty birth control pack."
"Okay, woah, my birth control has nothing to do with anything," I defended myself. She had no right to judge me over the medicine I chose to take. It was mostly just to regulate my periods, since they were extremely painful when I did have them.
"Pregnancy is God's work. Which is why what you've been doing is wrong."
"You've got to be kidding me," I sighed, plopping myself down on the couch.
"I'm not! Get out!"
"You can't kick me out," I challenged her, pushing myself up. She raised her eyebrows at me.
"Who's paying 75% of the rent?? Oh yeah, that's me. Who pays for the groceries? Oh, me again. I can sure as hell kick you out. Pack your crap and leave. I don't care where you go."
I was too livid to speak, so I just stomped up to my room and slammed the door as hard as possible. I felt emotionless as I quickly stuffed all of my belongings into three suitcases. I didn't even dare to go back through the living room. I crawled out my fire escape, dragging all my bags with me.
As I was trying to figure out how to get the bags down, a fluttering piece of paper taped to my old window caught my attention.
Stella, I don't know when you'll see this. But when you do, just know that I'm sorry. I truly am. It has to be this way for reasons I cannot explain to you right now. Just know that I'm always here if you need me, and if you decide to forgive me.
All yours,
Brendan.
I took a deep breath before neatly folding it up and tucking it away in my pocket. It sent butterflies ripping through my stomach, but then the events from two weeks ago came back to me. I didn't understand what he was talking about. Why couldn't he just tell me why he had to end it? I had thought that it was going well.
My first idea was to stash my bags at the salon, and I was thankful that nobody else was in the building. I put them in the back room and sat down in my chair.
What was a girl to do at that point? No home, no place to go. I grabbed my phone and left the salon. It was too depressing to just sit there and think about everything. I knew there was a Canadiens' game tonight, and the arena wasn't far from the salon, so I went there hoping to catch some of the sounds of the game from the outside.
I lost track of time, just staring at the passing cars that became less and less frequent. I stared at the street lamps, wishing they were dark so I could see the stars. I stared at the arena, wishing I could be inside. I stared at my hands, stained from my client's hair dye earlier.
And suddenly, I was staring at a shadow in front of me. I looked up and see the face that I had been dying yet dreading to see.
"What're you doing out here? It's below freezing," Brendan commented, his eyebrows pulling together. "You look rough."
"Well, thanks," I shot back, folding my arms over my chest. I couldn't make myself look at him. I wasn't sure that I could.
"Seriously. What's going on?" he questioned. He sat his bag on the sidewalk as he squatted down to be at my eye level. I looked at him and my heart skipped a beat. Those eyes. I reminded myself that I was still pissed at him and took my eyes away.
"You left your stupid condom on my floor. My roommate found out. And now I'm fucking homeless," I told him. He rubbed his temples and looked at me with sadness in his eyes.
"Come on," he said, standing up. He held out his hand to help me get up. I gave him a look.
"Why would I go anywhere with you?" I snapped, glaring up at him. Surprisingly, he was patient with me.
"Just quit being stubborn and come on," he gently urged, holding out his hand farther.
Reluctantly, I took it. I let him pull me off the ground and into his chest. I let him wrap his arms around me in a tight hug.
And I found myself hugging him back, quickly realizing how much I had missed the feeling of being safe in his arms.