Chapter Ten
While Eddie slept and Frank took the children home, Jamie took a ride to the precinct to talk to Gordo and Renzulli. He didn't know what the status of Eddie's health would mean for his career. It might be that he had to take an extended leave or it might mean that he could continue status quo.
As soon as he walked into the precinct both his partner and his old TO could tell whatever prevented him from coming this morning was something huge. "Come on in my office, Reagan. Powell, you come too," Renzulli instructed. He poured the three of them a cup of coffee, "What's going on Reagan, you look like hell."
"Uh, I'm okay. It's uh...it's Eddie. Eddie's sick, she's really sick." He could barely get it out. His wife was sick, and not just with cellulitis but with cancer. The big "c", the great equalizer, the killer that could never be apprehended.
"What is it?" Renzulli asked. "She get pneumonia or something like that, Harvard?"
Jamie shook his head, "Right now she's fighting cellulitis, she got it from her biopsy incision getting infected, but she's got a harder fight than that. She's got what they are calling an advanced breast cancer."
"Oh, Jamie, I'm sorry man," Gordo said quickly. "Anything you need, anything the kids need, you say the word."
Jamie offered a weak smile, "Thanks Gordo. I don't even know what end is up right now, I need a few days, Cap. Gordo, can you keep the heat on the Anderson case? That little one shouldn't be shelved just because..."
"You got it, Reagan. We'll get that jerk for you," Gordo assured him.
Renzulli was taken aback. He remembered Eddie a new boot, he remembered her at her wedding to Jamie, pregnant with both of her kids. Now she was going to have to fight for her life. If anyone could do it, she could.
"She's tough as nails, Jamie. She'll come out the other side of this just fine."
"I hope so, Cap," Jamie replied. "So am I okay for a short personal leave?"
"You have over two years of sick time, take a few weeks and we'll see where we are, okay?" Jamie nodded thankful for the solid relationship he has with his CO.
While Jamie completed the paperwork downtown, Eddie woke with Erin at her bedside. Jamie didn't want her to be alone if she did wake up while he was gone. She was reading a brief when she heard Eddie stir.
"Hey sleepyhead," Erin greeted with a smile. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," Eddie replied. "Good drugs, I think. They said if my fever stays down that I can go home in a few days."
Erin nodded, that was good news but there was a 300 pound gorilla in the room. "Eddie, Dad told me in case the doctor came while I was here. I am so sorry...whatever you and Jamie need."
"Thanks, Erin. We have to talk it all through, we have to figure out what surgery I need to get and how to handle radiation and chemo. It's going to be so hard on Jamie."
Erin nodded, "Yes, it will be hard on Jamie, but it's going to be hard on you too Eddie. You have to take care of yourself in this too."
"You didn't see him, Erin. When the doctor told us, he just...he shook like a leaf. I had to ask the doctor to leave so I could calm him down."
"Jamie was seventeen when our mom died," Erin replied. "He was there though, he was in the room with her when she took her last breath. My dad went to the airport to pick up Danny. My mom insisted that Dad go and be the one to get him, so he did. In hindsight, we think she knew and it would just have been too hard with Dad there."
"This is why I didn't want to tell him until I knew for sure. Now that I do know, I'm scared to death for him to be out on the street. He's going to be focusing on me and the kids and not himself. If I lose him Erin, I'm not going to make it. I need him to get me through this because I can't do it by myself."
Tears threatened, so Eddie took a deep breath to stave them off. Erin held her hand tight, "It's okay Eddie. It's okay to be scared. But even if you didn't have Jamie, you have us. You're my sister same as he's my brother in my book. Nikki isn't going back to work for a year, she can help. Sean is a medical student, he can help. We can all help."
Eddie swallowed and nodded, "Still, he's my husband."
Erin felt a pang of envy for Eddie and Jamie. She never had that connection with Jack or any man in her life. Where their very presence soothed fear, relieved pain, and made the day brighter.
"I know he is, and he will get you through. He might be freaking out now but he'll come through. Remember when Lila was born..."
Four Years Earlier
Coastal Long Island
September
"It's really blowing hard!" Nikki exclaimed as they watched the hurricane out the window.
"I know, Nik but it'll stop before it's time to leave tomorrow," Frank assured her. "The best thing you can do is stay here and wait it out with the rest of us. Your professor is probably stuck too."
Nikki settled down to study then play cards with Sean and Jack. They had taken the trip to help them get passed Henry's sudden death three weeks ago.
Jamie had been fishing with his dad and Danny when the storm hit. They hurried back a soon as they saw the raindrops. Eddie was eight months pregnant and Jamie had reservations about even coming on the trip. Still their son Joey had been late so he allowed himself to be talked into it.
Now she sat on the couch with Erin talking about names since the power had gone out a few hours before. Jamie brought her a cup of water to drink, it was hot and she needed to be hydrated.
"Your ankles are so swollen, babe," he observed getting two pillows to prop them up.
"It's your fault, I'm retaining so much water my butt is shifting with the tides out there," Eddie griped then sat up straight. "Oh..."
That got Erin's attention, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, this kid just kicked me in the ribs. I thought Joey was violent. Help me up, Jamie. I have to pee again."
Jamie helped her up and she waddled to the bathroom. He was watching her like a hawk. "You okay, Jamie?" Erin asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. She was up all night tossing and turning. I just have this feeling something's not right. She's having a lot of pain and way more swelling than she did with Joey."
"Every pregnancy..."
"Is different, I know. I just have this feeling."
He no more than finished the sentence when he heard Eddie, "Linda! Linda!"
Linda hurried to the bathroom from where she'd been reading a book by camp light, Jamie hot on her heels. "What's the matter?"
"My water broke but something doesn't look right!" There was blood in the amniotic fluid.
"That's okay that happens sometimes...how long have you been having contractions?" Linda asked.
"Maybe all night now I think about it, I was so uncomfortable, and the pain was steady."
Jamie sighed, "Why didn't you say something to me about this Eddie?"
"I thought it was back pain, what do you want me to do wake you up to whine?" Eddie snapped. "Can we make it back to Staten Island?"
"Eddie, there's a full blown storm out there," Linda replied. "Why don't we lie down and call an ambulance. It'll take a little time but they'll get here. Let's get you comfortable."
Eddie labored in the steamy hot bedroom for hours. When Jamie wasn't coaching her through the contractions, he was a nervous wreck. Linda and Erin were taking care of all of Eddie's needs while Frank and Nikki kept three year old Joey busy.
"Where is that ambulance?" Jamie kept asking and calling when he could get a signal. Linda said Eddie would be ready to push inside a few hours.
The ambulance still hadn't arrived by then, Eddie was exhausted, soaking wet, and crying in pain. Jamie held her body upright when she pushed then let her lean against him to rest in between. "Almost there, honey," Linda encouraged then told Eddie to push again.
"Stop pushing, Eddie, stop pushing..." Linda wasn't looking at a head of curly baby hair, instead she was looking at a pair of baby feet. She started barking orders that made no sense to Jamie. "Eddie the baby is breech, I have to reach inside to turn it around."
Danny came inside to help brace Eddie for the procedure. As Linda tried to turn the baby, blood began to gush out. Jamie turned white as he saw his wife's life force oozing around Linda's arm. "Danny, get your father to get the car ready. We have to get her to the hospital now."
Danny ran to get his father while Linda explained to Jamie. "She's bleeding pretty badly, right now I don't think we can save the baby, it may be deprived of oxygen. We can still save Eddie if I leave my arm inside of her until we get to the hospital. She needs you to be strong."
Jamie went back to Eddie's side, she didn't hear Linda's soft words. "Jamie...Jamie don't let our baby die. Promise me you won't let our baby die."
"I promise, honey. No one is going to die today."
Jamie laser focused on his wife. He helped Danny get her in the car and was forced to sit in the front seat while Linda kept pressure to stave off the massive bleeding. As soon as they reached the hospital, a five minute ride that took nearly forty minutes, Eddie was taken away.
Present Day
"He fought for you and baby Lila," Erin reminded her. "And he will keep doing that now, he'll fight for you, he'll fight with you."
"When is he coming back? I have a doctor coming to give a second opinion. It's a woman, I think I'll feel better with a woman."
Erin texted her brother he was needed and received an almost instant reply. "On my way."
Ten minutes later Jamie arrived. He hugged his sister then kissed his wife. "I got a few weeks of leave time so I can be there to take care of you after your surgery. Gordo is clearing our case load." He held her hand and perched on the edge of the bed.
Erin stood up, "I'm going to go, Dad says the rest of the family is going to come by later, he wants this out in the open."
Jamie nodded. That was his family, they wanted to know what was going on so they could plan how they'd help. He knew often that upset Eddie, she appreciated it, but liked her privacy.
While they waited for the doctor she told him, "I don't want their input on the treatment options, Jamie. That is our decision as husband and wife not for everyone to weigh in."
"I know sweetheart, don't worry I'll hold things down, but they do need to know. We are going to need help with the kids and if you need treatments, someone to take you when I go back to work. Dad can do a lot but he can't do it all," Jamie replied. "Danny and Linda will want to help, Erin too."
Eddie trusted he would keep the peanut gallery to a minimum. "Uh, you think when we tell my family that we should have your dad on the speaker phone, so he can listen and hear what's happening?"
"No," Eddie replied emphatically. "I don't want him anywhere near this. I can't do that Jamie."
"Honey, he's got a right to know his daughter is sick. Imagine if..." Jamie felt his voice catch. "If the worst happens and I have to call him and tell him you're gone and he never knew you were sick."
"Please, Jamie. Not now, there's too much going on now to deal with him. Let's tell your family and we have to tell our kids."
Jamie hadn't thought about talking to their kids in depth. Eddie was right, she would be having surgery and would be getting treatments, they needed to know their lives would be somewhat altered. Before Jamie responded, the doctor came in.
"Hello, Edit, Jamie...I'm Dr. McGee. Dr. Abrams told me you wished to have another evaluation of your results and go over the options again." She sat down on the chair near the bed. "Let's get started."
Dr. McGee was very thorough. She showed them all of Eddie's films including the ones of her right breast. "You see this shadow here...that is a spread from your left to your right breast. That one is small and can likely be cut out while we save the breast tissue. You are beginning to recover from the infection, so I'd like to schedule surgery, whatever that is in two weeks."
"Dr. Abrams said he wanted to take the entire breast," Eddie said. "Do you think?"
"I think it's your body, it's your choice but with a tumor this large that is spreading, you should consider mastectomy for the left side. Once you heal, plastic surgeons can reconstruct the breast from other portions of your body fat and with implants."
Eddie took a breath, "I don't want to lose my breath, Dr. McGee. I nursed my babies there."
"You have the option of us going after the tumor and lymph nodes and trying to save the breast, but you run the risk of recurrence and metastasis. If the cancer gets into the spine, the bones, the liver...It is a much harder fight." Dr. McGee understood how Eddie felt. She looked at her husband, a real GQ. Automatically she was judging him until he said, "I want what my wife wants, doctor. But are you saying if we save the breast, that I might lose Eddie?"
"I'm saying that if you try to save the breast, you could very well lose her, yes."
Jamie looked at his wife, "For me it's a no brainer, honey. You want to talk about it more, that's okay but..."
"When do I have to give you an answer?" Eddie asked holding on tighter to Jamie's hand. She was getting overwhelmed, he could tell and her face was starting to flush.
"I'll schedule you for the mastectomy, if you choose a simpler surgery, though against my medical opinion, I can adjust it. Two weeks from Friday we will operate. Think it through, if you have questions, call my office." With a soft smile she left.
"Jamie I..."
"Let's not discuss it now, right now I think it's better if you rest." He touched her forehead, "You're feverish again. Lie back and rest, I'll be right here. I can read to you if you like?"
She nodded, hearing his voice would be a nice distraction. She did feel rotten again as her fever worked its way back up. Eddie napped easily as Jamie read from her Tom Clancy mystery.
When she woke two hours later most of the Reagan family, with the exception of Jack, who was on a tour, and Sean who was taking the kids for a walk had gathered I her hospital room. "You're looking better, Aunt Eddie," Nikki said with a smile.
Eddie sighed, "Jamie, let's get it over with, okay. Uh, you all probably know already but, the biopsy I got the infection from, it was positive for cancer."
Danny nodded, he knew already. He could see the fear in his little brother's face even if he was hiding it from everyone else. "It's stage 3c so it's advanced, but I'm going to try the best I can to beat it and with all of your support, I know I will."
Jamie kissed her head, "Eddie and I are going to need everyone's support and your prayers as we go through. We don't know what we are facing but we're going to fight it together."
Linda was relieved to hear that, even with Eddie keeping her health scare, which had become a daunting reality a secret, the marriage appeared to be rock solid. "Anything you need, if you need me to stay over when you get treatments, you have your own personal nurse."
"Thanks Linda, but I don't think it'll be that bad once we get into a routine. Still if we need help we'll call you." Eddie was trying to keep a positive attitude in the wake of her mounting fear.
"I think you can bring the kids in now," Jamie said after few more minutes of discussion. "Eddie's getting tired and we want to fill them in as best we can."
"Jamie can I see you a minutes, son?" Frank asked. He had misgivings about telling the children too much. Little Joey was struggling so much as it was.
Jamie nodded and stepped into the hallway while Danny went to locate the kids and Sean. "Joey is really struggling," Frank said not beating around the bush. I think you need to limit his exposure to the hospital and his sick mother."
"That's not his "Sick" mother, that's his mother. I can't tell Eddie she's losing her health, losing her breast, and now losing her children, I can't do that. I won't. I will talk to Joey. Thanks for the heads up Dad."
Jamie's heart hurt when he saw his children. Lila looked adorable in little overalls and a pink shirt, Joey looked cute but tired in black jeans and an NYPD tee. Jamie approached both kids and gave them warm hugs, "Come on inside to see Mommy now," he encouraged. "We have to talk to you for a few minutes."
Holding both kids' hands, Jamie led them inside of Eddie's room. Lila again ran to her mother, Joey was more forthcoming and went to sit on his mother's bed. Eddie looked at her babies, her throat closing with tears. Would she seem the growing up?
"How do you feel Mommy?" Joey asked. "Lila and I made you this card at Grandpa's house."
"You did," Eddie smiled and took the car. "Thank you guys, this is so beautiful. I'm going to put this on my table so I can see it every day until I go home."
"When are you doing that Mommy?" Lila asked. "I miss you and snuggle time."
"I know, I'll be home in a few days but...guys put on listening ears for Mommy and Daddy, we need to tell you something very important," Eddie said and waited for the children to obey. She looked up at Jamie, "Can you...please?"
Jamie sat in the big chair beside Eddie's bed. "Guys, Mommy is sick. And not just sick because she's in the hospital, Mommy has cancer. Do you know what that is Joey?"
"It's what grandma Mary died of," Joey replied. He was smart and astute like his father, he heard all kinds of things. "Mommy are you going to die?"
Lila didn't understand but it sounded bad, she curled up into her mother and started to cry. "No, Mommy is not going to die, baby boy," Eddie soothed. "But I'm going to have an operation and take some medicine that might make me feel tired and have an upset tummy...so I need you two to big good and help at home as much as you can okay?"
Jamie smiled at their enthusiastic nods. "Sometimes you two might have to go Aunt Linda's or Aunt Erin's or Grandpa's if Mommy is feeling very bad, but that doesn't mean you two did anything wrong or that we're upset with you, it's just because at the time it's what is best for Mommy so she can get all better."
Both children seemed to take this news in their stride, they took their cue from their parents who were doing their best not to show fear or upset. That small branch of the Reagan family spent the rest of visiting hours together getting as much snuggle time as they could get.
Next in Tough: Eddie struggles with her diagnosis, Jamie has disturbing visions of the future. The family steps up.