2 5
L a c u n a
/ləˈkjuːnə/
(n.) a blank space, a missing part.
♡♡♡
Because you made me smile, even just for a little while.
♡♡♡
b e f o r e
Rose noticed.
She noticed how weird Aaron was acting whenever they were in his apartment. She'd notice him trying to hide things; purposely stepping on a crack on the floor, stretching too high to not let her take a peek at the ceiling.
She noticed how whenever they were in the kitchen, Aaron would look so helpless; blue eyes tingling with sheer panic before he'd snap out of it and make the meal as fast as he possibly could.
She noticed this without even trying. And good God, Rose wanted to tell Aaron that she didn't care. That she didn't care about that stupid crack on the floor or the damn ceiling. None of that mattered to her.
But Rose thought she was just imagining things; that maybe he was just being like this only for today.
But she was wrong.
☂☂☂
Maybe if Rose was born in a parallel universe, she wouldn't make this as big of a deal as it was. But she wasn't.
She was Rose McLean; a curvy, weirdly oriented 17 year old girl who has never had a proper boyfriend before.
Maybe if Rose has been punk rock she would be able to pull Aaron down for a kiss whenever she felt like it. To be able to touch him without becoming a blushing mess. To whisper to him that she didn't like him anymore, that she was already in love with him.
And maybe if Rose had more guts than she had hips, she'd tell him that. She'd tell him that he was the most important thing that she has ever loved. That even if he didn't love her back, her love for him would just keep growing.
That his name was the only name that could get her heart racing, that the whispers he told her already had a special place in her heart alone. That even if Aaron wore brown contacts, dyed his hair pink and stopped wearing black, she would still love him just as much. That he was her silver lining in a sky of gold, that every single moment they had together was a memory Rose would always cherish.
That even if they were doing absolutely nothing, it felt like the entire world. That every kiss they shared was already sealed in the chambers of her brain before she could say otherwise.
But she wasn't. She wasn't going to tell him because she was scared. Scared that this time she will go overboard.
☂☂☂
This wasn't the first date Rose has been on.
There were a few young chaps who went up to the blonde haired girl and asked her out for a cup of coffee. Alright, so only 2 boys asked her on dates in her entire 17 years of living, but she wasn't counting was she?
And she agreed; agreed because at the time, Rose found it absolutely adorable on how they'd stutter, or how she could always make out the tinge of pink settling on their cheeks.
She went on that cup of coffee or that promised dinner, and she'd always come back feeling the same way.
Unsatisfied.
And it wasn't even in the way dressed or the place they got her into; it was just the minutest detail that they let slip out -I honestly believe Harry Potter is overrated- details that no one would even bother with -Reading is waste of time- but Rose did.
She took in the tiniest quirk and syncronised it with such concentration that it was all she could remember by the time she was back on her front door.
But she always reassured herself that it wasn't just because they didn't like Harry Potter or reading; it was also because of awkward should wrapping, greasy hand holding and even her coffee stained jacket.
It was also about their hesitant gaze -what in the world did I get myself into- and half hearted words. It was how they didn't even bother to say Goodnight let alone kiss her, (She was hoping for a pack even. Pathetic) but they just gave their final smiles before they disappeared.
And at times, Rose tried not to blame herself -He doesn't like Harry Potter, what would he know? - but sometimes it was all there was to pinpoint at. Maybe she was also a screw up in the way they treated her. And as much as she tried to think of any other reason -He doesn't read, it makes sense- or other theories to blurt out, but it always came to the same finale.
Her. It was her.
Her who decided it would be okay to wear her Gryfinddor sweater when she went for coffee; she who accidently let a peek of her book out when she went out for dinner.
Sometimes she didn't need facts or theories or observations. Sometimes the answer was right in her face, and instead of turning away, she should just accept it.
And sometimes, it was more easier said than done.
☂☂☂
"Please, Rose looks like the worst thing she has ever done was step on a bug and she sobbed for 3 whole days,"
Rose gave Aiden a look. "Do yourself a favor and don't try to speak on my behalf."
Andrew snorted, his pink lips in an amused smile. "You go girl," Tristan just high fived her.
She could even see a smile stretch on Aaron's lips, and that alone made pride swell within her.
"Then prove me wrong," Aiden challenged. "What is the worst thing you've ever done?"
"I got arrested once," Rose said with a grin.
"Shut up," Lana said mouth agape. "You're lying,"
"If you expect crap like that to buy me then you are wrong," But even Aiden seemed hesitant as he spoke. "But for real though,"
"I seriously got arrested," Rose said firmly. "I stayed in the cell for about a day and a half,"
Chase was the one grinning, looking like he was about to hysterically laugh. "Correction sweetheart, you were in there for about an hour at most."
She gave him a look. "I was trying to make myself look badass, and then you just had to Chase didn't you?"
"Wait so she's for real?" Luke piped in, his hazel eyes just as wide as about everybody else's. "She really got arrested?"
Chase nodded. "I was the one who went to pick her up."
"Now on what charges were you arrested on?" Tristan was the one who asked, swallowing down a small gulp. "Homicide? Hit and run?"
Aaron rolled his eyes. "And they'd keep her in the cell for only an hour isn't that right Tris?"
"Actually I was just taking my daily powdered aspirin and the officer thought it was cocaine," Rose explained sheepishly, a giggle of her own brewing in her chest.
"For fuck's sake," Aaron muttered. "You scared the crap out of me."
"At least she scared the crap out of you, I almost shit my pants," Aiden said. "I thought I was friends with a psychotic murderer."
"Sorry Aiden, that would be Aaron."
"Oh for fuck's sake,"
☂☂☂
What did love look like?
Was it a pink skinned creature with red hearts for eyes and chocolate on its lips and flowers continuously on its hands?
Was it Cupid shooting his arrows but disguised as a silent walked by?
Rose always wondered what in the world did love look like when it was always revealed to be felt.
But you can never see love until you are captivated under its spell; until you have found a person of your own to fill up with the love that has always been in you.
Love was the hesitant brushing of fingers before the confident interlacing. It was the gentlest brush of lips before immersing. It was the wrinkles of early morning bed sheets, it was the touch of burning skin over flushed ones. It was everything beautiful in a world of ugly.
Love looked like entwined bodies in a cornered alley; it looked like the delicate morning whispers; like the soft kisses on the forehead and the spontaneous I love you and the gentle stares and star struck eyes-
it looked just as beautiful as it felt.
☂☂☂
She could feel his icy hails too.
She could feel goosebumps erupt from her skin every time another antartic burst of wind come across her; could sense the frostiness building up when she knew a new storm would blow the world apart.
What Aaron didn't know was that Rose knew too.
She knew about his baleful whirls of wind and water; knew about his fatal tides of ice and cold. She knew about how deadly he was before he even figured it out himself.
Because Rose saw it all.
She saw as the blitz ripped apart his shards of wood and light apart; watched in terror as the lightning shot him down. She witnessed the frosty water encompass him, swirling its poison through his mouth and leaving through his eyes.
She watched so helplessly -Aaron! Aaron! Aaron! - trying to wiggle out of her own leashes of air as she screamed so desperately his name.
Her hysterical shrieks were the only sounds accompanying the crackling thunder -No stop! Stop! Stop! - her warm tears turned into shards of ice as the wintery rejection of No! blew across her face.
It was all pure torment - for both him and her.
And she needed to end it. And she did.
She strengthened herself; she became more than just a desperate plea in the eye of a hurricane; became more than just the terrorizing scream during a typhoon. She became one.
She became a storm of her own; sunshine as her poison and warmth as her infection. She used the clouds as her shields, and her rainbows as her beautiful disguises. She was a monster, but she didn't want to kill.
She had strikes of golden lightning embedded on her arms and explosions of her own thunder at the tips of her fingers.
And she tried to help him, she did -Trust me Aaron, I won't hurt you- but with frenzied eyes and trembling lips, he pushed her away.
It was simple - he didn't want her to get hurt.
Even though she was already a Goddess of her own; a sword and armor at hand, Aaron still didn't want the evil and disease to seep into the cracks of her armor or the scrapes of her sword -into her.
But she didn't listen.
She fought back.
☂☂☂
Aaron never looked at her wrongly.
His hands were always linked with her own and if they ever were to accidently brush against her waist or hips, he'd pull them back almost shamefully before whispering, "I'm sorry,"
And Rose would shrug it off every time.
Even if they were kissing for a little while and his hands mindlessly pulled her by her waist, he'd remove his lips from her own and then he'd always say, "Is this okay?"
She always found the breath to only nod her hand.
Even if her shirt rose a little too high or the waistband of her loose pants a little too low, Aaron would fix it without even looking. "Alright?" He'd ask.
"Thank you," She'd bashfully say back.
It amazed Rose on how even though she and Aaron were dating for almost 3 months now, he was still very delicate with her; handling her with utmost care and respect. She fell in love with him even more.
But that didn't necessarily mean other boys didn't look wrongly at Rose.
"Damn Rose," Emette said. "You should wear those pants more often."
"Watch it," Aaron growled, taking a step towards him. "If you dare to even-"
"They hug every single inch of your marvelous body," Emette said, grinning. "Go on big nerd, why don't you bend for me?"
And Aaron lost it.
Emette's back met the lockers with a Bang! that it made heads snap towards their direction. His blue eyes were now knives of sharp ice and glaciers. "Say that again. I dare you,"
"Do you think I'm scared of you buddy?" Emette let out a humorless chuckle. "You might be taller, but I can have your face split in half with only one of my punches."
"I swear to God-"
But Rose was the one that punched him. And she used all four of her knuckles.
"Oh crap," She hissed as she held onto her fist. "That really hurt,"
Emette on the other hand was already having a nose bleed. "What the hell did you just-"
"Don't make me complete what she started," Aaron threatened. "I suggest you leave. Now."
Emette touched his nose, seeing how his fingertips dripped with blood. "Oh you just got yourself some trouble Rose, I can guarantee you-"
"What?" Aaron barked, his eyes narrowing to slits. "You'll hit her?" His grip around Emette's collar tightened. "I'd like to see you try."
Emette rubbed some of the crimson off his nose. "I'm pretty sure you'd be surprised on how soft her skin would be."
And Aaron lost it.
He punched Emette repeatedly, wincing every time his knuckle would hit his jaw or cheek.
And Emette managed to hit a few shots at Aaron too, and Rose then couldn't handle the panic that bubbled in her chest and she abruptly pulled the two of the apart; biting her lip when she could feel their rough hands hit her too.
"Aaron stop!" She yelled, pulling the two of the away.
Both of them didn't listen and students were starting to pile up and teachers were rushing to both of them and Rose couldn't breathe couldn't breathe couldn't breathe-
"Leave...my girlfriend alone," Aaron managed to breathe out as one of the teachers split them up.
"Jesus Christ what the fuck is your problem!" Aiden's blue eyes were more panicked than Rose has ever seen before. "Get this asshole away. Now!"
"What the fuck Aaron!" Luke yelled, pushing through the crowd to see his friend. "We leave you alone for 15 minutes and you go ahead and pull a fucking fight!"
"Rose, come with me - shit is that blood on your cheek?" And Aaron immediately snapped his gaze to Rose, quickly coming over to his side as he took her face in his hands.
"Fuck, did I do that?" Aaron said inspecting the smeared scarlet on her cheek. "Shit I didn't mean-"
"It doesn't matter, just come with me we need to go to the nurse," Rose said taking Aaron by the sleeve of his shirt, giving small smiles to Aiden and Luke before rushing to the informatory.
But Aaron looked just as guilty and worry stricken as he did 3 seconds ago. "Rose I-"
"It's not my blood," She said quietly, looking at how their steps matched one another. "You didn't do anything."
He abruptly stopped their walking as he intently looked at her; that gentle look blowing over his eyes again, making them almost baby blue. "I'm sorry," He breathed, resting his forehead on her shoulder. "I'm an idiot."
She wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "I know."
"Are you mad?"
"Aaron you're hurt-"
"He was insulting you -disrespecting you, of course I had to do something," Aaron said. "I wasn't just going to stand there and watch as he objectified my girlfriend."
She took a glance at his cut lip and busted cheekbone. "And he took it out on your face,"
He shrugged. "It doesn't matter as long as you're alright,"
"Stop being corny and let's get going to the medic,"
"Don't tell me I didn't try."
She grinned and he did too.
"You don't need to try -you're actually quite a natural at this."
"I'm glad you finally admitted it."
"And I'll be glad when I'll be the one cleaning that cut with antiseptic,"
"Oh for fuck's sake."
☂☂☂
It took time. It did.
It took time for her sword of sunlight to make the darkness of sin wince; took patience for her clouds of rain to extinguish the wood of smoke and fire.
It took time for her to win the war.
Because she kept losing.
The darkness of the ebony night would always consume the light of her weapons; the fierce blows of wind would always keep away her clouds of rain. The fire was spreading too quickly for her showers of water to take off.
She lost battle after battle. But it was she who won the war.
She extinguished the lands of flames and ashes; brightened up the jet black skies and charcoal clouds. She cleared up the fields of poison ivy and parasites.
She became an enigma too.
Because how could light ever pass through opaque objects of snake venom and shadows? How could the vigorous winds of hail turn into the gentle breezes of the sea? How could the dead turn into the alive?
She became an uproar of her own.
It was snarled shrieks and taunting shrieks -How did she even do that?! - and click of tongues and glaring eyes -You don't know who you're messing with little girl- and it was the fisted knuckles and gritted teeth -This won't end well pretty girl.
She became a paradox.
She became the winds that pushed away the lethal clouds; turned into the sun that burned away all the sin and greed. She used her blows of ice to clear up the flames and fumes. She became the impossible.
And she won.
She was the one who plunged her flag of yellow and orange on the land of blood and dirt. It was her that breathed in the smell of victory and exhaled the scent of accomplishment. It was Rose that dropped her sword after months of brutal killings and terrorized screams; the one that removed her armor soaked with scratches and dried blood.
It was she that won even though she was only a mere mortal pretending to be a Goddess.
Saving Aaron required a Goddess, so she became one.
☂☂☂
She wished she wasn't as bubbly or cheerful as she was.
She wished she didn't give a smile to everyone that locked eyes with her, that she didn't say a chirpy Good morning! or a just as enthusiastic Have a nice day! to all the teachers she has classes with.
She wished she wasn't the one that blabbered and made abnormal faces and corny jokes-
that she wasn't the weird one.
She wanted to wear all black and walk normally contrary to her giddy skipping. She wanted to read books without any expression or tears. She wanted to silently listen to her music as opposed to mouthing the lyrics and dancing some insane moves if it was a good day.
She wanted to be compatible with Aaron.
She didn't want him to be called out on because his girlfriend couldn't stop blathering about some book, or giggling her head off on a joke that no one even smiles over anymore.
She didn't want to embarrass him.
And maybe that was why her giggles lasted a minute too short, or why her sentences ended midway when she thinks she's said enough. It was small tweaks that Rose thought no one would notice, tiny pinches that she thought could make her feel a bit better about herself.
And it almost worked. Almost.
Except Aaron saw it all.
☂☂☂
It was a free period and Rose was already consumed into the world of Jane Eyre that she didn't even notice Aaron sitting right beside her.
"Hey," Aaron said quietly, smiling lightly as he watched her let out yelp, falling down the book along the way.
"Christ," Rose breathed, her hand on her heart as she inhaled and exhaled. "You scared me."
"I can tell."
Rose scoffed. "And you fell down your book,"
Aaron smiled sheepishly. "Technically that was the fault of your late simulative response."
She just gave him a look.
And while Aaron was lightly chuckling to himself, he also bent down and picked up the book. Then he dusted off any dirt on it.
"There," He told her. "Good as new."
Rose cracked a smile. "Thank you," She then took it from him. "Don't you have accounting now?"
Aaron shrugged. "Mr. Jeffrey decided to ditch,"
Rose laughed, but quickly quieted herself down. "Aiden must be thrilled."
"He is being skeptically cheerful as we speak,"
She could feel his fingers interweave gently with her own. "So this is your second free period of the day?"
"Fortunately yes,"
She snickered. "I have Math after this,"
Aaron just laughed lightly.
Rose then reverted her attention to Jane Eyre, flipping to her page. "You're lucky I remember my page number."
"I'm lucky to have you."
Her eyes snapped to him, Rose feeling the steady breath leave her lungs. She couldn't even feel the book in her hands anymore. "Aaron-"
"No. There is something wrong and something big that you're not telling me." His grip on her hand tightened, his lithe blue gaze settling on her warm brown one. "What is it Rose? Did I do something to displease you?"
"Does anyone even say the word 'displease' anymore?"
"Rose,"
"It's nothing Aaron," Rose said quietly, playing with the hem of her shirt. "You shouldn't stress yourself," She chewed on her bottom lip. "You didn't do anything wrong, I promise. You're perfect."
He squeezed her hand. "But what is wrong with you?"
"There is nothing wrong-"
Aaron let out a breath. "Rose you can tell me-"
"No Aaron, I can't tell you this, I can't tell you how it feels to be dating someone as spectacular as you and not being absolutely petrified of screwing up. I can't tell you that every time we go out together I don't notice the stares or the looks. And I am not going to tell you how terrible it feels when you realize you aren't even as similar to your boyfriend let alone compatible." Rose's voice cracked at the end, the frustrated tears burning the back of her eyes.
She retreated her fingers from his, burying her face into her hands. "God," She mumbled. "I'm an idiot," She took a breath before removing her hands from her face, attempting a small smile. "I should probably get going-"
He took her hand as he scooted closer to her. Aaron's touch was so gentle and tender that Rose thought she was going to explode.
His eyes were on her arm as he traced the skin of her shoulder. He then left a kiss on her knuckles. And then he kissed her. And kissed her again.
"You idiot," He breathed, tightening his hold on her. "You idiot," He repeated, leaning his forehead against hers.
"You never have to think any differently about yourself for me Rose -or anyone else for that matter," Aaron whispered, leaning up to kiss her forehead. "It doesn't matter to me on what other people think Rose, I don't care about the looks or the whispers," He kissed her again. "I don't care about any of that."
His blue eyes were so soft. "God Rose, as long as you like me, nothing else matters," He gave her a smile, a smile where only his left dimple would indent. "Nothing."
Rose slumped her shoulders. "I don't want to lose you," She said quietly. "I can jeopardize that." She let out a small breath. "You are the most important thing I've ever had, and I'm not willing to lose you just because I have an obnoxious laugh or because I tend to ramble," She held onto him tighter as though she never wanted to let him go.
He squeezed their hands once more. "You're not going to lose me," He brushed his lips against her own. "You never could."
She smiled as he embraced her; feeling his chest against her own while he kissed the top of her head. "I kind of miss your obnoxious laugh,"
Just then, Rose let out her first real laugh in days.
☂☂☂
They've had their fair shares of fights.
Even though they've only been together for 3 months, every fight always stained more blood on their fingers.
It was battlefields every single time.
Rose might seem like a gentle breeze, but she always became a tormenting hurricane when Aaron stimulated her winds.
And Aaron -well he was already a volcano of his own.
It was knives spilling out of their mouths in every direction -You have absolutely no right to imply that- and arrows shooting out of their eyes -If you don't like it, then leave.
It was poison tinted on the tips of bullets before the shots have been fired; the fire heated swords before the war began.
It was blood on the battlefield -their own blood- their mixes of crimson and scarlet on a field that was once green and fern.
And Rose was always the stubborn one; not stepping down her horse even if her armor had tears through it and blood soaked her honey blonde hair.
But it always ended the same.
It was her sword against his neck and his dagger pointed at her chest.
It was both their panting hearts and purple under eyes; her tangled blonde hair tinted with red and garnished with dead leaves, dust and mud. And it was his bleeding shoulder and her bruised knee; his wounded elbow and her blistered cheek.
It was them covered in purple and blue while everything around them was painted with red and maroon. It was the fire igniting in both their eyes as well as the flames of canary and pumpkin furbishing the land around them.
It was the finale; the last scene before the play ends with a bow.
It was the tension in the air as the both of them eyed one another; her eyebrow quirked in question while there was anticipation in between his.
And they'd always take a quick glance around them; at the blackened trees and the splashes of wine on freshly cut grass. At the thundering sky and the desperate rain drops -Please stop stop stop- crying all around them. At the daggers and swords stained in blood scattered around just like the air of smoke and toxic fumes.
It was when they looked at the destruction did they find harmony.
When they saw the burnt flags and echoing screams did they realize how far the war went.
And Rose would always cautiously lower her sword while he would withdraw his dagger.
Tears would shine from her eyes first and then Aaron's. Their weapons would drop to the ground with a clang before their eyes would examine the other's body.
The scrape on her arm; the laceration on his calf; the wound on the arch of her brow and the cut on his lip.
It took 3 seconds of enmity and stubbornness for them to burn down a field and rip each other's skin. 3 seconds of uncalled temper and gritted teeth for them to tear holes in each other's clothes; giving the other a glimpse of the bleeding gashes underneath the torn fabric. 3 seconds of fisted knuckles and stern eyes for them to ruin one another. 3 seconds.
After that it was always the white flags and the swarm of white doves. It was the hesitant but meaningful handshakes and the encouraging pat on the shoulder.
It was the signing of a peace treaty and the uproar of colourful festivals and celebrations. It was the loud standing ovations and the glimmering eyes and the building of a statue in honor of the gained peace.
But not this time.
This time Aaron just pushed the dagger into Rose's chest.
This time it was even more of her blood on the soil and the outraged roar of her people.
This time, she didn't know if she could forgive him.
a f t e r
She thought she was mistaken.
That after all the effort of attempting to be his friend, and after all the endurance of his harsh attitude and cold nature, it seemed so useless.
That even after their odd acquaintance in the beginning and through all they have seen together, he would still do this as though Rose never even mattered.
Because abandoning her without any particular reason or heads up was something that pulverized her heart.
She gave him her all, and this, this just made it look like it was all a mistake.
And maybe being with Aaron was one too.
☂☂☂
She fell down.
It was probably a given that a mortal would fall down from Mount Olympus where a Goddess should've been sitting.
It was a given that Rose would lose her wings and armor of sunshine; that she was going to trade her daggers of light for a sticky mop; her shield of clouds for a pair of calloused fingers with dirt on the tip of her nails.
It was a given that Rose would become the mortal she traded her fields of hay for.
She just wasn't expecting it to be this soon.
For her lustrous diamonds glittering on her hair like the constellations to fade into the water soaked hat she always wore; for her glimmering strands of gold to become her usual dirt stained locks of rust. For her clothing of incandescent white silk to turn into her filthy rags; for her porcelain flushed cheeks to be tinted with dust once more.
For the glittering confidence attaining in her eyes to become the weak shyness they always were. For the whirls of thunder around her finger to become just the air that fanned her heated face.
Because this wasn't even close to Cinderella; her midnight curfew was ticking too quickly and her carriage was quickly becoming the pumpkin it was.
Rose wanted to hold onto her tiara of rose gold stitched with history and swirls of sapphire and emerald. She wanted to continue grasping onto her skin of bronze and porcelain.
She didn't want to be nothing again.
☂☂☂
He had perfect aim, he really did.
It was the exact position of her heart where he fired his arrows of affliction and daggers of paroxysm.
It was at her heartstrings that he pulled the trigger; where he stabbed the knife into. It was at her heart where he planted his seedlings of destruction and calamity.
And now, he left Rose all alone to dissolve in his septic seas of his blue eyes that she hadn't seen in 10,080 hours, and left her to wander in his island of porcelain skin and firm chest.
It was hurt in its most tedious manner; loneliness in its most sharpest pinch.
It was disbelief in its most unexpected.
She was wilting underneath his skies of indigo and lapis; floating aimlessly in the coarse skin of his cheekbones and arms. She was dissolving right under his eyes of oceans and glossy ice.
But she was still looking for her treasure.
Even though his blows of cyclones and monsoons of barrage, she still kept sailing on her ship.
She had determination inked on her skin as she led her crew; sharpness in her eyes every time she entered new land. She had rips through her attire and scratches on her Captain emblem; bandages on her right shoulder from his unexpected hail.
Her chamber was filled with maps and binoculars, Rose calculating their distances left every night -Only a few more miles crew, then the treasure will be all ours. It was protractors and compasses every night and loud commands and telescopes every dawn.
It was Rose studying every inch of her maps and memorizing every dent in the ocean -Where is it where is it where is it- and looking up to the night sky as though the stars would lead her to the treasure.
And perhaps it was the stars that led her ship.
Led them to complete destruction.
☂☂☂
It was excited screams at first -Captain I think we've got somethin'! - and thrilled beams with eyes to match. It was the Hip hip hooray!'s and the joyful yelps of adrenaline. Crew members were clapping and laughing and giving each other handshakes and shoulder pats-
too bad it all lasted a minute too early.
It was first shrieks.
It was the uncontrollable sobs -We're going to die- and whispers too late uttered -I've always loved you- and confessions of honesty -Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
It was the desperate wails -There's a hole hole hole- and shaky fingers and trembling eye pieces. It was the hysteria coursing through her ship faster than any flame when the new storm was building up; the desponding whispers of Captain I hope I served you well when the water cracked an opening in the ship.
It was the tight handgrips and relentless eyes as the water continued to swallow the ship; the desperate yells -Oh God please please please- only muted by the splashing water.
And Rose?
Well you know what they say, if the ship goes down, the captain goes down with it too.
It was her pleads -Please please please- and her deep breaths -Stand at ease men, and get me a bucket! - but it seemed so futile to her too.
The waters were getting deep and the airs were getting cold and heavy-
and then it was silence.
The water was silencing all the swollen vocal cords; freezing all the frenzied neurons and impulses, swallowing down all the hope.
And she was the only one left.
There wasn't any encouragement left in her shoulders; wasn't any determination lingering on her skin. Her maps were devoured by the waters and her calculations of ink were dissolved by it.
Everything was gone. It was all ruined.
The thought of finding Aaron's golden heart in his body of ice seemed pathetic. It seemed so hopeless and perhaps it would've been better it Rose drowned with his waters.
At least it would've been less painful than what he did to her.
☂☂☂
"What's wrong pumpkin?"
Rose couldn't tell him.
She couldn't tell him how she felt as though there was rope wrapped so tightly around her chest that she forgot what it felt like to inhale a full breath of air.
She couldn't tell him that to her it felt like the whole world fell apart; that the soils of fertility and basil cracked open and got annihilated by clay of leather and midnight.
She couldn't tell her father that the skies of Aegean and peacock achromatized to shades of flint and fossil; that the trees of prosperity and life turned into tombstones; that gardens of mint and pistachio became graveyards of smoke and pewter.
She couldn't couldn't couldn't tell him that she was just shattered pieces of a broken vase lying on the icy ground.
She couldn't tell him how ship wrecked she was in the seas of his azures and ceruleans; how stranded she was in the island of his arms and the canvas of his chest.
She couldn't tell her father how Aaron broke her heart.
"Just tired," She replied.
And technically it wasn't a lie -she was tired of feeling lost and alone.
☂☂☂
She knew a sorry wouldn't fix it.
It wouldn't fix the blisters that scarred themselves on her heart; wouldn't heal the burn marks on her arms and shoulders.
A simple Sorry wouldn't anchor her roots of flimsy faith and trust; couldn't consolidate the broken bits of her reliance and assent.
The facile 2 syllable word couldn't entrench the branches of hope and the leaves of dependence that shed to the ground too early; couldn't inculcate the shattered mess of tears and choked sobs she was.
Because not hearing from Aaron for a whole week did that to you. Not hearing the Yeah I'm good, you? on the other side of the phone or his typical I'll see you tomorrow at the end of last period messed her up.
It was as though Aaron completely brainwashed his own existence; not even sending her a damn text let alone a freaking phone call. Rose knew he could get quite busy ad she understood that, but she figured it wouldn't take much effort for a simple text saying I have something to do so ttyl. (Except Aaron would never use ttyl)
And she knew something was wrong -God it was so obvious- and she knew it was probably none of her business but God, any warning or heads up would've been appreciated.
Because it's one thing to be worried about Aaron and a completely other thing to not hear from him. Because the fact that she wasn't only his girlfriend but also his friend proved just how little she bided on his mind.
It wasn't even about being clingy or attention seeking, it was simply about being remembered. It was about how she wanted to be considered and just reminded; just a little light bulb that would brighten up the sheer memory of her.
She just wished she had as big of a place in his mind as he had in hers.
☂☂☂
At the end of the day it was still going to be windy roofs and fallen autumn leaves; at the end of the day it would be his eyes of denim that she would search for in seas of people.
At the end of the day it was cracked ceiling and lonely fingers; it was shineless stars and meaningless dreams.
At the end of the day, Rose loved Aaron with everything she had.
And nothing could ever change that.
Perhaps it was one of the curses love has, but even with useless slumbers and tear stained cheeks, as long as Aaron was alright, it all didn't matter.
It didn't matter that Rose only got 6 hours of sleep in the past week; that the purple bags pronounced under her eyes required her to steal Helen's concealer. That she spent her entire Spring Break alone doing the exams of the Bitterne High University Program; that days seemed so unnecessary and night seemed so lonely-
it didn't matter that Rose became a mess.
Author's Note:
Hey loves! How are you all doing? Hope you're all fine! And I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! It's a tad bit different, and might be a lil hard to understand, but nevertheless, here you all go. If it sucked, then I am sorry. <3 ^^ x
Vote - I fell in love with the way you voted, slowly and then all at once.
Comment - That's the thing about euphoria, it demands to be felt.
Share - Everything is unstable to Nadia.
And this chapter is dedicated to for making me such an emotional and sobbing mess with her PM and comment - I swear I lost my shit. It means a lot to me that you enjoyed my story, and it makes me so emotional on how you can see yourself in Rose. Wish you the best sweetheart, and I love you. <3 xx
And of course, more dedications on the way! There are so many of you now, and I never take that for granted. You all make me emotional messes too. :') xx
AND YOU GUYS WE REACHED 222+ K ON HERS LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME I CRIED LIKE I DONT DESERVE ALL OF YOU FKDSJFKGN! That number absolutely blew my mind, and I might or might have nor shed tears. (Lol I sobbed)
So thank you for sticking around with me, and thank you for all the beautiful comments and votes that never fail to bring tears to my eyes and happiness to my soul. It means the entire world to me that someone finds my story nice, and that some people wait for my updates. I wrote for all of you, so thank you. :') xx
AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT MADE IN THE AM OH MY GOD I FREAKED OUT AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE EVERY SONG IS PERFECT AND I CANT HANDLE LOUIS' HIGH NOTES AND HARRY'S SOLOS AND NIALL'S BRIDGES AND LIAM'S VOICE OH MY GOD GOD GOD-
Yeah, I was a mess.
That's all for now loves, until next time. :)
I love you beautiful, remember that. ^^
-Nadia <3 :D xoxo