[MCW's POV]
I could feel his presence in the room even before I could see him. It's funny how my heart seems to remember what it's like to breathe the same air with him in the same room.
Like right now, when I'm waiting for him to take me to where Ma Ru-ssi's grave is in the cafe where I used to work at.
My eyes flicker to the front door and meet his. But he only stands still there, like he was unable to step further towards where I am. And I know why. As nervous as he was, I am too.
Because it'll be his first time to meet our children.
"Eomma, wae geurae?" my youngest, Joong Yeon staring at me from my side with her innocent, big, bright eyes. I realize I was in the middle of giving her, her strawberry shake before I paused because of Joong Ki-ssi's presence.
"Ah, mianhae Joong Yeon-ah. Here's your drink." I apologize, giving the glass to her. My eyes shifting back to Joong Ki-ssi and I frown. How long is he planning to just stand there?
"Eomma, that ahjussi keeps staring at you." Joong Seon pointing out right at Song Joong Ki, doesn't have a slightest clue that 'that ahjussi' is his own father. "Eomma aneun saram-ilka?" he continues, when he noticed that I have been staring at Joong Ki-ssi for a while, too. He was always the most clever.
I paused for a moment, shifting my eyes back and forth toward Joong Ki-ssi and Joong Seon, before I say, "Eo. Eomma knows that ahjussi very well. Maybe he wants to come closer but he was afraid because he sees eomma have a strong bodyguard over here..." I lean to caress his soft hair from across the table between us. His hair feels so similar with Joong Ki-ssi's, and I smiled. "Will you invite him to join us, Joong Seon-ah? Tell him that it's okay for him to sit with us?"
Joong Seon nods obediently and stands up right away to run toward Joong Ki-ssi. I can see his father flinches and maybe a little bit startle because of how casually Joong Seon went to him and fetch his hand, then drag him to our table.
"Eomma, I bring the ahjussi." Joong Seon says proudly, and I smile again.
"Gomawo, Joong Seon-ah. You're eomma's best bodyguard." I say, and received his bright smile. He loves it when I say that he's my bodyguard. He says that that makes him feels like superhero. Little he knows that he is my superhero. Both he and Joong Yeon are my superheroes. Because they're the reason why I still live.
He went back to sit in his chair. "Ahjussi, come sit with me." he says to Joong Ki-ssi, patting the spot beside him. When his father seemed like he couldn't do as he said, he scoots a little and pull Joong Ki-ssi's hand again, forced him to sit down.
Joong Ki-ssi was still avoiding my gaze. He's staring at his own hands under the table. Minutes have passed but still not a word from him, and I can feel myself grew angry.
"Took you long enough to be here. Oh wait, maybe it will be longer if only I hadn't asked Joong Seon to get you over here." I speak to Joong Ki-ssi, knowing very well I'm being childish and sarcastic, and that maybe my children would hear and understand what I've said.
But I just can't help it. How can I not be disappointed, when the first time he finally could meet our children, all he'd do was standing like a robot, and be silent like a monk?
Didn't he feel long to see them? Didn't he miss them?
Still not looking into my eyes, he's finally speaking his first words since he gets here.
"I don't know you're going to bring them with you. I just..." he paused, maybe to overthink what he'll trying to say, before continues, "You caught me off guard." His tone was different than I could remember he'd be--like he was so nervous and doesn't have the slightest confidence in him.
And Song Joong Ki was never a guy with lack of confidence.
I learned that the month after I married him--when I still think he was Kang Ma Ru--he'd always looked confident and intimidating. He dislikes anyone who sees down at him. He valued himself more than anyone.
And he had that feels of contradiction in him. He was rude, but kind at the same time. Harsh, but caring at the same time.
Now, he just looks softer, defeated, and... tired. And I started to wondering if, for the past 5 years, I wasn't the only one who'd feel angry, sad, and devastated from loneliness.
But why did he left me behind? Why he decided to go through life alone even when he knows it breaks him? I want to know his reason.
"Joong Yeon-ah, don't stare at ahjussi like that, that's not polite!" Joong Seon's voice startling me and I caught Joong Yeon eyes immediately went down back to her glass--slurping her drink from the straw. She must be startled too when her brother yelled at her, and maybe a little embarrassed she was caught staring, because her pink, puffy cheeks start redding.
I bit back a smile. My daughter is only 5 year old but she already knows handsome guys. I can't even mad at her for that. It can't be helped when that handsome guy was Song Joong Ki. Sadly she doesn't aware that he is her own appa.
"Ahjussi, na neun Joong Seon-ieyo. Song Joong Seon. That girl is my sister, Song Joong Yeon. Eomma says you are her friend. Are you Kang Ma Ru-ahjussi?" Joong Seon speaks and I catch a glimpse of the surprise looks on Joong Ki-ssi's face.
I bet he was surprised to hear that I used his family name for the twins instead of mine. But is it so hard to believe that when the children I named was our children?
"No, I'm not Kang Ma Ru." he whispers awkwardly.
I look at him turns his head toward Joong Seon. "I'm Joong Ki. Song Joong Ki. I'm not..." he paused, hesitatingly glancing towards my side from his corner eyes and swallows before he continued, "I'm not your eomma's friend. I was the twin brother of the guy you just mentioned." He ends his words with an almost smile on his lips.
Almost.
Joong Seon glancing to Joong Yeon and I caught a look exchanged between them that they always had when they're keeping something from me. I was curious about what they were thinking but I didn't ask.
"Are you going to bring them to see Ma Ru?" Joong Ki-ssi brought my attention back to him. He was still look like he was afraid to be close with our children, judging with how nervous he was when he asked that question, like he was afraid I'm going to answer that with the words he already knows.
I nod.
"I can't find someone to take care of them. Kwang Soo-ssi has another work to do, my parents are not home, Seung Gi is a newlywed and they're on their honeymoon now. I don't trust the twins in a Daycare, so the last option is to bring them with me. I think it's a good opportunity for them to meet Ma Ru-ssi, too. I want them to meet him." I explained. Maybe it sounds like I was trying to find a reason why I'm bringing them with me, but I just don't care.
Because the truth is, the only reason was because I want them to meet him, their father. I want him to meet them. If I didn't plan something like this, I don't know how long until Joong Ki-ssi would come himself.
I noticed he'd thinking it through, before then he stands up, and then say, "Then we better get going now. It takes an hour and half to get there." he says.
I take the bill and scoot off the chair, talking to Joong Seon to hold Joong Yeon's hand while I'm going to the cashier and pay, but when I turned to tell him I'm going to pay first, I freeze. because he was standing so close to me, I can even feel his breath fanning my cheek when he speaks.
"I'll take care of this, you go ahead and wait for me out front." And then without hearing my answer to his words he took the bills and walk towards the cashier.
I was momentarily out of breath. I could smell his familiar scent which is the smell of soap. I know that for sure because Joong Ki-ssi wasn't the type of guy who wears perfumes and colognes.
All the fibers in my body start trembling with the memory of him. It was years ago yet they're trembling like the last time his body on mine was only a week ago. I squeezed my eyes shut. How does he still has that effect on me?
It was Joong Yeon's hand that pulls me back to world. When I see her wondering eyes, I just smiled, and after I held Joong Seon's hand, I guide them outside. Waiting for Joong Ki-ssi.
***
True to his words, it took one and half hour for Joong Ki-ssi to take us to the cemetery where Ma Ru-ssi is.
After what might feels like an awkward family trip for him, with me beside him and the twins in the backseat asking everything they saw on the road, laughing with each other and had to go to the toilet 3 times, he parked the car and got off immediately.
But to my surprise, he went to the back door and opens it for the kids to come out. Since we parked beside the road, maybe he did that because he was afraid the kids got off on their own? Seolma?
I didn't realize I was staring at him until our eyes meet and he asked to me, "You're not coming?"
"N, ne. Gashijyo." Flustered, I buckle off my seatbelt and got off the car, following him and my... our children that he holds in both his hands to the front gate of the cemetery.
The view in front of me was really warming my heart. Who knows I'll be able to see Song Joong Ki walking and holding our children like I did now. It almost making my eyes teary.
After walking through some gravestones, he stopped and turn around, without saying anything he shifts his eyes to the right and I follow him, to see the words carved on the gravestone.
SONG MA RU
1985 - 2011
"Apparently, our eomma never registered him legally when she changed his family name to hers." Joong Ki-ssi explained, he must've saw my confusion looks reading the name on the stone.
It was a little odd for me to know that, since what I know was that his name was 'Kang Ma Ru'. But I nodded slowly as a respond to his words.
"I'm going to leave you for a while." He stated, but before he turns around I called him.
"Eo..." I paused, looking down at two pairs of wondering eyes at me, "can you take them as well? I need a moment with him by myself." He looks down to the twins as well and back at me.
He was standing there for a brief moment looking hesitatedly towards the twins, without saying anything, takes the twins' hands and guides them away from where I stand.
When I see they're fading away, I turn to Ma Ru-ssi and smile a little.
"Ma Ru-ssi... jaljinhaessoyo? Mianhaeyo, I could only come now to see you." I say, while staring at his name. I was still not used to see his family name. For me Ma Ru-ssi will always be Kang Ma Ru. But seeing his aboji's name, it makes me think about his twins.
"I read your letter to Kwang Soo-ssi. Why didn't you send me one too, eo? To tell me how you really felt? To tell me that you don't have much time in this world? Don't you think you were being unfair and selfish? I was angry, you know. I was angry to both of you because you lied to me."
My eyes become teary and before the tears started to come out, I blink and wipe them away. I don't want Ma Ru-ssi to see me cry, even though I know he couldn't. I stare at the stone for a brief moment before then I forced my lips to curve a smile.
"But I forgive you, Ma Ru-ssi. And that's because I love you. You are my hero. You freed me from my cage. You showed me how wide the world is, that there were so many things we can see. But most of all, I love you because you brought me to Joong Ki-ssi. I know him because of you. And for that I thank you, Ma Ru-ssi."
I paused, because then I realized my attempt to hold my tears failed. One by one, they went down both my cheeks. I slowly bend on my knees and brought my hand to caress the stone with Ma Ru-ssi's name.
"Thank you. I will never forget what you were mean to me, and what you did for me, Ma Ru-ssi. And I will wait until the time we're meet again. I know you would welcome me with that smile on your face."
I close my eyes, thinking about Kang Ma Ru's smiling face that I could still remember and I can't help but smile, too. Then I open my eyes again, and I whisper,
"I just hope I can make Song Joong Ki smile the way you always smiled to me. Can you give me strength to do that, Ma Ru-ssi?"
Right about then I feel the wind blew gently towards me, it was as if Ma Ru-ssi was giving an answer to my question. And I cry, with a smile on my face.
***
[A/N]
Annyeoooong chaeki toasts... been months, and I miss you all!
I'm really happy that there are few people who still asked about when I would update this story.
I just want to say; to those whose still sticking to this story, I can't thank you enough for your patience! You are my motivators along with chaeki! So I promise you I will cleanly end this story, but I just can't promise the time.
And again, this story is unedited, so for grammatical errors, ihaejuseyo~ng! ;D
By the way, who's excited for their comebacks on our home screen? I know I do! Just...maybe not as excited as I'd be if they're starring together in the same project again, or better, if they admit that they're dating and are about to get married! LOL. #foreverdelusional XP
Just keep the faith, ChaeKi IS real! ^^v
xoxo, riendonghae || 3 Februari 2016