Once Catherine reached the gardens, she broke into a run. She hardly knew where she was running to; she could barely even see directly ahead of her due to the blur of tears obscuring her vision. All she cared about was putting as much distance as possible between her and the rest of the world.
As Catherine approached the rose garden she found herself taking a sharp right and veering off into the wild woods surrounding Broxcliffe Park; she was in no mood for inhaling the pungent fragrance of thorny flowers today. This proved not to be the wisest of decisions, as she realised upon looking down after five minutes of crashing through the undergrowth to find her slippers completely caked in mud - but nothing could be done about that now.
Onwards she pressed; surging through the woods until she came to the very edge of Sir William's land. Broxcliffe Park lay in the shadow of the Mendip Hills, and it was up into these hills Catherine began to climb now, relieved the weather was so mild, for in her haste to escape the house she had of course not given a moment's thought to fetching a spencer or bonnet. As she climbed higher, however, the sun beat down upon her relentlessly, and she began to curse her foolishness; she would now return to the house so browned and freckled she would hardly be fit to be seen above stairs!
But then, she thought suddenly with a rather hysterical laugh - what did it matter now if she did not look as a young lady of polite society ought? For Catherine certainly did not intend on remaining at Broxcliffe Park a moment longer than necessary; this much she had managed to deduce from her scrambled thoughts during the climb up the hill. She knew now that returning to Barnbury had been a mistake. It had been ever so generous of Sir William to invite her to stay, but all Catherine's visit to Somerset had taught her was that country society did not suit her at all.
In country society, nothing was as it seemed, and Catherine felt exhausted from continuously having to assess whether she could trust a single word uttered by anyone. She rather pitied Julia for being condemned to such a life; at least Catherine was now free to return to Donbroke, back to Bessie's side where she belonged.
By now Catherine had reached the summit, and she was rather surprised to find herself more than a little flustered and out-of-breath. Only now did she realise quite how quickly she had marched up the hill, and how exhausted she felt - so when she spotted a large rock just ahead, she simply flopped down on it unceremoniously and began fanning herself with vigour. What she looked like, she dreaded to think - the splatters of mud up to her shins and ruined shoes were enough of a sight without the flyaway hair which likely sat atop her head and the probable beetroot-red hue of her face.
For a few minutes Catherine could not relax, terrified that someone might venture past and spot her looking so unsightly - but as time went by and the path on either side remained decidedly deserted, she gradually allowed herself to breathe more slowly. That was one thing to be said for the countryside; in such a sparsely populated area the chance of coming across someone she knew this far out of the village was almost non-existent, for which she was extremely grateful at this moment in time.
Now that Catherine finally had the solitude she had so much been craving, she found herself slowly beginning to calm down. Within a few minutes her violent sobs had subsided into a few half-hearted hiccoughs, and as the last of the tears fell she retrieved her handkerchief to wipe away the remnants of moisture. Her sight now unhindered, Catherine was free to enjoy the view before her eyes - and what a spectacular view it was!
Catherine's vision was filled with green; the endless green of the lush Somerset plains, speckled here and there with the occasional grazing cow or sheep. Above was a glorious blue sky, completely clear but for one or two fluffy white clouds - and such was the clearness of the day that she could just about make out the hill over in the distance that was Glastonbury Tor. To the west lay the charming little cottages that made up Barnbury - and just beyond that, the remarkable structure that was Wyndham Hall, set slightly above the rest of the village.
It all made for such a picturesque scene, and Catherine almost found herself wishing she had someone to share it with. Her thoughts then strayed to Bessie, and how much pleasure it would give her sister to paint such a view as this. But in order for Bessie to paint this picture, she would have to visit Somerset herself - and Catherine would not wish that upon her dearest sister. She did not even think she would wish it upon her worst enemy! For although it was a charming enough place, the complex social politics was enough to make Catherine's head spin. If this was country society, she dreaded to think how horrendous life in London must be!
No doubt it was full of Miss Russells, Catherine thought with a shudder. An entire society of foolish, flirtatious madams with their scheming mothers, along with despicable men undeserving of the land they inherited - some pouring their inheritance down their throats, others pretending only to be scientists with no interest in the topsy-turvy world of polite society...
Catherine's bottom lip began to tremble, as she finally allowed herself to think of the real reason she had stormed out of the house and all the way up into the Mendips: Professor Lawes, the man she had thought herself to be in love with. And as she opened her mind at last to the pain and sorrow, Catherine found the tears begin to fall once again, thicker and faster than ever before.
None of it made any sense! The way Professor Lawes had behaved the previous night, under the stars, truly made Catherine believe he might feel the same way as she did - but the conversation with Miss Russell now had Catherine doubting everything she had come to think about this man since returning to Barnbury. From what Miss Russell had said, it seemed the professor had indeed preferred the viscount's sister all along - and if that indeed was the case, Catherine felt she could not marry him now, with the knowledge that she had been second best.
There was, of course, the chance that Miss Russell was being untruthful in an attempt to upset Catherine in some way - but what could Miss Russell possibly have to gain in persuading Catherine against a union with Professor Lawes? Besides, Miss Russell herself had seemed genuinely upset when breaking the truth to Catherine - surely she could not be that accomplished an actress.
A nauseous feeling began to simmer inside Catherine's stomach as she thought back to the time she and Professor Lawes had spent alone together. All those intimate looks they had shared, the supposedly heartfelt story the professor had spun about his desire to be a decent family man - none of it had been real! Like a complete and utter fool, Catherine had swallowed it all, giving her heart to a man who had been doing nothing more than assessing multiple potential wives in a cold, calculated manner like the scientist he was.
Petty though it was, Catherine could not help but feel frustrated that it was Miss Russell who had been her rival, and Miss Russell who had ultimately been the professor's first choice, until circumstances out of her control changed that. No doubt Professor Lawes actually preferred Miss Russell's playing to Catherine's, too, only flattering Catherine because he knew it was what she wanted to hear. She should not be vexed with Miss Russell, really, for it was Professor Lawes who had behaved wrongly - but a small part of Catherine could not help feeling an intense dislike towards Miss Russell for being so accomplished, and beautiful, and attractive to men - everything Catherine wished she could be.
Catherine had always told herself that courting and marriage did not concern her in any way; she'd been adamant ever since she turned eighteen that she had no desire to involve herself in such matters for the time being. Having never been particularly involved in Warwick society, capturing the attention of eligible young gentlemen hadn't seemed of any importance - especially when marrying would mean removal from Donbroke, and leaving Bessie behind.
But then she had come to Barnbury, and found herself immersed in the lives of people such as Miss Russell, whose sole aim in life seemed to be securing a husband - or at least the outrageous way she flirted with any gentleman she met hinted at that. And then Catherine had met Professor Lawes - and as their acquaintance began to develop, she had found herself completely changing the way she thought about matters of sentimentality.
Suddenly, Catherine had started considering thoughts of marriage for the first time - marriage to Professor Lawes. She had allowed herself to imagine a life as his wife; and what happy daydreams they had been.
Catherine leant forwards on the rock with her head between her hands, feeling as though she might just howl with misery. If this was how Julia had been feeling about Lord Russell, Catherine did not know how she managed to go on, for the heartache Catherine now felt just about consumed her entirely. She truly felt as though her heart were bleeding for the love she had lost, and for the imagined future that could now never be.
With a deep, shuddering gasp, Catherine attempted to pull herself together. There was no way of telling how long she had been sat on the rock, but it was certainly past time to return to Broxcliffe Park - by now Julia would surely be beside herself with worry. Besides, Catherine felt there was nothing further to be gained from remaining up in the Mendips any longer. The time to reflect had been beneficial; however, nothing but an imminent return to Warwick would allow Catherine's broken heart to heal now.
With that decided, Catherine made to leave - only to be halted moments later by the sound of a voice from behind her which turned her insides to ice.
"Miss Taylor?"
No. No, surely not. It could not possibly be! How could fate be so cruel, that in bolting from Broxcliffe Park Catherine had stumbled right into the path of the very man she wished to avoid? For a moment or two she considered bolting without a backwards glance, but that would not do; he had seen her now! All that could be done was to glance up and face her very worst nightmare, whilst wondering what on earth she had done to deserve such an ordeal.
"Professor Lawes," replied Catherine with a jerky incline of the head, surprising herself at the biting coldness in her voice.
Catherine did not dare look him directly in the eye, but she saw him noticeably stiffen at her unwelcoming tone.
"I - I did not expect to happen upon you up here in the hills," he stuttered, suddenly the awkward Professor Lawes she had first met in Barnbury once more. Catherine, however, no longer had any patience for the timidity she had once found endearing.
"I came for some quiet reflection, alone," she replied shortly, emphasising the last word.
A breeze stirred itself up during the silence which followed, as the atmosphere shifted between Catherine and the professor. An invisible string of tension stretched between them, suffocating Catherine so that it was difficult to breathe, and she saw the professor's brows knot in confusion.
"I was on my way to Broxcliffe Park, to call upon you," murmured Professor Lawes, seeming somewhat dazed. "I had been thinking of what I might say to you once I arrived, yet here you sit before me now - so forgive me, Catherine, if I do not say this as I ought."
The professor had captured Catherine's interest now, despite herself. He seemed very ill at ease; pacing back and forth before where she sat on her rock as he contemplated what to say next. Catherine had never seen him this agitated before, not even in a roomful of people, and she found herself brimming with curiosity to know what was causing him this much discomfort.
"I have decided to return to Cheshire," he said eventually, "and..."
"Good," said Catherine shortly before she was even aware she had spoken. "I am glad you have come to that decision, for I feel it is the right one. Your sister has need of you."
"It gives me great pleasure to know you approve of my decision, Miss Taylor," replied Professor Lawes eagerly, "for now I would like to..."
"I am to return to Warwick, also," interrupted Catherine loudly, knowing full well that she was being exceedingly rude, but unable to withstand the professor's company a moment longer. "My sister has need of me there."
The professor appeared momentarily bewildered as he considered this; evidently Catherine's reply had taken him by surprise.
"It is clear you care for your sister deeply, Miss Taylor," he said eventually, in such a soft tone of voice that Catherine almost felt her icy demeanour melting away. "You have sacrificed a great deal for her."
"I gave everything more than willingly."
"Yes, that is plain to see. But Miss Taylor - a person can only give so much. I fear you have lived so much for your sister that you have never allowed yourself the opportunity to live for yourself. Do you truly see yourself living out the entirety of your life in Warwick, as your sister's companion?"
"That is precisely what I intend to do," replied Catherine sharply, becoming increasingly vexed at the direction this conversation had taken. "I am Bessie's sole companion - if I quitted Donbroke permanently, her life would be utterly miserable."
"I am not sure this is the case, Miss Taylor," pressed Professor Lawes. "I feel certain Bessie would in fact wish for you to live your own life; she would find a way to manage without you. Please forgive me if I am speaking out of turn, but I feel that perhaps you simply enjoy the feeling of being needed by your sister, when in fact she might not need you as much as you think."
It was all Catherine could do not to cry aloud with outrage; she found herself leaping off her rock with indignation, drawing herself up to her full height.
"I would ask you not to speak of my sister as if you are acquainted with her, sir," hissed Catherine, struggling to keep her shaking voice under control. "You presume to know a great deal about the relationship between Bessie and myself - and claim to have a better idea of what I wish for in life than I do - however, unfortunately you find yourself very much mistaken. I entreat you not to attempt to instruct me on such matters again, professor, for they are matters of no concern to you."
The professor visibly flinched at Catherine's words as if she had struck him, and his eyes darkened into pools of hurt - but Catherine was far too furious to notice any of it.
"Please, Miss Taylor," stuttered the professor desperately, "I did not mean to distress you; that was not at all my intention. May - may I take a few moments of your time, in order to explain what I am about?"
There was a frantic urgency to the professor's words, as he gazed earnestly at Catherine with imploring brown eyes - but once again, Catherine remained oblivious. All the anger and disappointment she had been feeling since her conversation with Miss Russell came bubbling up to the surface now she found herself faced with the gentleman himself, and she was determined not to give him a moment longer of her time. After all, how dare he attempt to make suggestions about how she lived her life, as if he actually cared what became of her?
"I must return to Broxcliffe Park now," Catherine told him abruptly, "for my cousin Julia will be anxiously wondering where I have got to."
"Might I perhaps accompany you back to the house, then?" begged Professor Lawes.
"I thank you, no," replied Catherine crisply. "I wish to return alone, and I must ask that you allow me to leave now. I think it rather unlikely we shall ever meet again after this day, so here I must bid you farewell. I hope that your quest to find a wife is more successful in Cheshire - though if I might be so bold to instruct you, Professor, I suggest that your attempts may be more fruitful if you realise that some young ladies do not take well to learning they will do as a prospective marriage partner only when all other options have been exhausted.
Yes, I think that is all. I will now take my leave, sir - good day to you."
And with that Catherine whirled about dramatically and began to stalk down the hill without a backwards glance.
At this moment in time, Catherine was very pleased with herself for succeeding in shocking Professor Lawes into silence with her speech. If she could have seen the anguished look on the professor's face, and the way he finally cried "Miss Taylor, please wait!" in a hoarse voice as she disappeared out of sight, things might have been different - but alas, it was not to be.
For at this moment in time, Catherine was convinced that she knew best; convinced that Professor Lawes was the monster Miss Russell had made her believe he was. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind. And so, without considering that she might be making the greatest mistake in all her twenty years, Catherine turned her back on the man she loved and walked straight out of his life.