Chapter14 Nightmares, Past And Icecream
_____Ashley's POV_____
Ashley....Ash....This is your fault...
Only yours....
I'll never forgive HER for what she did. I'll never forgive HIM....
Wasn't supposed to be like this...
Can't take it anymore...Hurt, trust, betrayal....
Family...friends....love.
Nothing left....Its all over....
Can't live anymore...Walls closing down....Head feels heavy....
Sky....high up on the terrace....look down at the traffic....a step....
Close...now...Jump!
"No!!" My shriek echoed through the huge room. I quickly sat up on the bed, drenched in sweat. I looked around, noticing that I was in the guest room, just where Everly had left me.
The door of the room barged open, revealing Everly and her parents standing there, wide eyed and anxiety written all over their faces. I tried to calm down my breathing, tears streaming down my face as I pulled off the covers and ran towards Evie. She immediately engulfed me in a big bear hug. "Everly...I saw it. I saw...i-it again.." I cried softly in her shoulder. She tried to calm me down, rubbing my back.
"Mom, dad, I'll stay here for tonight. Don't worry okay, we'll be fine." she said turning around to her parents and giving them a small smile. I unwrapped my arms from around her and turned towards Mr and Mrs Spencer. "I-I'm really sorry for waking you guys up at this hour. A-And you don't have to stay with me Eve, I'll be fine." I said turning to face her again. She looked at me disapprovingly, shaking her head.
"No Ash. I'm stay-" I cut her off, taking deep breaths so my voice wouldn't crack up in between. "Its okay. I'm fine. I need some time alone. You can go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow." she sighed and then nodded her head slowly while her parents made a move out. "Call us if you need anything hon." Mrs Spencer called from behind her, leaving with her husband. "Sure." I replied.
"Eve. Just go. Don't worry." I tried reassuring her once again. I didn't want her to worry for me, she already did, too much. Hugging me once more she walked out of the guest room.
I took a deep breath in and took small steps towards the en suite. Splashing some cold water on my face, I looked myself into the mirror. My face had gone pale and my grey eyes were as dull as they could ever be. There were dark bags under them. I let out a sigh, running my hands through my hair. I'll have to apply more makeup than usual to cover up those dark circles when I go out.
Going to bed now would be useless after that nightmare. It was the same as always. I got one of those once in a few months, especially when THIS day was nearing. I dreaded that date and that night. I never wanted to recollect it again. Ever.
But seems like it won't leave me alone. Those nightmares have been haunting me since two years. Behind my everyday activities, school, boyfriends, fights, parties, there's always this thing going on in the back of my mind.
What if I'd stopped him somehow? Would Harry be alive? Would dad be alive?
And the answer just makes me want to cry more and more.
They would be HERE. If it weren't for the stupid ME. We would be a happy family. Just like we used to be.
I still remember that phonecall. That one phonecall which could've gone the right way. But it didn't.
~~~~~~*****FLASHBACK*****~~~~~
"So, what has Zoe planned for her wedding dress?" mom asked, while chopping vegetables on the cutting-board. Yeah, she was actually cooking. Very rare at the Howards' Residence.
"Uh..I don't have any idea about it. I tried asking her but then she was like 'Its a surprise'." I waved my hands in the way Zoe would when she talks. Mom stiffled a laugh as she went back to murdering the poor green thing. Literally.
"When is Harry coming back? Did he tell you?" I questioned. She shrugged her shoulders as I flipped another channel on the TV getting bored of the repeated commercials.
My phone rang, as a sweet familiar country song flowed through the speakers. I smiled at the picture of me and Harry displayed on the screen. He was giving me a piggy-back ride as I pinched his cheek and he made a face. I quickly slid the green icon. "Hey Sully! Wassup?" I answered cheerfully. The line on the other end was silent. I thought that he had hung up. I checked the phone once more. The line was still in. "Hello? You there?" Still nothing.
Then what I heard was really not what I expected, they were soft whimpers, as if he'd been.......crying. "Harry? You okay there?" I asked once again, switching off the TV as I sat up straight on the couch. Mom noticed the exchange going on, on the phone and she wiped her hands on her apron and sat beside me on the couch,"What is it? Is Harry alright?" her face was scrunched up in worry. I gave her a stiff nod and then turned my attention back on the line.
"Harry. You're scaring me now. Please if this is a prank or someth-" I heard sniffing on the other side. The thought of my brother crying for some unknown reason ran shivers down my spine. He was always happy and you know the 'guys-don't-cry-thing', anyway he was nineteen, you wouldn't expect an adult to cry just like that in front of their younger sister. It must be something.....
"Ash....I love you. Tell mom and dad I love them too. I want you to live a happy life and become something even though I wouldn't be there to see it..." there was a brief pause and I took it as my cue to speak. "What are you talking about?" I chuckled lightly, all my worries vanishing at the sound of his voice. It was less worrysome than the silence. "I-its over. I'm going." I raised an eyebrow even though I knew he wasn't looking. Mom smiled to herself and walked back to the kitchen, leaving her kids to have a brother-sister conversation.
"Sully, I'm warning you, if this for the hair-spray prank I played on you-" he cut me off. "Its not. Just remember what I said okay?" His tone scared me this time. I wondered what he was talking about. "Where are you? Is Zoe there?" I heard something break in the background or more like he punched himself or a wall or something. "Don't take her name." he warned me. "Harry whats wrong bro?" I was breaking inside. His tone, whatever he was saying didn't make any sense. And what happened to Zoe? Is she okay?
"Sis, I'm...I..." he was thinking deep about what he should say. "Is everything okay? You can tell me you know. I have always covered up for you haven't I? Tell me. Please." This was worse than any conversation we'd ever had. It was never like that, even if he had brought a girl home or when he came late in the night, totally wasted or anything else.
"I just want you to know that-that I'm s-sorry. I can't think of anything right now an-and this is the end for me. Goodbye Ash." and then there was silence. Nothing else. "Hello? Harry? Harry??" and then there was a loud thud and something cracking.
I waited and waited for hours for him to come home. He didn't. Dad went out to search for him. But it wasn't long before he came home. Alone. I decided to call Zoe and ask her what the hell was going on. "Hello? Ashley? Just give the phone to your dad." a man spoke from the other end. I didn't argue or try to know who he was answering Zoe's phone, but just did as I was told to.
I handed the phone over to dad. He and mom went in to their room. Minutes later they emerged out, with dad totally red in the eyes and mom was crying uncontrollably. Her whole body shaking as she broke down on the floor. I rushed by her side and sat her up on the couch. Dad was nowhere to be seen and then I heard the engine of our car go on and him leaving from the driveway.
"Mom. Are you okay? Whats wrong?" I asked, tears were threatening to make their way out but I needed to stay strong for her. "Mom? Please tell me. This is eating me up!" I shook her by the shoulders, as she just cried more and more. "H-Harry, he j-jumped off a b-building..." thats all she could say and I froze in place. She hugged me with whatever was left in her and I cried into her shoulders.
We stayed like that for what seemed like hours and I guess I fell asleep on the floor and woke up to the ringing sound of the home telephone. I immdiately got up from the floor and rushed towarrds the receiver, picking it up. What more could go wrong?
I had already lost my brother. For what reason I didn't know, but he was gone. Never to return again.
~~~~~*****~~~~~
Its all my fault, I thought as I sat down on the floor, supporting my frame over the foot of the bed, hot tears still streaming down my face. I never cry. It makes me feel weak and helpless. This was one of the things I hated. Letting out those tiny pearls of salt water, I hugged myself burying my head in my knees. I need to get away from these nightmares. Every year mom and me would spend this day at home, not really doing anything, just being there for each other. And later in the evening, I would do stuff which I shouldn't really be doing. It was only to take my mind out of things. I would go clubbing, drink till I passed out, get involved in meaningless fights, bets, illegal bike racing. But this year, I wanted to change things. No doubt I blamed myself for what happened, but I would go mad like this, especially when mom wasn't here and I would definitely not let Everly miss school just because of me even if she agreed to. I can't go to school tomorrow, I just can't.
Thats what I've been doing. Running from this day, running from those painful memories. I wish mom was here. Not for me. But for her. I just wish I could comfort her for the rest of the day. She's very strong as a person, stronger than me. But I guess for today, both of us will need a helping hand.
I should probably call and check up on her in the morning. Wait. Its supposed to be a Saturday today. It means I can officially miss school, and Eve can be with me too. I really need her. Its been a total crazy week and a long one too. I realised how many things these past few days have changed. It was all because of Jacob. I'm really tired of letting it go and being super-glad to him for saving my life and all that shit, but it would be easier if he wasn't here in my world. Well, chuck him. I can handle an extra hater in my life right? Anyway, these changes don't matter anymore. It was that one change, which changed my world upside down. Harry's death and later dad's.
I looked at the small digital clock kept on the nightstand. It read 3:14 AM. Still a long way to go until sunrise.
I got up from the floor and walked into the bathroom once more. Stripping myself, I turned on the shower. Hot steams flew through the blue room as I stepped under the water and let it wash off the bad memories. As the hot water ran through my body, I felt my muscles relax under it, but as much as I wished, it couldn't do the same with my mind. With my thoughts.
I got out of the bathroom after a good one hour and half. Drying my hair, I pulled them up in a high pony tail. Getting dressed in a sweat shirt and leggins I put on my nikes and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. Nice that I brought my clothes here before sleeping over. I stuffed a small towel, my phone and headphones into a medium sized side-pouch.
I looked back at the clock. 5:10 AM. A long run would do me some good. I'll probably come back before everyone gets up I guess.
______Jacob's POV_______
"The intermolecular forces of attraction between the two polar molecules are-" I snapped my book shut when I heard a knock at my door. "Come in!" I turned in my seat at the study table and frowned when on seeing Analise standing right in front of me with a grin plastered on her face and two dolls in her hands.
"Ana, I'm really not in a mood for this." I glared at her, trying to be intimidating and then turned back to my book. "You know you're the most handsome boy on earth and I'm absolutely thankful to God for having you as my big brother." she said and beamed at me. I chuckled and shook my head disapprovingly. "Nope, I'm not falling for those little mischevious talks of yours." and then her eyes gleamed as her expression turned to be a begging one as she stared at me expectantly.
I let out a sigh and closed my book, placing it back on the pile of my homework. "After you." I grumbled, making a royal hand gesture towards the door. She jumped up and down and squealed "Yay! Jake is playing barbies with me!" and continued bouncing up and down as I followed her down to the livingroom.
Finally, after she was done with her happy-bouncing-stunt Analise sat down on the floor in front of the TV, her back resting on the couch as I sat opposite to her cross-legged. "Looks like a good bonding time between my children." I heard mom say as she came out of the kitchen with an apron covered in flour, cream and chocolate as usual.
I rolled my eyes. "Yes mom, why not? Afterall, my li'l sis out here loves putting my manhood at stake." I said, waving the barbie in my hand, mom giggled at that and Ana shrugged her shoulders, smiling evilly to herself. The way she convinced me everytime was not something I really liked. "Well, enjoy!" mom chirped and went back to her baking.
After she was gone, I just realised what I had said. Images of me and Ashley at the school parking flashed across my mind. She had threatened me and I had joked something about my manliness being abused or something. I hadn't thought about it for a while but when I first saw her, my thoughts about her weren't really what they should have been. Its weird admitting to myself but I actually thought that she's beautiful and all. Which she is. But there's something called as personality which is important to me more than anything. I don't think like that anymore, I've gotten over it. I'm not going to give a damn about her now....I guess so..
Yeah, thats why you're thinking so hard about her?
Uh, yeah. But I think about things all the time right? Whats new?
"Hello? Are you asleep with your eyes open? Or you just love talking to yourself?" Ana waved her tiny hands in front of me. My eyes fluttered back to reality as she stared at me with an expression I usually got from her. "Betty and Sam are going on a date so you're job is to get him dressed." she explained and handed a guy-doll to me with another set of a miniature suit.
I did what she said, silently praying that I could get back to my room and study in peace. "Hey! Not in front of Betty!" she closed the blonde barbie's eyes with one hand and her own with another hand. I rolled my eyes and changed the doll's outfit with my back towards her. It was difficult to undress and then dress a doll with your dominantly working hand plastered.
"I can't do it." I told Ana, turning back and gesturing to my fractured left hand. She sighed and muttered 'okay' before turning back to the utmost difficult task of deciding on a dress for the doll in her hands to wear. I realised where this was going and quickly spoke before she could even have the chance to ask me which dress suits the barbie better "Uh, I'll just go and get some water." Yeah right, water. Great excuse in trying to get away from sister-doom.
As soon as I got up from the floor, I was tackled down on the couch. "Ow! What the h-" I couldn't find the right words in front of Analise so I quickly corrected myself in the lamest way possible. "What the APPLE Kyler!" He stared at me for what seemed like a minute and burst out laughing, his body falling down on the couch which sank deeper with the force.
Analise was giggling and then with the one look she and Ky shared, both of them started with another laughter fit. I huffed "Haha, very funny. Now both of you can shut up ." they stared at me silently and then again.....yea, what else? started laughing.
I grumbled under my breath and stomped out in the kitchen to get myself a drink. And let me tell you, it wasn't going to be water. I could still hear Ky's howls in the kitchen. I didn't know what was so funny? It wasn't. Clearly not according to me. Grabbing a can of coke I made my way out and found out that they had a new subject to laugh on. "Dude! I never knew you like playing barbies! I'm surely going to get one of those for your birthday." he wriggled his eyebrows. "The new Mattel Collection please." Ana spoke and both the KIDS high-fived each other.
Why was I sandwiched between these two weirdos? I don't get it.
"Why exactly are you here my friend, on this very fine afternoon?" I commented, looking down at Ky who was snuggling to comfort on my couch. "Actually, I'm here to pick you up. We're going out." he said. "And....where exactly is 'out'?" I asked as I arranged all of Ana's barbies in line for the 'outfit trial'. "To hang out with Nathan."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "You know, for the past three-or so-days, we've been doing just that. Give him some space man. Enough hanging around for this week." Ky grunted and sat up straight. "Don't be old-school. It was him who called me up. He told me that there's some chick who he's been volunteering with at the orphanage and we should meet her. Besides, he just can't get enough of the time we spend together. You know, we missed you Jay afterall you were gone for years bro." he finished. I scrunched up my eyebrows and gave him a lopsided smile. "That sounded like a girl."
"We missed you Jay..." I squealed in a girly voice, teasing Kyler, and as a result? I was soon tackled to the floor. "Careful! Somebody's got a fractured arm out here!" I shoved him back but he countinued throwing playful punches at me. "Can you both be mature and stop manly-play-fighting?" a six year old, too matured for her age spoke, with her hands on her hips. Girls.
"What do you want now Analise?" I groaned as we both stood up from our positions. She rubbed the palms of her hands and grinned at me. "I've got a wedding to plan and I need the two of you to be my assistants." she said, looking down at the dolls on the floor. No way was I doing that.
"I'm outta it." Ky declared and started walking out of the room but reverse-walked when Ana started throwing a tantrum and yelling at us about complaining to mom.
No escape out here. "When are we leaving Ky?" I asked curiously hoping for the best answer so I can get out of this pink-hole.
____Ashley's POV___
I smiled as I saw the ten and twelve year olds trying their best to keep up their pace as they raced along the backyard of their home. "C'mon Lucas! Keep up!" I yelled from my seat on the steps of the back door. The kid had fallen mid-race and hurt his knee. Going there to help him was definitely not something I would do. I wanted them to be strong and independent because they had to live their life on their own, with no one to help them.
I clapped my hands cheerfully as he got up from his spot and completed the race. "Whats going on?" I heard Chelsea's voice as she sat down beside me on the steps. I smiled and gestured to the kids playing in the yard. With the expression on her face, no doubt she loved all these kids to no end. She's done a very good job at handling 'OUR HOME'
After the run I'd asked Eve if she wanted to come here with me. But apparantly, her mom had different plans for her for today and I had to come here by myself. She was ready to argue on the spot but I stopped her. Whatever was that her mom wanted her to do was the first priority. I assured her that she can spend some time with me later in the evening, we'd planned a comedy movie marathon to get me rid of my sad mood.
Since morning I'm here, helping Chelsea with the cleaning of the orphange and with the kids. Spending time here between the kids was always pleasant and seemed like the only getting-out-of-the-house plan I had for today. I had Chelsea's famous recipe for lunch and when the older kids were done with their studies, which are usually in the mornings, we'd played a few games together.
"Can I sit with you?" I looked up to see Jess standing in front of me with her little hands folded in front of her. I turned to my right, noticing that Chelsea was no longer here and nodded patting the space beside me "Ofcourse." Jess was one of the youngest and one of the cutest kids here. She'd always been close to me, but silent and observant.
She had a frown on her lips as she just kept silent and watched the other kids play. "Aren't you playing?" I asked. She shook her head "Mhm-hm" I took her hand in mine and she looked up at me "Whats wrong Jess? You know you can talk to me if you want to." I asked, observing that she was acting weird for a happy-go-lucky girl. Being polite with the kids wasn't drama or anything. I was naturally cheerful and happy here unlike school where I was cocky and arrogant.
I squeezed her hand a little and gave her a reassuring expression. She bit her bottom lip and looked back at the kids playing and fighting with each other. "Why don't I have a brother?" she asked innocently. My eyes softened immeditately. "Well, you do have friends right?" She didn't look convinced and pursed her lips a bit. "But I want a brother. Who can take care of me and play with me." The emotions she was feeling were deep and hard for a girl of her age to explain. I focused on what she was looking at, they where Cason and Cameron, the twins. Their parents left them here because they didn't have the money for their upbringing while they already had three kids.
There were more actually related siblings at 'OUR HOME'. Some were surely blood related and since the others came in together or were abandoned together, they were termed as siblings. "How about you choose who you're brother should be?" I asked her and soon her hazel eyes lit with joy. "Really? Can I do that?" I smiled and patted her head "Ofcourse you can." She placed her index finger on her little chin, scrunched up her face and began scanning the ground filled with children. She smiled brightly when her eyes landed on a brown haired boy playing football with his little friends. He couldn't be more than a year elder to Jess.
She immediately got up and turned around to give me a kiss on the cheek "Thank you Alley!" she said as she skipped out towards the boy she had chosen to be his brother. His name was Sam. I watched the exchange between the two kids. Jess asked him something to which he replied with an affirmative. Jess turned to face me again and smiled. I guess Sam had agreed to be her brother. As far as I knew the two of them were very good friends. I'm happy I could atleast make someone's day.
A few minutes passed by, just looking at the laughing and chattering around the backgarden. I heard some yelling from the right and turned to find that Jess and some other girl were fighting. I quickly rushed towards them and found that the two wanted to play with the same teddy bear and were pulling the stuffed animal from both ends.
As the other girl fighting with Jess, Mary was older, I decided to make her understand. "Mary, you can give Jess the toy and play with something else. Why don't you have turns to take the teddy?" I suggested, kneeling down to their height. But the two of them just refused and started fighting all over again. I was about to call for Chelsea when Sam stopped Jess from pulling the bear. "Jessie, its her toy. Give it to her and you can play with something else." he said in a calm voice. I was surprised at his maturity.
Jess looked at him with pleading eyes but finally gave up and left the teddy's paw she was holding onto. "Good. Now thats like my sister. I never want you to do anything wrong or be a bad girl okay?" Sam said, placing both hands on Jess' shoulders.
Sam was concerned about her sister (even if they weren't blood-related) He didn't want her to do anything bad.
I burning pain shot through my body. Would Harry or dad be hurt if they were alive and saw me like this?
Would they feel sad or angry for what I've been doing? For what kind of a girl I've turned myself into??
Mom tries to convince me but I can't do as she says. I know she understands how I feel, so most of the times she just stays quiet without uttering a word about whatever I do.
It hurts. It really hurts to think that two of the people whom you loved more than anything, aren't happy with you or with your actions. Wherever they are today, I'm sure they're watching over me and aren't pleased one bit for the deliquent I've become.
Would they hate me? Maybe I deserved to be hated, to be hated by the world, my classmates and now, even Jacob. I'm such a pathetic person, I really don't deserve an ounce of happiness in life. Thats why I don't have any.
Even though mom and Eve try to make me understand that I wasn't the one responsible for dad and Harry's death, I feel terribly guilty for it. I just can't let it go. I don't trust myself, nor do I trust anybody else with friendship or a relationship. I hurt people before they can even try and hurt me. I put on this brave face and a cocky, confident attitude, but in reality I'm a coward and lonely girl who needs help but refuses to accept it.
Its not like today is the only day when I feel this way, when I feel disgusted of myself or when I pity my life. But it just gets doubled on this particular day. Behind the mask of my lively life, alcohol, boyfriends and arguments, this is the only thing which goes on in my mind. But I hide it. Hide it to such an extent and in such a way that sometimes even I can't remember the cheerful and innocent girl I used to be.
Sometimes, just once in a blue moon, I feel wrong. I feel like punishing myself for my deeds. Its the same feeling right now. When my family was perfect and when they needed me, I wasn't able to help them and now we're broken. At present, I'm hurting them by being a badgirl just to shield myself from the world and to punish others for what they haven't done.
For every single Prestige student I'm the IT girl of the school even if the majority hate me. The girl who has everything in life. The confident, self-consumed, cocky and b*tchy player. But nobody tries to look past that and neither do I allow anyone to get to that part of me which lies in the deepest shallows of my conscience. I feel scared, I may break down completely if someone does that. Its the last thing which I want to happen.
My head aches with a striking pain. All the negative thoughts and regret swimming through my mind. My chest feels heavy as I feel my heart bleed in agony. With heavy eyes, I just keep walking aimlessly through the corridoors, happy little kids scurrying past me. I wish I could be like them with no pain, no worry in this world. But howmuchever I try, this regret will always stay with me till the day I die.
I feel like complete waste and useless. I don't want to cry. But right now, it just feels like the only solution. You know they say, one should cry it out when sad? If I kept these tears within me for a second longer, maybe it'll take my life.
I ran through the hall and into an empty room. Closing the door behind me, I didn't bother to lock it from the inside as the past flashed in front of me. I let out a long stream of tears. "Stop! Please stop!..." I begged to myself putting both my hands on my head. I wanted the pain to go away without cutting my wrist. I wanted to erase everything and find my mind, a blank slate. But I can't.
I cried my eyes out, not really thinking about what if someone finds me here. I pulled out my headphones and plugged them to my phone, as I scrolled down to the song which I always listened to at such times. I often did that when I had been thinking about such things and thinking too much than my usual self, or when I felt like crying even if I didn't like to.
The song gave me some strength and made me cry at the same time, inspired me not to hate MYSELF for whoever I AM. It made me realise that there were many people in this world who had faced or are facing more problems than me. It encouraged me not to give up, not to give a damn about what others think about me. It assured me that SOMEONE out there will help me out from my depressing world, will break these walls I had build around myself, make me feel like I am PERFECT. I just need to hold on till then.....
____Jacob's POV____
"I didn't think Nathan would call us here. Its been years since I last visited this place." I declared. Ky nodded his head as we made our way in. There were lots of noises coming from the back so we thought about looking for him over there. He would probably be supervising the kids as they played.
I scanned through the swarm of little people to find a brown head which was taller than four feet actually, unlike the kiddos present in this backyard. "He isn't here. Lets go to the reception in the front." I nodded at Kyler's suggestion and we began walking in the opposite direction.
I still have faint memories of this place. I remember the manager, if I'm not wrong her name was Chelsea and I loved the muffins she made, they were even more lip-smacking than my mom's. No offense here okay.
My phone vibrated in my jeans as I snuck it out from the pocket. Examining it, I sighed audibly and looked at Kyler. "What?" he questioned.
"Its a message from Nate. He says his boss is making him work extra time so he'll be late." Kyler groaned as I slipped my phone back in my pocket. He ran a hand through his hair as there was still no sign of Chelsea or any adult for that matter. Right then, a kid ran past us and Ky caught him by the shirt. "Hey, have you seen Chelsea anywhere?" he asked. The kid nodded and said "She maybe cleaning some room as everyone's out, playing in the backyard".
Ky got up from his kneeled position in front of the boy and watched as the eight-year old ran back to his friends. "I think we should leave. Nathan's not gonna be here for a few hours I guess." Kyler suggested.
"He said he'll be here in an hour." I corrected him, in context with the message he sent me. "Anyway, I need to find Chelsea and tell her that I'll be volunteering with Nathan." I said and Ky nodded as I smirk appeared on his face. "Cool. You find Chelsea and I'll find that girl about whom Nathan was talking about. I hope she's hot man." he chortled. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Typical Kyler.
We both turned around and began searching in the opposite directions. I walked through a few rooms but didn't find Chelsea. I don't really remember how she looked but hey, finding a middle aged lady in a place filled with children isn't that hard right?
Finally, I came across a door which was shut unlike the others. I pushed it slightly wondering if it was locked. But it wasn't. It was dark in there as the windows and curtains were closed, not allowing even a single ray of sunshine to penetrate within.
I laid my eyes upon a girl who was sitting far, with her back resting on the wall and her knees plopped up as she wrapped her arms around them and burried her face in her lap. I scrunched up my eyebrows. She couldn't be a kid from the orphanage as she looked older, about my age. So, was she the girl Nathan worked here with? Maybe. I had thought that this was just a made up story to get Kyler here because he hates kids. But seems like this girl actually existed.
There was nobody else in the room. I looked at her discretely, her blonde hair falling in all places as her body shivered. Was she?....she was crying.
I made my way to where she sat against the wall. She didn't seem to notice me or hear me. I sat down on my knees in front of her. "Hey, you okay?" I asked. She shook her head, still not looking up at me. "Just go Nathan. I'm fine. Leave me alone!" she said, still crying as her voice cracked up in between.
"I'm not Nathan, I'm-" I began a bit louder than I had spoken first. Her head immediately snapped up as she looked at me with a shocked expression which somewhat replicated the shock my face held. "Ashley? What are you doing here?" she didn't reply, just stared at me. Her once, crytstal grey eyes had gone teary and bloodshot, her face was pale and she had dark bags under her eyes. The look on her face screamed 'Disturbed'. In short, she was a mess.
She pulled out the headphones from her ears, which I really didn't seem to notice before. She tried getting up quickly but I pulled her back as her body collided slightly with the wall and the floor. I knew she wasn't hurt physically because I hadn't pulled her hard. But she was mentally depressed and it didn't need a genius to figure that out.
"Ashley? Whats wrong?" I asked quietly. She didn't reply just kept her eyes closed, letting small tears glide down her cheeks. I knew she wasn't crying over a guy. That would never happen in this dimension atleast. Nor could it be a petty matter, SHE would definitely not cry on something which was miniscule.
Meaning? It was serious. Damn serious. And something I should be worried about. Even though I didn't like her or supposedly hated her, I couldn't watch a girl cry. C'mon, who could? I knew she wouldn't exactly confine in me and spill everything out because I don't expect people to share their deepest secrets with me after knowing me for a week or even less than that.
But I had to try. She was still crying and I felt totally helpless. "Ashley, please don't cry." I pleaded. She finally looked up at me with her puffy eyes "Why do you care?" her voice was extremely soft and if the room wasn't so quiet and alone, I wouldn't have been able to hear her.
"Because I can't see you cry." I replied but she just won't react or respond to me. I hesitated for a minute but then eventually gave in. Wrapping my arms around her petite frame, I brought her body close to me, hugging her lightly. She struggled weakly under my grip but then stopped, hugging me back.
We stayed like that for a few minutes after which the string of tears flowing down her face stopped. She resumed to sniffing as she wiped her tear-stained face with the back of her hand. I didn't want to ask her about anything and make her feel insecure so I kept quiet. As long as she wasn't crying, it was alright.
"Two years back, my dad and my brother passed away. On this day." her soft tone brought my eyes back on her. Her hands were placed on her lap as she kept her gaze firm on the floor. "Its okay. It happen-" I began, trying to calm her down but she cut me off.
"I feel like I'm respnsible for it. Its all my fault." she said. I was only processing what to say to that when she spoke again. "I'm a very bad person. Ain't I? Thats why everyone hates me. You hate me. Moreover, I hate myself." she said.
I didn't know what to say to that. I could never ever, even in my dreams imagine that the big bad girl could be so fragile and broken on the inside. I scooted closer to her and took her hands in mine. She looked at me in surprise as I gave her the best reassuring smile I could muster.
"Its not like that Ashley. You're beautiful. Even on the inside. Whats past should be kept there. Don't scratch the memories if you know they hurt. Its just the bad time, not the person who is bad. I don't know what makes you think that you're the reason behind your brother and father's death but one thing I know for sure is that its gone. They wouldn't be happy if they saw you in such a bad state. You should pray for them. Be happy for the moments you shared with them over the years and just live on." I took a deep breath after I was done and examined her features to make sure she wasn't crying anymore.
"But I am a bad person and don't deny that Jacob." she said softly. "But you haven't done anything bad to me." I smiled. "Then why do you hate me? Why did you flip out suddenly?" she asked all of a sudden with sincerity and curiosity filling up her eyes. I couldn't meet my gaze with hers. I left the hold of her hands and looked away at a random wall. I suddenly felt guilty.
I had already formed a view about her when me and Kyler spent lots of time on Skype. He'd tell me everything about his egotistical, player and b*tch of an ex-girlfriend which happened to be the same girl crying in front of me. "I'm sorry Ashley. I shouldn't have flipped out that day in the car. You see, Kyler had told me a lot about you which wasn't exactly good, taking into consideration the time you dumped him. I had always hated such type of player girls and frankly speaking I thought the same about you. Without even thinking about the time I spent with you, when I didn't know that you were Ky's ex, I judged you. I was wrong. I shouldn't have done so."
"I should've given you a chance. Afterall, you did consider me as a friend right?" she nodded and I still had the frown on my face. I knew she was not that good as a High School girl but I wanted to see it myself. I wanted to trust our frienship and give it a chance. I didn't expect her to change her ways or her persona for being friends with a goody like me.
"And you know what? I soon realised that I only heard Ky's point of view about your relationship with each other since he's my childhood friend. And he has turned into a bigger player and is more of a badass than you are. And don't take this as an insult. Its rather a compliment." I chuckled, to which she at last gave a small smile. "When I can be friends with him then whats wrong if I'm friends with you too?"
"Mhm-hm." she replied. "So cheer up?" I asked, scratching the back of my head. She nodded with a bright smile on her face and I got up, giving her my right hand for support as she placed her hand in mine and got off of the floor. "But there's one problem." I said. Ashley gave me a questioning look "Whats that?"
"Ky's gonna be mad at me for making up with you."
"Who cares about him?" she smirked and I chuckled, knowing that the Ashley everyone knew was back.
"Yeah...well, but I don't want any more pranks to go on between you guys and explaining or talking things with him is utterly useless."
"Hmm...I agree. I'm sick of his annoying pranks. Its irritating you know."
Soon an idea struck my head. "What if we pretend that we aren't friends? Anyway he has very few classes with us and his extra football practices are starting from monday so he won't pay much attention."
"Sounds fun. Drama." she sighed dramatically. "But how will this keep him at bay?"
"If we hangout together, then he'll be furious and do something totally stupid just to piss us off. If we don't hang out in front of him and you keep ignoring him, he'll think that he's won the battle and I can always talk him into it you know. Simple." I finished with a grin plastered on my face.
"Great idea smartass." Ashley lifted her hand and we high-fived, obviously with the right hand since my left has a plaster. How I wish it would be off soon, but I still have a long time to go.
"Um..so...are you okay now?" I tried to confirm. She nodded "Yup. All courtesy to you Mr.Evans." she gave me a mock salute as we began walking towards the back door of the orphanage.
"Thank you." she said in a very low tone as she sincerely smiled at me, her hands deep in her shorts' pockets. I was content on seeing that smile which I was scared for, back in that room when she was crying hard. But I felt like teasing her.
"I didn't hear it..." I sang, cupping my ear as I playfully nudged her side. She laughed and slapped me on my arm lightly. "Thank you." she said loud and clear. "Want to know what can lift you're mood even more?" I teased her.
"And what could that be?" she mused while I just grinned. "Icecream!" I cheered and she laughed "Yay! I love icecream!" she squealed like a kid. "I want Chocolate!" she punched the air and skipped her way through the corridoor.
Chuckling to myself I followed her out of the orphange and to the little icecream-parlour round the corner.
We both acted quite out of the way today. The unexpected happened but I'm happy. Happy to make her smile again. Her brother's and father's death may have troubled her to quite an extent.
Lots of stuff happening this week, many things going on in my mind. First me and Ashley have this weird meet, an accident in which I fracture my arm saving her, a complete stranger. Then we both are compelled to stick together for the next eight weeks. At the start, we were kinda getting along, trying to be friends, then this whole Kyler-Ashley-ex thingy put me on the edge. And today, I find that she's the girl volunteering with Nathan and has more to her persona than the badass everyone sees. Initially, I felt this attraction towards her which was really unwanted. Now I guess I can act a bit mature and try to get to know her better, be friends and stop judging her when my own bestfriend is a player.
Now the only thing I'm supposed to do is, handle Kyler. That shouldn't be difficult right?
****************************
Song of the chapter: F*cking Perfect by P!nk.
It's lovely and I almost cried when I saw the video for the first time....
You could say this is what played through Ashley's earphones in the room when Jacob found her.
Thanks for reading. Be happy, stay cool ;)
YOURS ~Mystery_Enchanted~