A glowing, wonderful feeling had taken over Carter. It was like she had been brought into light after living centuries under a dark shadow. She hadn't realized how much she had missed Leigh until they had spoken again. Not just spoken, but dived right into best friend-mode, as if they had never fought in the first place. It had only been a little more than a week, but to Carter, it may as well have been a lifetime.
The last thing she wanted to do was push Leigh away again, so when Leigh began questioning her about Kiran, she felt it wouldn't be very dignified to express what Kiran meant to her. It would be like rubbing acid onto a wound. Like showing Leigh exactly what she couldn't have.
Truth be told, Carter wasn't sure how she felt about Kiran. Maybe she really was in love with him. Maybe she had always been in love with him, but hadn't let herself feel it until now. She promised herself that when she figured it all out, Leigh would be the first to know, after Kiran of course.
As she let herself become immersed in their friendship again, something occurred to her. Did Leigh know anything about Tala? Probably not, or she would've told me about it by now.
"I'm going to stop this popularity thing, by the way," she said to Leigh.
"What? Why?"
"Because I don't even care about it anymore. I proved my point, so what else is there to do?"
"But you have to keep up with it. I still haven't gone to any of the parties," Leigh said, pouting like a child. It was amazing how she was able to sink herself right into an old conversation. Just like that.
"Fine. One more party, and then I'm done." Carter figured it was the least she could do for Leigh.
"Awesome. Is it completely lame that I've been working on an outfit?"
"Kind of," Carter responded with a smile. Leigh's outfit preparation meant that she had always believed they would reconcile.
"And I've been really careful not to get sick again. Is Elena Trace having one this weekend?"
"I think so." Carter had been somewhat avoiding that entire crowd recently, even before she had learned of Tala's behaviour. She did vaguely remember Elena mentioning something about a party at lunch three days ago, but she couldn't be sure what day it was set for.
"Well if she is, I need to get home and put the finishing touches on my outfit. Do you want to come over?"
"I can't. I'm meeting...someone," Carter hesitated. She glanced at Leigh and thought about what she was going to say.
"Kiran?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry. Is that okay?"
"It's totally fine. Carter, I'll be okay with it. I'll get over it," Leigh said, a reassuring smile on her face. She stood up and picked up her bag. "Anyway, call me later. You've gotta tell me everything that's happened in the last week."
Carter didn't say anything. She stood up as well, walked to Leigh, and hugged her tight. What was the point of being popular if there was no one to share it all with? Leigh was always there to humble her, to make her realize that life was good and there was no point in dwelling on stupid, minor things. Screw all the gossip. Screw the crazy, social hierarchy that existed in high school.
"I'm really, really sorry," she said quietly.
Leigh broke the hug, held Carter by the shoulders firmly, and smiled again. "Seriously, it's fine. We're both sorry. Let's forget it and move on, okay?"
***
Tala Ansari wasn't your average beautiful smart-yet-extremely-popular girl. She had fast-tracked through her classes the last six semesters, which meant that she would be graduating a year earlier than all of her friends. She had already received several scholarships to the country's top schools, held the highest GPA of all junior and senior students, and received numerous school awards. She was an alarming combination of brains and beauty, and she knew exactly what to do with it.
She also had a knack for manipulating people into doing exactly what she wanted. Not in an obvious, in-your-face way like Ashton Rhodes, but in a much more dubious, subtle way. She didn't often use this power for evil, because at her core she wasn't a cold-hearted nasty bitch. Once in a while though, she would cross paths with someone who deserved it.
Right now, that person was Carter. It didn't take a genius to figure out what the girl was up to. At first Tala had assumed Carter was just another outsider, desperate for a taste of popularity. But the more time they had spent together, the more it became obvious that Carter was a whole other story of social experimentation.
Maybe it was a bet. Maybe a dare. Whatever it was, Tala knew that Carter didn't really care for popularity, that she had never cared for Aiden. She had observed them together, and Carter hadn't once shown any bit of proper devotion for Aiden. Sometimes she had even looked like she was in pain when he would hold her hand or kiss her. Aiden and Tala weren't exactly the best of friends, but Aiden was a nice guy. Nicer than most, and a little naive. Who was Carter to take advantage of him?
If Carter's act went on any longer, who knew who else she would try to use? Maybe Elena, or Melody, or some other innocent person.
So Tala had done what anyone in her situation would do. She had pushed Carter to break up with Aiden, let slip to Aiden that Kiran had paid Jack Echolls for Carter's name, and indirectly Ashton of Leigh's crush on Kiran. She had made sure that none of it came back to her, made Aiden promise to never mention her name in any of his confrontations.
It was a shame, because if Carter hadn't decided to use her and her friends for some ridiculous ploy, they could've been great friends.
***
When he walked into the library that afternoon, he didn't know what to expect. He had spent the greater portion of the week obsessing over Carter, worrying about his family, and wondering why his life had turned into a meaningless string of pointless dreams.
His family had been breaking apart for the last year or so - with his parents divorcing, his older sister dropping out of college and moving in with her abusive, psychotic, asshole of a boyfriend, he didn't know how much of it he could take. It wasn't like he was ever one to wallow in his own pity, but lately he found it harder to shut his personal life out. To let his studies, his music, his out-of-school friends, and Carter cover it all.
To top it off, Carter's constant attitude was really affecting his sense of self-value. He wasn't sure how much longer he could wait around for her. She had asked for some time, but did that also mean he wasn't allowed to talk to her? To approach her in the hallways without getting verbally assaulted? Maybe it was his own fault, with his no-friendship clause. Maybe it was her way of guarding herself.
He found her sitting by herself in one of the aisles, writing in a notebook with some textbooks spread out around her. She appeared less cranky than usual. Her eyebrows weren't furrowed and her face wasn't tense. This was a very good sign.
"Studying hard, or hardly studying?" he said as he drew close to her.
She looked up at him and smiled. A warm smile. It filled him with an equal warmth, like her smile was all it took to make him forget about his personal problems.
"Hi. Guess what? Leigh talked to me."
"Oh yeah? So you two are friends again?" he asked, trying not to sound indifferent. He figured most of Carter's reluctance had to do with Leigh, and for that he just couldn't bring himself to care much about their friendship.
"Yep. Awesome, right?"
"Sure."
"So... um... do you want to sit down?"
The last time they had been this alone, he hadn't been able to control himself. That lack of control was slowly making its way into the scene again, and he wasn't sure what to do with it. He sat down next to her and tried to focus on all the books.
"We got ancient Persia, which was my first choice. There's a lot we could talk about for it, but the one thing that I found really fascinating was when the Persians adopted Zoroastrianism. What do you think?"
"Sounds good."
"Okay, awesome. So I found some books that go into its history." She pulled out two books and handed one of them to Kiran without looking at him. "Don't worry, we don't have to read them from cover to cover. They have a couple of chapters that discuss the religion, so that's all we'll go over. I also found a bunch of websites that have some really nice images we could show."
He was impressed with her enthusiasm, and he wished he was as equally invested in the project as she was. There had been so much going on in his life that he found it hard to be interested in any of his studies lately. The only thing he wanted to do right now was grab Carter, kiss her like there was no tomorrow, and let himself forget everything else.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry for that whole no-friend thing. I don't want you feeling like you have no other choice," he said quietly. He faced her and waited for a response, hoping she wouldn't become too irritated with the sudden change of topic.
"It's fine, whatever," she answered without facing him.
"Whatever I'm an asshole, or whatever I'm totally cool?"
"You're not exactly cool, and most of the time you're not an asshole. So... whatever as in, I'm not going to stop talking to you anytime soon."
"That's good news."
"Yeah. So, back to this project. Any thoughts? Ideas?" she asked, still not facing him.
He got the impression that she was purposely avoiding his glances. "You seem to have it all planned out. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it."
"I think we should create our own website. That way we can show all the images I found, plus all the text, and we won't have to print out anything. Are you good at web-design?"
"Kind of."
"So you can do the coding then. I'll write up the reports and give them to you, and you can put it together."
It was crazy how her lack of eye-contact was irritating him to a rather irrational point. "Okay, fine. So are we done here?"
That got her attention. She finally looked at him, her eyes blaring with sudden anger. "I'm sorry, am I keeping you from something more important?"
Would it be terrible if he tried to kiss her now? "No."
"Then what's your problem?" She looked fiery and confused, and he found her more attractive now that ever before.
"I don't have a problem."
Carter said nothing for a moment. She then closed her books, tossed aside the pen that was in her hand, and leaned back, sighing in the process. "Look, Kiran, I'm trying here, okay? Can't we go back to how things were before? Stop with the weirdness?"
"Isn't that what I asked you back at your house?"
"No. You asked if we could be friends again. That's not what I'm asking. I miss talking to you. Like, really talking to you without any awkwardness. Without these moments, like we're strangers asking each other for directions, or having stupid arguments. I'm getting sick of it."
In the world where social standings, pep rallies and overall popularity were everything, Kiran had managed to go by wonderfully without a trace of drama. He had purposely excluded himself from all student activities, social events, or anything that involved mingling with the mindless zombies of his high school. It wasn't like he was a social pariah. He had friends. Lots of them. Outside of Newton High. Away from the crazy and the gossip. The only person who had somehow pushed her way past his carefully placed barriers was Carter.
For the past couple of years, talking to her had been the only bright spot in an otherwise dark high school atmosphere.
"So what do you think?" she asked, a little impatient. Her dark eyes were searing into his, right through his attempt at keeping things less intense.
"I think you should stop over-thinking everything."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you need to stop worrying about everything. Just let things go. Every time I try to talk to you, you freak out on me. Things are awkward because you make it awkward."
"Me? Because it's not totally awkward to touch my face all the time? Brush my hair back like... like some move a guy makes in the beginning of a bad porno?"
"I bet you've never watched porn a day in your life." Maybe, for some sick, twisted reason, he enjoyed getting her worked up. It made her more real to him, even more beautiful. Some people would find it exhausting. Not him. He loved it.
"That's... besides the point," she hissed as she began gathering her books, all the while fidgety and irritated. "You know what? I'll do the project myself, and I'll just put your name on it. We don't need to meet up again."
"So I'm guessing this means you won't go with me to Elena's party?"
She faced him again, the anger still apparent, but with a little less force. It was mixed with a bit of uncertainty, like the idea of them going anywhere together was still out-of-this-world to her. "Are you serious?"
"Of course I'm serious. Will you go with me or not?"
She put up an obviously false sense of annoyance, and rounded up the last of her books. "Fine, whatever. Who cares if everyone thinks I'm some fickle, desperate loser who'll jump around from guy to guy. Let things go, right?"
"Exactly." He knew full well she was being sarcastic. Still, she had agreed to go with him, and that was all that mattered at this point. "And hey, I'm sure by next week someone else will do something even more stupid, and everyone will move on from thinking about you twenty-four-seven."
"I'm so glad you find this amusing," she said, sounding rather amused herself. "Anyway, I gotta go. So... I'll see you later?"
"I can pick you up for it, right?"
"Yeah... yes... I guess that's fine." She rushed off before he could say anything else, but he didn't mind. Whether she saw it as a date or not, he was one step closer to winning her over.