Wishful thinking leads to wishful doings.
February 20, 2012
The Bently Mansion's Gym
His classic movements made me melt where I stood, but I couldn't dance. He was dancing alone, pretending that he had a dancer in his arms.
"I don't want to dance, Mr. Styles." I whined, taking a step back. I had changed into the clothes he made me change into, which consisted of a black spandex tanktop and a black skirt.
"Well I want you to dance. Can you at least do something for me?" He stopped dancing and pushed his hands into his pockets.
I spun in a small circle and chills went down my body. So I spun again. And I loved it.
Dancing is immature for a young lady, Anastasia.
I stopped spinning and gave Harry a small smile. "I don't like dancing alone."
He then grabbed my hand and pulled me close. "Then dance with me."
I nodded my head and he placed his hand on the small of my back, making me smile. I couldn't help the overpowering chills that I was having. His hand clasped in mine and put my other hand on his shoulder. His fingers pressed into my back, and we began to move around.
Spin after spin, smile after smile. I enjoyed dancing with this man.
He put both of his hands on my back and bent me over, making me arch my back, then he pulled me right back up and twirled me around.
"You're amazing." I muttered and his eyes met mine.
"You were moving just as amazing as I was. I've never seen anything like you, Anastasia." He smiled and I looked down, biting my lip.
We danced one more time, and I thought we were going to leave, but he walked over to the recording booth.
"What are you doing?" I asked, walking over to him.
"Today is dance day as well as music."
He sings?!
"You can sing?" I couldn't hide my squeaking, excited voice.
"Yes." He laughed a little.
"What do you want me to sing?" I was silent, and he shrugged his shoulder and turned the recording mic on, "If you just walked away, what could I really say? Would it matter anyway? Would it change how you feel?" Dear God, have I died and gone to heaven? "I am the mess you chose. The closet you cannot close. The devil in you I suppose. Cause the wounds never heal." I slid down the wall as he proceeded to the chorus. "But everything changes if I could, turn back the years if you could, learn to forgive me, than I could learn to feel."
"Why did you stop?" I stood back up and looked at him.
"What's wrong?"
He looked up and asked, "Do you wanna sing a song?"
"Oh no. No, no, no. I don't sing. I used to sing in Sunday school when I was little, but things change." I shook my head and he stood up, grabbing my shoulders and making me sit down in the stool. "Mr. Styles, I don't want to sing."
"You didn't want to dance either. Sing a song that relates to your problem right now. Like, sing a song that rules your life at the moment." He began to smile like it was going to be a good song.
I took a deep breath, and began to sing. "I don't ever ask you, where you've been. And I don't feel the need to, know who you're with. I can't even think straight, but I can tell. That you were just with her. And I'll still be a fool. I'm a fool for you." I took another deep breath, "Just a little bit of your heart, just a little bit of your heart. Just a little bit of your heart is all I want. Just a little bit of your heart, just a little bit of your heart. Just a little bit is all I'm asking for."
I stood up and took a deep breath, unable to hide my breaking tears. I wish this could be over! I don't know what's going on with me but it's bullshit! And it's pissing me off!
Could I really be a fool for him? No...
"Ana." He called my name, but I shook my head, grabbing my heels and my dress and taking off towards the mansion.
"Ana!"He was farther behind me but I could still hear him.
"Dammit Anastasia! Answer me when I call you!"
"What do you want?!" I yelled, my voice cracking. I didn't bother to turn around and look at him, and I just entered the mansion, taking off to my room.
"If you don't stop and talk to me." He grated, and he was right behind me.
"I don't want to talk to you." I made it to my room, and I went to shut my door but he stopped it.
"Please get out of my room."
"Not until you talk to me." He closed the door behind him and crossed his arms.
"Why is it so important for you to talk to me?! I stormed away from you for a reason!" I threw my shoes into my closet and put my dress in my bathroom.
"Why the hell did you storm away from me?!" He was beginning to yell now.
"Because I couldn't take what was going on with me. When I was singing that song, it actually felt like that song was meant for right now." He squinted his eyes. He knew what I was talking about.
"Now that pisses me off Anastasia. You know that I don't have a choice. I have to stay in that goddamned office because I have work to do. I don't have time for you." He began to point at me.
"Oh here's that excuse again." I crossed my arms and he growled out.
"I can't believe you actually bother talking to me. It's always going to end in a fight."
"Because the conversation is always about what I want. What do you want?" He threw his hands together and pointed them towards me. "What do you want Anastasia?"
"I want to be able to have a real conversation about you. I want to be able to go wherever I want, whenever I want. I want to..." He doesn't need to know that...
"You want to start talking about me? Okay. I don't have time to talk, and that's why I don't do it. It's as simple as that." I walked to my bed and sat down. I was so angry that I needed to cry. I needed to let go. So I did.
"I wish that you would talk to me. I'm always so alone, and you never want anything to do with me. Do you know how much that hurts? I just wish that you would spend more time with me." Tears began cascading down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you Anastasia, but-"
"But you have every damn thing in the world to do right? God, I know more about you than I thought. You're so selfish. You're never going to get anywhere if you don't stop putting your own time before others." I snapped and his eyes widened.
"You think you got me all figured out don't you? You don't know a damn thing about me." He frowned at me and I threw my head back.
"That's because you never talk to me!" I screamed and he laughed a little.
"You know what? I want you out. That's what I want. Since you don't have time for me, I don't have time for you. I have to stay in my room and do some work.Maybe I'll look at houses, or maybe I'll call Malina and tell her that I want to move in with her."
"No. I made a promise to your parents that I would take care of you." He stated.
"Can you make a promise to me Harry?" I looked up at him, more tears falling from my eyes. He nodded his head and I took a deep breath.
"I want you to promise me that you'll try to make time for others. Especially when I'm gone."
"You can't leave, Anastasia." He looked down.
"And why is that, Headmaster Styles?" The sarcasm was deep on my voice.
"Because I don't want you to." He said through gritted teeth.
"You sound like you care about me." I rolled my eyes and he clenched his jaw.
"I do care about you." He took a deep breath and I placed my forehead in my hands.
"If you cared about me enough, then you would make time to talk to me. That's what I want sometimes. I wish that you would talk to me enough so I actually think that you care about me." I stood up and opened my bedroom door. "But now I want you out."
He stood up and walked over to the door. "I figured that what we did today was enough for you to realize that I care about you. But it's my mistake for actually taking you out of the house today. Next time I'll go by myself." He shook his head before walking out of my room.
We argue too much. I take too long to make up my mind. What if I do feel something for him? It wouldn't last because he doesn't spend enough time with me!
I collapsed onto my bed, and I just cried.
I wish you could see how miserable I am, Harry.