I sat on the edge of my bath tub, shaking. It was a few weeks after the party, and it wasn't until now that I remembered the one part I had blocked for so long. I had lost my virginity. Sitting with the pregnancy test in my shaking hand I grabbed my phone, calling my best friend Jaz.
"Yo" She answered.
"Jaz." I sighed her name, not being able to get out a full sentence. She seemed to understand though because she came into the bathroom twenty minutes later and looked at me.
"El, what's wrong?" I just shook my head.
"Did you see me with any guy the night of Jesse's party?" I asked.
"Bitch, I was to drunk to remember what I did that night, let alone who you were with." I don't know why but I started crying. Jaz looked at me bewildered and took me into her arms.
"Hey look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She rocked me back and forth until I calmed down.
"Think you can tell me whats wrong now?" I wordlessly held out the test that had a little pink plus sign on it, trying to keep my fear at bay. She looked at it then threw it at me.
"Dumb hoe. Who the hell had sex with you?? AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN DRUNK. OH MY GOD. ELLIE. DID SOMEONE RAPE YOU? I'LL FIND HIM AND RIP HIS BALLS OFF." I shook my head slowly.
"No Jaz, he said his name was..ugh..um..Jaye? John? Jess? Jacob? God. I can't even remember. But we were joking around and flirting and then he asked if he could kiss me and I said yes, and everything was fine, and then things got carried away and I didn't remember any of this until I missed my period." Jaz looked at me with sympathy in her eyes.
"You're never late." She stated the obvious. I lay-ed my head on her shoulder.
"What do I do Jaz?" I asked, my voice sounded pathetic and broken. She sighed.
"First, I think you should tell your parents.." She trailed off as she saw my expression.
"It needs to happen Ellie." I nodded my head in agreement and she got up, offering me her hand. I took it and she pulled me up and towards the door to my parents bedroom.
"Wait. I have to tell them now?" I panicked. Jaz spoke in a calming voice.
"Don't over think it El. You'll only freak yourself out more. If all else fails, you can come live with me, okay?" I nodded, glad I had some place to go when my parents flipped shit.
"Do you want me to wait out here or come in with you?" She asked. I grabbed her hand and pulled her with me.
"Mom, Dad?" My voice was quiet but got my parents attention instantly. "I have something to say."
"What is it honey?" I tried to commit my dad's loving voice to memory before everything came crashing down. My mom looked at me with wide worried eyes. "Are you feeling okay?" She asked.
"I um, no. This is going to be SO bad, I'm so sorry. You're going to hate me."
They both looked at each other, and Jaz squeezed my hand for encouragement. Neither of them told me they could never hate me, and that made me a little light headed.
"I'm pregnant.."
My dad immediately started yelling, throwing things at me, and my mom sat there staring at me with cold emotionless eyes.
"YOU STUPID WHORE. I KNEW YOU WERE FUCKING AROUND!" my dad yelled as he threw the lamp at me, barely missing. Jaz and I ran out, tears prickling my eyes.
"Pack a bag darling." She spoke soothing, and I tried to blink away the tears, I had to concentrate. My shoulder shook as I took quick shallow gasps, but I still managed to pack a bag with everything I would need. I also wrote a note to my sister.
"Hey boo,
Baby on the way, parents pissed, kicked me out. Love you, always have always will.
Ellie."
I didn't know how else to phrase it in a short amount of time. Jaz and I rushed down the stairs as quick as we could, trying not to get things thrown at us again.
Luckily Jaz hadn't walked over, so we didn't have to lug my huge bag to her house. Her mom welcomed me with open arms, even after I told her what happened. She assured me she'd take care of me, and I hugged back so tight I thought I'd hurt her. She just laughed and rubbed my hair, calming me. I thanked her, wiping away the tears that had formed and fallen down my cheeks as she directed me to the many guest rooms. Jaz followed close behind and stayed to help me unpack my stuff, which I was very grateful for. I got a text from my mom later that evening, and I opened it eagerly, hoping she'd be begging me to come home. No such luck though.
mom:
we're shutting off your phone. Bye slut.
My stomach dropped and I handed the phone over to Jaz for her to read. She assured me that we'd get me a new phone and find out who the father was. I could care less about the first one, i just needed the second thing to happen. I wanted my baby to have a father, it had to happen.