CHAPTER 30
CARLY
"Stop makin' that face, you're makin' me uncomfortable!" I giggled, shoving John playfully in the arm.
It was my first prenatal visit and we were about an hour in, having gone over my health history in very excruciating detail. Throughout the whole process I kept glancing at John, and every time he was making the same face, like he wanted to be anywhere but here, talking about anything but the health of my vagina.
Before leaving the room, Dr. Sally Nesbitt, the obstetrician, handed me a gown and told me she'd be back to do a pelvic exam and take urine and blood samples.
I felt really bad for John; he wanted to be here for my first visit, probably assuming we'd get to hear the baby's heartbeat or see his or her first ultrasound. I doubt he expected this.
"You know, you don't have to stick around if you don't want to," I told him as he helped me undo my dress, which was tied at the back. "It's kind of embarrassin'," I giggled nervously.
"I'm good..." he said a little hesitantly. "Unless you want me to go?" he added, raising his brow questioningly.
"I'd like you to stay," I told him.
"Then I'm stayin'," he said decisively. "Besides, it ain't anythin' I've never seen before... otherwise we wouldn't be in this situation," he chuckled.
"Good point," I laughed, slipping into the ugly hospital gown. He swept my hair to one side and tied the knot at the back since I couldn't reach. I gave a little twirl and faced him, taking a deep breath. "I'm so nervous!" I whispered.
"Just think about how nervous and in pain you're gonna be in the delivery room; this ain't nothin' compared to that," he smirked.
I shoved him again.
When Dr. Nesbitt returned I climbed into the examination chair once more and he went to stand at my head. I watched him run his fingers through his hair and along the stubble of his face, his foot tapping a restless beat against the linoleum floor. He was trying to act all calm, plastering on a grin and cracking a whole lot of jokes, but I knew him well enough to know he was just as nervous as I was... perhaps even more.
I reached for his hand and squeezed it.
The examination wasn't so bad. Dr. Nesbitt wasn't too overly graphic - thank God - and she was pretty lighthearted about the whole thing. She tried to get John involved too, asking us both questions about our genetic backgrounds, fears or questions we might have, and what our plans were for the next nine months. Unless he absolutely had to open his mouth, John stayed pretty quiet, letting me do most of the talking.
I didn't mind; I knew by now that he barely opened his mouth when in the presence of anyone that wasn't me.
We found out that I was due on June 23rd next year, which was less than a month after Maisy's due date. It was exciting to imagine our children growing up together. After another round of questions, talking about prenatal vitamins, the hazards of smoking and drinking, and what we could and couldn't do in bed - talking about my sex life with a stranger was even more embarrassing than getting looked at down there by one - we were deemed good to go.
We made our next appointment for the middle of December - just seven weeks from now, at which point we'd finally get to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time and actually see her - or him - on an ultrasound.
"I wonder what she'll look like," I mused as we found ourselves a seat outside the Dairy Queen fifteen minutes later, each with a Blizzard in hand. "I hope she looks like you," I smiled, looking up into his handsome face, imagining what it'd be like to look down into those same dark eyes, that same forehead, those same lips.
"He'll be a looker, that's for sure," John grinned, popping a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. "Have you seen us? We're freakin' gorgeous," he added dramatically.
"We do make a cute couple," I agreed, resting my head against his shoulder.
The next few weeks were more of the same. I was still getting sick every now and then, and I had a lot of food aversions, especially when it came to meat. One night I argued with John for a whole half hour, trying to convince him that the chicken he was preparing for us had gone bad. It hadn't - actually, when my stomach finally settled I decided that it was really good chicken, as was most of John's cooking - but for a while there I was certain he was planning on giving me food poisoning.
Work around the ranch was significantly harder now that riding on horseback was no longer an option during the length of my pregnancy, which meant John had to pick up the slack even more than he already was. We ended up talking at length about him moving into the house with me so that we could hire another hand to help out.
It worried me though; we didn't have the money to add another person to the payroll.
"I've been thinkin'," John suggested about a week into December. We were sitting in front of the television after dinner. "I could get a job in town; I talked to Darryl already, he says his father has a job for me as a mechanic if I want it... or I could go see if they're lookin' for paramedics... I'd still help you out... but there'd be another paycheck comin' in too... It would help a lot..."
It made sense. Still, a selfish part of me didn't want to let him go. I wanted a reason to see him whenever I wanted... or to catch him shirtless in the Texas sun.
I didn't want to lose my man above the barn.
I trusted him with the horses and the ranch, and I didn't want to lose that either. Having to rely on somebody else - most likely a stranger - wouldn't sit well with me. John was more than just a ranch hand; honestly, he did as much work running the financial aspect of the business as I did, and that was on top of the maintenance and taking care of the horses.
Yeah, on a financial level it made sense for us, but I wanted to be greedy and keep him all to myself.
"Yeah, if you want to," I said reluctantly.
"You don't sound convinced," he chuckled.
"It'll be hard givin' you up," I laughed.
"You won't be," he said, pressing his lips to my forehead. "I'll always be right next to you... just not from nine to five," he smirked.
"The money would be nice," I sighed as I snuggled into him. "I can post an openin' I suppose, and we can see what happens," I added thoughtfully.
We were quiet for a while, listening to the news on TV. He had one arm around me and his other hand on my belly, which was something he did a lot, even though it was still mostly flat. I was beginning to gain a bit of weight and sometimes if I twisted this way and that long enough, I could almost imagine a tiny little bump...
Weirdly enough, I couldn't wait to start showing, and I couldn't wait for John to feel my pregnant belly then.
"Do you wanna order a pizza?" I asked suddenly.
He looked at me for a long moment, realized I was serious and burst out laughing.
Our second doctor's appointment was on Tuesday a little over a week before Christmas. By then I was twelve and a half weeks pregnant according to the app on my phone, and in two weeks alone my stomach went from mostly flat to slightly protruding. The difference was made even more obvious when I put the two photos of my baby bump - John was taking the pictures every week so that we could put them in a baby scrapbook later - side by side.
John noticed the difference too, but his attention remained mostly on my boobs, which were definitely fuller than they'd ever been. He was such a man.
It was almost four o'clock when we arrived at the clinic. I went to the admit desk and gave them my name, then went to sit down next to John, taking his hand in mine.
"Nervous?" he asked.
"Yeah," I chuckled.
"Me too," he said with a shaky breath.
We were called into one of the exam rooms a minute after four. I sat down in the examination chair and John stood next to me, still holding my hand. We were greeted shortly by Dr. Nesbitt.
"Are y'all ready to see your baby?" she asked.
"Definitely," I smiled.
John remained quiet throughout the first few minutes, listening in as Dr. Nesbitt asked me a series of questions and took some tests. My blood pressure was a little high, so she said we'd have to keep an eye on that, but she wasn't too overly concerned.
When the time finally came, Dr. Nesbitt told me to lift up my shirt. I made an effort not to wear a dress today, opting instead for a cashmere sweater and some stretchy black pants. I was glad.
Dr. Nesbitt spread a cold, gooey substance on my belly, spreading it evenly.
"You can move in a little closer," she told John as she started working the machine. John scooted over, our eyes meeting for a long moment, unspoken words passing between us.
Then Dr. Nesbitt applied the wand to my belly, moving it around a little. She pressed buttons on the screen and-
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump...
Oh my God, that was our baby.
"That's it? That's the heartbeat?" John asked breathlessly and I tore my gaze away from my baby just long enough to look up at his face. There was total amazement in his dark eyes, his mouth forming the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen on a man.
"That's the heartbeat," Dr. Nesbitt nodded.
John leaned forward slightly towards the screen, grinning like an idiot as Dr. Nesbitt started pointing out body parts. The baby's entire right side was perfectly visible and it almost looked like he - or she - was waving at us.
"Oh my God," I whispered, and just like that I started balling my eyes out.
It was our baby.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump...
"So there's just one baby in there, right doc? No surprises?" John asked.
Sobs mixed with uncontrollable giggles. It was just like John to make a joke out of this moment.
"You can relax dad, there's just one," Sally smiled, humor in her blue eyes as they swayed over the pair of us.
"Oh my God," I whispered again. So far, they were the only words my brain would let me come up with. They summed up the situation - and my feelings - quite well though.
"That's our kid," John grinned, looking at me with such love in his teary eyes that I wasn't sure my heart could take it.
"That's our kid," I repeated, my words mixed with a sound that was half a giggle and half a sob.
I squeezed his hand and let my tears flow steadily, listening to the most beautiful sound in the world. John was crying too, tears streaming down his scruffy cheeks as he leaned in and kissed me.