The following morning William journeyed directly into Barnbury to inform the villagers of Lord Russell's misdeeds, hoping to do so in a way which saved some small shred of the Russell ladies' reputations rather than allowing the rumour mill to do its worst. Meanwhile Sir William replied to Lady Russell's letter on her behalf, as the grief-stricken woman was still bed-ridden and being attended to by Lady Cavendish. This left Catherine and Julia with the most unfortunate task of entertaining Miss Russell.
Catherine could think of several more pleasurable ways to spend her morning; however, Miss Russell was a guest at Broxcliffe Park, and it would be terribly insensitive to leave her alone during a time of such great distress. Though Miss Russell had not taken the news quite so badly as her mother, she was certainly out of spirits, even declining Catherine's invitation to play them a little piece or two on the pianoforte. This reluctance to display her musical skill had Catherine at a complete loss as to what to do with the young lady; she had felt certain Miss Russell would welcome the opportunity to perform.
Thankfully Julia could always be depended upon in situations such as this, and sure enough she soon engaged Miss Russell in conversation by warmly complimenting her gown. As the pair began to chatter amicably Catherine felt herself relax, temporarily relieved of her social burden, and she allowed her attention to drift away from their conversation towards the subject which had occupied her thoughts almost incessantly since the previous evening.
Ah, Professor Lawes. Once the object of much frustration for Catherine, she now found her thoughts turning to him in a significantly more tender way. The thought of their brief time outside on the patio still sent tingles of pleasure rushing down her spine, and Catherine could not help but wonder, yet again, what could have been had not Lady Russell's news interrupted them. Another few seconds and she felt sure she could not have suppressed her desire to feel the professor's lips on hers any longer – and from the blazing fire in his eyes at that moment, it seemed Professor Lawes would have all-too-willingly reciprocated.
A glowing blush crept up Catherine's cheeks as she suddenly came to her senses and started at the vulgar nature of the thoughts currently occupying her mind. I am the niece of a baronet! Catherine chided herself firmly. I am not supposed to think of such things!
But were these thoughts really so vulgar? The professor had not asked to court her, so to kiss him would be to risk damaging her reputation; that in itself proved what she desired was indecent. But there was something in the way Professor Lawes had behaved with her recently; something in the intense way he looked at her, which made Catherine feel that perhaps it would not be so long until he attempted to initiate a courtship. She was no expert in matters of the heart – the mortifying experience with William proved that much – yet Catherine knew, somehow, that the regard she had come to feel for Professor Lawes was...
It was love. She loved Professor Lawes.
I could come to love him – that was what Catherine had told Julia just last night. But in reality, Catherine simply had not been ready to admit to herself that in fact she already loved him. That, surely, was the only explanation for her almost desperate desire to be in his company again, and the flock of butterflies which had begun to take flight in her stomach whenever they were alone together. It had happened without her realising, or perhaps she had known it all along deep down – if Professor Lawes proposed, Catherine would certainly accept.
But that question remained to be answered: did Professor Lawes intend to propose?
Of this, she was much less certain; in fact, she had not the faintest idea. The professor had been a mystery for Catherine since she first arrived in Barnbury, but just lately it seemed that it had begun to unravel at last. Now that she better understood the professor's character, Catherine knew that he'd always had perfectly genuine intentions towards her – his rather awkward nature just meant that he often ended up expressing himself in the wrong way. Now he did feel more comfortable in her company – during their last two meetings Professor Lawes had made a particular effort to seek Catherine out, in order to spend time alone with her – and if that did not point to an attraction towards her, then what else could he mean by it?
Did Catherine dare to believe that Professor Lawes might love her back? Attraction was one thing, but it was a long way off love, and she needed to know whether it was love he felt too.
A shiver of anticipation ran through Catherine's veins as she realised that so much depended upon her next meeting with Professor Lawes. If ever the professor was going to attempt to begin a courtship, it would have to be the very next time they met – for in a few days Catherine would be returning to Warwick, and then who knew when their paths might cross again? The thought of leaving Barnbury without knowing the professor's true feelings was simply unbearable, so she cast it aside for now. It would not do to dwell too much – there was nothing to be done but to wait, and to hope. And she would hope with every fibre of her being.
Catherine was so absorbed in her romantic fantasies that she felt almost indignant at being pulled out of them prematurely by a commotion across the room. It seemed Julia's attempts at distracting Miss Russell had not been very successful, for the young lady was now busy dotting her handkerchief with irritatingly delicate tears. Catherine allowed herself a brief moment to wonder at how Miss Russell could still manage to remain attractive whilst sobbing, before panic set in as she realised she would now be called upon to offer consolation without having paid attention to the cause of Miss Russell's upset.
Thankfully, though, Miss Russell's great love of talking about herself came to Catherine's aid at this moment. Between sobs, she promptly launched into a wailing list of all her woes, ensuring both ladies present knew exactly why she was a creature to be pitied.
"I hope Stephen is pleased with himself; he has ruined my entire life!" she cried dramatically. Julia made gentle soothing noises, clucking like a mother hen, while Catherine arranged her face into what she hoped was a sympathetic expression.
"I shall never find a husband now!" continued Miss Russell, the tears coming faster as she worked herself into a state. "Even if someone should wish to wed the disgraced sister of a viscount, there is no longer a dowry to offer! Mama and I shall perish alone, and in poverty, all before I had the chance to experience a single season! Oh! I cannot bear that life should be so cruel!"
Catherine's lips twitched at Miss Russell's skewed perspective on life, but she managed to remain impassive - it would not do to appear as if she were mocking Miss Russell. Despite Catherine's misgivings about the young woman, clearly experiencing a season and securing a husband were matters of the utmost importance to her – matters Catherine herself might have done well to devote more time to – and so Catherine could understand Miss Russell's utter devastation of having this long-awaited dream snatched away.
"I cannot bear to think of what is to become of Mama and me," wailed Miss Russell hopelessly. "I expect we shall soon be forced out of our home – our very own Wyndham Hall, which has been in my late father's family for generations – and then we shall be cast onto the streets to live as commoners!"
Catherine felt a thrill of terror wash over her; she had not considered that. If indeed Lord Russell had gambled away the majority of the family fortune, it seemed very likely Lady Russell would have to sell Wyndham Hall and purchase a significantly more humble abode. Try as she might, Catherine simply could not imagine being torn from Donbroke, the house she had scarcely left her entire childhood. To her horror, she found tears welling up in her own eyes at the thought – and suddenly, she found herself feeling desperately sorry for Miss Russell.
Julia appeared to be thinking the same thing; as Miss Russell's sobs became so violent she could no longer speak, Catherine and her cousin exchanged a look of horror over the grief-stricken young girl's bowed head. The situation was dire indeed, and Catherine felt unable to say anything which could in any way lessen Miss Russell's sorrow, for it was very likely that she and Lady Russell would lose their home. What could one say in such a situation? Catherine looked to Julia again for inspiration.
"Tea!" announced Julia suddenly, leaping to her feet. "A nice strong cup of tea and some sandwiches are what you require, Miss Russell, for you hardly ate a morsel at breakfast and must be famished by now! I shall see about having a tray sent up immediately."
And Julia promptly hurried out of the room before either Catherine or Miss Russell could object.
Catherine's immediate reaction was relief; Julia's sudden exit had caused Miss Russell's sobbing to subside, for which she was very grateful. But as the seconds passed, an extremely awkward silence slowly engulfed the room, and Catherine realised with horror that she would now be forced to single-handedly strike up a conversation with this dreadful woman whose company she loathed so much.
Seconds soon became minutes, and eventually Catherine had to stop desperately waiting for Julia to return and began hurriedly searching her mind for a suitable subject to speak of. Moments later, however, this proved unnecessary – for Miss Russell found a topic of conversation all of her own, and wasted no time beginning to speak of it.
"I could not help but notice that you spent a great deal of time with our good friend Professor Lawes last night, Miss Taylor," she began in a sickly sweet tone.
Catherine's heart sank at those words, and she felt all her pity and remorse for Miss Russell rapidly disappearing. Nothing good could come of this conversation, she felt certain – but until Catherine discovered Miss Russell's motive in raising the subject of Professor Lawes, she could do nothing but play along with the foolish girl's infuriating games and schemes.
"I cannot agree with that entirely, Miss Russell," replied Catherine carefully. "We did indeed step outside briefly after dinner, but before that I cannot recall that I spoke to him at all."
"I only noticed as it was very unlike the professor to single a lady out in company as he did," continued Miss Russell as if she had not heard Catherine's reply. "He is usually so reserved when out in society."
At that Catherine could not help but feeling a sort of smug satisfaction which she knew was very wrong of her. The professor she knew was not at all reserved – but of course Miss Russell had not experienced the pleasure of getting to know him as she had.
"Of course, Professor Lawes behaves very differently in a more intimate social setting," added Miss Russell.
Catherine's head snapped up violently, attention completely focused on what Miss Russell was saying now.
"Oh, yes," she continued matter-of-factly. "Whenever I have conversed with him alone I found him to be perfectly open and friendly. But – surely you already know that, Miss Taylor? After all, were you not alone with him out on the patio last night?"
"I..." was all Catherine managed in reply. Her throat felt as if it was constricting painfully, rendering her unable to speak, or breathe. Determinedly she bit down on the waves of horror crashing over her, but it was no use. Why did Miss Russell speak in this way? How could she possibly know Professor Lawes as Catherine did? What Catherine and the professor had shared recently had been personal and special – the professor said quite plainly that he had opened up to her more than to any other person in Barnbury. It did not make any sense!
Miss Russell allowed a minute for this news to sink in; clearly she was immensely enjoying the power she held over Catherine at present. But when she finally did speak, her words did nothing to calm Catherine's nerves – in fact, they made her feel even worse.
"You are not the only one who has passed time individually with the professor," said Miss Russell knowingly. "During his time in Barnbury, I have come to know him well. When he first arrived, in particular, he made a habit of calling often at Wyndham Hall."
"How – how kind of him to pay his attentions to your family," Catherine managed to get out. Her stomach squirmed unpleasantly at Miss Russell's words, her mind conjuring horrible images of the young lady and the professor sat cosily in the Wyndham Hall drawing room which made her want to cry aloud with agony. But before she allowed her imagination to run away with herself, Catherine forced herself to think of what Professor Lawes had told her that morning in the music room. He had been eager to make a good impression with the Russell family, he said; that was likely to have been his motivation for calling on them so often, rather than any other reason - such as an attachment to Miss Russell, for example. That was a thought Catherine would not allow herself to entertain.
No, she would remain determinedly calm, and not allow Miss Russell's scheming to upset her. The devious young woman's motive was evidently to cause Catherine distress, and she refused to give her the satisfaction of having succeeded. Besides, Catherine had nothing to fear – for Professor Lawes certainly did not feel any sort of romantic affection for Miss Russell. It was Catherine he had visited in the Broxcliffe Park music room, after all, and Catherine he had chosen to single out last night to accompany him outside. These occasions, coupled with the way the professor had called at Broxcliffe Park every day when she returned to Warwick, surely pointed to an attachment to Catherine.
Miss Russell was nothing but a scheming madam, Catherine decided. Clearly she could not bear to see anyone happy other than herself, and so Catherine would take no notice of her inane chatter. It would not be long until Julia returned, and then Catherine could return to her peaceful silence, relieved of the company of this insufferable woman.
But there was something in Miss Russell's demeanour now that could not help but make Catherine feel rather uneasy. It was something in the way she surveyed Catherine; something in the way her head was slightly cocked to one side thoughtfully. Catherine had never seen Miss Russell with such a serious, pensive expression on her delicate face, and it gave her a deep sense of foreboding.
"Miss Taylor – might I offer you some words of advice, as a friend?" asked Miss Russell suddenly.
Catherine was so taken aback at Miss Russell's referring to her as a friend that she hardly knew whether to laugh or scoff indignantly – but Miss Russell's next words stunned Catherine so much that it caused any response she might have made to die on her lips.
"Please know that I am only offering my opinion, and do not wish to meddle," urged Miss Russell, leaning towards Catherine in a confiding manner. "I can assure you that I speak with your best interests at heart.
"It seems to me as if Professor Lawes is considering making an offer for you quite soon, Miss Taylor. You will despise me for saying this, I know – but I must encourage you to decline."
Well! Catherine had just about heard it all from this young lady! She drew herself up to her full height, bristling with indignation at the silly little girl before her. How dare she? How dare she attempt to instruct Catherine on how to conduct her relationship with Professor Lawes? She would not permit such prying into another lady's affairs; and certainly not from someone for whom she held as little regard as Catherine did for Miss Russell! No indeed, she refused to tolerate it a moment longer, and made to excuse herself from the room – but Miss Russell had not yet finished speaking.
"I say this because not two weeks ago, it seemed very likely the professor would offer for me," she continued. "This was what Mama and Stephen speculated, at least. If Professor Lawes had offered for me at that time, I would, of course, have declined, as a man of his consequence is no fit husband for the sister of a viscount.
Then came the news of Stephen's sudden removal to Bath, and the rumours surrounding his time there. This, I am certain, was the moment at which Professor Lawes stopped calling at Wyndham Hall – and began paying his attentions instead to you."
Catherine barely suppressed a gasp of horror. If what Miss Russell was saying was true...
"Yes, I am afraid so," sighed Miss Russell solemnly. "I do believe that Professor Lawes turned his attentions to you in that moment, knowing that it was likely from the tales of Stephen's doings that I would no longer be considered a reputable young lady, and therefore no longer a suitable candidate to become his wife.
So, you see – I only wished to make you aware of this, Miss Taylor. For I should hate for you to enter into a union with Professor Lawes thinking that he had intended you as his wife all along. I am dreadfully sorry for having to share this with you, for it is something no lady should have to hear – but I thought you deserved to know the truth; something you will not receive from Professor Lawes."
There were no words. There were simply no words to express how Catherine felt at this moment. Part of her desperately wanted to think Miss Russell was lying – but there was such a raw, human pain in the young girl's expression, that Catherine felt she had to be telling the truth this time. As she realised this, all her hopes and dreams shattered into broken shards inside her, stabbing at her chest like sharp needles so that it was almost impossible to breathe.
He did not love her. He had never loved her – it had been Miss Russell he loved all along. Of course he preferred Miss Russell; why had Catherine been too foolish to see it? It was clear now that it had been Miss Russell he favoured. From the moment Catherine had arrived in Barnbury, she had witnessed Professor Lawes singling Miss Russell out for her musical ability; calling on her at Wyndham Hall when he barely acknowledged any other member of Barnbury society; taking such great care to ensure she was returned safely to Wyndham Hall in the carriage that rainy morning in the village.
And Miss Russell was correct in noting that the professor's interest had turned away from the Russell family when Catherine had returned to Warwick and Lord Russell left for Bath; the moment when Professor Lawes had first written to Catherine. From there his interest in Catherine had increased, as too had the rumours of Lord Russell's disreputable doings. Yes, it all fitted.
The world began to spin as Catherine properly considered the implications of Miss Russell's words. She had been second best to Miss Russell all along, which hurt enough – but much worse was the betrayal Catherine had suffered at the professor's hand. All Catherine thought she had shared with Professor Lawes – those beautiful, intimate moments both in the music room and gazing at the stars – had been nothing but a lie. Professor Lawes had never cared for her as she had come to care for him; to the professor, Catherine was just another young lady who he had decided would do as his wife. And by admitting that to herself, Catherine opened herself up to the most excruciating pain she had ever experienced.
It was truly devastating. It was pain unlike anything she had ever known, surging through her body in crashing waves until she did not know whether to scream, or sob, or lash out at someone in a wild attempt to relieve herself of the agony.
As Catherine turned her gaze to the dainty figure sitting opposite her now, she felt suddenly overcome with the urge to release some of her pain onto Miss Russell – but on this occasion, Miss Russell was not to blame. Catherine wanted to despise her for being the professor's preferred choice, but that was hardly Miss Russell's fault – besides, she had just as much cause to be vexed by Professor Lawes as Catherine did, for he had discarded her without a second thought.
No, there was only one person to blame for Catherine's pain: the man Catherine had thought she was soon to become engaged to. And that just broke her heart.
"Tea should be here in a few minutes."
Catherine looked up slowly, as if in a dream, to find that Julia had returned. She found herself staring at Julia far longer than was appropriate, but she hardly cared. In fact Catherine hardly knew where she was, or what she was doing, for her vision felt obscured as if by a dense fog and the world refused to stop spinning.
"My dearest Catherine, are you quite well?" she heard Julia inquiring, as if from a faraway place. "You look rather queasy; had I better call for help?"
"No, thank you," Catherine managed to choke out, her voice startlingly thin and raspy. "It is rather stuffy in here – I feel the need for some air. I shall just step outdoors for a few minutes."
"Are you sure?" asked Julia anxiously, but Catherine had already got to her feet unsteadily, willing her legs not to give way beneath her.
"Perfectly sure," replied Catherine. "I just need some time outdoors – alone – to – to think."
And with that Catherine lurched from the room without a backwards glance, just managing to escape the prying eyes of the two young ladies before the tears began to fall.
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A/N: Thank you all for being such patient and supportive readers! Since term started things have been pretty hectic, so my updating schedule will probably be more like once every two weeks now rather than once a week as it was before.