Wounds heal, they always do, but some wounds leave scars while others just bruze. Around this time I went out and bought myself a new laptop to replace the one I murdered in my bed room. Vanity, Kelly and Deroy were my closest friends at school and my social life was at its peak. As far as the world and I knew, Kelly was still my girlfriend and I was okay with that. I can't really explain that winter, but I can tell you, when it ended it closed the book for a lot of things in my life.
HA! It's funny ... no matter how hard I try to put up this front, as if I'm fine... It becomes more blatantly obvious that I'm not. Just yesterday Amora's facebook page was taken down and her phone was disconnected, my loss huh. When is my memory going to stop reminding of me, I guess it's for the best.
lonley...I am so lonely, I have nobody~ to call my own~~~
How accurate. This song reminds me of...
"Kai isn't that your phone ringing? Answer it before I take you off my plan, I don't pay for you to ignore call. "
"Yes. Yes Calm down!" I answered in korean. I began rummaging through the coach seat for my new HTC.
"Don't tell me calm down I'm not on your level, you need to calm up!"
Oh my God! "Dad what are you saying. Jeeeze."
so lonely,~
wow this song is kinda depressing.
I have nobody~
As long as I've been digging for this phone, the person on the other line must have something important to tell me. I thought...
Mr.Lonely~
"Hello?"
"Kai it's me... Kelly."
"Yeah! What's up?."
"I'm going dress shopping later today wanna come? You can help me pick out a dress to wear to formal."
"Really! that sounds interesting." I articulated sarcastically.
"I promise I'll make it real interesting." she replied giggling.
"I hope so." I teased. I never figured she'd take me seriously.
We made the plans for later that day.
I can't lie it got easier with time, I used new memories to block out old ones. Around this time I was learning to let things go and this lesson numbed me.
I showered and wore my hair the way Kelly liked it. I put on whatever was clean and pranced over to my desk. With hours to spare I pick up my pen and composition book and named it my journal. I wrote down as much as I could about the last four years of my life before falling into a nap. The truth is I didn't want to forget everything, I just didn't want to feel everything.
A few hours later, all but I had abandoned the house and just when I was monstering a icelical from the freezer there this knock at the door. Being me, I was all but anxious to answer it.
"Who?" I moaned.
"Mail man." he moaned back playfully. Ewwhh I thought, I shouldn't have started it. I opened the door smirking at the ambiguous uniformed guy that showed up at that exact hour every day since we moved here.
"Your growing up!" he added glancing at me before handing me a stack of mail.
"I know." I replied popping the green tea icicle into my mouth to clear my hands for the slew of letters.
"See you monday. "
I nodded and waved. After shutting the door behind me I paced across the room to the dining room table. One by one I tossed the letters onto the polished wood.
phone bill
Macy's
ConEd... paranoia and the scent of gas clouded my mind...
Vogue Cyatlin... sure we let Bruce call himself a woman, but god forbid someone deem themselves black, it's a sin. It just goes to show the racial tensions that still exist in this country. I can't watch as they publicly shame this woman Rachel Dolezal and title it news. It's not news it's publicly degrading, bullying, and ostracizing a woman who worked really hard to get to her position. Were all liars so who am I too judge. Who really determines determines the severity of the lies we tell?
Consumed by these thoughts I almost missed it . The moment when a letter from Harvard slips from my fingers onto the counter-top.
That was it. I picked it up ripped it open and then hesitated to slip the letter from between the lips of the envelope. I'm sorry for not telling you until now, but I had been rejected from Princeton, and Yale. I guess early decision wasn't the right decision. When it came to my academics, my self esteem was shot I couldn't get over it I was neglecting a lot of my feelings at this point. So when I opened that letter and saw the words congratulations typed in that roman font I fell to the floor with excitement and tears, I knew how much it would mean to my parents and it seemed like a way out of all the things that plagued me throughout my high school career.
Dear Kai *****
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Harvard University *******
Long story short I called my dad at work and listen as he bragged to his coworkers. When I told my mother she cried and at that moment I actually felt like I had done something for her that she couldn't do for herself. My mom never went to college she got ill at a very young age, so school wasn't always her first priority.
I almost forgot about going shopping with Kelly so I sprinted out of my house, and down the block. When I got to her front yard I hopped the fence and she popped open the door. "Your late, but I'm glad you're so happy to see me." I was sweating and panting, I could tell her parents were home because she held the door only slightly open behind her. I pecked at her cheek "Guess what?"
"What?" she answered in Korean, smiling as she stroked the sweat off my face.
"Guess!"
"You love me." She giggled.
"try again." I smiled rolling my eyes.
"Kai!" she said popping her nails into my skin.
"Ahhhh... I guess you don't like Harvard guys then."
Her eyes lit up like matches and she jump into my arms and wrapped her legs around me. I dropped her and she pulled me inside. Mom! Dad! she screamed in Chinese before proclaiming my early acceptance to Harvard. They were so impressed her father hugged me for the first time. Her mother started running in and out of the kitchen spewing Chinese. Kelly turned to me "My mom said she'll make you dinner tonight, one fit for a king." I blushed and ran over to her mother and gave her a kiss. She slapped my cheek and laughed. Kelly asked to use the family car to which her father answered "Go take a ride, give your mother a few hours to finish the meal."
Like two little kids we scrambled off. I can't drive so I shot gunned and Kelly took the wheel. We drove and drove telling jokes and planning out the next fours years of our lives. I kept asking myself do I want Kelly to be apart of it, my live that is. I was partly running from her because I wanted to start over, but I didn't want to be alone. She also applied to Harvard, but she wouldn't know the decision until march.
Kelly pulled over on a desolate road and kissed me. I quickly unbuckled my seat belt. This wasn't like the first time. I'd had practice since then.
I could feel her hands between my legs and her biting at my lips. I could feel her thin frame in my grip and I wondered if I could break her. At that moment she made it very clear... what her intentions were.
She began caressing my manhood. I couldn't believe it! I WAS EMBARRASSED I looked away and before I knew it she was unbuckling my pants. I wasn't gonna complain, but it was a bit awkward. Her warm sweaty hands ran up and down my shaft. I said nothing, but I'm sure she saw everything on my face. I then felt her tongue on my head and I almost pushed her away. I never realized how big her mouth was. Her head pounced up and down in my lap and all I could do was hold onto the handle bar next to my seat and watch for oncoming cars. It was so hot and messy but she wouldn't stop. She sounded like a pig and even joked "You're my dinner. "
There was nothing innocent about her at this point. she ordered me to the back seat and I did as she said. Kelly hopped onto my d*** and I had no problem showing her how it worked. I gripped my arm around her waist and used her like a sock she blew up like a volcano. I couldn't help but think about Amora, her curves were deeper, hips wider, breast bigger, but who am I to complain sex is sex. This is what becoming a man feels like. I turned her over because I wasn't done. Her head on the seat and her HANDS CLINGING to the floor for support. I could feel the whole car shaking, she was moaning so loud I pulled off her sock.
"Put that in your mouth." her phone kept ringing but neither of us wanted to answer.
I must've hit her head against that door about a dozen times, but she insisted I keep going. Suddenly, I could feel myself about to burst, but as I'm about to pull out she pushes back on me grunting "It's okay! it's Okay we can't make a mess." "Ahhh !AuuHHHHH! " she moaned I fell down onto her back gasping. "Up Up" she order. "I'll get you all cleaned up." She turned around and put my d*** in her mouth I leaned back against the moist widows and felt her lick and suck every inch.. I was caught off guard when she suddenly answered the phone in the process.
"Where on our way." she said patting my d*** on her face smiling up at me. I put my hand on her forehead to push her away but she my dick disappeared between her lips and she jerked her neck harder. I didn't want her mother to hear anything. "See you in an hour ma." she lick her fingers and laughed at me. "Your such a baby." She proceeds to pass me some baby wipes and we clean up as if nothing happened. On the way back I could hardly speak and all she did was giggle. Every time she looked at me "Kelly, keep your eyes on the road!"
She'd giggle.
I didn't want to say anything after. Why did we do this in her parents car? On our way back
after thirty minutes or so she asked "Do you like me or love me?" with a wide grin. All I could say was thank you both because I was shy and avoiding the question. I fell asleep on the way back.
When we arrived back it was time for dinner. I kept staring at Kelly I wanted no trace of me on her. I felt like a criminal sitting at that table smiling nervously right beside her father. Her older brother Kevin, who I was meeting for the first time made several awkward glances across the table at me. I could swear he knew. I was sweaty and blaming it on the peppers in the food. The guilt was like a pressure cooker. I couldn't breath I wasn't a fuck boy, I can't sleep with someone's sister daughter and face them like nothing happened. Her father was so cordial, "Did you find a dress for formal?" "We went to three stores, but we couldn't find anything. " Kelly replied.
"Well don't over exaggerate I'm sure you looked good in something. Kai did you take any pictures?" her mother inquired.
My eyes bounced back to Kelly. " No! Kelly wouldn't let me, but I think she's beautiful no matter what she's wearing so my opinion really wouldn't matter regardless." I grinned nervously. Ms.Lee blushed "What a gentleman!" I picked at the last piece of meat on my plate, when her father suddenly asks "Do you ride?" I almost choked on my food. *cough the only thing I rode was his daughter. "my mistake drive..."he added.
"Uh... no not yet." I finished my plate, but there was more food to spare. "Ahh I'm sorry, but my mother reserved a table tonight so I can't stay." I lied.
"Oh that's okay congratulations and enjoy the rest of the night you're a good guy." her father beamed. Her mother walked me out with a kiss and hug and I took to running back to my house. As soon as I got on my property I threw up everything. not to say the food was bad but because my nerves were killing me. I grabbed the hose and washed away the celebration dinner and watch it swim down the sidewalk. My mom was home. Just looking at her face I knew she was proud of me, she didn't have to tell me. I ran into her arms and we sat there watching Scandal until I fell asleep.
Me and Vanity had been planning to go to brunch weeks in advance, so I knew that would be the perfect time to tell her. After all we'd have community service at the school greenhouse after and even Deroy would be there.
"What schools have you been applying to?"
"me? Just CUNY's"
"Why no private schools?"
"Because I've been in private schools for most of my life."
"Is there really a difference?"
"Yeah, mainly in the people."
"What... you like poor people better?"
"No I like humble people better."
"Whatever Ms. congeniality." I smirked
"Kai stop acting like a ... Queeeen!"she teased sounding like bird.
"Guess where I'm going?" I asked my cheeks beaming like apples.
"I don't know you never told me." she replied sounding like a smart ass.
"Just guess!"
"Howard."
"...you mean Harvard right?" I replied.
"Shut up you nerd! I'm talking about Howard University"
"Why?" I asked.
"It's a HBC, you might like it there." she joked. I gave her a dry laugh put my bottle of water to my lips and spat som water at her. She almost killed me. "KAAAAI!!! Oh my gosh." She sound pounding me in the street.
"Ouch! Vanity we're in public." I laughed.
"Yo you get me so mad!"
"Calm down, you didn't even melt this time!" I joked and flinched just in case she tried to hit me.
she laughed "I'm not Kelly, don't play games, that's how you spread that ebola, shit." We were almost at the deli to pick up that brunch combo. I gently bumped her to the side and she bumped back, I made sure we weren't in anyone's way then I slowly pushed all my body weight in her direction, "Ahhhhhhh!!" She got bumped right off the sidewalk into a thick tree trunk. I almost got scared, but she went flying! All I heard was thump and then her screeching."Kai!" as I laughed leaping some steps ahead of her. We picked up the food and went straight for the park.
When we got there, we spread a sheet over the brown grass and got comfy. She sat up drinking water and I laid on my back, with my head on her lap. "Are you a baby?"" Sometimes." I replied." Rub my ears please" I added. She stroked threw my hair with her fingers."You want some?" I joked."Oh please. I have my own." She replies with sass, pulling her hands away from my head."Okay! I'm sorry, keep going." I begged grabbing her hand and pulling it back to my hair. She calms down.
"Do you watch married to medicine?" she asked vibrantly.
"For the last time I don't watch black tv!"I rolled my eyes. She wrapped her hands around my neck as if to strangle me.
"heheheh..Okay I'm sorry." I laughed.
"How's Blake?" I curiously added.
"He's good." she grinned.
"How good?" I asked playfully, while licking my lips feverishly, Vanity burst-ed out laughing, enough to have whatever she was drinking squirt all over my face.
"What the fuck!" I instinctively shouted.
"I'm sorry !!! I'm sorry." she giggled patting my stunned face with a napkin.
"How you gonna say I'm sorry, you just spit ebola and swine flu all over my friggin face!"I playfully picked up my head and head butted her in the stomach and wrapped my arms around her as if to tackle her to the ground. She was soft too. We fell back, but she popped back up."Kai shut up!" she said grabbing my hair and shaking my head around on her lap. "Ouch!!! Chill!" I cried. Grabbing her hands "You know I've made a habit of forgetting things, and replacing them with memories like these." She looked at me with unreadable eyes and said
"Let's go before you make me late!" We took off.
We got to the green House and it was really nice and big, a lot of volunteers showed up so there wasn't much for me to do.Thus no one could blame me for wondering off into my own world. I found a place where I could be alone on the dirt next to the sound of flowing water from the pond and I was good.
"Oh how rare it is to see a Korean in their natural habitat." one of my classmates jokes.
When I looked closely it was Vanity, she jumped threw the bushes laughing at her own joke. I tussled with her until I pinned her to the ground. The sound of the water was nice and her lips were nice... so I kissed her. She pushed me off of her with out hesitation. "Vanity don't..." I pushed her back down onto her back and kissed her again. I could tell she was upset she whispered "Kai stop..." as I kissed her neck and grabbed what ever I could get my hands on. I forced myself between her legs and her face flushed red. I could hear someone coming, but I was too consumed."What the fuck are you doing to my girl friend?"
... But that's when I woke up to find Deroy poking a yard stick at the goods between my legs. "You Fucking ass hole..." I grinned wearily from the dirty garden floor. "You're over here napping and fucking vegetation while I'm busting my ass." He teased pulling me onto my two feet and out of the dirt. "Where's Vanity?" not that I was interested...I just had an over vivid imagination.
"She went to work with her boyfriend. Mr.Honor Society"
"Ohh..."
"What were you dreaming about?"he asked with a sinister look on his face.
I was hesitant to answer but I replied "Your mother." which I followed up with the intense licking of my lips.
"You damn liar! You know what..." he smiled widely
"I'ma tell Kelly what you was really dreaming about!"
"YO chill cause I can tell Vanity you like her."
We chased each other around the property for a good half an hour, just being guys.
I was sitting at lunch with Deroy and we were talking about his new found hobbies."sucking d... I see!"
"Your mother!" He shouted.
"Watch your mouth." I replied stretching out my hand to slap him on the cheek when suddenly, I feel someone grab me by my hair and kiss my cheek.
"...?"
"Kai your phone gotta a tracking device too?" Deroy mumbled.
"hahaha ...Are you done?" Kelly
"Why?" I asked curiously.
"I came to pick you up, I drove my car and everything."
"iight peace Deroy."
"Leaving your homie for a ride home... fake."
"Sorry I don't give rides to strangers." Kelly responded.
"Really Kelly did I ask for one." he then mumbled" ...stank bi***"
At this point Kelly and Deroy really couldn't be in the same zip code. But as long as no one was upset with me I stayed quiet.