Fast forward 》 17/03/2011
Today is the day.
Never in a million years would I have thought that my brother would be getting married. Jacob, the Jacob Green. Remember that girl he was doing back then in his bedroom seven years ago? Yeah, Rachel. Apparently the both of them have been in love and were serious about each other since then. I know, seven years is a really long time. I wonder how can she stand my brother.
"I don't care if we're going to be late for the wedding! I just want all the arrangements to be perfect. You know how she gets when nothing is perfect."
Jacob was on the phone, arguing with the florist and I was just sitting on his sofa in the living room, waiting for him to stop yammering on and on about flower arrangements. Normally it's the woman who does all this. Don't ask me why my brother is in charge of the flower arrangements. I don't want to ask him either. It's been thirty minutes since I got here and he hasn't gotten off the phone. Sam was standing outside, waiting for me.
"Everything alright there?"
Jacob held his phone away. "Yeah. I'm so sorry. Just give me a moment."
I let out a frustrated sigh and walked out the door towards Sam. Things weren't exactly getting better back at home after that night. We didn't really exchange words to get pass through that phase but we avoided the topic every chance we got. Sam is being more independent and is trying his best to help around the house more. He is going to finish his studies in a few months time and then the both of us are going to take a short break for our four year anniversary. It's only fair since the both of us have been too busy to spend any quality time with each other.
"Everything okay?"
I shook my head. "No, not really."
Sam kissed the top of my head and rested his cheek on it. "Why don't we just get out of here and meet him there, since we're already going to be late."
That wasn't a bad idea after all. We could just leave Jacob here, Sam and I could probably just go get some ice cream or something else to eat. I think I'm about to get my menstruation. I've been thinking about food for the last two hours and that was since I ate a pretty heavy breakfast.
"Is it okay if we go get something to eat while we're at it?"
He grinned at me and kissed me square on the lips. "Thought you'd never ask."
-----***-----***-----***-----***-----
"Ladies and gentlemen, families and friends. Today we are gathered here to witness a very beautiful ceremony of the ever lovely Rachel Johnson and Jacob Green."
Weddings were never something I liked. I hated weddings. To witness it was already a bore to me. Empty promises are always made. Yeah, sure, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, you'll always love your spouse. Then why was divorce ever a thing? That's the problem about weddings; empty promises. But when I saw the way Jacob looked at Rachel, it made me believe in those promises.
Sam couldn't, no, wouldn't stop looking at me. He loves me, no doubt.
But what if he found out what you did the other night?
I mentally scolded myself for remembering that night at this time. I haven't seen James since that night. It wasn't something that was meant to keep happening. It was only one time and that was it.
I was laying next to him after we did it. The guilt in me was building up so much to the point where I felt like fainting. I needed an escape and I thought he was it. I thought he could help me relief the pain I was going through with Sam. He was gentle and so very sweet to me. I didn't want this to happen, for me to find some other source of happiness.
"Hey," he whispered, kissing my hair. "You okay?"
I smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"What are you thinking?"
"Sam."
He was stiff behind me but brought his hand up to tuck my hair behind my ear.
"You still love him, don't you?"
I shrugged and looked at him. "I guess."
We were silent for a moment, just looking at each other. I told Sam I was going over to my mother's place but the truth was, I didn't even know where my mother was anymore. She's probably married to another young bloke or off with some model half her age. I didn't really care anyway. She was in a lot of pain since father died.
"This shouldn't have happened," I said. "I'm not going to say it was a mistake because it was my choice to make but this is going to be the first and last we're ever going to do this."
James nodded and kissed my cheek.
"Well, I'm always here if you need me. As a friend and a date." He winked.
I couldn't help but smile at him. We laid there for a couple of minutes just looking at each other until I decided that I needed to go. It was half past five in the morning and I needed to get to work which was a two hour drive from here. I know, this is really bad. Cheating. It was something I swore to myself I would never do, but I needed more. I needed to feel loved again. James didn't want anything serious either. He just wanted to be there for me as a friend, as anything I needed but he knew me better than I even know myself. He's a psychologist. Of course he would know you better than yourself, I mentally scolded myself.
"Just so you know, I wouldn't mind at all if you didn't want to have anything to do with me after this. I understand. These things happen."
I scoffed. "I feel like a whore after you just told me that."
"Well, you are not a whore, but you are a cheater."
I sarcastically smiled at him. "Well, thanks for the confident booster."
"You are most welcome."
He walked me out and I wished he didn't because he did it shirtless which made me want to do him all over again. I felt like a hormonal teenager around him compared to Sam. For now.
"You sure you're okay?"
I smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Call me if you need anything. Don't be a stranger. At least let us hang out as friends."
"Yeah, okay."
Before I could say anything else, he grabbed me and engulfed me in a big hug and kissed me. I couldn't help but smile at this gesture but I felt even more guilty then to face Sam after this.
"Call me."
"I have to go."
He sighed against my lips and kissed me again. "You have my number. Call me."
"Goodbye."
He grinned and pinched my cheek. "Laters, baby."
I didn't realize I was staring blankly at Rachel until she was already looking at me, smiling. She gave me a small wave before bringing back her attention towards her soon to be husband. Sam was pressing himself against me, our hands intertwined as he smiled mostly to himself. It made my heart clench to see him smile like that.
He leaned in to my ear and I leaned in as much to meet him halfway. "One day, love. One day that'll be us up there."
I gave him my brightest smile. Half of myself believes him, half of myself wish he didn't say that.
After what seemed like forever, the priest pronounced Jacob and Rachel - husband and wife. Everyone applauded and there was a standing ovation. I was surprised how nobody, more like no woman stopped the wedding. At least half of the women here were head over heals for Jacob.
Maybe they realized that this is life and life is to learn how to let go.
Wise words, conscience. Wise words.
Rachel and Jacob, now Mr and Mrs Green, walked out of the church on the red carpet, waving like they were the King and Queen of England. Their smiles were so wide, I was surprised their face haven't torn into half. All of us walked them out behind them. There were too many people around me which made my breathing quicken. Just look at Sam. He was already looking at me before I was, his hand tightening around mine.
"Claustrophobic?"
I nodded.
Sam tried his best to push us out of the crowds and he led me down the stairs. My camera bag was still secure and I quickly pulled out my camera. It was a Canon DSLR, the latest model.
See, the funny thing about taking photographs for a living is that you would want to capture every moment of your life. The only reason why I wasn't taking photographs during the ceremony was because Jacob strictly told me to be a good sister and a guest. Well, also because I was wearing a dress. But he did promise me I could take the group photos.
"You sure you're okay, love?"
I smiled at him and wrapped the camera strap around my neck. "I have a job to do," I said as I kissed him on the cheek. He smiled back and followed my lead.
I stood at the second step from the bottom and arranged the guests according to their families, gender and height. Mum wasn't here which was not a surprise, but I could see the disappointed look on Jacob's face. Sam wasn't much help anyway. He kept placing his hands on my waist, kissing my hair and whispering sweet nothings to me. I smiled my million dollar smile at him and reluctantly pushed him off me once the guests were already in place.
"Ready?" I shouted. "One... two... three!"
The camera snapped multiple times and once it was done, the crowd applauded. Rachel ordered all of them to stay in place and came down to grab my hand and I instinctively grabbed Sam. I was about to protest when she forcefully separated my camera and me, handing it to the photographer that was walking down the stairs.
"Don't think you can escape a family photo," she threatened but smiled at me. She engulfed me in a hug and whispered a thank you.
"Okay, places everyone! I'll be taking both formal and informal pictures, ya? Using Miss Green's camera. Alright! Big smiles everyone! In the count of three. One... two... three!"
Snap
And again, everyone applauded. The photographer ordered us to take our places and think of what we want to do for our informal shot. I just stood there awkwardly as everyone was moving around in excitement. I was never good with taking photos. I mean, taking photos behind the scenes is one thing but to be in the photo was a different story.
"Come on, let's go down."
I looked at Sam in horror. "But he's already counting."
He cheekily smiled. "Trust me?" I took his hand that he held out and he led me to one step below the newly weds.
"Okay! One... two..."
And before the photographer said three, Sam grabbed me by the waist, carried me bridal style and kissed me square on the lips. The camera was shooting not once, not twice, but multiple times and we could hear the crowd behind us cheering while we're at it. It's been a long time since we kissed like this. So passionate, so gentle, so much of love in one kiss. It went on for what seemed like forever but everyone still kept cheering and applauding.
Now, I'm not one to be comfortable with Public Display of Affection, but this stomach fluttering, heart dropping, knees buckling, mind blowing kiss was all I needed to convince me otherwise.
"Alright, lovebirds!" Collin shouted. "Let's not take away the spotlight from the newly weds!"
Sam smiled against my lips and slowly put me down on my feet again. He gave me a peck on the lips and led me down the stairs, taking my camera and the bag. We weren't walking back up to the others but straight to the car and that made me panic.
"Sam?"
He didn't answer me and continued leading me towards his car.
"Sam?!"
He finally stopped but before I could say anything, he kissed me again. Sweet baby Jesus, he's going to be the death of me. We finally had to stop kissing to catch our breaths but that didn't stop him from giving me kisses all over my face, my jaw, my neck. I couldn't help but giggle because of his stubble.
"Let's go home."
My eyes were still closed, savouring the moment. "But, Jacob," I slurred.
He continued kissing his way up until he was at my ear, nibbling my earlobe. "We have until the dinner. Please, let's go home."
"Why?"
He stopped kissing me and stared at me so intensely I felt like I was a teenager in love all over again. His next words made me want to cry tears of joy and go back into the church to praise God after the stunt he pulled off. "So I can make love to you."
I stared at him in shock which made him smirk.
"Unless you want to do it in the car?"
I smacked his shoulder. "Way to ruin the moment, Romeo."
He chuckled. "Only with you, Juliet."
The ride back home was a complete torture for the both of us. Sam wasn't helping since he couldn't keep his hands off me even when he's driving. It took is exactly twenty minutes to get back home, and once we did, both of us scrambled out of the car. Sam grabbed my arm, tugging it gently with urgent and took out the house keys from his left pocket. He quickly unlocked the door and dragged both of us in. Once the door was closed, he sandwiched me in between himself and the door, drinking in my appearance. He was looking at me with so much of love it made me want to cry.
"So beautiful."
I couldn't take it. I couldn't stand him looking at me like that after what I did. I am unworthy. So I did the only thing I could think off, I kissed him. He lifted me up, making me wrap my legs around his torso and he led us up to the bedroom, our bedroom. Our breathing were so heavy as though we ran a marathon as we were catching our breaths. His caress were so gentle and I felt that if he so much as hug me, I'd break into a million pieces.
He took off his tie, his blazer, his button up shirt, then helped me out of my dress. We stopped for a moment, savouring each other, taking in each other. Silent secrets were exchanged, silent apologies. I wanted to scream, to scream my anger, my hurt and to let go of everything. I never want this to end.
Where did we go wrong?
What did we do wrong?
Sam was already wiping the tears that were running down my cheeks. He didn't ask me to stop, he just let me cry. He comforted me without words, he felt the pain, the sorrow and the guilt I was pouring out to him and not so soon, he was crying too. I wiped his cheeks ever so gently and he closed his eyes as he leaned into my touch.
What happened to us?
My hands traveled down his neck, his chest, his body and I stopped at his torso. He did the same to me. Caressing each and every part of my body ever so slowly. He slowly pulled me up so I was sitting at the edge of the bed while he stood in between my thighs. He dipped his head downwards to kiss me, cupping my neck and stroking his thumb on my cheek to wipe away my tears that kept falling. I pulled him down with me, the bed sinking as our weight did too. He slowly unclasped my bra and never did he take his eyes of mine.
I gave him a silent approval for him to proceed. It's been a long time since we made love to each other that it feels like we're doing it for the first time all over again.
I don't want this to end.
He was so gentle, so kind, so beautiful. I felt every inch of him like how he felt mine. My whole body craved for this ever since our fight. We didn't rush. We took all the time we had to love each other and for a moment it felt like the world stopped.
And for the first time in forever, I felt that all the promises in this world were no longer empty.
By the time we were done, rain was pouring very heavily. We had exactly three hours to get ready before the dinner. Both of us were in a human tangle, our limbs inseparable with each other. We didn't do it once, not even twice, but three times. I couldn't help but smile at that. Sam was drawing circles on my back, his fingers dipping into my skin once in awhile and I liked it.
"You know," he said, finally breaking off the silence. "We could just order take out. Stay in. Ditch the wedding dinner. I feel like today is more of our day than theirs anyway."
I hit his chest and playfully glare at him. "We have three hours. Isn't that enough time?"
He smiled. "Not exactly. I mean, it feels like time is not enough whenever I'm with you these days."
I nod in agreement. "Yeah, but we still have tonight."
He smiled, his face lighting up but was soon replaced with a worried look. "You sure you're okay? Are you sore?"
I nodded.
"What are you wearing tonight?"
I kissed him and reluctantly got out of bed to show him the dress. He leaned against the dashboard. When I came out with the dress, his breath hitched and he smiled.
"What do you think?"
He rubbed his chin. "I'm thinking of getting you out of that dress once we get back from that dinner."
I couldn't help but laugh. "So eager."
"You being irresistible and beautiful doesn't help my situation."
I stuck my tongue out at him and hung the dress at the doorknob. "Well, too bad I'm not the hormonal one here."
He snorted. "May I remind you that you were the one begging me and screaming out my name not so long ago."
I grinned at him and walked towards the bathroom. Sam stared at me, his eyes clouded with lust as I walk pass him.
"Don't even think of joining me."
I walked into the bathroom but left the door open. I could hear him scrambling out of bed, tripping over his own steps which made me giggle. He hugged me from behind once we were in the shower together.
"I'm already very hormonal right now," he whispered seductively.
There goes round two.
-
As expected, we were a half an hour late. It may not be a big deal to Sam but I am not the type of person who is keen of being late. I like punctuality.
"Being punctual is really sexy. Maybe you should take note of that," I scolded.
"And being too irresistible is a crime," he shot back.
Jacob miss called me at least twenty times and texted me fifty messages to be exact. We were fashionably late and I kind of liked it. We had a valet parking and we rushed into the hotel ballroom. No doubt, it was huge. Rachel comes from a very rich family so that wasn't a surprise. From afar, we saw Jacob striding towards us and he engulfed me with a big hug.
"Bloody hell, you two. What took so long? We had to start without you."
Sam grabbed me by my waist and as he whispered something into Jacob's ear, making him go red. Jacob glared at Sam while Sam laughed out loud.
"I didn't need to know that."
"Well, you were asking for it."
I smiled apologetically at Jacob as we made our way to our table. We were seated together with the newly weds and Rachel's immediate family. Jacob and I were the only immediate family we had. Nothing has ever been the same ever since we went on with our separate ways, mum leaving us for her God knows how many boyfriend. Rachel has always been there for Jacob likewise Sam has been for me.
All of us exchanged jokes around the table, telling our past stories, funny memories. The food was, hands down, the best English meal I have ever had. Perks of having a rich woman as your sister-in-law.
Brooklyn, Jacob's best man, was the emcee for the night. He was cracking jokes about the newly weds, their past stories, how they met and even played a slideshow of embarrassing photos. Everyone had a splendid time, laughing and eating. It was then Jacob's turn to give a speech together with Rachel but she was to emotional to talk.
"You know," Jacob started. "If you ever asked dear Belle if the both of us would ever get married, she'd say no in a heartbeat. I remembered how she caught us doing the naughty one night and apparently Mrs Green over here was too loud."
Everyone started laughing and cheering while I proudly showed the middle finger at Jacob. "You just had to remind me!" I shouted.
"Anyway, Rachel and I went through so many obstacles together. It was and still is one heck of an emotional roller coaster with her. But despite all that, I love her even more each passing day."
Rachel was already crying a river by then but he didn't stop there.
"Truly, it is a privilege, Mr and Mrs Johnson, for me to have your daughter as my life long partner. I thank the both of you for trusting me with her and for giving is both your blessings." They lifted their glasses towards Rachel's parents. "Last but not least, I'd like to thank my one and only sister, Bella bear..." I couldn't help but smile at that old nickname. "...for always being there for me even though I was a pain in the arse."
"Still am!"
Everyone laughed.
"For always having my back and forgiving me no matter what stupid or crazy shit I did to get us both into trouble. For being my sister who loved me like a mother, for making me believe in myself and for accepting Rachel into our small family. Thank you for giving me your blessing and never leaving my side. I know it is difficult, tolerating me and to love me, but you did it anyway. I really hope that it will continue that way until we're both in our wheelchairs and laughing about dentures.
"And to my dear sister. I hope you find your happy beginning. Love and marriage isn't always the end of a journey, it's always a beginning for all of us. I do hope that you and Sam will live long enough to have your own wedding. Sam," he pointed at him. "You better take care of my baby sister or I swear, you'll be losing two precious things if you don't."
Sam raised his glass towards Jacob and so did I. "To love," Jacob said as he looked at Rachel.
"To love!"
After that, it was time to dance. Rachel and her father did the honours of having their father-daughter dance routine was by the way, beyond hilarious. It wasn't like any slow dance along with a sad song but it was rather more like a choreographed chicken dance along with rap music. Everyone had a great time watching them and finally, it was the newly weds' turn to dance.
After awhile, everyone else made their way to the dance floor, so did Sam and I. We moved slowly to the rhythm of the music, our heartbeats synced with each other.
I don't want this to end.
It was like a mantra repeated in my head as we danced. I felt like this amazing and perfect moment was going to end once the day is over and we have to continue with our daily routine.
I don't want this to end.
Sam realized how stiff I was and knew I was over thinking everything.
"Don't think about it."
I buried my nose more into his neck and sniffed his cologne. "I can't help it."
"Then I'll help you forget about it."
In one move, Sam dropped me down, his hand supporting my back as he lifted up my left leg and he kissed me ever so passionately. I was taken a back by his sudden move. My eyes wide open but his eyes were shut closed as he kissed me. He tasted divine. Mint and wine. I was intoxicated, my head spinning because of his breathtaking kiss. It felt like we were the only ones left in the ballroom.
I gripped onto his shoulder while my other hand massaging his scalp. He stifled a moan and so did I. We were trapped in our own little bubble again.
I don't want this to end.
It was a quarter to two in the morning when everything was officially done. Jacob and Rachel said their farewells to everyone. Sam and I waited until everyone was gone before we said goodbye to Jacob and Rachel.
"You sure you're okay?" Jacob asked as he hugged me tightly.
"Yes, Mr married man. I'm just tipsy that's all."
Rachel came to hug me and wished me luck in my life together with Sam. Sam had to carry me bridal style to his car and slowly put me in the passenger's seat. The ride home was long but definitely peaceful. The streets were empty but with every red light, Sam would stop and kiss me. He didn't bother to retrieve his hand while driving and neither did I let go. My eyes were tempting to close but I tried my best to stay awake until we were home.
When we did reach home, Sam helped me out of the car and carried me in again. Thank goodness he can handle his drink and not get drunk or else we would've been dead by now.
He effortlessly unlocked the front door with me still in his arms, kicked it close and brought us both up to our room. Sam gently put me on our bed, undressing me slowly and kissing each part of my exposed skin. We're not going to have sex, I can't. I know he isn't tired but I am exhausted. He knew and he obliged. I was stripped naked but he left me with my red laced panties and helped me into my tank top and shorts.
When he stopped touching me to go change, I whimpered which made him chuckle and kissed me.
"I won't be long."
And he was right. Less than a minute, he was already in his sweatpants, getting ready for bed. I was yearning for his touch. When he climbed into bed, I took no time to attack him with my koala bear hug and nuzzled my nose towards his neck. I felt his erection against my thigh and I gave him an apologetic smile.
"It's okay, love. Not everything is about sex for me." He flashed me his million dollar smile.
I closed my eyes as I drifted off to sleep, Sam whispering sweet nothings to me as he stroked my hair and caressed my body. I feel loved again. Out hearts were beating together at the same rhythm, our breathing slow and in sync. This was all I wanted, all I needed for the past month. And for the last time, the mantra repeated before I drifted to sleep.
I don't want this to end.