And one night,
Bert invited his friends over.
there was
Vic and Kellin,
and people I didn't know.
They were all sharing the needle.
I just clung
to my pipe.
I've seen what that can do to you.
Bert tried to get me into the needle,
but I rejected it,
Imagining such a long instrument
piercing into my flesh
sent shivers down
my spine.
"I just like crack."
Bert watched me,
looked at the crack,
and lied back,
"Gerard, when did you ever get like this? You don't look like the type."
I sighed.
"I met these people, and they gave me this sugar.
I thought it was sugar Bert,
I really thought it was!
But my mind is so messed up because I know it was crack at the same time.
I just denied it.
But I still told myself it was sugar
to make me okay.
But it's ruining me Bert! It's ripping at me! Look at me!!! Look at how much I've changed!
I'm just waiting for my death!"
Everyone
besides Bert
was too invested
about getting high
than listen to me.
"Gerard, Gerard, calm down."
I stood for a second
as he petted my cheek,
"Leave me alone. I want to be alone."
so I left him.
---
I isolated myself
in his room.
I sat next to his dresser,
listened to the radio.
It was the same song
I had sang to Frank that one night:
"But you have left me,
to love another.
You have shattered all of my dreams."
I take another smoke
and spin my empty liquor bottle around
staring at what was left inside
swish around.
I looked up at the ceiling.
I almost cried
because I knew Bert wasn't for me.
That was clear.
I just wanted to heal him.
I pitied him.
Yet another delusion.
I loved Frank this whole time.
I coudn't forget him.
I think I'll love him
forever.