I AM GLAD WHEN CALUM arrives to pick me up. Luke already jumped in the car we came in and sped off home, and I wasn't going to be able to walk. I could barely stand. So, I called my brother, who said he'd come and get me. I tried to add enthusiasm into my voice as I thanked him, but I just felt numb.
Isn't it funny how it only takes one second to make your entire world come crumbling down? I never thought about how much I have come to depend on Luke until the moment he left, which is weird because I never depended on Chace like that. But, as it happens, Luke has achieved to capture my heart in less time than Chace did, which only makes losing him hurt more.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Calum asks as we drive home, but I just shake my head. Talking about it will only make me feel worse. He sighs, looks at me briefly, before focusing back on the road again. "I'm going to murder him. He promised he wouldn't do this again."
My head snaps up. "Again?"
My brother nods his head. "He has a habit of taking things out on people, especially when things are out of his hands. He likes control, and hates that he can't control your bonding. That's what pisses him off - you just happened to be there when he blew up." His jaw clenches. "He's a waste of space."
I don't say anything. Just look out of the window.
Everything is so messed up. I kid myself into thinking that when we get home, he'd beg me for forgiveness and everything would be okay. He doesn't. He seems to be making a point of avoiding me, and even goes as far as sleeping on the couch downstairs so that he doesn't have to share a bed with me. I hope that it'll pass, that his hormonal state will cool down and he'll come running back to me. But, as he continues to shun me for the rest of the week, the hope soon turns into defeat. That's when the nightmares start again
I wake up screaming, and both Calum and Liz come to my aid, telling me that I'm alright and safe, and that no monster is coming to get me and kill me. So, they wait until I am sound asleep before deciding to leave, and a few hours later I'm up again, weeping into their arms. They reassure me that there is no monster, but they have no idea. They don't know that the monster is actually Luke.
It's strange, not talking to him. And even stranger when it comes to the first day of school. I previously imagined Luke being the one telling me that there is no reason to be nervous, and that it isn't going to be so bad. Instead, I have Calum, Michael, and Ashton trying to calm me down, while Luke sits across the table, his perfect face expressionless as he eats his breakfast. I try my best not to look at him.
"If they don't like you, we'll team up against them and beat their butts," says Ashton, and usually these comments would make me laugh, but they don't. I'm simply emotionless, unable to function.
I find it ridiculous that I allowed myself to get into this state over some stupid guy. But he isn't just some guy. Luke is the person I've been trying to get to like me from day one, and now it seems that he has returned to his previous passive, loathing, asshole self. It isn't fair.
"Yeah, and if that doesn't work, we'll torture them into liking you," Calum tells me, but I'm not paying attention. Luke is looking at me.
I stare back at him, hoping he'll say something snarky and funny, but of course it's false hope. He just glares at me, and turns his attention back to his empty plate. Calum looks like he is prepared to jump over the table and rip his head off, but I shake my head at him, causing him to leave the room just as Liz and Andy walk through the threshold.
"Luke, we need to speak to you," Andy declares to his son. It isn't a question, it is a command, and Luke obliges with a sigh.
Now, I know that eavesdropping is very, very, bad, and impolite, and I shouldn't do it, and blah blah blah. But it's only natural to be curious, and I know that they'll be talking about me. So, I creep to the door of the living room, and keep myself out of sight as I listen to them talk.
"This is not on, Luke," Andy says sternly, his eyes set intently on Luke. "You had no right to treat Ridley like that. You're acting like a stubborn little boy."
"So? I only said what was the truth. Not my fault she can't handle it." Luke shrugs. Ouch.
His dad fumes. "No, it wasn't the truth! All this is is you wanting something you know you can't have yet, and blaming your pain on Ridley is not the way to deal with it. If you want to blame someone, blame the Travelers."
"Oh, I do blame the Travelers. But she isn't exactly helping."
"She does have a name." I can't help myself, I have to speak up. How he speaks about me as if I am just an object is off-putting.
He doesn't even acknowledge me. He just stares at his parents, before turning around and stalking past me. My heart aches more in response.
I stand there for a few seconds, motionless. Andy and Liz try to be supportive, but we all know that they are wasting their breath. Only one person will make me feel better, but he isn't talking to me.
By the time we leave, Luke still hasn't talked to me, the guys are still trying to cheer me up, and I am still hurting. It sucks. What sucks even more is that I hoped my choice of outfit would snap Luke out of it, and he'd compliment me and smile approvingly. Of course, he doesn't. My leather waterfall jacket, peach, loose vest, tight-fitted black jeans and Converse aren't enough to break him out of this madness. That just makes me want to scream.
We are sat in Michael's Land Rover as we are on our way to school. Michael is up front with Luke, whereas I am sat between Calum and Ashton. Except from Luke, the boys talk amongst each other, but I'm not paying any attention to them. I'm trying my best to forget about these stupid, obnoxious sparks, but they seem to laughing at me as they take over all my senses. Suddenly, all I can focus on is Luke. How his arms look under his tight-fitted black and gray striped sweater, how he rolls his lip ring around his lip like he is trying to forget about something, and how his biceps seemingly grow bigger as his hands tighten on the bottom of his seat. He feels it, too. The electricity is too much for either of us to handle.
He doesn't look at me, though. He is stubborn and looks straight ahead, like if he pretends I'm not there, the sparks will die away. They are being stubborn, too. It's as if they love screwing with us, and seem to grow more intense as every second passes. Never before have I wanted to jump out of a moving vehicle, but at that moment I do.
I never imagined myself being so eager to get out of a car and step onto school grounds. But, when the car stops in the parking lot, I literally climb over Calum and jump out into the open air. I gasp for breath, the intensity of our connection making it hard to breathe. Is this what it's going to be like? I ask myself, finally catching my breath. Luke doesn't wait for us to get our wits together. He just stalks off into the school, ignoring all of the demanding stares he gets from almost every girl in the lot. I hate that this bothers me so much.
We meet Luke in the reception, who is sorting out things like our schedules, our locker combinations, and our slips. He hands them around, barely looking at me as he passes me mine. He seems determined not to touch me, which, of course, makes me want to touch him more. It sucks.
Once we find our lockers and change our codes, Michael tries to cheer me up. "Imagine his face on a chicken. A really fat, big, ugly chicken." I smile slightly. Michael's locker is next to mine, which I am extremely grateful for.
"Thanks, Mikey," I say, though my voice holds not an ounce of enthusiasm. This is going to be a long day.
After comparing our schedules, I have three lessons with Luke, two with Calum, and four with Ashton and Michael. We all have third period lunch, which isn't so bad. I try not dwell on the fact that I have one lesson where it is just Luke and me. I doubt he will sit next to me, so don't keep my hopes up. I'm tired of hoping.
"Alright, let's go," says Calum. We all have Astronomy in first period, a lesson which I'm not really looking forward to.
Calum gets really cranky in the morning, and he especially gets even more cranky when around Luke. So, this lesson will either be really good or really bad. As it turns out, first period is with them all, second is with Luke, Michael, and Ashton, then it's lunch, fourth with Michael and Ashton, fifth with Calum, Michael, and Ashton, then sixth with Luke. Of course, the last is the one which I am most worried about. Will I be able to deal with it?
I release a quiet sigh and follow the guys into our first class. Astronomy is a lesson which I should be excited about, but I can't bring myself to look forward to anything. I glance up at Luke as we walk. He is a few inches in front of me, but I can still see his face - see his set jaw and his tense stance. I hate the thought of it being being because of me.
Luckily, when we reach the class room, there aren't many people in there. But, the few girls that sit twirling their hair around their manicured fingers look at the four boys for way too long. Honestly, it wouldn't bother so much if they don't look at Luke like they want to devour him. I glare at them as we passed, but they don't seem to notice as an obnoxious red-head winds her stupid little hands around Luke's arm. I freeze in place.
"You can sit with us," she says to him, her gaze flirtatious as she looks him up and down.
Luke rips his arm out of her grasp. "No thanks," he says harshly, his light gaze moving up to lock with mine for a second or two, before it drifts away as he finds a table to sit at.
Michael it with him, with Calum, Ashton, and I sitting behind them. I allow my eyes wander over Luke's back, internally screaming because even from behind he looks incredible. It just isn't fair.
The girl who grabbed him earlier keeps on throwing him these glances which I find incredibly disturbing. I want to rip her head off, stick it on a spear, and throw it into a fire. I can't allow her to look at him like that. My eyes burn a hole into the back of her head, my penetrating gaze making her notice my glare. She smirks at me.
"Jealous, much?" I scoff at her.
"Me? Jealous of you? Sorry, honey, but that isn't what this is. You just need to keep your eyes to yourself before I scratch them out," I say, my voice sickly sweet and false to the ears, just as I intended. It seems to suit its purpose, as she shrinks back into her chair and chats to her friends.
Luke turns around in his chair, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I just shrug and fold my arms over my chest, ignoring to smug look on his face as the bell signifies there is five minutes until the start of the lesson.
As students flood in, Luke shuffles back around to face the front of the room. The eyes that are on us are unnerving, and I have to clutch Calum's arm to stop myself from falling over because of the intensity of the stares. He asks me if I am okay in his fake, American accent, and I nod, not at all believing it. I can handle the stares given to me, I just can't handle the stares that are directed towards Luke. The girls and maybe some guys look at him like he's a piece of meat that they can't wait to get their claws into. Seriously, if cannabalism isn't illegal, Luke would be complimented by lettuce and tomato on everybody's sandwich. Fortunately, the teacher comes strolling in and distracts everyone.
"Good morning, everyone. God, I swear there's more of you in here than there was last week," the teacher peeks over to us, grinning. I like him immediately. "Ooh, new faces for me to annoy. Hey, guys, I'm Mr. Barton, and welcome to Emerson. I'm going to be teaching you about the stars this year. Jesus, there's so many of you! Did your parents have raging hormones or something?" The class bursts out laughing.
"Nah, they stuck a sock on it after me. These guys were all adopted," Luke speaks up. Being his cheeky, charming self. I swear I hear each girl, and yes, some guys sigh as he speaks, his accent prominent. I can relate.
The teacher nods, motioning to the five of us. "Alright, then why don't you introduce your gang instead of charming the pants off my class, Mr...?" I hold back a laugh. He asked for that one.
"Hemmings... Luke. And this is my cousin, Michael Clifford. These are Ashton Irwin, and the twins, Calum and Ridley Hood." He gives me a sly grin as he says my name, and I gape at him. Yep, he is definitely bipolar. Isn't he supposed to be angry at me?
The teacher acknowledges us, does the roll, and tells us what our task will be today. I'm glad that he didn't make us go up to the front of the class and make us introduce ourselves and tell embarrassing stories, because I've seen some of my old teachers do that at my other school, and it's really humiliating. I only hope that these two first lessons will pass quickly.
They don't. Each minute seems to drag by, and it feels like years come and go when it's finally third period. Calum made some friends during second period, who invite us to sit with them at lunch. They are pretty cool people, actually. There is a girl called Bryony who has dirty blonde hair and a American Horror Story shirt that reads "Normal People Scare Me" on the font that is significant to the show, and there is this dorky-looking guy who has puppy-dog eyes and sweet chocolate hair. He's cute in a boy-next-door kind of way, with an aw-shucks smile and a baby-bro kind of sense about him. His name is Josh, and I take to him instantaneously.
"We're really glad you came here. Finally, I don't have to put up with this loser as much," Bryony says, grinning at Josh, who is her best friend.
"Hey, I think he's kinda awesome," I tell her, deciding to stick up for him. His face lights up.
"Th-thanks. Your h-hair is awesome," he says through his stutter, and I grin at him. That smile soon falters as a surge if electricity travels up my back.
Luke is behind me. "Say that again and you'll get an awesome view of my fist," he threatens so calmly that I have absolutely no doubt he intends on living up to his words. Josh looks at him with wide eyes.
"S-sorry. I-I had no idea."
"Yeah? Well know you do." I can feel the glare Luke is directing towards Josh, and the whole cafeteria grows quiet as the obvious tension fills the huge room. Luke brings his lips to my ear, his breath fanning my face. I hate how good it feels against my cool skin. "We need to talk."
Despite my inner goddess telling me to stay near him and bathe myself in his heat, I pull away, looking at him with a questioning expression. His eyes are stern and intense, but I refuse to cave in as I look at him with the same intensity. There is no way that I am going to be out-stubborned by him, whether it kills me or not. And boy, is it killing me. The more we stare at each other, the more the sparks grow, pulling me towards him. Unable to stand it, I push my chair out and followed him out of the cafeteria, stopping in the hallway.
Luke looks down at me, his eyes searching me. Finally, he brings his gaze to my face. My heart does a little hop, skip, and jump.
"What the hell was that?" he asks, his expression torn between hurt and anger. I don't understand the first one.
"I could ask you the same question," I say, silencing whatever he was going to say.
We stand in silence for a while, staring at each other. As if he's fighting an internal battle, Luke pinches the bridge of his nose. I notice that he looks seriously tired. "I don't want to argue with you," he tells me, releasing his nose as he steps towards me. My instinct is telling me to take a step backwards, but my legs won't cooperate.
"It's a bit too late for that, Luke," I tell him with a shrug, my voice weak.
Luke nods. "I know, but I'm so-"
"Don't," I cut him off. "Don't bother apologising, Luke. You've said what you really think, so leave it be." He was about to say something, but I silence him with my hand. "I don't want you to apologise. I just want you to tell me that you meant every word you said, and that you never loved me, and it was all a game to you. Lie if you have to, but please, Luke, make walking away easier for me."
Luke shakes his head. "I can't do that," he says, moving closer to me. "I'm sorry, I can't." He is inches away from me, and brings his hands up to cup my face. He rests his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, jaw set, thumbs rubbing circles into my cheek. I didn't realise until then how numb I felt without his warm touch.
"Look at me," I command, and much to my surprise his eyes peels open. His blue hues are surrounded by this red haze, his eyes glazing over. Is he about to cry? "I don't want to lose you."
"Then stop being stubborn and kiss me," he says huskily, his words sending tremors down my body.
I sigh. "But, I think that it's for the best. You obviously have your problems with me, and no amount of kisses is going to change that."
"Please don't do this," he whispers painfully.
"It's already done," I smile slightly, beggining to draw away from him.
He refuses to let go. "Ridley, no," he relents, but I pry his hands away from my face. "I love you, please, don't leave me."
I try not to turn back around and give into his arms as they reach for me. "I'm sorry," I mouth to him, not able to look at his face as moisture escapes his eyes.
"I love you, Ridley. You can't do this. I love you! Please! RIDLEY!" his voice echoes through the hallway, and I have to run to stop myself from going back to him, the reality of what I just did starting to worm its way in and rip my heart out of my chest.
~*~
So if it isn't already obvious...the last chapter got me really depressed and I'm accustomed to ripping my own heart out so here it is
Also a quick update! *dances* I decided to finish this off before I disappear to college because I just can't deal with that bullhonky today Dx
Tell me what you think?
Love always,
~ Shan xxx