Fear
Fear that grips your bones
Eats you up inside
Don't try and hide
You think of all the things
That could have happened
Come to the worst possible conclusions
All these confusions
What do you do?
C H A P T E R 29
The weeks passed, and though people still asked questions and stared, they did it less, and were discreet about it. Life was getting better again. I was talking to the whole of the group, and Sarah, other people if I had to. But then Daniel went missing.
**Three weeks after The Day I First Talked to Someone Except Jess **
We were in period three, and it was a Thursday. Daniel hadn't been in for days, so we assumed he was ill. Jess, Lilly and I had a period together, but the others were space all over the school. There was an announcement over the speaker for us seven to come to the heads office. I was worried, because the others so frequently got into trouble, and I thought that this time they had somehow managed to get me caught up in it.
But we weren't in trouble.
We waited outside, and the head called us in. I was feeling a little sick from nerves, which only increased as I saw two policemen and another woman sitting with the head master. We sat down on the other side of the desk from the adults, and the head gave us a look of both pity and sadness. I wondered what had happened. I looked over at the woman. Her makeup was smeared slightly, and her eyes were red and puffy like she'd been crying.
'Children, I'm sorry to report that Daniel has in fact been reported missing, for a number of days now. Now the alarm was not raised because many young people run away from home for a few nights, or go into town and do things without letting parents and carers know, however, Daniel has been missing five days, and in his current foster situation-'
'Foster situation?' Lilly cut him off.
'Yes, this is Becca, Daniel's foster mum. He was found a while back, around the same time as Kat I believe, and wouldn't tell anyone anything except his name and age, not even his full name, so he was put into the system as a young adult I believe, Ms Price?'
'Yes, yes that's right.'
'Any way, Daniel is missing, and we would like to know if any of you know anything about his disappearance. You will have interviews with the police under supervision from a member of staff throughout the day. It will be one at a time, in the deputy's office. Now, I understand you must all be rather shocked at the news, so if any of you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here, or the school counselor, okay?'
We nodded, speechless, dazed. Even Lilly said nothing.
We went back to lessons, numb, and in fifth period, I was called out to talk to the policemen. They made me wait outside, and I watched Sam leave the room before me. He looked pale but gave me a weak smile. If we were all in this state I wondered how Josh was handling it.
I stepped inside the room. It wasn't dark as I'd expected it would be, you know, like you see in all those crime programs. Sunlight streamed through the window on to the policemen's paper work. I stood awkwardly at the door.
'Sit down,' said the first. 'Now, my name is PC Hail, and that's Detective Jones... You are... Kat, I believe?'
I nodded. 'Yes...' I whispered, trying to help as much as I could. I had to talk, I knew that.
'Okay. First of all, when did you last see Mr Daniel Price?'
'Erm... Friday evening.' I said quietly.
And it went on like that for what seemed like forever. PC Hail asked me loads of questions, and every now and then, Detective Jones would put one in as well, though he mostly sat in silence taking notes. They finally let me go, and I saw Lilly go in. She touched me on the shoulder, and I smiled back slightly, then motioned for her to go in.
At the end of the day, I met up with the others, to talk. Josh's face was tired, pale and gaunt, his eyes looked hollow. I was worried about him. If anyone tried to talk to him he just nodded or shook his head, or gave one worded, monotonous answers. Lilly tried to give him a hug but he shrugged her off.
We made plans to go out and help the police look for him, it was the best we could do to try and get him back.
Jess and I left the house again at about six, because we got home at five, and we got dressed up warm. Fleeces upon layers of other clothing, big coats and gloves. We finally left for the forest. The group had all agreed on places to look. Lilly and Emma took the village, because they lived near each other and in the village, while Sam and James took St Helen's. Josh took everywhere else. He was distraught, and half-crazy with worry. We had all tried to comfort him, but he just shrugged us off, so we left him to it, thinking he would get better, hopefully at least.
Jess and I made our way to the forest, combed it, high and low. We went through St Helen's and a few other villages, as well as the forests all around, but found nothing, not a single trace.
We started heading back, just as the first drops of rain fell, and darkness did too. But as we left the forest, and walked over the hill to get home, we heard thunder, and it truly started to pour. We decides to shelter under and old oak, because we wouldn't get home in this weather. We decided to wait out the storm under the tree. Jess texted Sarah, quickly, and then we both slid down the trunk. I started to shiver and my clothes were soaked through.
'You cold?' He asked.
'No.' I said, even though I was clearly shivering.
'Here have my coat.'
'No! Then you'll get cold!'
'Well then lets huddle like penguins.'
'Penguins? Really Jess?'
He flushed a little. 'Look, just get close to me so I can warm you up, okay?'
I shuffled closer, as did he, and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders rubbing slowly, trying to get my shivering to stop. That was when I realized I loved him. I knew that love was horrid, terrible and everything, but I couldn't help it. To be honest, I'd known for a while really, but I had been in denial. Now I could admit it to myself at least.
I was in love with Jess.
And so we sat there in silence, hugging, trying to stay warm each in our own thoughts.
A little while later, I said: 'Jess...'
'Yes?'
'I think I'm in love.'
'Oh.' he said, his eyes dropped, and I could almost see the hurt radiating from him.
'But I shouldn't be...' I said.
'Why?'
'Love is bad, it only causes trouble... But I can't just stop, snap my fingers, make it go away, you know.'
'Who with?'
'That’s the thing, they don't feel the same, I'm sure of that... They did before, I think, but not anymore...'
'Who wouldn't love you Kat?'
'I... You.'
'What?'
'You wouldn't love me. Not anymore, at least. I missed my chance.'
'No, you didn't.’ he whispered, looking me right in the eyes. ‘I still feel just the same as before, I just can’t let it... show...'
I smiled. 'Then you know who I love? You.'
And our bodies moved closer, if that was possible, and he tilted my chin up with his finger, and kissed me slowly tenderly on the lips.
'Are you sure?' He asked.
'Yes, I always was, I just wasn't ready, you know?'
He nodded.
'But can we wait till all this...' I waved my hand a little. 'Is over? You know until he's found... or... or it's blown over?'
He nodded again. 'Yeah, course.'
'Just because, I don't know, I feel guilty being happy, while Daniel is missing, and everyone else is so upset. I mean I am to, but I'd be happy when I was with you if you know what I mean...'
He put a finger to my lips. 'Shh, I get it, it’s fine. Just one last kiss, to last me till then?'
'One last kiss.' I said, smiling, and I kissed him lightly, brushed my lips with his, in a feather light gesture of love. But soon he had deepened it, and I had to pull away, breathing heavily.
Then I noticed it had stopped raining. I got up grabbed his hand and we walked down the hill, hand in hand, side by side.