Wow chapter number 20 already dang...
†††† Eren
After visiting Antekiu we went back at Levi's house. I was sitting on the couch. I had lost track of where Levi was. I think he was in the shower. He had asked if I wanted to join him with a suggestive smirk. Which I denied.
So it was just me in Levi's living room. My bag of clothes on his bed. He gave another disapproving look as I set it down on the bed. I'm not sure what I did but he keeps telling me it wasn't me. That it's not my fault. How could it not be my fault if he is always upset whatever I set down that bag. Should I not have brought it?
I don't know anymore. Well let's face it. I never knew what was going on with me and him. I don't know why he followed me. I don't know why he caught me. I don't know why he bandaged my wrists. Why he held me when I cried. Why he kissed me. Why he was nice to me. Why he made me eat. Why he had me staying here. Why had he stayed outside my room that night.
Why.... I don't understand why anyone would be that kind to me. Care that much. It just doesn't make sense. No one has cared for me, no one has loved me. And so I wouldn't have been missed when I fell.
But in jumps, a slightly short, knight in shining armor. And tries to save me. But what if he can't? What if... What if I'm to far gone into the dragon's den. I don't like the dragons den.
I layed down and curled up on the couch hugging my stomach and making my fail curl around my knees. I just don't understand, Dad told me that this would never happen. No one would ever love me, not even him. Not after what I had done. It's my fault. All my fault my mother is dead. The way she died was my fault too. They hurt her so much. Caused her so much pain.
And it was my fault.
So why was he being nice to me? Why did Levi care at all? Because he didn't know? Then what will happen if I tell him. He will know how much I messed up and then he will go. I don't want him gone. He's only been here for a little bit and I'm already too attached to let him go. Too in love with him.
I must have cried till Levi got done in the shower because I soon felt him pulling me onto his lap. Hugging me close. Whispering sweet nothings into my ear. He doesn't know. Shut up. He wouldn't be holding you if he did. I hugged him closer breathing him in, not letting go. He wouldn't even look at you if he knew. I started hyperventilating. My breath escaping in gasps. Vision blurring. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. He hates me. He hates me so much. I messed up. I don't like it when I mess up. I don't like me when I mess up. But I always mess up. I'm so stupid. So so stupid. He hates me.
Oh he hates me because I messed up. I messed up soo much. The kindness he showed me. All gone because I messed up. Images of him filled my mind, how nice he was. The only one. Ripped away by me. It was my fault. The jagged pain in my chest squeezed the breath from my lungs. They burned and I struggled to breathe.
I felt hands shaking me. An echoing voice In my head. I can't- can't- breathe. Can't- think. Can't- gentle lips pressed on my own. Arms held me still as I went rigid.
Levi.
Levi was hugging me and holding me. "Shh. I'm here Eren. Shhh."
~
It took a long time before I could speak or move or do anything. But he never left. Never stopped holding me. He was there the whole time. "Eren, I'm here."
"I-... Why?" I didn't explain. But it didn't seem I needed to.
"Because I'm always here for you. I'll always be here."
"But... Why?"
A light laugh echoed off the walls. "Because I could never leave. Why would I want to?"
I choked on a breath before the words tumbled out of my lips. "Because i mess up. Because I hurt her. It's my fault. I killed her. It's all my fault." Tears once again poured down my face.
"Shhh, breathe Eren." I took a few shaky breaths and kept my gaze locked on the floor. "Now, tell me what your going on about. How is it your fault? Who did you kill?"
I looked up at him, taking in the last of him that I would see. The last time I would see his face soo kind. "My mother."
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Yay! Finally got it up for you all! Sorry I'm lazy.