As soon as I walk into the lunch hall, butterflies overtake my stomach. If I had eaten and not skipped snack to avoid sitting alone, I'm pretty sure I would've puked everything I ate up right now.
The butterflies were not their usual graceful tickling of my stomach, but instead were making me extremely nauseous and I was not appreciate of of that. Although I wanted to hold my stomach and roll on the floor, I just kept a straight face with a concentrated stare forward, doing my all to keep my game face.
Cam walked a little in front of me as we made our way to the lunch tray line. The loud and blurred talking of the campers overwhelmed my hearing as we made our way to the tray stack. I grabbed a red plastic tray and waited in the short line for the fruit. I wasn't feeling very hungry, my stomach was just not my main focus at the moment. My head was spinning and swirling as the line inched forward and I wished this four person line was longer. Maybe your heads spinning and swirling because you haven't ate! My brain reminds me but I don't have time to listen right now. I feel nervous and sick and the sight of food is making me no where near hungry.
Since it was so early into the lunch hour and not many people were here, in a matter of seconds, I was already next in line. Cam was pretty close to the front of his line too. I felt my hands sweat against the tray and wiped one by one on my shirt. Knowing my nerves well, I pulled the tray against my chest to assure that it wouldn't rattle and shake in my hands.
Needing a distraction, I look around the hall. Without knowing it, I was looking for Jack or Jackie or maybe even Taylor. I scanned all the tables and didn't see any of the people from the other group, and I felt sorta relieved. I still had other stuff to be worried about but one less thing was always better.
Cam was waiting for me after I finally got my fruit and we began walking to the group's usual table. I prepared myself for their weird looks or ignoring of my presence or even worse if that's what it came to, though I really hoped it wouldn't. But, as we got very close, I was utterly surprised when no one seemed to really pay attention to either of us. No stares, no glares, no shunning. No nothing.
Not one person from the entire group payed any attention to Cam or me. Not Alyssa, Mahogany, Shawn, Matthew, Nash, Crawford, or Chris even looked up for a second. They all sat and laughed along with each other and I couldn't help but feel like maybe I was intruding on them. I began to slow down and was ready to tell Cam that I was just gonna eat lunch with them another time, but he spoke and any chance of escaping was gone.
"Hey, guys," Cam said when he was in earshot. Matthew looked up in order to greet him, only to see me right behind Cam.
"Cass?" Matthew questioned aloud and the whole table turned around to look at me. I got the same look from all of them too. A unanimous look of shock.
"Hi," I waved with a half-smile.
They all stared a little longer before a messy chorus of greetings broke out. I chewed on my lip awkwardly before following Cam to the end of the table, choosing to sit across from him. Not one person at the table attempted to hide their stares and I did my best to not look back and acknowledge how creepy it was. This was so wrong and so weird and in no way a good idea, I concluded after I sat down.
"So you're back to the good side, huh?" Alyssa spoke, sitting a few people down from Cam. Realizing she was speaking to me, I looked up and scanned over everyone. They were all still staring back and waiting for my answer.
"Yep," I sighed, deciding not to argue with the 'good group' name. I hate how they think Jackie, Aaron, JJ, and all the rest of them are 'bad', because they aren't. Well... Not anymore than this group is.
"Good!" Matthew laughed. "You really had us worried there, Cass." The whole table laughed along and it felt like the thick air between all of us dissipated.
I chuckled a little before looking over to Cam. He held his head up with a single hand as he looked over at me. He was undeniably adorable. You know who else is adorable? That girl Alyssa he's dating, my brain tells me and I had nearly forgotten they were together. I looked from him to her and saw their coupled cuteness and smiled. Im glad someone gets to be happy, even if it's not me.
"I didn't miss anything, did I?" I push my tray away and lean my elbows onto the table. I wasn't feeling hungry at all.
"Besides all of us? No!" Alyssa smiles and the whole table chuckles. She's like a ray of sunshine. Even with all the friendliness and kindness put aside she still is, because if this little ray needs to she can burn down an entire village.
I chuckle off the fear from my own thoughts and reply, "I really did miss you guys." And I wasn't lying. Just like good and bad, these two groups were different, nearly opposites, but good and bad wasn't true. One did have a lighter and cheery feel than the other and I definitely missed this group's light feel. I mean not that the other group was completely dark or worse than this one, because neither group is really one or the other, instead they are actually like an uneven mix of both light and dark. It's just they talked about different things and had a different feel to them, so being with them on their own is so different, making me miss this group ever so slightly. But, I do wish I could hang out with them both, because I bet when they are together it is as perfect as a sunset-opposites colliding so beautifully.
"We missed you too," Alyssa spoke for the group, everyone nodding along. I smile and lock eyes with Alyssa for a second who smiles back. And with that everyone broke back into their individual conversations. And I just listened for a while.
It wasn't until Mahogany spoke from right next to me that I had a conversation of my own. "So. How've you been?" She asked innocently. I know she must've heard about what happened at the party from Cam at least, but still it didn't seem like she asked with intentions to stir things up, which was reassuring.
"Lately? I've been pretty good," I tell her honestly. "I was really excited about coming back and hanging out with you guy-well... Excited and nervous," I add.
"Nervous?" Mahogany questions. "Why? We're your true-and better," she whispered, "friends. You just got steered off into the wrong direction for a while, but you're where you belong. You know you like us better!" She teases with a grin.
"Obviously!" I laugh along with her.
Mahogany smiles and bites into her carrot. "You know, once you started dating Gilinsky we thought we lost for sure," she tells me and I raise my eyebrows. I had no idea they were this welcome to the idea of me coming back. I had thought they hated me for leaving them, but I guess I was wrong. I don't know why I thought they hated me...
"To be honest, if it wasn't for him, I'm not sure I would've been back," I reply and she nods.
"Makes sense," Mahogany says and I'm shocked to her hear say that. Does she think the other group is really that much better? "They have delivered food and parties every week. If I had the chance to stay, I wouldn't come back!" she tells me quietly, so no one would hear, but I know she was still just kidding.
"What did you just whisper to Cass, Mahogany?" Chris asks from behind her and Mahogany and I exchange a look, followed by the two of us bursting into laughter.
"Me? Oh nothing!" She answers after composing herself, only making us laugh some more. Chris shakes his head with a smile and begins talking to Nash again.
"Yeah, you know, I don't know how I did it," I sarcastically tell her, going back to our conversation. "I will forever miss Taco Tuesdays."
"Same!" We laugh again and a movement by the door catches my eye. While we were laughing a group of three walked in and made their way to an empty table. It was Aaron, Taylor, and Carter.
They were all talking casually about something, laughing, joking, and looking for a place to sit down. My mind not being able to help but wander into a forbidden territory. A territory where I imagine a reality where I'm right there talking and laughing with them. A reality that would exist if it wasn't for one night last week. It's so insane how things could change in just matter of minutes, leaving me where I was when the summer started-an outsider in this supposed bad group's eyes.
"Cass," Mahogany snaps her fingers in my face, jolting me out of my weird trance. Without knowing it, my smile had faded and my laugh stopped, and if it wasn't for Mahogany I never would've realized I was creepily staring. "Are you good?" She asked, after I looked back at her, still a little dazed.
"Yeah," I nodded, glancing over to the other table. "I'm fine."
"You don't have to be," she replied and I look back at her, confused. "You don't have to be fine," she clarifies and I shake her off.
"Trust me, I'm fine," I tell her and look back at the table. After a few seconds of staring at them, Aaron's eyes pass over me and stop when he sees I'm looking back. Aaron waves to me with a smile, and, out of the corner of his eye, Taylor sees him. Taylor followed the boy's gaze and ended up landing on me. In no time, Taylor pulled Aaron's hand down and began scolding him. As Taylor seemingly reprimanded him for waving, Aaron shrugged, nodded, and shook his head in response.
I rolled my eyes at Taylor, though no one saw, and waited for him to look this way so I could flip him off, but sadly he never did. Because before Taylor could even start to look this way, he pointed towards the door where two more people walked in. It was Jackie and JJ who were talking with Jackie's arm around the blonde boy's shoulder. She laughed and turned her head coincidentally towards me and waved. I sat up straight and waved back, excited to see her. We didn't get to talk much over the past few days and it was a big change from being around her 24/7. A part of me really missed seeing her that often. JJ looked over too, wondering who Jackie was waving at, and scowled right at me when we made eye contact. What the hell was his problem?
JJ and I had always been good friends since I was with Jack a lot of the time, so why did he scowl? Was this how he signified himself taking Jack's side in the break up? Or was it something Jack said that made him act like this? Maybe he didn't even see me and it was a reaction to his and Jackie's conversation? Or it was probably who you are sitting with! My brain suggests and I inwardly nod. Yeah that has to be it. He must not like the fact that I was sitting with the "good" group after we had become such good friends. Or at least that's the only explanation that makes-
Oh my God! My head screamed. In the middle of the conversation with myself-wow that sounds crazy, but that's beside the fact. The important thing was that Jack just walked in.
I felt as if my heart stopped along with my lungs, and there was no way to recover. My chest rose and fell rapidly as I tried to catch my breath, but I just couldn't. My hands began to sweat and my head ached, I felt like I was beginning to fall apart. All this for a boy?? And it only grew worse when my mind began to race and spin and jump talking about how good he looked but how it didn't matter because he broke my heart and wouldn't hesitate to do it again and I cursed my eyes and yelled at my heart and my thoughts were clashing and my words were hurting and nothing could contain the pain and I felt lightheaded and then-
it stopped.
I looked down to see Mahogany gripping my hand in hers. I looked up to her and saw her looking back with eyes holding concern. She knew now that I wasn't fine. I blinked and felt water stick my lashes together and gasped when I realized I had been crying. Streaks of tears ran down my face and I wiped at them with the back of my hand. "Cass?" Cameron spoke and I looked up at the rest of the table who's attention was once again focused on me.
I swallowed. "Yeah?"
"You wanna just eat lunch outside?" Cam offered and I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Of course nothing came out because I don't even have an answer! My mind was blank like I had just developed a quick and severe case of amnesia.
"Or we could kick his ass for you!" Crawford chimed in and the rest of the table agreed. I laughed at the fact that they just offered to fight Jack for me and shook my head.
"No," the corner of my mouth turned into a smile that was impossible to fight. "Thank you guys though."
"But we really could leave if you want," Alyssa reminded me. "It's a beautiful day outside really."
Nash scoffed, "it's like 200 degrees outside its not-" but he never got to continue his sentence because Chris elbowed him in the stomach.
I snickered at the sight and Nash shot me a look, but I ignored it. "No it's fine," I assured them. "Plus," I said pointing over to their table, "they're leaving right now." And I was right. The whole group had got up and were making their way towards the door.
"Oh, right." Alyssa said, watching them as they file through the door. "They get delivered food today."
"Yep," I murmur. The schedule was so familiar to me now.
"Too bad they're missing out," Cam spoke and I feel like everyone looked down at their food, comparing theirs to the lunch the other group was accustomed to. Well everyone beside Cam was looking at their food, because he was staring right at me.
"Yeah?" Nash questioned and Cam nodded even though Nash couldn't see him. "Missing out on what?"
"Everything," he said as his eyes were still locked with mine, and I felt the oh so familiar burn of a blush.
"Cass!" Cameron called to me as I began to make my way back to the cabin. It was getting close to the kids curfew and we were all heading back, but I was stopped before I could even really start.
"Yeah?" I asked, after turning on my heel to talk to him.
"Will you come with me to town? Rob wants me to run and get some supplies for the camp. Just little things," he shrugs.
I tilt my head to the side out of confusion and ask, "town? Like the real one and not the camp's stupid version?"
Cam nods and stuffs his hands into his pockets. "Yeah that's the one."
"But he wants you to go?" I question still confused. "Is this some sort of punishment or something?" I just can't see why would Rob ask Cam specifically to do something? It's not like they were close enough to ask each other for favors-anymore at least.
"There's a new person that has to do it each month and it's not like major supplies just like small random things we need to grab when we run out," he tells me and I see how that would make sense. "This time we have s'mores ingredients," he smiles at the mention of the food.
"We have s'mores materials? I don't remember agreeing to go with you..." I say, questioning his choice of words.
Cam laugh. "Yes we have s'mores materials. I'm forcing you to come with me now," he says and moves like he's trying to pick me up.
"Ok no!" I put out my arms to stop him, but he keeps trying to get around my arms. "Cameron Dallas, I said no!" I yelp after he goes low and lifts me up from my hips.
I begin slipping due to his bad grip and try to wiggle my way down. "Cass, even if I put you down you're still coming." Cam then places me on the ground and I straighten out my shirt.
"Fine," I huff, "but I wanna drive!"
_______
I don't get to drive. Which is why I complained the entire way over and all the way into the store. But after every insult or complaint I said, Cam just laughed and nodded along and I ended up just giving up.
"Get in the cart, I'll push you," Cam offered when we got our basket.
I grabbed onto the side of the cart and gave him a funny look. "You know we're just getting s'mores stuff, we won't need a basket."
Cam snickers and starts to push the cart inside the store, "obviously you have no clue how much we need." He walks through the markets doors and I jog after him.
"I guess not," I mumble to myself as I end up next to Cam.
As we walk side by side, I can't help but look down at the cart and frown. I really wanted to ride inside and I missed my chance. I always thought that sitting inside while shopping with my friend would be a cool little thing to look back on when I'm older, and now I wouldn't get to do it. Looks like another thing I wouldn't get to cross of my bucket list.
"What?" Cam asked as we strode down an aisle.
"What?" I asked back, not sure what he was talking about.
"Why do you look like that?" My pace slows down a little as I open my mouth reluctantly.
"Like what?" I question and wait for him to answer saying 'ugly'.
"Sad," he replied and I'm slightly relieved.
"Oh," I laugh a little at the unexpected answer. "I thought you were gonna-never mind. I'm just a little bummed I didn't get to ride in the cart, that's all," I tell him and he stops the cart.
Not expecting him to stop, I bump into the handle and have no choice but to come to a halt. "Ow! Why did you-?"
"Get in," Cameron says and my eyebrows furrow together. "Get in the cart, I'll push you."
"You will?" I grin and I know my face must have lit up like a kid on Christmas due to Cameron's countenance.
"Why are you so excited?" He chuckled, giving me a slightly scared look along with it.
"Because I've never done that before and it looks really fun!" I tell him and he nods understandingly.
"Well then, let's have fun!" He laughs. Although I can tell it's more at me than with me, I still remain excited. He can mock me all he wants just as long as I get to ride inside the cart.
With a small jump of excitement, I fling my body into the shopping cart and sit criss-cross applesauce. "Let's go!" I shout and I think someone on the next aisle shushes me. I frown a little and hear Cam chuckle as he pushes the cart.
"It's really cute how excited you are," I hear Cam say from behind me as we walk down the frozen food aisle. I smile at his words then cringe, remembering the fact that he's dating someone. I'm pretty sure that you can't compliment another girl like that when you have a girlfriend.
"So..." I start, ignoring what he said. "How's things going with Alyssa?" -you know what girl that you're dating while attempting to hit on me! My mind wants to continue saying, but I don't let it.
"Fine," he replied and I can picture him shrugging from behind me. Ugh why is he being so frustrating and not telling me the personal details of his life? All I want to know if absolutely everything about his love-life, is that really so hard?
Still frustrated, I look around and see that we're on a cleaning supplies section. It's clear that Cam has no idea where we're going and it's only more obvious as we turn down an aisle with diapers and womanly products. I look back at him and shake my head. There's literally a sign above every aisle which reads everything the section has, it's purpose to make shopping easier, yet somehow he can still make this look so hard? Shaking off thoughts about how stupid he is, I go to ask my follow up question.
"What does that-" I began to ask, but we began picking up speed. As a reaction my hands clench the side of the cart and my heart begins racing. "Cameron, what are you doing?"
Cam laughs and starts running. "You wanted to have fun in the cart didn't you?"
I violently shake my head as we approach the split in between the aisle where people can walk through. "Not like this!" I tell him as my life flashes before my eyes. Along with my life, a sick image of a man casually walking out to grab a can of beans and seeing us barrel down the aisle plays in my head; his silent prayers to his beloved dog Fifi back at home and how he never got to say bye before we came and ran him over with a cart accompanying it. I imagined us then having to dump him in the ocean and swearing never to speak of this night ever again and then the man coming back to life and taking the two of us down, so basically I just imagined the plot of I Know What You Did Last Summer, which was enough to scare the crap out of me. "Oh God this isn't fun anymore!" I yell, placing my hands over my eyes and bracing myself for the worst.
And like those were some magic words, Cam comes slows us to a stop. I remove my hands from my eyes and see that we were just in front of the walk-way. Women, men, and children were all walking by with carts or baskets, no idea that they had so nearly avoided extreme danger.
With a big sigh, I slump back into the cart and place my hands over my rapidly beating heart. "Cameron," I say, motioning for him to come closer.
Making his way around the cart and leaning in towards me, he asks, "what?"
I grab onto the collar of his counselor's shirt and say, "I hate you."
I release him and he laughs as if I didn't just insult him. Pushing the cart once again, Cam pulls up on the marshmallow and candy aisle, and says, "I love you too, Cass."