I stay silent. For a very long time. That memory replays in my head over and over and over again. I tense up, remembering how angry I was. How much it destroyed me was unmeasurable.
I know she felt bad. I wrap one arm around her pulling her closer. Still, not saying a word I just held on tight. I couldn't relax. Their death was one of the reasons I'm even in the wasteland in the first place. I'm sure the whole continent is a wasteland by now.
I stay emotionless on the outside, crushed on the inside. I feel like this shouldn't hurt me anymore but it does. It fucks with my head. They fuck with my head.
Phoenix rubs my back trying to relax me. It helps until I remember everything all over again. I try not to get so angry but sometimes I can't control it. "Max...say something please" Phoenix says apologeticly. "It's okay" I say, my voice very low and raspy. It's okay. Right? It's fine. I'm fine.
Sometimes my thoughts go out of control. Sometimes all I think about is them and sometimes I think about everyone at once. It sends my brain into overdrive. I just can't handle this all the time. I need a break! I need a fucking break!
Not noticing I'm whispering to myself I feel Phoenix hold me tighter. "It's alright" She says softly. Her voice is so melodic and soft. It calms me down. I relax, still holding onto her.
She's astonishing. She somehow knows how to help me. She knows how to comfort me. I can't really do the same. I can't even comfort myself. But she can help me, right? We just continue holding each other for a while.