I awake furiously, once again. When will the nightmares stop? When will I be able to sleep peacefully? I get up, all the muscles in my body ache. I look at Max and Phoenix giving me another concerned look. "I'm fine" I mumble as I walk out of the room. It seems like Max doesn't really leave our side. Especially hers.
That dream, was different. My siblings. They couldn't make it out here ya know. They were to young. They got sick and I couldn't help them. We had no resources. I shake my head at the thought.
I run into Furiosa down below where everyone else is. I give her a tired look. "You alright?" She asks. "I'll be fine." I whispered more to myself but towards her. "How are you feeling today?" She asks. "I'm alright. I still hurt everywhere. Especially on my neck.." I reply quietly. I fucking hate that mark. I hate his mark.
My day is just not starting off well. I continue thinking to myself angrily. I'm still not well enough to go on any raids or anything. "You hungry" Furiosa asks, trying to cheer me up. "No, I'm okay." I reply, no emotion in my voice.
She gives me a puzzled look but doesn't say anythjng. I know she wants to know what's going on. I don't want to talk about at this point. I just want to be alone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I look in her eyes and then I get up and walk outside and sit in the sand for a bit.
Maybe I just need fresh air. Or a memory eraser. At the same time, I don't wanna forget any of the good memories I have. Even though the negative ones greatly out way the positive ones. I just sometimes don't want to think at all. It gets overwhelming. To many thoughts at once.
I continue to sit outside frustrated about myself. It's hot outside, as usual, and I begin to sweat. I honestly hate the heat but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. It gets me sick almost every time. I don't understand why but it does. I can't be out here for long periods of time. I get stuck in my dark thoughts. In my head. I zone out.