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Chapter Thirty-Five: Hope Restored
Alice and I remained unmoving, kneeling side-by-side in the chapel for an immeasurable time. It was not until the doors of the chapel were gently pushed open and quiet footsteps approached us that I raised my head.
Carlisle stood at my side, looking down on Alice and myself in bemusement and wonder. I nudged Alice with my elbow, and she too raised her head to see our father. We both rose from the kneeler and seated ourselves in the pew.
Carlisle sank gracefully to one knee, crossing himself, before he slid into the pew beside me, Alice and I scooting aside to make room for him.
“You two never cease to surprise me,“ Carlisle said, speaking in a low voice as he looked from one to the other of us. “This is the last place I would have thought to find either of you.”
Alice gave him a grim smile. “It was the only thing I could think to actually DO,” she said quietly. “Waiting helplessly was driving me insane.”
Carlisle returned her smile, then looked at us both. “Bella is slowly improving. The chest tube is draining the fluid from her lungs, so her breathing and heart rate are normalizing. Her fever is down a little. We've transferred her from the ER to the ICU for right now, so two visitors at a time may be with her. Charlie's already there now.”
I was up, flashing past Carlisle and out the chapel doors almost before he had finished speaking, Alice on my heels. “Slow down! You're going to draw attention to yourselves!” Carlisle hissed behind us, following more sedately.
Reluctantly I made a deliberate effort to humanize my movements, sensing Alice behind me doing the same. As we passed the windows in the waiting area, I was surprised to see how light it was outside; it seemed to be mid-morning. Stepping aside, I allowed Carlisle to pass before me to make a show of leading us to the ICU area, although Alice and I knew exactly where it was.
Carlisle pushed through the doors of the ICU, escorting us to a private room in which Charlie sat on the far side of the hospital bed. My eyes were immediately drawn to the still form in the bed, and if I had been able to cry, tears would have been streaming down my face at what I saw. I heard Alice's soft gasp behind me as we slowly approached the bed.
Bella was incredibly pale, all color leached from her cheeks, her freckles appearing abnormally dark against the whiteness of her skin. Huge purple circles colored the skin below her closed eyes. Oxygen tubes were taped to her cheekbones as they had been in Phoenix, and an IV was inserted into the crook of her arm. A much wider tube was inserted in the side of her chest, draining fluid into a bag hung on the side of her bed. Her breathing still required extra effort, and I could hear the wetness of her lungs with each rattling breath she took.
This was far worse than Phoenix.
Yes, there the doctors had worked on her, but she had been stable throughout their treatment: setting her leg, taping her ribs, taking MRIs of her head and checking Carlisle's perfect stitches, binding the open wound on her hand. In Phoenix Bella had never been in the ICU for those injuries...with a crash cart on standby in the corner of the room.
Charlie looked up when we entered and gave Carlisle and Alice a grim smile, ignoring me.
Carlisle cleared his voice quietly before speaking. “The ICU regulations allow for family only—which I've talked the nurses into waiving—and for only two visitors at a time. But if it's okay with you, Charlie, I'll allow Edward and Alice in for a few minutes with you, and then they can take turns staying with Bella.”
Charlie nodded. “When do you think she'll wake up, Doc?”
Carlisle folded his lips tightly. “I'm not sure. Her body is struggling to mend itself; her fever is still rather high despite the medications. The more rest she has at this point, the better, I think.”
Carlisle turned to us. “Ten minutes in here with the both of you, then only two people in here at a time. Figure it out for yourselves.” He nodded to Charlie then left the room.
I stepped up to the side of the bed, reaching out to run a tentative finger down Bella's arm to her hand. Her skin was still so warm...too warm. I took her small hand in mine. Alice looked at me for a moment, then disappeared, returning in a moment with a wheeled stool which she pushed toward me to sit on. Thanking her with a nod, I seated myself opposite Charlie, each one of us grasping one of Bella's hands.
Alice moved up to Bella's head and gently smoothed the tangled hair back from Bella's forehead in a soothing motion.
No one spoke; all six eyes were focused on this fragile girl, so beloved by so many. Despite the multitude of people in the hospital building, not a single thought permeated my mind, and for that small grace, I was thankful.
Carlisle poked his head back in a few moments later. “Alice? Are you leaving first?” he gently reminded.
She nodded, leaning forward to press her lips to Bella's hot forehead. “I'll see you later, Bella,” she whispered. Alice moved around the bed and over to Charlie, reaching up to hug him. Refusing to let Bella's hand loose, he stood and awkwardly returned Alice's hug with one arm around her shoulders.
“See you in a bit, Charlie,” Alice whispered. Charlie nodded, then reseated himself in a padded wooden chair, identical to the ones in the waiting room. Alice stopped beside me and touched my arm sympathetically; words were not needed between us. Then she was gone.
Charlie awkwardly cleared his throat, glancing at me from time to time, but my eyes did not leave Bella's face. I felt a sense of deja-vu as I sat beside Bella's hospital bed as I had only a couple of months ago in Phoenix. Then I had been with Renee whose thoughts were much more friendly toward me than Charlie's were now. He resented my presence in the ICU while at the same time he acknowledged a depth to my feelings for Bella that he had not credited to me before—a thought that did not please him.
As the day passed, Carlisle or a nurse coming in to check Bella's vitals and to examine her. Her fever remained the same, her lungs continued to drain fluid, and she remained perfectly still...almost vampirically still.
Alice returned in the mid-afternoon to chivvy Charlie down to the cafeteria to eat a late lunch, pretending to bring in some food for me. Only with much prodding and persuasion was Alice able to convince Bella's father to leave her side for twenty minutes. When he finally left, standing awkwardly and stretching his obviously-aching muscles after being in the same position for so many hours, Alice took his place, picking up Bella's hand and holding it to her cold cheek.
“Have you seen anything yet?” I asked quietly, glad for the privacy and for the temporary removal of Charlie's uncomfortable presence.
Alice shook her head. “Nothing. I don't know why. Perhaps because she's unconscious and unable to make a decision?” Her voice raised like a question.
I shook my head, not knowing and bemused.
Carlisle entered the room quietly. “I saw Charlie leave. Is he going to get something to eat?” Alice nodded.
“Good. Thanks, Alice,” Carlisle said, placing an affectionate hand on her shoulder before checking Bella's temperature and vitals.
“Any change?” I asked Carlisle as he worked, afraid to hope.
“No, not really.”
I felt numb—as if nothing was ever going to change during this long, long day—a day that seemed eternal to this eternal being.
As I obviously was not moving from Bella's side, Carlisle reached for the small lunch chest Alice had brought in, unzipping it and removing the apple core and sandwich wrapper, placing them next to the chest on the table beside me to make it appear that I had eaten. The stage was now set for Charlie's return, and Carlisle returned to his examination of Bella.
“Is she still in danger, Carlisle?” I asked, afraid to hear the answer.
“I think she'll be fine, Edward,” my father replied, leaning over Bella to pull back her eyelids and flash his small light into them, testing her pupil response and therefore not looking at me.
“That's not an answer,” I growled. “Is she still in danger?”
“Yes, but I really think she'll pull through just fine. She's young, strong, and healthy—all circumstances in her favor.”
“She's so fragile,” I moaned quietly. Gently I placed her hand on the bed and turned to my father. “I have to ask you something, Carlisle.”
He finished his exam of Bella and looked at me, waiting.
“If she starts to fail, will you....?” I choked, unable to get the words out.
Carlisle face froze in an expression of shock. “Change her?” he whispered.
“Yes.”
Carlisle turned back to Bella, placing his pale hand on her hot forehead as I listened to the thoughts passing through his mind:
Bella is already an integral part of this family. She nearly became one of us only a few months ago; she would have been changed then if it weren't for Edward. He needs her so desperately...more than he knows, I think....
I did not allow his thoughts to change my expression. Or my resolve.
“Is that what you want, Edward? Do you want her to become one of us?”
I did not look away from Carlisle when I heard Alice's gasp of surprise.
I spoke slowly and deliberately, “No, I don't want that...not when she has a human life to live. But if the choice comes down to changing her or her death, then yes, I want her to be changed.”
Carlisle looked deeply into my resolute eyes, and then he nodded. “I doubt we'll get to that point, Edward; I really believe she'll recover without incident. But if death is imminent, then yes, we'll change her.”
“We?” I asked, surprised by his choice of word.
“Don't you want to do it, Edward?”
The shock must have been apparent on my face. “I thought you would do it, Carlisle. I am not sure I can, not with the power her blood has for me. I'm afraid I would lose control....”
Carlisle placed a fatherly hand on my shoulder. “After what happened in that ballet studio, Edward, I have every confidence in your strength and control. If you change her, Bella will belong to you in a way you cannot imagine now. With your venom in her system, she'll be yours; I would think that both of you would desire you to be the one, Son.”
“Carlisle?” Alice's whisper came to us, surprising me; I had forgotten she was in the room. Her eyes had the accustomed blankness that meant she was seeing something beyond her physical environs. “I see her...Bella will wake within the next hour.”
Carlisle looked down at his wristwatch, then at Alice with a small smile. “Excellent. I'm very glad to hear it.” He turned to look toward the door. “I hear Charlie's footsteps. Edward, you had better leave just for appearance's sake—only for a few moments for a 'bathroom break.' Then you may return.” He scooped up Bella's chart, removing a pen from the front pocket of his white coat.
Reluctantly I nodded, and Alice flitted to my side of the bed, ready to take my place and clearing Charlie's seat for him. When Charlie pushed open the door, with a little more color on his tired face after eating, he looked immediately to Bella before turning to Carlisle.
“Any news, Doc?”
Carlisle wrote something on Bella's chart, then hung it at the end of her bed. “No, nothing new, Charlie, but right now, 'no news is good news.'”
Charlie nodded, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck.
“You could use a nap. I can have an orderly bring in a recliner for you so you can sleep.”
“No thanks, Doc. I'm fine right here.” It was obvious from whom Bella had inherited her innate stubbornness.
Carlisle smiled at him. “Very well then. I'll be back a little later to check on her.”
“Thanks,” Charlie mumbled, taking up Bella's hand in his again.
“Alice?” my father questioned, and she gave me a hard look. Oh, yes...I was supposed to leave for a “human moment” to avoid Charlie's suspicion.
I stood, stretching my arms unnecessarily and said, “I'm heading for the restroom for a moment. Be right back.”
Alice quickly took my seat on the stool, then grabbed the remains of my “lunch” so that Charlie would definitely see it. “How about cleaning up after yourself?” she mock-grumbled.
“Fine,” I sighed, taking the trash with me as I followed Carlisle from the room.
Give me about ten minutes with Charlie, okay? Alice thought as the door closed quietly behind us.
I informed Carlisle of Alice's request, then we separated, he to check on other patients while I walked to the nurses' station to ask for the bathroom for appearance's sake, not that I didn't already know its location.
“Right around the corner, first door on your left,” replied a young blonde nurse. Her thoughts then became unnecessarily admiring of my person in a rather lewd manner that I attempted to ignore; I tried to divert my mind from the thoughts in hers, concentrating instead on the good news Alice had given us of Bella's imminent waking.
Rounding the corner, I entered the men's room, locked the door behind me, and splashed cold water on my face from the sink. Standing up to dry my face with a paper towel, I tracked Alice's and Charlie's conversation from Bella's room.
“How are you doing, Charlie?” Alice's voice was quiet but friendly, and I envied my sister's easy relationship with Bella's father—far more natural than my relationship with the police chief.
She noted the tired way he rubbed his free hand across his eyes, his other hand holding onto Bella's.
“Fine, fine,” he answered absently.
“I hope you don't mind our being here. We love Bella as if she were family.”
Charlie looked at Alice, his eyes suddenly alert. “I know that, and I appreciate it, Alice. It just occurred to me....” his voice trailed off, and Charlie blushed with embarrassment. So that's where Bella gets her adorable blushing from.
“What, Charlie?” Alice asked, her voice patient.
“I see how much he cares for her. How much he loves her.” His voice was soft, reluctantly admiring. I smiled to myself wryly, noting that Charlie still referred to me as “he” rather than by name.
“Yes, he does. Edward loves her more than life itself,” Alice replied gently.
“I see that. I just wish....” Charlie sighed loudly, then continued. “I wish that Bella was still eight and eager to go fishing with me every Saturday. She's growing up so fast—she's almost an adult. And I have a funny feeling that she's not going to be with me for much longer.” The last sentence was barely a whisper, but Alice and I heard it without question.
“I see in her eyes how much she loves him, too. I know he's going to take her away. I know it's how it's supposed to be. But I just got her back, and I'm not ready to lose her so soon.”
Alice's thoughts were sympathetic as she hugged Charlie. Tread carefully, Edward, she warned. Charlie is really upset.
I tossed the damp paper towel and my lunch trash into the waste receptacle and left the bathroom, walking slowly back toward Bella's room.
“At least he's not talking my ear off while we're stuck here together,” Charlie grumbled as I pushed open the door. Alice's grin in response to Charlie's comment greeted me as I slid back onto the stool at Bella's side.I took her hand inmine, then looked at Alice in surprise.
“I think her hand is cooler,” I said, looking from Alice to Charlie.
Alice placed her hand on Bella's forehead. “I think you're right. Let me get Carlisle.” She disappeared out the door in search of our father.
I smiled at Charlie in relief, and he looked back at me, not quite willing to celebrate yet until he heard the news from Carlisle. But I recognized the difference in Bella's temperature, and my heart was already lightening.
Carlisle entered the room, Alice on his heels, both smiling. Carlisle placed the thermometer gently in Bella's ear, then a moment later, withdrew it. He looked down at the apparatus, then looked at Charlie, his smile widening. “100.3” he said, “down almost four degrees.”
Alice flew into Carlisle's arms, joyfully hugging him, then turned to me, wrapping her arms around me tightly, her smile wide. In just a moment she had rounded the bed and was embracing Charlie as well. “Good news!” she crowed, and Charlie finally cracked a smile.
Then we all turned toward the bed as a hoarse voice croaked, “Edward?” And I felt a faint squeeze of my cold hand.
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