~ CAITLIN'S POV ~
I hear my phone vibrate against the bathroom bench and look down to see a message from Harry:
'Do we have any Chicken?'
I furrow my brow at his random text.
Me:
'Um I think so, why?'
Harry:
'Do you feel like chicken? :P'
I can't help but smile at his response. The boys were called to another meeting today, I'm not exactly sure what for, but Harry said he would make me dinner tonight to make up for ruining our plans, again. I'm guessing that his inquiry about the chicken means he wants to cook it tonight.
Me:
'Chicken's good, but I thought dinner was supposed to be a surprise? ;)'
Harry:
'You know one ingredient of the dish, I think I've got this one covered ;*'
I shake my head and smile to myself as I place my phone back on the bench. I'm really happy that after three years and everything we've been through, that we still have a great relationship. We hardly ever have fights and if we do, it's about who put the empty milk back in the fridge or something, in which we end up laughing about anyway.
I finish applying mascara and start straightening my side fringe. I keep telling myself I'll grow it out, but that never happens. Every time I go to the hairdresser I change my mind.
"Sophia wants to know if we wa-." I cut off the familiar and unexpected voice from behind me, as I scream and jump back, dropping the straightener, knocking numerous things to the floor. Danielle stands in the doorway, now laughing at the events that have just taken place.
"You scared the shit out of me!" I exclaim, picking up bobby pins, the soap container and the toothpaste that I dropped.
"Scaring you will never get old." She smirks, still laughing at my reaction.
"You're a bitch you know that?"
"Yep, but so are you, and that's why we're friends." She points out matter of factly and I roll my eyes at her statement. "So Sophia wants to know if we want to go out on Liam's boat, with her and Perrie." She explains.
"That would be fun, we should." I agree, then furrow my eyebrows at her last words. "With Perrie?" I question.
"Yeah," she simply answers.
"I thought...? Are they friends now?"
"Yeah kind of, she's trying to reconcile with us all apparently."
"That's a brave move." I raise my eyebrows. After Zayn left the band 10 months ago, Perrie completely lost contact with the boys and rarely spoke to the rest of us. Then when Zayn broke up with her a few months ago, she blamed it on the boys and 'all the pressure they put on him.' She became pretty much a solid bitch, I'm just hoping that she's changed.
"I know, I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea of seeing her."
"I guess if she's willing to apologise now, that's better than nothing." I shrug. "When are they going?"
"In an hour."
"Oh okay, I'll start getting ready."
.
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.
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"Now, isn't it the one with the black strip down the side and the yellow words?" I pull up in the car park, turning the car off as I look around from boat to boat.
"Yeah I think so." Danielle clarifies as we both get out of the car. The white flowing beach dress that I chose to wear over my bathers gently blows against my leg in the wind. I place my beach hat and sunnies on, which shade me from the burning rays of the sun.
I grab the bag from the back with the water, snacks and sunscreen inside, and lock the car.
We walk along the wooden boardwalk until we find the familiar boat that Liam took us all out on once. The pier is filled with people, which makes it harder to find the boat. The only thing saving us from probably getting recognised by people is our hats and sunnies. Cliche' I know.
"Guys!" I turn around to see Sophia subtly waving at us trying not to draw any more attention.
"Hey girl." I smile once we approach her and I wrap my arms around her small frame.
"How have you guys been? Having a good summer?" She asks as she hugs Danielle.
"Yeah it's been pretty good actually, how about yours?" Danielle replies.
"It's been.... interesting." She laughs, showing her amazing smile that always seems to glow. "Now guys, I know Perrie hasn't exactly been the greatest friend these past months, but can you just listen to what she has to say?" She pleads, looking back and forth between us. "She's been through a lot." She adds, just as Perrie walks out from inside the cabin. She smiles at us and places her hands in her pockets, looking extremely awkward.
Sophia guides us onto the boat and it looks exactly how I remember it. Bright orange cushions placed on the wooden seats that line the side, black carpet with speckled white bits and huge plasma television in the cabin that seems too big for a boat.
"Hey guys." I hear Perrie speak, breaking through the memories of being on here last time.
"Hi, Perrie." Danielle says before anything comes out of my mouth. I don't know if I want to speak, in case I say something that I shouldn't, which I usually seem to do.
"Hi." I simply answer, sounding like I struggled to get that out. Silence is thick in the air as we all awkwardly stand there.
"Well, would you guys like a homemade lemonade before we kick off?" Sophia offers, breaking the silence.
"Yes please." We both answer at the same time. She disappears into the cabin and leaves us alone with Perrie.
"I-"
"So-" Perrie and I both say at the same time.
"You go." She offers.
"No you go." I tell her. I was only saying something to stop the awkwardness that probably just would have made it even more awkward.
She sighs and looks out to the pier, biting her lip. "I'm sorry." She rushes out. "I shouldn't have blamed it on you guys and I shouldn't have just ignored you and I shouldn't have overreacted like that I'm sorry I'm selfish and I'm an idiot who can't even keep her fiancé happy...." She rambles on, breaking into tears. My anger disappears and I automatically feel sympathy for her as I watch her wipe at her tears and try to mumble something incoherent to us.
"Perrie, it's alright." I walk towards her and wrap my arms around her comfortingly. Danielle walks up next to me and starts rubbing her shoulder to calm her down. I look at Danielle and she shrugs as I thin my lips into a line.
"No it's not I was such a bitch and I'm such a wreck I'm so sorry I'm so pathetic-"
"You're not pathetic. Zayn is the idiot for breaking it off with you." I try to comfort her as she stops crying.
"He is an idiot, and a fucking lying bastard." She wipes at her tears as we both look at her in confusion.
"What did he lie about?" Danielle asks.
.
.
.
.
"I have no words for that prick." I sit there speechless. "Did you tell anyone while all this was happening?" Perrie just unravelled to us everything that happened. Apparently Zayn was tired of the boys and performing with them so he went behind the boys back and signed an agreement with modest that he'd quit in March. This was in December the following year, and he didn't tell the boys until the end of February, which I already knew and thought it was just a late decision. Zayn then told Perrie that the boys had pressured him to be the perfect lead (Zayn was never considered the lead so I don't know what the hell he's on about) and he couldn't handle it anymore, and strictly told her not to speak to them as they had turned on him. So when he finally left he spent a lot of time with Perrie, bought a house with her and spoiled her. He told her all this shit that Danielle and I apparently had said about her and Zayn, and she believed it all. Then when he started making songs with naughty boy and other rappers, he started mysteriously going out with friends all the time and coming home high and trying to come on to Perrie and being really demanding and would then apologise in the morning, that defending that he's 'just going through a tough time' and all that bullshit. A couple more months of this and he randomly texted her saying 'we can't do this anymore.' That's the part that really pisses me off.
"No, he made me promise to not share our problems with anyone." She explains, making my anger rise.
"He lied to everyone, including all the fans. They should know." Danielle states.
"They can't. If we told them this, think of how disappointed they would all be, it's better that they believe this than the truth." Sophia admits. I sigh in frustration and squeeze my knuckles. I was angry enough at this boy as it is, I didn't think I could hate someone so much. I could punch something right now.
"Well, if there's absolutely nothing we can tell anyone, then we're at least getting revenge on the bastard." I start plotting ways in my head that we can get revenge on him, letting my imagination run wild.
"I'll start making a list." Danielle offers, standing up and moving towards the cabin.
"I'll get us started." Sophia walks towards the front of the boat and the engine roars to life.
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.
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After sorting out the plan, we decided to relax in the summer sun to let off some steam. I can feel my skin heating up, but it's not too hot that I'm burning. I lift my head up to double check that I haven't started turning red yet.
One of the boys' songs start playing through the speaker and a smile grows on my face. I start to think of the tour coming up but stop myself short before I start getting upset about it. I hate being away from Harry for a long time, it's like taking away my security blanket.
"Just how fast the night changes...." I hear Dani sing along with the tune, and we all start to sing along as well.
I sit up and begin to re-apply sunscreen. I see Sophia lean up on her elbows, and takes some sunscreen for herself. "I can't believe they're leaving tomorrow." She pouts, disappointment clear in her tone. I go to agree when I let her words sync in. Tomorrow? What? She must have made a mistake.
"Tomorrow? Don't you mean in two weeks?" I ask, sounding doubtful. She looks at me confused before awkwardly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"No, they're leaving tomorrow for the preparation of the tour." She adds. I stare at her for a good minute, trying to register what she just said.
"What?" I simply say.
"Didn't you know?" Danielle cuts in. "I thought Harry would've told you?" My mind can't seem to process what's going on right now. They leave tomorrow? How did I not know about this? They can't be leaving tomorrow, surely.
"Is this a joke?"
"No, Caitlin. The boys found out yesterday at the meeting." Danielle answers. The serious look on her face shows me that they're not joking. The boys are leaving tomorrow. Harry is leaving tomorrow.
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.
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I slam the door shut as I get in the car and buckle my seatbelt. I turn the car on and start the engine, reversing out of the park.
"You still have tonight and the morning with him." Danielle tries to reassure me as I stare at the road ahead intently.
"Why didn't you mention this earlier?"
"I thought you knew." She defends. Well I didn't know. Harry decided not to tell me. That's why the meeting went for so long, and maybe that's why he was acting all clingy. I knew that there was something he wasn't telling me. He usually distracts himself from a problem when it's something big.
The rest of the car ride is silent, but the anger and hurt still isn't going away. I look at the clock and see that it's 5:30. We've been out for about 6 and a half hours. It went by quickly, I guess time goes fast when you're having fun. Except for the past hour. I tried to forget what they had just told me but I couldn't stop thinking about how I was the only one who didn't know. Even Perrie somehow knew. I feel so stupid.
I pull into the driveway to see the front gate unlocked, signalling the boys' return. I turn the car off and take a deep breath.
"I don't think he meant to upset you by not telling you." She tries to comfort me. I look at her and give her a half smile.
"Yeah, I know."
I lock the car as we walk up the driveway and reach the front door. I follow after Danielle as an amazing smell starts to fill my nostrils. Dinner. He's already started cooking it. I'm not sure if I want to be angry or upset with him, or just act normal like nothing happened.
Louis comes walking out from the hallway and spots us walking in.
"Hey, you guys are back!" He smiles, his arms wide as he walks towards us.
"Yes we are." I state. He walks up to Danielle and gives her a kiss on the cheek as I walk past them.
"I missed you today." He tells her sweetly.
"Me too." She replies, making my stomach sink. It's not like they get to see each other after tomorrow either, plus they're engaged. So if anything they've got it worse than Harry and I do. I try to make myself believe this, but it doesn't work, instead I make myself feel even worse.
I walk past the kitchen and look to see Harry with his back to me. Busy cooking away, making loud sizzling sounds as the exhaust fan blows. I contemplate going up to him to say hello, but instead my feet carry me up the stairs to the bedroom.
I place the beach bag on the dresser and start to unpack the contents. I throw the towels in the laundry basket as I hear the sound of Danielle's thongs echoing off the tiled floor of the hallway.
"So Lou and I are going to leave you two alone. Have fun and tell me if anything happens." She gives me a pointed look before exiting the room and retreating back down the stairs.
I'm not exactly sure if I'm in the mood to 'have fun' right now. I kind of just feel like laying in bed alone watching a movie and crying while I eat chocolate. Sounds like a perfect plan to me. And I'm still angry, but I think I'm just more angry at the situation than I am at Harry. He only found out yesterday, meaning he hasn't exactly had much time to tell me. It's just that Louis and Liam both managed to tell Dani and Sophia, I just wish Harry had told me last night so I could spend as much time with him.
"Hello there." I hear a deep, teasing voice from the doorway, making me snap out of my thoughts. I look up and see Harry leaning on the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. My current anger disappears at the sight of him and his gorgeous dimpled grin.
"Hello." I reply smiling, deciding to cover the fact that I know.
"Dinner is served." He states as he walks across the bedroom to stand in front of me. He leans down and places his hands on my thighs, kissing my nose as he does so.
"Good, because I'm hungry." I admit, making him smile. He takes my hand in his and leads me out of the bedroom and down the hallway.
"Can I get changed first?" I chuckle.
"Why do you need to get changed?" He questions. I gesture to the clothes I am currently wearing.
"Because I am still in my bathers."
"And the dress thing." He points out. I give him a pleading look but he doesn't give in. "You look beautiful there is no need to change." He steps closer and whispers in my ear, "plus, they'll be coming off shortly anyway." I shake my head as a smile appears on my lips at his flirtatious remark.
He leads me down the stairs and to the kitchen table that is set up with a bunch of roses in the middle, and two candles beside them. The smell of roast chicken fills my nostrils as I see the two plates also on the table with a colourful salad next to the chicken.
"Wow this is amazing, it smells amazing." I compliment, making him smile. He pulls my chair out for me and I thank him as I sit down, and he takes the seat across from me.
"I hoped you'd like it." He says as he pours the red wine. I almost feel guilty for being mad at him before. God why can't I just forget about it for now and spend tonight with Harry while it lasts.
I smile at him as I look up and his eyes meet mine. "I love it Harry, thank you."
He hands me my glass of wine and pours one for himself.
With my stomach grumbling and the smell of the delicious-looking feast in front of me, I decide to dig in. I moan as I take my first bite and look up at Harry.
"This is so good." I say with my mouth full. There's nothing better than having a boyfriend that can cook.
We talk for a while about my day and what they talked about at the meeting, but he doesn't say anything about leaving tomorrow. Not even one word, as if he's purposely dodging the subject. In fact when he talks about the meeting he smoothly tries and directs the conversation to something else. I don't want to push him to tell me, but he better bloody tell me because at the rate we're going, he's going to tell me nothing and I'm going to end up with a note next to my pillow in the morning.
"So does Liam know that you took his boat out?"
"I have no idea to be honest." I confess. "Sophia's actually a pretty good driver though."
"Is she really? I wouldn't have thought"
"Well we didn't crash." I reply, making him smile.
"Well that's good to here." He muses, taking another sip of his red wine. As he places the glass back on the table I notice his lips are stained a light pink. I don't know how he managed to do that, and I can't help but giggle. "What's so funny?" He looks at me with a confused look, half smiling.
I point to my lips gesturing there is something on his. "Your lips are pink." I tell him, and he instantly wipes at his mouth and I smile. "You're going to have to wash it off."
"Saves me wearing lipstick." He shrugs, a sarcastic smile plastered on his face as his dimples stand out. I shake my head at his sarcasm and grab his plate, placing it on top of mine.
"You don't have to do the dishes." He tells me as I stand up and walk towards the sink.
"You set up an excellent dinner, so I take care of the dishes." I propose, and I hear his footsteps behind me. I feel his hands run up my arms and run over my shoulders.
"Just leave them on the bench, we can do them later." He pushes.
"If I do them now then they'll be out the way." I say as he wraps his arms around my waist and starts kissing my neck.
"Don't do them now, I'm taking you away." He pulls me with him and I try to hold my ground but he's a lot stronger than me.
"Harry." I whine. He would never leave dishes to sit, he only offers to do them instead of me, but never just leaves them sitting there.
"You're coming to bed." He whispers seductively in my ear as he turns me around and forcefully but at the same time gently kisses my lips. His hands rest on my hips as he pulls them towards his.
"Getting a bit desperate here are we?" I muse, having to pull out of the kiss to speak. I smirk at his playful behaviour as he bites his lip when he looks down at me. He continues the kiss and I laugh into his lips, I can tell that he is smiling as well.
I wrap my hands around his neck and play with his baby hairs like I usually do. I feel his hand on my leg and I jump up as he grabs hold of my bum to hold me up on his waist. He squeezes gently and I bite his lip as he does so. He starts walking towards the stairs but I stop him by breaking the kiss and shaking my head.
"No," I breath out heavily, leaning over and sweeping my arm across the table to get rid of the few things in the way.
"Wha-" I cut him off by placing my finger over his lips and smiling. He looks at the table, then back at me, and when a smirk covers his lips, I smash my lips back on his. My back hits the table gently and he deepens the kiss. He starts pulling my dress off and over my head, and I start to unbuckle his pants, not breaking the kiss.
Once he's in his briefs and I'm left in my bikini, what I had forgotten for the last part of the dinner suddenly hits me, with all the emotions I was feeling before. I pull back slightly, not enough for Harry to get the hint. Part of me wants to keep going but the other half is mad that he decides to have sex with me instead of telling me. I try to shut down the thoughts but they're not going away. When is he planning on telling me? Was he even going to tell me tonight? Am I going to wake up with a note and an empty bed? I can't take it any more and I push at his chest when he takes my top off. He reluctantly pulls back and looks down at me worried and confused.
"What's wrong?" He asks. I sigh and lean up on my elbows as he leans off of me a bit to give me some room. He searches my face as I look up and search his.
"Were you even planning on telling me?" My words obviously take him by surprise by the look he gives me.
"Tell you what?" He looks utterly confused and I'm not sure if that makes me feel angry or guilty for some reason.
"Oh gee I don't know, maybe that you're leaving tomorrow?" Angry it is. His facial expression turns from confusion, to shock, to realisation.
"What- how did you know?" His voice almost cracks, which makes me want to break down in tears, but at the same time my fury is still going strong.
"Danielle, Sophia, Perrie. Everyone knew except me." I complain. He's lost for words as he leans his hands on the sides of the table next to me. He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, the way he does when he's frustrated or nervous.
"I-" he stops himself mid-sentence and sighs before continuing. "I didn't know how to tell you." He admits, looking up from the ground carefully at me. I can only guess that his hurt expression matches mine.
"Well save it, Harry, you didn't have to." I grab my clothes and cover my body as if I'm embarrassed. I get off the table and stomp up the stairs and to our bedroom.
"Caitlin!" I hear him call but I ignore him as I throw my dress on the ground and slam the bathroom door shut behind me. I lean my hands on the edge of the sink and feel the tears start to run. He was just going to leave without saying anything? Until just before they left at least? I had thought of that as my worst nightmare, I didn't think it would have actually happened.
"Caitlin, I'm sorry." The tone of his voice makes my heart break, I hate hearing him this way, but he hurt me. "Please don't be mad."
I look at myself in the mirror and see my eyes are already all red and my cheeks are blotchy. "You were just going to leave!" I shout, but instead it comes out as a pathetic attempt.
"No! I wouldn't do that. I was going to tell yo-"
I cut him off. "In the morning? A few hours before you leave? Like that's any better." I can't stop the tears streaming down my face. I don't usually cry often, especially over these past three years I don't think I've cried at all. But they are just absolutely pouring out now and I don't know why. He's left on tour before, but I guess the others' weren't as long as this one, and I don't get to go with them for any part of the tour. I don't think it's actually hit me until now.
"I'm sorry." He simply says. Silence fills the space as I think about being here alone without him. I can literally feel my heart breaking, and it doesn't feel that great. What makes this situation even worse is the lack of time. If he had known say a week ago, we would have spent more time together or I would at least have been prepared. But the fact that he found out yesterday, and I found out today and he's been stuck at meetings for the past two days, doesn't help.
I sit down slowly with my back against the cupboard. "What time do you leave?" I ask weakly. Silence follows as I wait for an answer. Just as I start thinking he's left, he decides to answer.
"10:30, in the morning," he replies, and a hole grows in my stomach. I lean my head down and wrap my arms around my knees as I begin to cry. "Please, let me in." He begs pathetically. I stay put, no plan on getting up and opening the door. A few minutes pass as I continue to cry in the silence. "Caitlin," he pleads.
We sit in silence for a good half an hour, possibly even longer, when I finally hear him get up. The door slightly moves under his weight, before I hear his feet carry him away from the door. I've stopped crying now, but I feel like if I speak, the waterfall will just start all over again.
The realisation that I only have 13 hours left with him finally hits and I shakily stand up from my uncomfortable position on the tiled floor. My back is aching and my legs are filled with pins and needles. I unlock the door and place my hand on the knob as I slowly begin to turn it. I open the door to find Harry no where. I walk out to the middle of the room and see him on the balcony, the door wide open as a breeze rushes in.
His hands are resting on the railing as he looks out. By the way he is standing and the way the muscles in his back move I can tell that he is stressed. I walk towards the door and have to hold myself up with the doorframe because my legs are shaking. His hands are tightly gripping the railing to the point where his knuckles are white, making my stomach sink. Why did I have to get so mad? I'm not going to see him for at least two months, maybe even four if they don't get a break. I don't want my last moments with him to be a fight.
"Harry." I say into the wind. My hair is blowing around my face and goosebumps rise on my skin. I repeat his name and he turns around, startled at my appearance.
"Caitlin," he breathes in relief, walking straight up to me and wrapping me in a tight hug. One arm is wrapped around my back while the other holds my head supportively against his chest. If he wasn't holding me right now I would fall because my legs just aren't capable of holding me up anymore. He kisses the top of my head while the tears return. My arms are caught in front of me resting on his chest. I'm going to miss this, just being comforted by Harry's warm embrace.
"I'm so, so sorry." He apologises, sadness clear in his tone. I just want to tell him it's alright so he doesn't sound so broken, but I can't, because I don't know that it will be. I haven't gone this long without him in a long time, and to be honest, I'm scared, I'm really fucking scared.
SORRY I'VE TAKEN SO LONG TO UPDATE THIS CHAPTER! HOLIDAY + NO INSPIRATION + HOMEWORK = NO PRODUCTIVITY. I CAN'T PROMISE THAT THE NEXT CHAPTERS WILL BE UPDATED SOON EITHER BUT I WILL TRY! EXAMS ARE COMING UP BUT THEN SCHOOL IS OVER IN 4 WEEKS! HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER XX