Caira Nivea Seoul
Sharing a dick that plenty other females slobbed on and used is not my thing, I might say from time to time how bad I want to fuck but don't take it in a literal sense . To fuck means to have meaningless sex, passing up the goods to someone who don't give a fuck about your feelings he's just trying to fuck them . There's a difference, between both sex . Males who like to fuck treat it as a sport, the more woman they bag the higher the body count . For females who like to fuck, they don't even do it because they like it half the time . Sometimes it's just to please other men or to help compensate from the neglect or personal experiences they had growing up . Females who like to fuck, get fucked over . There is no win or lose, what the hell do you gain from fucking around ? I crave to fuck but I will not go to that length to get it over with in 20 minutes, then regret it because it wasn't how I wanted it to be . The first time I have sex, I want to be special . I want it to mean something to me, I want it to be a story that will make me laugh, cry, and smile all in one, and I want it to feel good . Not just in a sexual pleasuring sense, but mentally . I want to feel high, like I took a bottle of ecstasy previously before . And as I'm coming down from that high, I'm smiling from ear to ear .
I don't want to fuck, I want to make love . It's a big difference when a nigga tells you he wants to fuck you and when he tells you he wants to make love to you . When some dude tells you he wants to fuck you, you better slap the shit out of him . Don't ever let a nigga get away with telling you that, I guarantee you'll feel real cheap about yourself in the longrun . I don't want to feel like my worth is less than what it should be, if you want me you better plan on keeping me for a lifetime and not just for the night . When a man tells you he wants to make love to you, your ass damn well better feel honored . Feel like a queen if you have to, better yet his queen cause if he's telling you that he wants to make love he's serious about his . Nobody wants a quick pumper, I want someone to make love to me all night long . Ain't nothing wrong with going slow, speeding it back up, then taking it down low . The first time I make love, be gentle . I may not know what I'm doing, but he can definitely teach me everything I need to do to satisfy him at the same time .
" This your first time ?" this guy asked me
I don't even know whose house I was at or whose room I was in, I was invited to this house party and wanted to see how far I could take it . It wasn't even a party, I was lied to . This bitch used me as her bystander while she and the three others we came with took to the guys that was in the house, they knew the dudes they were with I didn't . All we did was talk the rest of the night while the others branched out in different places of the house, this dude was everything . Cute, funny, beautiful smile . In 20 minutes of knowing nothing about him, I wanted every bit of him . I was beginning to contradict myself, but I wanted to see how far my scary ass is willing to go with this .
"No ." I lied "You ?"
He smirked and replied in such a cocky manner "You really asking me that ?"
I laid myself down as our tongues danced together, without a second of hesitation his hands was gradually entering my pants . His two fingers rubbed up against my already wet panties, I was beginning to feel a sense of guilt for the act we were pulling . I didn't really have intentions of going through with this, I couldn't go through this one . I had my moms voice in my head screaming at me, besides I'm not ready for this . I was just testing the waters, that shit is cold .
"Stop ." I said nudging him of of me and sat at the edge of the bed, I fixed my blouse and button my pants
"What's your problem ?"
"I don't need to have a problem, I just don't want to do this ."
"You that type of female ."
"And what type would that be ?"
"The scared of dick type ."
"I''m not scared of that little baby dick you got ."
He pulled his dick out right on the spot, I won't lie it was a nice size . He was fully erected too, such a shame it's going to waste "You going to say this a baby dick ? If you ain't scared then touch it for a while ."
I looked at him for a while "That's rude as hell, I'm not that type of girl ."
"You was that type of girl a few seconds ago, you can act like you wasn't down to fuck all you want . But if you wasn't that type of girl, you wouldn't have let me had my hand down your pants ."
"Did I let you put your hand in there or did you force it down ? Don't lie now, let's get it straight ."
"Let me tell you this . If you lead a dude upstairs, having him think you going to fuck and you don't know shit about him you that type of girl . You let me touch you the way I did, you that type of girl . All a sudden you want to stop in the middle of it cause you scared, you still going to be that type of girl . All that shit you talking right now don't even matter to me, all I know is you got me hard and I need this dick handled . How you plan on solving that, you sucking or we fucking ?"
I rightfully slapped the shit out of him, he rubbed his cheek with a grin on his face "I don't care what you think I am, but don't talk to me like that . You don't know me, I don't care if you a man I will fuck you up by my damn self . You want it sucked, you better make like a bobble head and get the sucking your self ."
Should I be ashamed that I'm Nineteen and having that had been the first time I had been intimately felt up on like that by the opposite sex ? Before that thought of even going upstairs with him accrued in my mind I was already soaking in my panties, what does that say about me ? I was never going to have sex with that guy, I was just seeing how far my scary ass would have gone . That's the most I've ever done with a guy, we kiss here and there and he touches on me but my hands and mouth go no where near his dick . When I was younger I always used to say to myself I would never suck somebody off, then it changed to maybe my husband on special occasions . After hearing stories from my friends and shit, they all said the same thing I did . Once they tried it though, it was a different story . Had me changing my mind to, I don't want their opinions to influence me, if I want to try it one day I want to make sure it was me who decided and not somebody else for me .
I was getting tired waiting for the other to decide they wanted to leave so I left on my own, I was sleeping real good too . It was one of those time when you wake up feeling so relax, with a smile on your face . Till somebody took me out of that and ruined my good ass sleep .
" Caira, wake up !"
"Hakeem get hell out my room !" I said throwing my pillow at my little brother
"Ma said you got to pick me up from that mall ."
"It's too early too be even going to the damn mall ."
"Caira, it's 1:30 . Your ass been sleep all damn day !"
"Watch who you talking too, you sixteen years old find your own damn ride home ."
"I don't have time to be playing around with you, ma said if you don't take me she going to beat your ass . Now you can risk your face getting snatched off later or get your lazy ass up out of bed and get me when I call you ."
"Hakeem, you got 5 seconds to get out ."
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ." he said taking the liberty upon him to countdown for me, once I lounged at him though his punk ass ran
Hakeem is my step brother, my dad left when I was four years old . I met him maybe 6 times out of those four years of knowing him . Last time I heard from him he said that he was going to come pick me up, I waited and waited and waited around ready to go all day for him to come but he never did . My mother had to comfort me all day because I was so upset that he's done that to me so many countless times, she told me straight up it's okay to be mad at him but I can still love him because no matter what that's still my father . In my opinion I don't have a father, he's just some stranger that donated free sperm to my mother . It was just her and I from there on out, till she met Hakeem's dad . It is bad that back then I would have slept with my step-father at any given moment ? Don't judge me, I didn't like his ass . Back then she was all I had, now this dude coming out of no where was taking my spot I wasn't feeling that . I got to give it to my mama though, she got some good taste . Would you pass up a man serving in the army ? That's benefits right there, she knew exactly what she was doing . I may not have liked him but his ass was fine as hell shit, anyway back to the point . When he came along with this little ass boy, I knew it wasn't going to be temporary . There was no convincing my mother otherwise, she had already fallen for him . I'm grateful that he was very sweet to her, but he was trying to control me like that nigga birth me his damn self .
It felt like my mother was choosing him over me, anything that I used to be able to do I wasn't allowed to do anymore . Clothes that I would buy my damn self had to get taken back, because he thought they were too small or too tight . When I would say something to her, sometimes he would answer . I would hate that shit, if I'm not talking to you stay out my damn business . We went through hell with each other, I cried when they got married and it damn sure wasn't tears of joy . But through everything he was there for me and I give him a lot of respect for what he's helped me with . I feel almost ashamed that I preferred my real father over him at one point, he was there to pick the pieces . Especially when my father decided to come back to visit me, this dude popped up out of no where after twelve years with broken promises . My dad was suppose to come get me and we were going to catch up on last time, but suddenly plans changed and he said for me to meet him at the train station with my moms . Instead Hakeem's dad went with me, and we waited and waited and waited for him to arrive off the train but he never showed up . I cried on his shoulder and he was there to comfort me through the absence of my real father, I realized I already had a real father figure from the jump I just wouldn't give him the chance . After that we gotten a lot better with each other and I'm happy he came along .
Why my mother couldn't pick Hakeem up I don't know, his dad trains the recruits on the army base he works at sometimes he comes home late . After the X amount of years they been married I still can't seem to call him my dad . It's always Hakeem's dad or I call him by his name, rarely if I'm talking about him I'll call him my dad . I just haven't reached that point and I don't really think I'll feel that comfortable any time soon . I guess cause Hakeem is younger and naive he feels more comfortable taking claim to my mom, I can't yet . After Hakeem left I laid around in the house all day, we may not be blood but I still perform my duties as a sister . I have no choice, his ass is always in my business too . It was starting to get late when I got a call from Hakeem saying that I needed to come get him quick or they were going to press charges on him . I raced out the house and down the mall to the store where he was at .
"What's the problem ?" I said arriving in the store
"This dude going to try and say I stole a pair of damn headphones ."
That dude he was talking about, I know him . Not personally but I seen him around to know enough about him, Pharrell is sarcastic and usually always starting shit .
"Punk ass did steal from me, you going to tell me these Dre Beat headphone jumped in your bag ."
"My brother said he didn't steal anything from you then he ain't steal nothing ."
"Check the camera you lying !" Hakeem suggested
"You and him about to get locked up if you don't get the hell out my damn store ."
"Not until you give him an apology ."
"I don't owe him shit ."
"You definitely going to give the both of us an apology, right now or we ain't going no damn where . Call the cops if you want to ."
"I ain't apologizing, you can either by something or get the hell out cause you wasting my damn time and breath now ."
"Caira, let's just go ." Hakeem said pulling on my arm
"No, I'm not going till his rude ass gives me an apology ."
"You better listen to your brother before you get embarrassed ." Pharrell said
"Come on Caira ."
I wanted that apology for the way I was talked to and the words he said about my brother, since he wasn't going to give that to me on the way out I purposely knocked over a rack of boxes and packages of varies items .
"Hakeem, I know damn well you didn't go to the mall by your damn self . Where the hell the little friends you run with at when that happen ?"
"They ran out the store and left me behind ."
"How the headphones end up in your bag ?"
"One of them must of put it in there, we were talking about how good they sound and how much we wanted one . I didn't do it, they must have ."
I shook my head in frustration "You so stupid, them little fast ass boys going to get your ass locked up one day if you keep playing around . They obviously don't give a fuck about you if they just up and left you like that, you know your daddy going to kick your ass right ?"
"Nah, cause you not going to tell him ."
"What makes you think that ?"
"Cause, I wouldn't do that to you if the roles was switched ."
"You going to have to become my slave for a while then, you owe me big time ."
"Thank you ."