James was gone when I got up the next morning. I was grateful that I didn't have to face him. It was cold and rainy outside so I wore my heavier coat for the first time since last spring. When I put my hands in the pockets, I felt something and pulled it out. It was a ticket stub from a movie that James and I had gone to see. I hadn't really been interested, and didn't care for the film, but James had so I'd kept my mouth shut.
Thinking back, I remember a lot of little things like that. Where it wasn't my choice or my decision, but I'd gone along with it to make him happy. I believed that was what marriage was. I didn't want to rock the boat. But I suppose in the end it just made me a chump. Because I wasn't getting that kind of treatment in return. He had the upper hand always, and every choice in our marriage had been made by him and him alone. The only think I'd ever done was decide to go back to school. Now I was going to have to give that up. Because James paid for it. Once the semester was over, I had to say goodbye to college once again. I shook my head at the irony. I'd wanted to better my life, find myself so to speak. Instead I'd found Harry. Now the thing that had brought me to him would be no more.
But one thing was for certain. I wasn't going to give up Harry.
History was dull with the exception of a pop quiz. I'd almost fallen asleep by the end of class. Because I'd only made it just in time, I hadn't had a chance to talk to Harry beforehand. So as we walked out together, I told him I was leaving James. He listened intently as I gave him all the details of the night before.
"A week? Bloody hell," he cursed under his breath.
"I know," I sighed. "But I guess I can't really blame him. I wouldn't want someone who doesn't love me to live with me for another moment."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I haven't figured that out yet," I replied. "I just know I'll be busy packing and trying to avoid running into him. I texted Justine but she hasn't gotten back with me yet. I was hoping maybe I could talk her into letting me stay with her."
Harry nodded. I knew what he was thinking. And I wanted very badly to stay with him. But we both knew that wouldn't be the wisest choice right now.
He kissed me goodbye and we separated. I dreaded going to the snack bar or library for fear of running into Liz or Leslie, but it was too cold to sit outside, so I resigned to sitting in the corner of the snack bar anyway. I got a cup of hot chocolate and a muffin and sat down to read. Fortunately I saw no sign of the "mean girls", and before I knew it, it was time to walk to English class.
On the way home, I stopped by the grocery store to see if they had any empty boxes. Most of what they had had gotten wet from the rain, but I was able to get a few so I could go ahead and start packing. When I pulled into the driveway, I felt a sudden rush of sadness, knowing I would be leaving this place soon, forever. My life would be completely topsy-turvy. I'd be starting all over.
When I walked in the door and set down my book bag, I checked my phone once more for any possible messages from Justine. None. I decided to try her again, only this time calling instead of texting. I was disappointed to get her voicemail. I left her a message to please call me, it was very important. Then I hung up and dragged the empty boxes into my bedroom.
I turned on some music to distract my mind - a playlist I'd made of 70s female singers like Linda Ronstadt and Carly Simon, and sang along while I packed. Because everything in this room was mine, I didn't feel that nostalgic about anything. It was mostly items such as books and magazines, DVDs, and clothes. When I got to my jewelry box, I was afraid I would feel some sort of pang in my chest from seeing my wedding ring. I hadn't worn it since that day Harry showed up at my door and we'd made love on my bed. That particular memory was the one that put a smile on my face. Not the ring nor what it signified. I picked it up out of the box and walked into James's office. I dropped in on his desk, next to his daily planner and mug full of pens.
When I returned to my room, Carly was singing about how nobody does it better. I sang with her, my arms open wide. "Baby, you're the best!"
I picked up my phone and quickly texted Harry, just to tell him I loved him. He replied within seconds, telling me he loved me too, and asking how I was. I told him I was fine. He had to work that night, so he said he'd call me when he got home.
When the clock showed after five, I almost got up to cook dinner. Then I laughed out loud, thinking how ludicrous that would be. I'd filled up all the boxes I'd brought home, making a mental note that I'd have to get some more tomorrow. Then I got in the car and drove to a drive-thru to pick up a burger and fries. I didn't really want to be there when James got home, so I pulled into a nearby park and ate in my car. The sun hadn't quite set yet, so I got out and walked around for a little while. The rain had subsided for the day, but the night was cool and crisp. I wrapped my coat tight around myself, watching the other people go by.
Finally when the sun had gone down, I drove back home. I expected to see James's car in the garage, but his spot was empty. I figured he probably didn't want to see me either and had decided to stay at work late. I retired to my room, got in my cozy pajamas, and crawled under the covers. I picked a movie from Netflix that I'd had in my queue for a while and never got around to watching. I wasn't really paying much attention to it as my mind was elsewhere, and eventually I fell asleep.
I awoke to the sound of someone in the kitchen. I gathered it was James, and he seemed to be deliberately trying to either wake me up or annoy me. A few minutes later, I heard his footsteps approach in the hallway, then the turn of my doorknob.
"Tisa," he whispered loudly. "Are you awake?"
"I am now," I muttered, perturbed.
Not taking the hint, James walked up to the bed and sat down next to me. Although I couldn't see him very well in the dark, he looked a little disheveled. He sighed and turned towards me.
"Tisa," he said with a cry in his voice. "I don't want a divorce."
"What?" I sat up and turned on my bedside lamp.
"You're my wife," he exclaimed. "You're supposed to be my wife forever. For better or worse. Whatever problems we have, we can work through them."
I rubbed my eyes and looked at him, all slumped over the side of the bed. For a moment I felt sorry for him. Perhaps I wasn't being fair to him. He had helped me when I needed someone. He had given me so much.
James suddenly leaned forward and kissed me. I noticed the smell of scotch on his breath. Reacting fast, I pushed him away.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Kissing my wife," he replied. "I love you."
He reached for me again, but I stopped him.
"No," I demanded. "Are you drunk?"
Without answering, he just stared at me. Then he shoved his hands underneath my shirt, causing me to pull back. His touch now gave me chills, and not in a good way.
"James!"
"Why can't I touch you?" he whined.
"Because I don't want you to!" I yelled.
"I bet you let your boyfriend touch you," James declared.
I glared at him incredulously. "What?"
"You heard me," he muttered, narrowing his eyes.
He knew? How? Keeping my cool, I continued to stare at him, not giving in.
"He probably gets to touch you wherever he wants," said James. "Like here..."
James reached for my chest, but I grabbed his wrist.
"And here..."
Pointing down between my legs, James released himself from my grip and touched me. I growled at him as I tried to push myself back.
"Yeah, you like it, don't you? You like him to touch you there. Your little boy toy."
"Get out!" I screamed.
"C'mon Tisa, I still want to make this work. I forgive you."
"You forgive...," I shook my head. "Get the fuck out of my room!"
James stood up, swaying a bit. He was obviously inebriated. He raised his hands, displaying nine fingers. He double checked them before speaking.
"Nine more days, Tisa," he announced. "Nine days and you're gone."
"Fine with me!" I exclaimed. "I'll be out before then!"
He left the room without shutting the door, so I got up and slammed it. I was so livid, even more than I was afraid or curious about how he'd found out about Harry and me.
Harry.
I picked up my phone and texted him, knowing he'd be at work but I didn't care. I told him to call me ASAP. It was about another thirty minutes before my cell rang. I answered it hurriedly, eager to hear his voice.
"Baby," he greeted. "I'm so sorry, love, I couldn't call you sooner."
"It's okay," I answered. "I just had to talk to you. James knows."
"I know."
"What?"
Harry took a deep breath and released it slowly. "He was here."
"Are you serious?" I asked.
"I'm afraid so," Harry replied. "He came and sat at the bar with another man. I recognized him right away. I poured their drinks and then Grayson called my name. Your husband looked up and said, 'Oh, so you're the infamous Harry.'"
"Oh no," I breathed. "What did you do?"
"I acted like I didn't know who he was. I held out my hand to shake his and said, 'Yes, my name's Harry, and you are?' He looked me up and down for a minute then introduced himself as your husband."
"Oh, God," I grimaced.
"Grayson about shit himself. Because he didn't know you were married, see."
"Right."
"I had to keep it cool, and kept giving Grayson the eye to keep quiet, letting him know I'd fill him in later. Anyway, I definitely got the vibe that he already knew."
"Jesus Christ," I groaned.
"So after a couple of drinks, some other man came and the three of them got a table. I didn't see him after that and the bar got busy. I just now got a break. But I explained to Grayson the situation. And check this out."
"What?" I asked.
"Grayson said he's seen him in here before, during lunch hours," Harry stated. "Sometimes with one of those men, sometimes with a woman."
"Really?"
"Yes. I'm not sure what that means. They could be colleagues or clients I suppose."
"Yeah, I suppose," I echoed.
"So I take it he's home now," said Harry.
"Ugh, yes. He's drunk. He came in my room crying at first, then he wanted to touch me."
"What the fuck?"
"I know," I agreed. "I pushed him away, and he said he bets I let my boyfriend touch me."
"Did you kick the shit out of him?" Harry asked.
"No," I chuckled at the image of me kicking the shit out of anyone. "I told him to get out. He reminded me he wants me out of the house. So I need to find a place as soon as possible."
"Well I guess since he knows you can just come stay with me," he offered.
"I..."
"Tisa, I won't make you if you don't want to," said Harry. "But I would love that more than anything."
"What about Zack?"
"Zack wouldn't have a problem with it. Penny's practically living there now anyway. Or he's at her place."
I bit my lip. "I'll think about it."
"Alright, love," he cooed. "Try to get some sleep okay?"
"Okay."
"I love you," he said before he hung up.
"I love you too, Harry."