Recap of what an illumino is from Chapter Twenty Seven-
“Here in the spirit world, lies are not allowed." Kala'el said readily. "Everything I have shown you in the illumino may or may not come to be...dependant on your choice, of course. You may be able to save Her Grace and the Temple. The choice and risk is yours." Kala'el let out a satisfied sigh. “So tell me Halfling, what is your choice?”
***
Chapter Thirty One {Part One}
“Ivan, stop the illumino—you have to stop it now,” I begged, not able to bear the thought of him watching his mother die. The memory would scar him, imprison him in the dark depths of his mind, a place he retreated further into with each second. How would I ever forgive myself for binding him to that darkness? Gripping his chest manically, I pleaded, “Please, we can stop this. If we leave now, the Elders will restore us and we can save them. There’s still time.”
Ivan looked to his struggling mother for an added moment. Shifting his gaze down to me, pale gray eyes met my stare, hurt and anger whirling in the steel pools. His voice came out a whisper, dark and faint through deathly white lips. “It isn’t my illumino to stop.”
The words crashed into my ears like millions of acid filled syringes puncturing my veins. Spinning, I yelled erratically into the cloud for the Essences to stop the illumino. It was pointless. My screams faded into the crackling fire consuming the temple, blending with the cries of the dying Fae all around us. We were going to be forced to watch an execution. One only I knew about. One only I had been given the chance to stop...but didn't.
A shimmering Xanthus neared the altar in determined, confident steps. His unblemished white robe swished through the flames as he stepped over the annihilated servants. Some of the injured reached to him for help but without even a glance, Xanthus treaded over them. In passing, his fingers stroked the hands of the pleading servants reaching to him. Upon contact they froze into crystal statues, a slow fire snaking up their robed bodies, turning them to stone.
Reaching the altar, Xanthus turned to the assembly of dead Fae and brutalized statues. Letting out a slow breath, a gust of wind howled through the Temple, tunneling through like a freight train. On its wings of destruction, the cutting wind pulverized the stone Fae, carrying their crystal ashes out to the red sands.
Ascending the stairs, Xanthus towered over Her Grace, his superiority bleeding through the artificial smirk painted on his lips. Seeing him next to her accentuated his threatening frame, a large frame. I wasn’t able to look at the Black Essence because of his kaleidoscopic assault on my existence. I couldn’t look at my father for the magnamous and lethal attack on my pride. Not only did his majestic air make everything seem minute and worthless in comparison. It was more. He was magic, evil and death wrapped into a gloriously beautiful box. In some strange delusion, he was what I always thought a father should be. I wouldn’t ever feel unsafe a day in my life had he been a regular father, the overbearing type that spent weekends mowing the lawn and barbecuing, like Casey's dad. But Xanthus wasn’t a regular father, and I wasn’t safe…especially from him. Still, he made me feel insignificant, small, weak but strangely enough, what hurt most is that he made me feel ashamed to be human.
A voice—his voice said, “I will make this simple, Aria. Where is the child’s vessel?” The melody of his voice sparkled, the song of a thousand harps dancing in the heavy air. He didn’t even refer to me as his daughter; much less by name…did he even want to know my name? I was the child. I could be anyone’s child for that matter. Truth was, I was no one’s child and that should have bothered me. Instead, I stood there suddenly forgetting I was supposed to hate him. His words were supposed to have amped up my bitterness and daddy issues and thrust me into the upper stratosphere of detest and abhorrence. But it didn’t. By looking at him, my world fell apart and reshaped itself in some form I didn't understand. I couldn’t even remember what he’d done to warrant my hate in the first place.
Just by looking at him, memories of the horrors I’d been told about him vanished into a black oblivion I couldn’t reach. My old memories of lonely holidays and parentless birthdays were replaced by fragments of thought that seemed so real, had anyone asked me about them I would have bet my life that they were factual. They were all my girlish dreams materializing in my brain as reality. Fading was my will. In that moment, I actually wanted to tell Xanthus where my vessel was even though I had no idea where Her Grace had hidden it. Still, if let loose from the illumino and restored, I would have done anything to know where my body was just to hand it over to him. Every nerve ending told me that something was wrong, but my mind perceived it as right. I even tried to look away, but instead found myself reaching for him.
Ivan grabbed my wrist firmly, bringing my hand down. Clutching it tightly at his side, he shook his head saying the one world that warped my entire adoring moment and pity party into a sad perspective, one I should have been wise enough to notice. He said, “Glamour.”
I should have sensed it. Kala’el’s glamour was child’s play compared to Xanthus’. I’d been able to sense something was wrong when dealing with Kala’el. With Xanthus, I hadn’t even realized my failure and never would have known I’d fallen so deep into the lower levels of consciousness had Ivan not fished me out. I was so far gone, enveloped in the glamour that I'd lost my will. Xanthus' desires had somehow become mine and more dangerously, I actually believed they were mine all along.
Fear raked me. I had lost all sense so fast and Xanthus' glamour hadn’t even been directed at me. What the heck would I do if ever faced with having to see him face to face? I wouldn’t last a minute. On my invisible checklist of things I needed to learn, illumino moved to second place, resisting glamour clenching top spot.
“How dare you address me by name and offend me with your glamour; it is both futile and insulting.” Her Grace snarled, struggling to break free but Kala’el held her tighter against his chest, digging his claws into her porcelain skin.
“The body, Aria.” Xanthus sighed absently, blatantly ignoring her.
“I will forfeit my life before ever giving you her vessel!”
Scowling, Xanthus considering her for a moment, his face then splintered into a smile. There were no fangs oozing with tar and blood, just a perfect row of blinding white teeth. A bitter chill strummed down my spine. It was unnatural, inhuman. I didn’t want to think of the monster that lay beneath the perfectly crafted glamour.
I felt like crap again. Unlike Kala’el whom I’d desired in ways I was ashamed of and still felt flowing through my veins, in looking to Xanthus, I felt inept. He perfectly honed his power and strangely enough I felt ashamed to be his daughter because I wasn’t an eighth of the Fae he was. Not only would he be abashed because I was human but he would be embarrassed because of what a useless Fae I was. Why would he want to call me his daughter?
Glamour, I told myself. The negative thoughts were just the results of his glamour...or were they? His magic was tripping with my mind. Though anchored to Ivan's side, Xanthus' glamour was unsteadying my reality. How did my mother ever survive him?
Swiping his white robe behind him, Xanthus leaned back against the stone altar. Smoothing his hand gently over the slab, he fixed cutting eyes on Her Grace. “Forfeit your life you say? That can be arranged…but sadly, I need you. With your son dead and his vessel missing, you are the only one that can bleed the child of her powers and bind them to Maris. My sages believe the Fae and human halves can be separated and the power harnessed solely. Aside from your son, you are the only one strong enough to do it.”
Her Grace gasped, growing pale. “Strip Charlotte from her powers? No, that can’t be done. She's both human and Fae, one cannot survive without the other. It would kill her,”
Xanthus canted his head pensively. “Your point? What is a war if there are no casualties?”
Casualties? Ivan squeezed my shoulder. He must have sensed all my foolish dreams shattering at our feet. Xanthus didn’t just want to kill me; he wanted to give Maris my body…my powers…as if I never existed.
“Casualties?” Her Grace echoed. “She isn’t a pawn Xanthus, she’s your daughter! You’ve never met her, never seen her and you want her dead. Don’t you care to know anything about her? That though scared and confused, she's braver and stronger than us all. That she looks just like you without ever needing glamour? She’s beautiful and if you were to see her, see how she is handling this madness, even you would be proud of her. But all you can think of are her powers and your revenge on the humans. When will you let it go? She is your child, your daughter. Don’t you feel anything at all?” her Grace’s voice shattered with emotion. There was pain in her eyes, Xanthus’ indifference cutting her as deep as it was cutting me. She was Ivan’s mother yet fought for me as if I were her child, something my father didn’t care about, and never would.
“Feelings are for humans, Aria. Feelings require me to care. I don’t. ”
A crimson tear spilled from the corner of Her Grace’s eye. I could almost hear the sizzle of the angry tear clash against her icy skin. Nearing her, she sucked in a breath when with a terrifying tenderness Xanthus stroked Her Grace’s cheek, slicing her delicate skin open as his finger trailed the emotion trickling down her face.
Rubbing the blood and tear between his fingers, he grinned. “I would very much like to kill you, but since you will not tell me where the child’s vessel is or your sons, I'll be forced to take you with me. I will find her Aria, your son too...” Xanthus smile fell, “and then I will kill you.”
“You think if anything happens to me she’ll trust you? Charlotte isn’t a fool! She knows what a monster you are. She has strong magic and will take care of herself. She may be confused but she isn’t in this alone. Once Alistrina hears of everything you have done and what you plan to do, she will keep Charlotte safe,”
Xanthus threw his head back with a hearty crystal laugh. Kala’el joined in the amusement, their chortles tightening the fist around my stomach. It was offensive to have them display the emotion, the human emotion of joy over something so…joyless. It wasn’t right. Not even glamour could have sugarcoated the desecration. “You think Alistrina will let my spawn live, the one essential piece to breaking her precious veil between our world and the human realm? Alistrina will skin her faster than I intend to. She’s alone Aria, the child has no one to trust and eventually I will find her,” Xanthus paused abruptly, flicking his gaze past Ivan and I to whatever was behind us. “Ah, my servant brings a gift. It appears I will be able to grant your wish after all. Maybe then you won’t see me as cold and heartless. See, I can be compassionate...” He mocked.
Motioning his head over to the Temple entrance behind me, Xanthus waved a hand over the room. A deafening hush roared, the fires instantly dying. Her Grace’s eyes widened in horror as she shook her head frantically. Following her stare, I saw nothing but the rolling clouds of smoke shrouded a mystery that had me holding my breath. Receding and settling into a thin mist, the smoke parted creating a venomous path to heartbreak and lost hope, one of so much pain I could no longer breathe. At the end of the smoky path, surfacing through the veil of silenced fire was a bounty hunter. Cradled over his shoulder was Ivan’s body.
Xanthus’ upper lip curled, one lustful fang glistening with victory. As the beast approached, Xanthus opened his arms to it, a sparkle of pride in his eyes. Pain washed through me, I couldn’t scream anymore, I had no voice. Ivan didn’t look back, his eyes fixed solely on his mother. He knew.
Depositing Ivan’s body at Xanthus’ feet, the beast bowed. “Forgive me my lord. We searched everywhere but were unable to locate the human's vessel or Her Highness Maris.” He gargled, fear betraying its horrid appearance.
Xanthus chuckled “Fear not. One thing I’ve learned about those pathetic humans is they will do anything for what they want. Once Ivan is restored, he will be at my mercy. Seeing as I have what the halfling wants most, I am confident she will do anything to get him back—anything. She has risked her life once for him; she will do it again. Yes, she will come and with her, Maris. Everything is as it should be, if not better. The day of the Unseelie approaches.”
I didn’t know how to feel. Never having met me, Xanthus knew me so well. He had Ivan’s body. Once restored, Ivan would be imprisoned. Xanthus was right, I would do anything to get him back, die if I had to. I would risk it all.
“You can kill me but you will pay for this! You and Kala’el both! How foolish could you be to think you could betray the Essences and the secrets of council?” Her Grace spat over her shoulder to Kala’el.
“Betray?” Kala’el purred, his skin glistening in gold, pleasure and lust. I held Ivan’s hand tighter, needing support. I could still feel Kala’el all over me, his lips on mine, the images haunting my skin. He hadn’t branded me but his glamour was a poison seeping through my blood still.
Running his nose against Her Grace’s ear, Kala’el thrust her forward, knocking her against the stone altar. Stepping over Ivan’s body, Kala’el assumed his place beside Xanthus. “Betrayal is such a nasty little word. I betray no one. What I did, I did for my Queen, to protect my people. How could I have stood by and let my dearest Queen be fooled into granting amnesty to the daughter of her enemy? She never would have known her own daughter’s spirit was hidden within Charlotte, the same daughter that tried to kill her. You never would have told her.”
“Charlotte would never hurt Queen Alistrina!”
“Charlotte is untrained, highly emotional, human and weak. Without Ivan, she is nothing. Maris would have little trouble bending her to her will. With Maris wanting her mother dead, that was a risk I was not prepared to take. So you see, I merely performed a duty for the safety of my Queen. It is duty before dishonor or do you not remember our code my dearest Grace?”
“Don’t ever utter those words again. Your tongue is no longer worthy to speak the code of my people!”
Kala’el pressed a finger against his lips, “And to think I was going ask King Xanthus to spare your life, or better yet let you serve me for a while. I have always wondered what it would be like to have the almighty Grace kneel before me, begging for me,” he purred lowly, stroking the blood dripping from her face. Kala’el’s eyes swirled to a pale gray, a mocking innocence. Bringing the bloodied fingers to his mouth, he ran them along his lips, licking the scarlet staining them. His eyes rolling back in savage lust, they snapped open black. A primal growl rumbled in his chest, rippling through my body. “So, so sweet. I may not have been gentle, but I would have been merciful,”
A sharp pain tore through me starting from where Ivan held me. Flames swirled in his eyes, literal pools of fire rolling within their depths. The same intense flame consumed his touch. He still held my shoulder and the blistering was enough to scar my soul, but I didn’t dare move away. I stayed under his hold. We would share in everything together, especially the pain. Letting him burn my soul was the least I could do when there was a chance that I could have stopped all of it from happening had I made the right choice. Stepping closer to the aching heat he radiated, I held him tighter and clenched my teeth from the pain.
Her Grace looked at Kala’el evenly, unwavering. Straightening her spine, she held her chin high. “We’ll see what Alistrina does when she hears all you’ve done—”
Kala’el’s look darkened. “All I’ve done? Tsk, tsk. To think you are considered most wise amongst our people. What will you say to her, that you protected the Unseelie King’s daughter? That you knew where she was all this time and said nothing?” Unfurling his fingers between their bodies, Kala’el trickled his fingers slowly, swirls of ice winding into each other until a spear of ice formed in his palm.
“You have harbored those guilty of crimes against our Queen and the royal family. By withholding information, you have betrayed the High Queen and the Seelie Court. So pray, what will you say to Alistrina that will spare your life? No, you can’t say a word because you are the one guilty of treason. And The penalty for treason is...” Kala'el faded into an stealth silence.
Gasping sharply, Her Grace's eyes widened. Ivan flinched, his eyes snapping shut. I bit my tongue to contain my screams from the blistering pain of Ivan’s touch. The searing delayed my thinking leaving me confused. I hadn’t yet processed what had happened. Had anything happened at all? But as Ivan’s hands fell from me, a mirroring tear escaped his closed eyes.
Suddenly I was dizzy with understanding. Lost somewhere in the dialogue and the glamour from both Kala’el and Xanthus, I failed to see it all unravel right before my eyes. Looking down to Kala’el’s hand, it was empty, the ice spear stabbing through Her Grace. Slowly the arctic spike melted, dripping its venomous liquid laced with Her Grace’s blood onto the dusty ground.
Stepping back, Kala’el and my father watched Her Grace stutter for words while she looked down at the crystal blade piercing her. She made to wrap her fingers around the icy dagger but shock stayed her trembling hands. Her hair and eyes shifted through a haunting medley of colors, the cruelest of beauties and contradictions. She was the beauty of watching a rising sun on beach shore yet felt more like a freezing cold night in the desert waiting for death.
Gradually, the tune of colors waved to a stop, blending one into the other until amalgamating their brilliance display of colors at gray. Ashen and clawing for breath, Her Grace dropped to her knees. Kala’el towered over her, the satisfaction brimming in his eyes burning my flesh worse than Ivan’s touch ever could. Kala'el smiled, taunted. He had wanted her to kneel. My body began to shake. With Ivan burning beside me, his eyes sparkling with black tears I was slowly freezing with truth from the inside out.
That had been the scene I saw, the one Kala’el showed me. Normally knowledge of an experience helps condition us and prepare us, somehow alleviating the pain when the event happens again. Seeing Her Grace die this second time hurt worse.
Xanthus snapped his fingers, “The Seelie are approaching. We depart now. Bring the vessel; His Grace will need it to be restored.”
His Grace…Ivan. Numb from the inner cold, I stumbled back. Ivan wasn’t just a lure for me, he was the one that would perform the ceremony that would eventually kill me.
The black cloud warped from around us, folding into itself, swallowing the illumino into its black hole. Ivan and I were left standing, abandoned and holding onto one another for strength and what sanity remained.
“Answer me now, Halfling." His Black Essence's voice slithered into hearing. "How do you feel about your choice now?”
Pulse racing and heart breaking, I wanted to run and claw at His Black Essence's chest until blood was shed, until he begged me for life. But what would that accomplish? And what did it matter when I was so numb I couldn’t even move.
Remember what I had said about being the only light in so much blackness? When I wondered if I would shine bright enough to keep Ivan from that dark place? Well, my light waned. All that remained was the pathetic glow of my dying embers reflecting in the gray of Ivan's distant eyes. We were both stranded in the dark and though enveloped in Ivan's warm arms, my guilt was freezing.
I extinguished.
**
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