#ThirdPartyPooper
"When jealousy creeps, not even impassiveness can hinder the buried feelings."
-x-
There were no fucks given by Jhing that day. And a lot of days after that. Wala rin siyang paki kung sa buong linggo, iba't ibang babae ang nagpuntang office to meet their friend Miko Crux.
Wala rin siyang paki kung mag-sex mga ito sa sofa lobby.
Although. . .hindi na siya uupo sa sofa na 'yun, ever.
Friend? Hah.
"Sino ba 'yung girl?" asked Yayo during lunch.
Bagong babae na naman kasi ang nagpunta sa office para ayain mag-lunch out si Miko.
"Galing daw sa Tinder, beh," sagot ng isa. "Hindi ko naisip na sa app siya naghahanap ng babae."
"Judgmental naman," pagtatanggol ni Yayo. "He's old enough to do whatever he wants. Baka naghahanap na ng long term partner."
"Sa Tinder?!"
"Bakit hindi!" July laughed. "Anything is possible. Girl, uso na kaya ngayon ang online love."
That made Jhing's hands colder. She looked up at the aircon. Bakit kasi nakatapat sa kanya?
"Instant na nga pala lahat ngayon."
"Or. Baka naghahanap ng FuBu."
Halos mabulunan si Jhing sa sinabi ni July. When the 3 girls looked at her, she pretended she was busy staring at her food.
"FuBu? Yung clothing brand sa America?"
Jhing tried to laugh with everybody at Yayo's inquiry.
"Sa'yo pang buntis nanggaling pagkainusenteng 'yan?" July said. "FuBu! Fuck B—Oh Jhing, saan punta?"
Tumayo na kasi si Jhing. Atat na atat na siyang magtrabaho. Grabe. "Tara na, na-mi-miss ko na ineedit ko."
Nauna lumabas ng pantry si Jhing para mag-CR when July followed her and asked, "Hindi ka bothered?"
"Saan?"
"Alam mo na 'yun. Spell ko pa sa'yo?" Another laugh from July. "Miko, the Tinder thing. Tapos parang everyday may bagong babae na naghahanap sa kanya."
Sobrang linis na ng kamay niya kakasabon at kuskos.
"Ano na?"
She sighed. "No comment."
"Bakit naman?"
"Bakit ako magko-comment? Buhay niya 'yun."
Lumabas siya ng CR, sumunod si July.
"Ewan, kasi ano—uh," July dragged her uh. Pagbalik sa mga pwesto, she continued. "May something kayo ni Miko?"
Jhing felt her heartbeat stopped for a moment.
"Wala."
"Hindi ba parang nililigawan ka niya or something?"
Another heartbeat stopped. Ugh. Ikamamatay ata niya ito.
"Hindi."
"So, he's flirting with you."
She wasn't supposed to be rude, kaya binaling niya ang tingin kay July at ngumiti. She pointed at her computer. "Mamaya na tayo magkwentuhan, marami pa 'tong pages, oh."
July sighed and, thankfully, stopped bugging her.
Habang nakatitig sa manuscript, her head kept on repeating: Malandi. Malandi si Miko. Napakalandi ni Miko. Again, kung gusto nito makipag-sex sa sofa lobby – siya pa ang mag-vi-video para sumikat sa internet world.
When Miko got back from his friendly date with another friend he met at Tinder, seryoso ang mukha nito. Nakakunot pa ang noo, badtrip. Baka hindi naka-score. The moment their eyes met, his eyes lifted as he smiled.
Stomach back flip for Jhing, yeah?
Shit talaga na ngiti 'yan.
Bwisit.
Jhing swiped her phone while seated. Kung nakapagsasalita lang siguro ang phone niya, siguradong nagrereklamo na itong nahihilo. Good thing it couldn't talk. Swipe lang siya nang swipe. Kunwari may katuturan ang ginagawa.
"Nandito na lahat?" Sir Franz asked.
Nasa meeting room kasi ang book team, to discuss book related topic, and Jhing wanted out ASAP. Bakit kasi nasa tapat niya nakaupo si Miko? At bakit ba panay ang tingin nito? Sarap dukutin ng mata at ipakain sa friends na nakilala sa Tinder.
Jhing was too busy with her swiping expertise when papers were passed.
"Sa mga papel na 'yan, write 11 life goals – short term man o long," Franz explained and pointed at the box near him. "Tomorrow morning, ilagay ang papel sa box. Bago umuwi bukas, babasahin ng isa't isa ang goals without knowing who's who. Just the goals."
Nagtaas ng kamay si Facio. "Eh di walang pangalan?"
Franz nodded. A lot got excited but to Jhing, it was hell.
What do they mean by . . . goals?
Goals? Ano nga bang kanya?
Pwede siyang mag-absent the next day. Lagi naman siyang tumatakas kapag alam niyang hindi niya kaya ang isang bagay – or kaya naman niya – but too afraid of the consequences, the scenario, or the what could've been.
Thankfully, internet was invented. Nagkaroon siya ng pegs kaya nasulat ang temporary goals niya. She's tempted to title it 11 goals that will NEVER be achieved via Jhing. Nakakaloka kasi.
A knock woke her up again the day after. Sa sobrang asar, pagkakita ng KFC delivery guy dahil namalikmata pa siyang mukha ni Miko ang nakita, she felt a heat of anger.
"Allergic ako sa chicken," Jhing snapped.
What? Kailan pa?
Before she could close the door, the delivery guy said, "Eh Ma'am, bayad na po ito. Tapos pancakes po ito."
"Allergic din ako sa pancake."
Facepalm, Jhing. FACE. PALM.
"Pero—"
"Mamamatay ako sa allergy." She scratch her neck. "Ugh, amoy pa lang nagkaka-allergy na ako."
RIP Jhing due to pancake allergy.
Pakilibing na rin kasama ang humor.
"Ma'am—"
"Pakibalik sa nagbayad, pakisabi allergic ako sa kanya." At sa mga kalandian niya.
This! was the reason she shouldn't talk without thinking. She was getting snarky! But the delivery guy didn't say anything; instead, he just smiled, bid his good morning and said something near 'LQ ata.'
Walang LQ na nangyari! she wanted to shout. Walang L! or Q at that matter!
When everything finally kicked in after closing the door, napasapo siya sa noo. Ilang beses kinatok ni Jhing ang noo, trying to know if her brain's still inside her skull.
Gahd, hindi na siya magpapakita pa sa KFC, ever.
A few minutes after, her phone rang. She ignored Miko's call until it stopped an hour later.
Jhing went to work as usual. Ang nakakaloka, nakasabay niya ang babaeng friend ni Miko. Narinig kasi niyang nagtanong sa receptionist: "Is Melki—Mel-cheese-dehek Korohks here? "
Melkizedek Krus, she wanted to correct. Pupunta-punta sa office, hindi naman pala alam name pronunciation ng kalandian.
To add twinkling glitters to her good mood, nakasalubong niya si Miko pagpunta niyang pwesto. But Miko wasn't smiling that morning. Badtrip. Ulit?
Bagong araw, bagong babae. Bagong walang paki moment ni Jhing.
Sinisisi ni Jhing ang boring day niya dahil sa boring manuscript na binabasa. But hey! Part of the job, no complaining. She didn't know her life can get a lot more boring than usual. Ayun, wala siya sa mood the whole day.
Surprisingly, tahimik din si Miko hanggang mag-meeting ang book team para ituloy ang goals thing that didn't made sense for Jhing.
Nagtawanan ang iba dahil sa mga sinabing life goals, "maging unang lalaking manganganak sa Mars", "pakasalan si John Lloyd o Papa P", may isang "hiwalayan ni Dingdong si Marian para sa akin", at mayroon pang "maging kabit ko si Maria Ozawa" which gained lots of laughter.
Nahiya tuloy si Jhing when Facio read a set of familiar goals. Alam niyang kanya 'yon.
"Be rich, travel world, a good relaxation, business for Nanay, buy leisure without worrying for money, Write all stories inside head," Facio read.
There were no names included but all eyes were on her.
Obvious na obvious kasi.
"Movie adaptation of own work, receive writing award, get siblings good education, discover right life path."
"Deep," July commented and smiled at Jhing.
Of course, Jhing pretended she was not the owner of the goals. Wala kayang pangalan! They shouldn't judge her, okay.
Good thing she crossed out Contentment for her last goal. Napag-isip kasi niyang ayaw niya maging kuntento lang. She strives to be more. Better than she was yesterday.
She ended up with the 11th goal: "Have reason to smile."
Ang cheesy pala pakinggan.
A few set of goals after, it was Jhing's turn to read. Kumuha siya ng papel and saw a familiar horrible handwriting on the paper.
Unang goal pa lang, parang pinatay agad si Jhing.
"Kumain ng KFC Breakfast."
She could feel her skin burning from someone's stare. Nakaramdam siya ng guilt. Pancake allergy? Kainis.
"Mag-overnight, pumunta ng ToysRus, mag-artist talk." She read faster. "Manood ng Ayala lights sa XMas."
"Christmas!" she heard someone said.
"Nakasulat dito, X," she reasoned. "Binasa ko lang."
"Ay ang pangit ng sulat," another commented.
Jhing laughed from the inside when Miko creased his forehead.
Then she continued. "Binge watch series. Mag-road trip. Publish art related book. Do workshop. Learn from intellectual debate. At. . ." she trailed off.
"At?"
Oh god, her poor heart. Mercy!
"M-Makita. . .ano, uhm. . .totoong ngiti niya." She didn't add the (sa personal) part.
Tapos, may nakasulat pa sa dulo.
(12) .- .-.. .-.. / --. --- .- .-.. ... / -- ..- ... - / -... . / .-- .. - .... (－‸ლ)
She didn't want to know what it meant. The morse code and emoticon was a blast on Jhing's face that the set of goals was Miko's.
After the dreaded meeting, pinag-stay pa ni Miss Vams silang dalawa ni Miko.
Great.
Another bonding time!
"Miko," called Miss Vams. "We already hit December. Wala pa rin sa Novella? Minamadali na ta—"
Miko tried to reason. "Eh kasi—"
"Hindi pa ako tapos, may babaguhin ako sa ending," Jhing answered.
Nagtaka si Vams. "Babaguhin? Ayos na—"
Jhing sighed. Nananakit ang ulo niya. "Ilalagay ko kasi sa ending na moved on na 'yung lalaki."
Kumunot noo ni Miko. She ignored it. It was Vams who broke the silence.
"Moved on?"
"Yeah. Moved on. May babae na siya, at maland—"
"Woah." Miko looked like he was taken aback by Jhing's words. Ayaw man, Jhing looked at him – or his forehead para hindi sila magkatitigan. "May babae siya?" Silence. "Wala, ah."
Her heart was beating too fast for her to breathe normally. Vams looked at them curiously.
"Bakit? Kwento mo? Novella mo ba? Ikaw nagsusulat?"
Jhing got snarky, and she could taste bitterness on her lips – pero bahala na. Putek. Walang karapatan magsalita si Miko dahil illustrator siya. Hindi writer.
"Hindi. Bakit kasi ganu—" Miko sighed. "Paano ba magkaka-once upon a time ang isang prinsesa kung panay takbo siya kahit hindi naman madaling araw."
"Baka kasi hindi siya prinsesa."
"Baka oo."
Jhing's lips formed a thin line.
"Hindi," she said. "She's not born as one. Kaya dapat hindi siya tinatratong ganun."
"She deserves it." He was serious.
So was she. "She doesn't."
"Ayaw lang niyang tanggapin."
"Ayaw kasing masanay. Hindi dapat tinatanggap ang hindi pwede maging deserve," pagpipilit ni Jhing. "Siguradong masasaktan lahat kapag pinipilit ang hindi pwede."
Miko arched a brow. "Hindi naman to Romeo and Juliet."
"Kasi mas masakit pa."
"Huh?"
"Reality."
The word from her lips made a broken piece pierce her from the inside. Parang bigla siyang binuhusan ng kumukulong tubig, tapos nagyeyelong tubig pagtapos para mahimasmasan. Which wasn't a good idea for it was much more painful to feel both side of the spectrum.
Too much happiness can lead to too much sadness. That's reality. It's one or the other. If there's an in between, it's called emotionless. And being emotionless is . . . emptiness.
Which Jhing preferred, by the way.
"Wait, nagkakapersonalan na ba?" Vams looked awkward, bouncing her look at the two. "Aalis ba muna ako or. . ."
Jhing stood up. She wanted to smile but failed, kaya halos sumigaw ang anxiety sa expression niya. "Kailangan ko na pala umuwi, magpapadala pa ako ng pera sa amin." Bago lumabas, she added, "Next week tops. Babaguhin ko lang 'yung ending, tapos okay na."
She tried to change the ending.
Saturday night, she texted Miko to meet. Para matapos na 'yung illustrations na 'yan.
Jhing was always in time, pero napaaga siya sa meeting place, laptop with her. Miko suggested they should discuss the illustrations, scenes, character look, style, and color palette, kaya kailangan may laptop on hand.
She waited.
Her hands trembling and cold, heart beating fast, sweat rolling down. She remembered the last time she waited for him. Near koi fish pond. Kahit alam niyang galit siya, she felt scared. Then Miko texted and her heart jumped. He must have an excuse for being almost late on their 7pm meeting!
23 minutes na lang, late na!
Nasa KapeLibro kna?
Jhing got nervous. She searched KapeLibro's surrounding. Books and coffees, everywhere. Baka trip na naman nito magpaka-mysterious. Then another text came.
May emergency ako bigla. Kailangan lang talaga... importante.
:(
She stared, and replied: Tinatamad nga ako pumuntang meeting place. Buti sinabi mo agad. Ge.
It was like that day. . .over again.
Monday na lang pag-usapan? Sorry.
:(
She didn't reply and stood up, uminom sa pangatlong baso ng tubig before exiting KapeLibro. Anong karapatan niya ma-disappoint. It's just work. And there are far more important things for him than this. Than her.
The next day, may pinagkakaguluhang phone with Yayo on the lead. Jhing was passive until July asked, "Kaya ba ayaw mo kay Miko kasi. . .alam mo?"
Wala man lang good morning? Not that she's a person who likes greeting people morning! with a sunshine smile.
"Alin?"
"Na may asawa't anak na siya?"
July lead Jhing to Miko's FB when lunch came. In his profile, there's a tagged photo of Miko smiling at the baby he's holding posted via Bee Gonzaga with a caption: This guy made me realize I'm one of the luckiest to have him in our life. Thanks much for staying with us the whole Sunday night (and Monday morning!) even if it's sudden. Baby's not sick anymore! Baby &&I appreciate you so much xoxo
Aahhh, okay.
That explained the important emergency.
Jhing held the lump in her throat. Not fucking disappointed. She had no right.
She composed herself and let the world see nothing.
Jhing was getting good at telling lies to herself and to everyone. But with the Forget Him, Move On Department and him easily making his way through her? She was terribly failing.
And it god damn hurt.
____
Para magkaroon ng interaction. . . let's do something fun. Ata? Kung trip niyo lang, sali kayo sa FB group: Saksi ni Pilosopotasya at mag-post doon ng sariling 11 GOALS na parang kanila Jhing at Miko. (KUNWARI KASALI TAYONG LAHAT SA BOOK TEAM YEY!)
Pwedeng seryosong goal, pwedeng hindi, half fiction, half reality.
By doing so, mas makikilala natin ang isa't isa.
Tapos magkaka-topic sa group. Hahahaha...*whispers* for world domination.
Pero kung ayaw niyo........okay lang naman din :c
PERO PLS. PLS PLS PLS! hahaha thanks sa mga magpopost ng 11 goals! :D