© Amber Kalkes 2015
Song: "Sleep Alone" By Bat For Lashes
C h a p t e r S e v e n >
"...And the light hit her so beautifully in that moment. I knew that maybe fate had it right for the first time since I realized who she was to me. That maybe I could really grow to love her, you know? That things weren't as impossible as I first thought. You know what I mean?"
Poppy tries to focus on the book in her hands as Connor tells her all about his date with her sister but it's hard. The hands holding it are so tightly gripping it that her knuckles are white. She doesn't really want to hear this but she has to. She's decided that this is how she'll get over the fact that she still has a crush on Connor. Despite him being matched to his sister and that he's now made it clear that he's falling for said sister, Poppy still likes him.
God but does she wish she didn't.
Poppy doesn't respond to him verbally, just with another nod. She's been biting her inner cheek trying to keep her opinions to herself. The bright look in his eyes and ridiculous smile though isn't helping. He looks like a kid who was just given the Christmas gift he's been begging for all year. It makes Poppy want to throw up somewhere or hit him. Does romance make everyone into such hopeless starry-eyed idiots or is he special? Thinking back on her own sibling's relationships she's guessing not.
"I really think this is the start of something good," Connor says with the same dopy smile he's been wearing since yesterday morning. When he turns to her for conformation, Poppy diverts her eyes back to her book, "Don't you think, Pop?"
She clears her throat, "Yeah, that's great."
"Are you even listening?"
Poppy shrugs, "Bits and pieces."
"Come on, Pop-rocks, you're supposed to be my girl when it comes to this stuff," He whines dramatically before sticking his lower lip out in a pout, " I mean, do you think she likes me yet?"
Poppy is momentarily caught on the 'my girl' part before shaking it off. He isn't hers, she repeats like a mantra in her head. He isn't hers and she isn't allowed to feel jealous about the fact. The lines are drawn in the sand and she knows where she needs to keep herself in check. Jealousy is definitely one of these places. In her head, Poppy's wolf growls in agreement, which isn't very surprising.
Her wolf isn't very supportive of Poppy's crush but what can she do? She feels how she feels and since her own mate doesn't seem to be making an appearance what did anyone expect from her? To just wither away happily while everyone else got their other halves without even trying? Poppy shakes her head, trying to dislodge the string of questions. They only ever lead to bitterness on her part.
"I don't know, Connor," She sighs as she closes her book and throws it on her bed, "Probably. She's your mate, right? She's bound to like you sometime."
Connor runs a hand through his blonde hair and tugs at it a little, "Yeah but I want that to happen sooner than later, you know?"
"Then maybe you should tell her you're mates. That would really get the ball rolling."
Connor makes a face, "I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"I just...can't."
Poppy rolls her eyes, "Don't tell me you're afraid of her. She couldn't hurt a fly and if she did she'd probably cry about it and give it an elaborate funeral."
Connor gives her a quick glare, "I'm not scared of her...well, not exactly."
Poppy leans back against her headboard and reaches up to play with the 3-d fish Selah made her to hang over her bed. Its blue and has unevenly placed red button eyes but Poppy loves the ugly thing. It was one of the first things her niece ever made her and just like she did with Cassidy's stuff, she saves everything that Selah gives her.
"Okay," Poppy sighs and drops her arms to her sides, "Then what is it?"
"I...I don't want to be rejected." He tells her quietly, the back of his neck going red with a blush, "We don't know each other very well yet and before yesterday she's been avoiding me like the plague. I don't want to lose the chance to be with her just because I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to act around her."
She bites her lower lip while trying to force herself to edit her answer, "Just act like you do around me."
"I don't even know how to do that now," He says with clear frustration and tugging on his hair again, "This whole thing is such a mess. I should have never tried to kiss you. I knew Cassidy was mine and yet I acted like such a piece of shit."
"You were confused. We both were."
"That doesn't mean I didn't fuck this up. I screwed up not only our friendship but I betrayed Cassidy before I even gave her a chance. What kind of asshole does that? Me, I'm that asshole." He drops his head into his hands and his breathing stutters painfully, "God, this is a mess."
Poppy reaches out to soothe him but stops herself before she can touch him. She can't do that shit with him anymore, she reminds herself. Curling her hand into a fist she drops it back into her lap and tries to think of something to say. She doesn't know if Cassidy would reject him.
That being said, if things happened the way Connor said they did, Poppy figures he has a good shot of getting out of this unscathed and with a mate by his side. He just has to get over himself and tell her what the hell is happening. She doesn't even want to think about what will happen if Cassidy doesn't find out soon either. Though with the run coming up in two days, the chances of her being in the dark for long are getting slimmer.
"If you don't want to be rejected," Poppy says more harshly than she intended, "Then grow up and tell her."
Getting off the bed she heads towards the door but Connor grabs her wrist, stopping her. The lack of sparks or connection makes her heart hurt with longing. How easy would it have been for the both of them if they had been mates? How much happier would they have been to have found not only their other half but their best friend in one person? Poppy doesn't know and she's thinking she may never know because her best friend is fated to someone else.
"I know it's hard," Connor says gently, "It's not easy for me either."
"It's not the same thing."
"How is it not the same, Poppy? We both care about each other."
Poppy gives him a sarcastic smile, "You're right Connor, you are an idiot."
"What—"
"It's different because while you have Cassidy, I have no one. Not even you."
Connor's hand her tightens on her wrist, "You'll always have me, Pop."
"No," She says quietly as she pulls her arm from his grip, "I won't."
Poppy leaves her room and heads for the staircase, leaving Connor to his own thoughts and her to hers. It doesn't take long before her mind travels back to three years ago. Back to the first time she realized how alone she really was.
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Poppy watches the sunrise rise over the tops of the trees and realizes that her time is up. The following sound of the bells ringing, calling everyone to come out of the woods, solidifies that sinking feeling. Poppy feels stupid now, dressed in the long white dress symbolic of the run. The hem of it is covered in mud and if she wasn't a shifter she'd be freezing to death in these short sleeves.
Wiping away the wetness on her cheeks, Poppy takes a deep breath and gets off the frostbitten ground below. Wrapping her arms around herself she tries to fight off the strong urge to give into the disappointment of the evening. Of course, that's made harder by the fact that this isn't how it was supposed to end. She was supposed to make it out of these woods with a mate but she isn't and it's a horrible feeling to have to deal with.
Poppy reaches up and removes the mask from her face as well and grips it hard in her hands. She wants to throw it into the nearby river but she can't. It was her Grandmother's mask, her Aunt's mask and then Rae's mask. It's practically a family heirloom, decorated with the faces of the many wolves who've worn it. She still wants to throw it though, just to make herself feel better at least.
She holds the ties of the mask in her teeth as she reaches back to tie back her loose hair in a messy bun on the top of her head. She also wipes away the red lipstick that's still clinging to her lips and leaves red streaks on the skin of her palm. She doesn't want to look like she tried to look good for someone who didn't even bother to show up.
The uncharitable side of her thinks that maybe she's being punished. She's a freak, just like everyone says and because of that she won't be given a mate. Maybe that's fate's way of just really sticking it to her about how much of a fuck-up she is. A sob escapes her lips and she slaps her hand over her mouth to muffle it. No, she scolds herself, she said she wasn't going to cry and she won't. She's stronger than this. She's stronger than all of this and even if that is a lie no one else needs to know it.
This is hers to deal with on her own.
Not surprisingly, when she comes out of the woods her sisters are there waiting, minus Cassidy. Poppy is stricken with a fierce longing to have Cassidy here and to hug her. Cassidy, even when they were kids was a comfort to her but those days are gone. Poppy screwed that up beyond repair.
"Oh honey," Rae says as she walks over with a blanket to wrap around Poppy, "It's going to okay."
Poppy straightens her back and wipes all emotion from her face, "Of course it is."
"Sometimes it takes a little time," Rae continues, "Maybe he's a bit younger than you."
"Sure."
"Maybe he's human," Mackenzie speculates with a shrug.
Cleo makes a face, "Ugh. Believe me that is nothing something you want to wish on Poppy. Human boys are such assholes, I can't even begin to tell you."
Mackenzie arches a dark brow, "Mine turned out fine."
"Yeah, well, you have weird taste."
Rae starts leading Poppy away from the pair of them and wraps an arm around her shoulders. Poppy shivers from the newly added warmth and moves closer to Rae in hopes of getting more. Rae kisses the side of Poppy's head and hugs her closer as the both of them walk back to the pack house. This is a new place for Poppy. She's never been to Red Arrow pack land before but it's nice. The pack house is massive though. It's way bigger than their own pack house that's for sure.
"I know you're hurting," Rae whispers in her ear as they walk, "But I won't push you to express it if that's not what you want. Just know that fate works with us, not against us and your time will come."
Poppy doesn't respond. She has nothing to say. What can be said that can make a disappointment this fierce go away? Nothing, she says to herself, nothing at all.
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The fading moon in the sky is nearly full as Poppy runs through the woods. She's in her wolf form, a rarity for her but something she needed. Her dark brown coat is filled with thistles, leaves and matted with dirt from rolling around in it. Poppy's wolf is actually quite playful normally, it's just when other people around that she gets out of control and so its not often that Poppy does the pack runs. She's just better off on her own in that sense.
Sunrise is coming soon though and she's expected to be helping Rae with the preparations for the run in the morning. Shifting back into her human form, Poppy grabs the pile of clothes she left nearby and starts pulling them on. She's dressed in only her black sweatpants and a red sports bra when she hears a throat being cleared. Her shirt is halfway on and she can't see who it is but the scent clearly belongs to Rae.
"Max up early again?" Poppy asks as she slips her white t-shirt on the rest of the way.
Rae smiles at her as she shakes her head, "No, he's still out like a light."
"Is something wrong then?"
"No. I just wanted to see what was bothering you."
Poppy immediately shuts down, "Nothing."
"Bullshit," Rae says simply, "I know you, maybe even better than you know yourself. You really think you can pull that 'nothing' crap on me and get away with it?"
Poppy shrugs as she walks past Rae, "Worth a shot."
"So spill it," Rae demands as they walk side by side back towards the pack house.
"What? Miss Alpha Female can't figure it out? Aren't you supposed to know everything? Isn't that kind of your job?"
Rae stops walking and glares at her, "Are you trying to piss me off and make me take you to task?"
Poppy immediately drops her head as her wolf whimpers in her head, "No."
"Then stop acting like a little brat and tell me what I want to know."
Poppy runs a hand through her knotted blonde hair and looks up at the top of a nearby oak tree, "It's...Connor."
"Did it not go well with Cassidy yesterday?"
Poppy's eyes snap to meet her sister's, "You know about that?"
Rae looks smug as she walks past her, "Wasn't it you who said I was supposed to know everything?"
"And you approve?"
"Its not my place to approve, Poppy. It's about what Cassidy and Connor want. Fate set them up but what they do with that is up to them. I don't get to interfere. Though, I am curious about whether you approve."
Poppy snorts, "I have an even less say than you do."
"Yes but Connor wasn't my first crush."
"Jesus," Poppy groans, "Your infinite knowledge is scary."
"I'm just observant," Rae smiles, "So, what are your thoughts?"
"I like him..." She admits, "I'll probably always like him but he isn't mine. Does anything really need to be said?"
"No, I suppose not," Rae says and the pair fall into silence. A few minutes later though Rae speak again, "The run is coming up..."
"I know."
"Are you worried?"
"I'm in my twenties and I still haven't found my mate. I've been in the run two years I still haven't found my mate. What's to worry about?"
"You know, Colton did the run for five years before he found me."
Poppy's voice and expression are dry, "He's a guy."
Her older sister arches a brow at her, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Things are different for me. Everyone thinks I'm defective because it."
"You're not defective, you know that, I know that and your family knows that. Besides, when did you start caring what other people think?"
Poppy sullenly shrugs her shoulder, "I don't."
"Listen," Rae begins with a sigh, "The mate thing is complicated. When I met Colton I wasn't ready. I was far off from ever being ready but fate gave him to me when I needed him. Without him I don't know what would have become of any of us. The same thing will happen to you. Your mate will come when you need them. Fate always finds a way."
Poppy smiles slightly, "Even for old maids like me?"
Rae wraps an arm around Poppy's shoulder, "Yes, even for wrinkled old maids like you. Wait, is that a gray hair I see?"
Rae starts picking through Poppy's dark blonde hair and Poppy tries dodging her. It doesn't do much good and when Poppy makes a run for it, Rae runs after her. The two chase each other for a few minutes until they're both laughing and out of breath. Grinning, Poppy looks over at Rae and sees her pushing a longer strand of cropped dark blonde hair out of her face.
"You're fast." Rae accuses.
"Now whose old?"
Rae swats at her and Poppy moves back with a laugh, "Don't test me. I may be older but I'll still kick your ass."
"That's because you cheat!"
"No, it's because I'm awesome."
Poppy rolls her eyes with a reluctant smile but that doesn't stop the anxiousness brewing in her stomach. What if she doesn't find her mate again this year? What is she going to do then? Your mate will come when you need them. What is she going to do? Nothing. She's going to do nothing and that, for once, is going to be okay.
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Hello! So, in this chapter we got more into Poppy's head about the being mateless thing {so far} and kind of the expectations and build up that culture puts on her. I figured it wasn't something you saw much in werewolf fiction. You see people finding their mates but what about the people who don't find anyone when they're expected to? How does that affect them not only as a person but within their pack? It was a question I thought I'd address.
Some of you don't like Poppy. Some of you don't like Cassidy. All of that is fine. They're both polar opposites. I kind of got that with Rae and Cleo in 'In The Woods' too. I expected that but this book is different because both girls are the main characters as of right now. Poppy may be more prevalent later because of plans I have for her but as of right now it's a shared thing.
Next chapter we start the process of the run so that should be interesting.
COVER^^^^^BY Marvel-rocks pretty awesome, no?
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