Gambling secrets
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A/N: Hey I've finally updated this, ain't that great? Jk you can totally set fire to my house because I abandoned this story for 4 decades to become a nun in Jamaica where I can worship J C and the boys and smoke pot on a regular basis. No but seriously, I'm so sorry. I hope this fulfils your phangirl needs... Kinda xD
Feel free to re-read the last few chapters if you've forgotten what's happened.
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*Phil's POV*
Dan immediately replied:
"Oh god, don't tell me this is a link to one of those weird pornos you're constantly obsessing over- or even worse, don't rickroll me for god's sake".
I hastily typed out a reply:
"Well, it's not either of those things but I don't think you're gonna like it either way".
He didn't reply, obviously his raging hormones were too curious to find out what this video was all about.
I waited patiently as I stared out my window, anticipating his response.
Within a few minutes, he replied:
"Daaaamn, I'm a great kisser, they should considering hiring me in romantic movies. I can picture it now, Romeo and Juliet staring the famous Daniel Howell! Oh and you can be Juliet, I've always wanted to see you in a wig"
"What the flipflop, Howell?! I'm not a transvestite! xD"
"Starring Dan Howell and Philipa Lester as the star crossed lovers!"
I was suddenly interrupted by a familiar thudding at my door. God I bet it's Martyn again. What's he gonna accuse me of now? Stealing his Hannah Montanna mix tape?
Without a second to respond, in came Martyn, clutching his iPod whilst he was staring at the screen as if it told him that Aunty Susan had poked him on Facebook.
"What do you want?", I grumbled, causing him to finally avert his eyes away from his device.
"Sorry, I was trying to stop myself from vomiting all over your carpet", he spat, shoving his screen in my face as the footage of Dan & I kissing played.
I don't get it.
I see Martyn secretly watching girls making out with each other all the time but suddenly when he sees guys making out, he gets offended?
What's the difference?!
(Don't ask how I saw him watching those videos........ OUO)
"How did you find this? Were you on one of your hyper horny YouTube sprees again?", I scowled at him, flinching as he threatened to kick me in the privates.
"No, actually I wasn't, for once. I saw this on Facebook; everyone's been reposting it", he said, looking disgusted as if I'd just sharted on his foot (which I didn't).
"Gotta spread the homo, amirite?", I winked at him, provoking him to gracefully punch me in the shoulder.
"Wait til Mum and Dad see this. Also, I told them about the lube disappearance", he grinned menacingly.
Wow, I never noticed until now but my brother is uncannily similar to satan. How obscure!
"I don't care about the lube thing, just don't show them the video. Please, I'll do anything", I begged weakly.
I'm so pathetic, holy shnitzle.
Wait.
What is a shnitzle?
"Anything?", he laughed as he towered over me.
"Well, not anything too ridiculous like forcing me to give you an exorcism or something like that because you and I both know that you're way past the boundary of insane-"
"Shut your mouth", he spat, slapping me harshly on the cheek.
"What do you want then?", I sighed, looking up at him as he began to think... wow, that was a first.
Ohhhhh snap pew pew pew get reeeekt
"I know what you did with your friend, by the way", he chuckled, watching as my expression stayed fairly mundane.
"So what, I know that you like to smother barbecue sauce on your chest when you shower-", I started.
"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!", he blurted, grabbing my wrist as he shook me vigorously.
"You always smelt a bit tangy", I sniggered as his expression flickered from outraged to embarrassed.
"Shit", he sighed, "fine, don't tell my girlfriend about that and I won't show Mum and Dad the video".
"Deal", I grinned obnoxiously as I shook his hand.
"I do hate you, you know that right?", he said, slamming the door behind him as he left.
"Of course, Mr Prickstick".
I turned back to my laptop and responded to Dan:
"Sorry to leave you hanging, my brother just saw the video and he felt like he needed to rub it in my face".
"If I were him I'd have defo added it to 'watch later', mmm gotta save that action for another time ;)"
"You're so cheeky, omg I wish I could just kiss you"
"Unfortunately that's physically impossible in the world of pixels, Philip Lester. How about I send you a heart emoticon instead to ease the pain? <3"
"Oh great, thanks I feel so much better now"
"Nailed it. Oh yeah, before I forget, you should watch this video, it's pretty rad :D
[YouTube link]"
Without thinking twice I clicked on the link until Never gonna give you up instantly started playing.
I closed the tab within the matter of seconds, crippling over in laughter.
"SCREW YOU xD"
"You'll screw me? Again? Woah, Mr Lester, someone needs a chill pill ;P"
"I hate you, Dan"
"I love you, Phil"
Once again, I was greeted with more knocking on my door. "Hey Sweetheart, can I come in? I don't want to ruin your jamming session", my mum called, I could sense her embarrassing dancing radiating from the other side of the door.
"No, it's okay, you can come in", I said, watching her enter, confirming my theory as I saw her randomly wiggling her arms around.
"Please stop", I wailed, shutting my eyes.
"Sorry darling", she chuckled, patting me on the head.
"You should be", I scoffed, giving her an embarrassed look.
"Anyway, I have something I'd like to talk to you about", she said, sitting down on my bed opposite me.
"Listen Mum, if it's about my internet search history then it's all Martyn's fault-"
"No actually, it's not about that but it does concern Martyn", she muttered, shuffling around awkwardly.
"The other day he said his uh 'fun gel' went missing", she said, scratching her head.
Silence
"Mum, what the flying duck is 'fun gel'", I sighed as she smiled innocently.
"You know the stuff that young men use to-".
"Use to what?".
"Make their area... wet??".
"You mean, Lube, mum?".
"Yes".
"Then say Lube".
"I will".
"Good".
I exhaled heavily, clasping my face in my palms.
"So Martyn's 'Lube' went missing the other day", my Mum said, "and he said you gave it back to him but it was lighter".
"So what?", I shrugged, making it seem like not that big of a deal.
"Did you use some of the fun ge-"
"LUBE. SAY LUBE BEFORE I JUMP OUT THE WINDOW!", I yelled in sheer embarrassment.
"Did you use his LUBE".
"Why does it matter?".
"Just answer me please", she crossed her arms.
"Yes I did".
"Why would you use it though? You had your friend around, you wouldn't have needed it-"
My face uncontrollably flushed bright red.
My mum examined my expression, "um, Phil? Is he your boyfriend?".
Silence
My face was shockingly red now and my mum started smiling.
"Go on".
I nodded slightly and she started smiling like a possessed fangirl that had been told her otp was canon.
"That's so sweet, honey! You should've told me sooner though, I'd have understood!", she grinned, patting me on the back as she left the room.
Well that was the most awkward fucking experience I've ever been through, someone please shoot me in the face. I want to crawl up into a ball for 2 years.
I reluctantly sent Dan a message back as my heart felt heavy in my chest:
"My mum knows about everything"
He responded in a heartbeat:
"WHAAAA-?!"