I like to think that Joel and I are going to last ages. Like, be one of those couples who do everything together and be the whole world of each other. We know each other and we know where things are going. Or so I thought.
I wasn't expecting to be ambushed upon letting myself into his flat this evening. I wasn't ready for the blow that struck me on the head. The baseball bat butt whacked me upon the jaw. Knocking me outright on my arse.
"You're such a whore!" He yelled in my face. "I didn't even want you, you bitch!"
He continued to drag me across the floor by my ankle. For a skinny guy, he was certainly powerful in the way that he could shift me. My dress had risen up to reveal my unclassy underwear. But, before I had a chance to pull the dress down, Joel was on top of me and horridly cutting my clothes from me.
"Get off me!" I shouted in his face, while also trying to push him off me. But I was overbeared. He was stronger and much more agile.
I tried to use my feet to get him off but it felt like someone had placed 2-tonne sandbags upon them. My heart was beating erratically, making me feel the pulses in my ears. It felt like my head was going to explode with the pressure my heartbeat was playing on it. The tears were streaming down like someone had just turned on the waterworks. I was scared for the outcome of this. I didn't know whether I was going to live or die.
Once I was naked, he stood up and examined his work before walking off and leaving me there starkers. How could the one person that treated me like I was his world, turn into this monster that was doing all this? It was just such a change from his normal persona, and I know if anyone gets me, they're going to get an eyeful.
"You know, Beth forced me upon you. She paid me to be with you. To make you happy, but you're nothing but a fat slob. Someone who can't even find her own cliterous. Who'd ever want someone like you? Look at you, you're disgusting!" He spat, hovering over me.
"All those memories for nothing? Have you even heard yourself?" I spat back, sitting up in the process, but he pushed me back down, my head whacking off the floor as he done so.
"Those memories are fickle. They mean nothing to me. Did you honestly think I could ever love you? Do you?"
I opened my mouth to answer but as I did, he bowed over and let out an engorgeous laugh that erupted throughout the whole flat. It made me wince in fear that he's serious. And he knew that it played on my insecurities. I already felt worthless to myself - due to my past - and he just kept playing upon it like it meant nothing to him. But, I'm guessing that's what happens when you're twisted in the mind.
Once he was finished laughing, he turned round to me and smirked, before walking over to his cabinet across from his TV, and pulling out a vial and a syringe. It was wrapped in tinfoil, which meant it contained some sort of drug. However, he went and sat down on his regular armchair, that was meticulously placed in front of the window, facing inside the living room, making him stare right upon my naked body.
He placed his head on the butt of the baseball bat. Part of me wished that he would just kill me right here and now, instead of prolonging the process. I knew that's what he wanted to do to me. I want it for myself right now, so why won't he let me go as fast as possible? Was he hoping for someone to burst in and take him away from me? Was he waiting on someone saving me? That Miguel was going to come in and save me, so Joel could bash his skull in as well. But, I knew that Miguel was off somewhere else. Promoting or something or another. I don't know, but he was doing something. We spoke on the phone a little before he had to go to his meeting, and he was someone I could share my insecurities with. He was someone I could bring myself to be happy with. That's if Joel would ever let me out this horrendous relationship.
He was keeping me here against my own will, and there was nothing I could really do because I was naked, and I was baring it all. I wanted to just run but part of me was paralysed. I was stuck here with nowhere to go.
My eyes kept going back and forth between Joel and the syringe sitting on his coffee table. Where he amicably placed it when he sat down. I was frightened of what it contained and how it was going to affect me whenever I was injected with it. Because, I'm sure that's what he's planning on doing.
As if he sensed my hostility towards him, he opened his mouth. "You know, I wish I had a video camera to video this whole thing. I'm sure everyone would get a kick out of it. Especially all the people who want all fat people vanished off the face of the earth."
"You make me sick. How I found myself falling for you, I'll never know. You're trash, Joel. Complete and utter trash."
"Talk dirty to me, bitch. It makes me so aroused," he purred.
Did I seriously find this man hot? He was a vile creep, one that turned me off. Was I seriously that lost in the world of having a boyfriend that I didn't realise what was happening? It seems it, because I would never have put up with something like this. Nor would I date someone so horrid. Maybe that's why I'm constantly single, because of my high standards for myself, and the lack of men out there who want to date someone on the larger side.
"Not going to say anything then?" He asked, mocking me. "I'm surprised since you couldn't shut up when I was going down on your stinking fanny the other night."
"Just shut up!" I roared.
"Hit a sore spot?" He laughed. "We'll see what you're like when your worst enemy brings the one person I want to see this," he then went on to say.
"Just let me go, Joel. I won't tell a soul what you've done."
"Hardy har! Like I believe the lies that are coming from your mouth," he mocked.
"I'm serious, please just let me go. I'll keep quiet and not tell anyone what you've done," I pleaded.
"You better listen this once because I'm not going to repeat it; you are staying where you are. If I have to beat you to death, I will. Cause, there is no way that you're leaving this flat in one piece, you filthy little cow."
"Lovely insult, Joel. What's next? Wait, I'll tell you your next insult. I'm a beached whale? I'm someone who'd sink as soon as I stepped into a pool? I'm nothing but a piece of shite that you'd scrape off the bottom of your shoe? I'm a failure to the world? I take up more oxygen than everyone else? I sit and do nothing all day, except sit on my fat arse and eat my feelings away in food? Is that what you were going to say? If so, I've heard them all before. Nothing you could really say will hurt me."
"Oh really? What if I told you that your precious Miguel was trapped somewhere with Alissa? And that she was riding him like a horse. So fast and hard."
"There was nothing in that sentence that could've hurt me. Miguel is a friend, nothing more, nothing less. Where you're running away with this fantasy of Miguel and I dating, I don't know. If this is one of your sick ploys with Alissa, then I don't want to know. You see, I grew out of Alissa's shenanigans awhile ago, especially after she got took down by everyone in school for picking on me. So, you can go screw your hoe without my permission - although, I'm sure you've already done that," I said, finally feeling my legs.
I picked to my body off the ground and tried to grab my long jacket that I'd thrown off. Except, before I could even locate it, I was whacked with the bat across the head, before being injected with the dose of drugs he had sitting on the table.
I was dizzy, I was paralysed, I was floating on air while unicorns ran past jumping over rainbows. I was living on a psychedelic cloud. What on earth was in that vial? What was making me feel like I was on a cloud of non-existence.
I was still so conscious but I was in a blurry state of mind. I knew the surroundings from around me, but I don't actually know why I even came round here. Part of me feels like it was to break things off with Joel, and part of me just wanted to be loved. However, when I arrived, I was smacked and stripped. Stripped of my identity, stripped of my clothes, my dignity. I felt bare to the point where I was bare.
There was a bang at the door, someone - I'm guessing - unexpected. I'm sure it wasn't Alissa because she would've phoned him to open the door. That was the way he communicated with people. People who came to his door. I'm only guessing it's Alissa because he said something about my worst enemy coming with Miguel.
"Did you tell someone where you were going?" Joel hissed at me.
"N--no," I stuttered, thanks to the drugs.
"You better not have, whore."
He was about to swing the bat at my ribs when his phone rang, signalling that Alissa was outside the door or something. As he ran to pick up his phone, another knock came. Much harder than the last time. "I know you're in there, Joel Hardwick, so open up this door this instance," Mrs Calderwood shouted, trying to budge the door open.
Mrs Calderwood was one of the most nicest people you could ever meet. She would never hurt a fly, unless they done something to hurt her or someone else. She often carried round a taser to tase people, especially whenever you done something bad.
"You move an inch, I will not hesitate to kill you," he spat.
I knew why Mrs Calderwood was down at his door. It was my screaming and grunting whenever he hit me. Plus, we were shouting profanities at each other. Making everything ten times worse than what it usually is.
Joel went over and opened the door but kept the chain nub on, making the door only open an inch. "Can I help you, Mrs Calderwood?" He asked ever so politely.
I shivered in my psychedelic state, making me want to gag with words. Words to make her hear me and call the cops on him. I hated being here, I hated feeling like everything was my fault.
I keep going back to his words 'Beth paid me to be with you,' and I know my best friend wouldn't pull a stunt like that. She knows of the turmoil I went through with the bullying at school and how much I just wanted things to be normal. How much I wanted to be normal.
"You're talking bullcrap. I know Niamh is in there with you, so open this door, before I call the cops on you for harbouring someone against their will."
"Mrs Calderwood, I promise you, Niamh isn't here against her will. We're currently playing a role playing game, nothing more."
"Oh, is that why I hear you and her screaming irrational things at each other? You forget, Joel, these walls are paper thin. So I know when you're doing the dirty and actually hurting someone. Just know, I'm watching you," she said determined.
"Sure thing, Mrs C. Always a pleasure to hear that the neighbours are listening my girlfriend and I having the dirty."
"Don't be so cheeky, Joel."
"I'm sorry. I just don't trust my elders. Especially nosy old cows like yourself," he said before shutting the door on her.
He walked over to his phone and hit a button, ultimately calling back whoever phoned him. "What do you mean you're not coming?" He spat ferociously down the phone. "You freaking promised me you'd have him here. You're as bad as the naked hoe lying here on my floor. Such a liar, Alissa. Get your arse here before I beat you to a pulp... No, I don't have her hogtied... Do you think I'm such a sicko?... Yes, I have hit her and everything... What do you expect? ... Jesus Christ, Alissa.... Know what? Don't bother showing up," he spat, before throwing his phone excessively at the wall, making it smash into smithereens.
He grabbed the bat and made his way to me, making me want to just poo myself in fear. I'm talking a literal sense as well. His face hardened as he came closer to me. Dragging the bat, he was taunting me. Taunting me with what he was going to do to me. His evil smirk engulfed his face, before he came down to my level with things.
"This is going to be the end of you," he sneered, bringing the bat up and thrashing it down on my ribs once again.
The process kept being repeated. Sometimes it would be soft with the way he was hitting me. Other times it was put anger that came out of him. When I heard the crack that came with the final blow to my ribs, I knew that they were broken. Or some of them were broken. But once Joel heard the crack, he then started on the other side.
Guess he really was trying to kill me!
I put my hand up to defend myself against the blow from the bat but he missed the ribs and hit my wrist instead. The same process was repeated, just like what happened with my ribs. And when I no longer could hold myself up, I rolled over, to cover my good side but failed. I failed because he began kicking me, hurting me more. The kicks were solid and I was sure he was wearing steel toe capped boots, causing the pain to be worse than what it was meant to be.
As he kept kicking me, the screams became louder and louder. They were echoing off the walls, making them reverberate back into my ears at a much louder pitch that what they were. They sounded like a cat was being strangled, but add in a mixture of my cries, and hey presto, you have the screams.
It sucked being in this position. As all I could really see was the unicorns jumping, and pooping rainbows. I could feel and hear everything he was doing but I couldn't see what he was doing. The drugs had gone further into my system, making it shut down. Making me just want to lie there and let him beat me to death.
I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be a mother but most importantly, I wanted to me.
I felt myself float away with the fairies, but in an instant, I felt myself begin to shake. I wanted to be sick, I wanted to cry but no more tears would escape my eyes. But as soon as I felt the shaking appear, Joel was on top of me and soon enough, I felt his hands roughly push my legs open. Before forcing himself inside me. The pain was ostentatiously sore. It wasn't that I hadn't done the deed before, I had. With him. But it was just the force he'd entered me. It was like he wanted to rip me into pieces.
"Take that hoe," he grunted as he unloaded himself in me.
"UNICORNS!" I shouted. "STUPID FECKING UNICORNS. I NEED UNICORNS!"
Was as I could say before I went fully into fit mode.
Nothing else was registered in my mind after I went into the fit, until I felt something cold on my head. But I still kept going. I still kept shaking and spewing out foam. I knew I had to ride it out but when was it going to stop? My ribs were in agony, and so was my wrist. It was like that was broken too. Every piece of me was in agony.
I knew I was going to be bruised beyond oblivion but if it was this bad, how was I meant to get around? Was I meant to sleep on the couch in my house, and use a catheter and a wheelchair to get around? Was I to go on sick leave so I can heal? It's going to take much more than 6 weeks of rest to heal these wounds. The mental abuse I've received here today has made me look a fool. Yes, I was giving it everything but he's said some worse things before. Some I'm determined to forget.
"You freaking bastard," I heard Miguel shout. I could recognise his voice anywhere. It was the accent he had. It was just so jumbled up as one minute he could be French and the next he could be Australian. It was cute but also annoying because you couldn't understand what he was trying to say.
"Niamh, stay with me, please," I heard Mrs Calderwood beg in my ear. "Please, darling, stay," she continued to coo.
"What? You want that fat slob of a cow to be your girlfriend?" I heard Joel mock.
"That fat slob of a cow was your girlfriend. Now you've drugged her and done something completely wrong!" Miguel shouted back at him.
I heard a few grunts from Joel before he spoke up again. "The fat cow deserved it. She's nothing but an oxygen-wasting muppet. She thought I was in love with her. What a delusional twat. You can have her, Miguel. Maybe both of you can have your wedding up in heaven. Where both of you are going to go, after I'm finished with you."
"Then you're going to hell, Joel. That girl has done nothing but love you unconditionally. She put up with your obsession with how she looked. She put up with your obsession over her. She thought that you were just being a loving boyfriend whenever you held on too tightly. But, you just couldn't handle the fact that she was meeting other men. You couldn't the fact that she might've been falling out of love for you. I'm not going to be surprised if she doesn't come to visit your pathetic arse in jail. But, you deserve so much worse than what you're going to end up with. You've actually assaulted her to the point where she has broken ribs and a broken wrist."
"How can you tell she has broken ribs and wrist?" Joel asked.
"They're sticking out, for god's sake! How can you not see what you've done to her?"
"Whoops. But, she deserved them. That and everything else I've done to her."
"You make me sick, Joel. How can you do that to one person?"
"Life happens."
"Jeez, you deserve to be hanged for what you've done," Miguel said as I heard a crack upon someone's jaw.
"You do not go round assaulting women because you think 'life happens.' Miguel is right, you should definitely be hanged for what happened to this poor woman. She's fitting, foaming at the mouth and it doesn't look like it's going to stop. So what on earth have you given her that's making her do this?" Mrs Calderwood demanded.
"She's fine. It's just a fit," Joel spoke.
"SHE'S NOT FINE, YOU GODDAMN ARSEHOLE. SHE'S TAKING A SERIOUS REACTION TO THE STUFF. IT'S LUCKY THAT I'M TAKING CARE OF HER BECAUSE SO HELP ME GOD, I WOULD'VE SMACKED THE CRAP OUT OF YOU BY NOW." Mrs Calderwood roared.
"It's not a reaction, you daft bimbo!"
"Miguel, take care of this twerp. If I see him say one more word against what's happening to poor Niamh, then I will can his freaking arse."
"You got it, ma'am."
Mrs Calderwood was back at me within a matter of seconds, as I felt her cold hands touch my forehead, while she propped my head upon her knees. The pain just kept soaring through my body while I felt myself still fitting.
"Sir, can you step back," a new voice said.
"Take him and lock him away for life," Miguel demanded.
"Sir, with all due respect, can you please allow us to do our job."
"Of course, officer. I was just saying."
"Mr Manuela, please just stand back."
"Okay, fine."
It took me all of two minutes to feel semi-normal again. As I was injected with something to help me gain the breath back that I was struggling to gain. The pain was still there and I was fighting against it. I just fighting in general. Maybe this time I could stop fighting all together.