Song for this chapter: Deepest Cut - Get Scared
Ricky's POV
I watched her as she looked around my room for the second time, something obviously fascinating her. "So how come you're so taken with my room?" I asked after admiring her for a few more minutes.
"It's just so cool and I love to see all of your baby photos," She giggled. I forgot about my photos. What if she sees one with Jess? I haven't taken them down yet and she could get the wrong idea.
She turned to me as if she's going to ask me something, something she's done a few times so far, but sighed and shook her head slightly before turning back to the pictures.
"Let's talk," I suggested and sat down across from her on the window seat.
"Sure," She smiled and turned to face me, crossing her legs. "What about?"
"Well we can ask each other questions?" I suggested.
"That would be cool," She nodded. "You can go first."
I should probably start easily, but we discussed all of the easy stuff before. "Why don't you live with your parents or alone?"
Tears filled her eyes and she looked down at her lap. I immediately wished I hadn't asked. "My parents passed away on my fourteenth birthday and Ash had recently turned eighteen so she took legal custody of me and all of this other stuff happened so I didn't want to leave her and be alone and she didn't want me to be alone. Other than Ash and Jaz, all I've had since I was 14 is Midnight." She choked out.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered in shock, regretting asking straight away.
"Don't be, do you want to know what happened?"
"I don't want to push you.."
"It helps me to talk about it, they think it'll help me accept things better if I say it out loud more."
"Then I'm here to listen and help," He said with a small smile, placing a reassuring hand on my knee.
She sighed and started telling the story.
Sierra's POV
"Where's Dad?" I asked once the last person had left my party.
"He had to work late baby he'll be in soon," My mum promised me and tousled my raven hair.
"Want your present from me now?" Ash smirked.
I nodded eagerly and she took my hand, leading me into the living room. I put my hand over my mouth in shock and hugged her tightly. "Ash I love it."
"I hoped you might," She grinned.
I walked over to it and carefully handled it. My very own acoustic guitar. I was about to start playing it when the door banged open and my Dad fell in.
"Daddy?" I screamed, worried for him.
He stood up, wavering on his feet for a moment then pointed at me and spat, "Shut up."
I stared in shock and the drunken mess that is my father. "Nigel get in now," My mother scolded and pulled him in.
"You shut up too bitch," He growled.
"C'mon Sie let's go play with your guitar upstairs," Ash muttered and pulled me upstairs as mum and dad started screaming at each other.
My brother Aidan came in and started to play fight with me, doing anything he could possibly do to distract me.
The screaming went on late into the night and Aidan and Ash tried her best to distract me, but nothing worked. The whole world seemed to slow down when I heard an ear-piercing, blood-freezing, heart-stopping scream come from my mother and then a loud bang. Ash and I both screamed and Aidan ran out of the room.
"Aidan stop," Ash screamed hysterically. Another gun shot.
The house was silent for a moment as Ash held a hand over my sobbing mouth, hoping he'd forgotten we're here and will leave. Then I heard loud sobbing and my Dad screaming, "what have I done." Then one final gunshot. I've lost them all.
Ricky's POV
"He killed my mum and my brother and then he killed himself," She sobbed, shaking heavily. "He was drunk and he didn't mean it and then he killed himself."
"I'm so sorry," I whispered. I had no other words, I was not expecting something like that. She collapsed into chest, sobbing heavily. I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her tightly. "I'm going to protect you okay? From anything and everything." She nodded and continued to cry and shake. I know that isn't the end to her story though. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and wiped it away quickly, seeing her like this is enough to bring me to tears.
"I'm sorry," She chuckled and wiped her tears. "You must think I'm pathetic."
"No. I admire you for being so strong through it all and I thank you for trusting me enough to share that. I won't make you tell me anything you don't want me too okay?"
"I want to tell you everything, I want to know if I really am unlovable."
"You're not unlovable but you can tell me anything."
"Okay," She nodded. "But first, who's that girl?" She asked and pointed to the one person I wished she hadn't. Jessica.
"Um.. She's my ex-girlfriend." I sighed. "I haven't had the chance to take them down because there's so many, but it ended badly and I don't really want to look at them." They make me angry at her and myself. I put up with her so long and I'm damaged now. I've never been able to trust another girl until I met Sierra. I don't know what it is about her. She's different and I'm determined to keep her in my life as long as possible no matter what we are.
"Oh," She said softly. "What happened?" She asked and placed her small, soft hands in mine. I know she meant it as a comforting gesture, but it still gave me goosebumps.
I sighed and decided that if she delved into a story, I'd have to do the same.
"Babe I'm home," I yelled up the stairs as I placed my guitar case by the door and slipped off my Converse. No response. "Babe?" I yelled. I heard a massive bang sound upstairs. I ran up and saw the one thing that I'd seen coming, but always wished was never true and I was just being silly and paranoid. Jessica in bed with another man. The worst part is, she knew I was there, but she didn't seem phased.
"Jessica what the hell?" I screamed. I wasn't so much sad as I'd gotten over the sadness when I first figured it out, but angry I caught her in the act.
"Ricky this isn't what it looks like," She said with no emotion her voice or face. She didn't even get out of the bed. She doesn't care at all.
"Course it isn't. Get out dude," I said to the guy. "You too Jessica."
"Ricky don't do this," She begged.
"Go," I growled. "Pack up and get out of my sight."
"Don't talk to the lady like that," The guy said, getting out of the bed and thankfully wearing boxers.
"The cheating skank? I think I will," I growled.
He walked up to me and punched me right in the face. My adrenaline fuelled my anger as I jumped on him and started punching him anywhere I could. I was livid and not planning on stopping any time soon until Jessica pulled me off.
"I can't believe you," I screamed and ripped the bedside lamp off of the table and threw it at the wall. The glass sprayed everywhere and some landed in her back. She let out the most horrifying, ear piercing scream you could ever imagine.
I ran over to help her, but she stumbled backwards, falling over and landing on her back, embedding them deeper into her skin. "Get away from me," She screamed and the bloody guy picked her up and ran out of the house.
"I came back the next day and all her stuff was gone and I never heard from her again," I sighed. "I'm such an awful human being."
She said nothing and stared at our hands, not removing hers from mine, but giving me no indication of how she felt about this. "It wasn't your fault," She uttered, finally, after a few minutes of excruciating silence. "She sounds like a manipulative bitch and karma bit her in the ass and she didn't like that. You threw something out of anger and it wasn't supposed to hit her - it was an accident. Nothing that happened on that day was your fault. If she hadn't cheated in the first place she wouldn't of ended up with shards of glass in her back."
"I suppose. Thank you for not judging me."
"I can't judge others when I'm such a mess myself," She chuckled.
"You're not a mess. You're damaged, but not ruined."
"I honestly think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," She laughed sadly.
"That makes me really upset," I sighed and pulled her into a tight hug. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"
"So much more," She chuckled. "Ask me a question."
"What's your darkest secret?"
"Well my darkest secret has a story along with it that will show you why it's so dark, but basically I've never been in love."
"Really?" I asked shocked.
She shook her head. "I've never felt cared for other than with Ash and Jaz, I've never been properly treated and the one time I thought I was in love it turned out to be the biggest mistake ever. I wasn't in love, I craved the attention and the need to be loved. I craved the things he said to me. I needed them. I never loved him, I loved the attention."
Sierra's POV
I had moved out a month ago to live with Luke, my boyfriend. Things were going great with us until we took this big step. He said the sweetest things and made me feel special which is why I said yes, but I suppose that's a mistake when you've only known someone for a month.
The biggest shock I got was finding out that he's a big alcoholic. He always sobered up with me before, but with me being constantly around, he couldn't hide it. He was like a drug to me, I didn't love him, I loved the way he made me feel when he said things, but that's getting rarer and rarer. I've never had a relationship before this so I'm not all that sure how they work and I'm sure Luke is using that to his full advantage.
Another problem is the constant name calling. It started off just when he was drunk, but it's turning into a thing to greet me: 'morning slut,' 'I'm going to work whore,' 'while you were out I bought you some vegetables fatso.' I know it kinda stupid, but when it comes from the person that's meant to love and care for you more than anyone else in this world, it hurts. A lot.
Not to mention the fact that I was basically his slave. He played it up more when his friends were round, but it didn't end. It was always happening. I felt like some 1950's housewife, like the rest of the world had caught onto gender equality except for this household. It started with the slapping of the ass as I walked to the kitchen and demands for a beer but soon turned into me stopping whatever I was doing to cook him a full Sunday roast if he so desired.
I then became his ashtray. We would be sitting together while he smoked, me praying all of his nonsense had ended, when he would press his cigarette against my shoulder to put it out. It left marks, scars, but I never learnt my lesson. I kept going back, craving even small snippets of what he gave me before I moved in. The feeling of being loved even if I didn't love him back.
Finally there's the beatings. It started off as small things such as slaps when I didn't do something right the first time, but turned into being consistently kicked in the ribs and punched and anything you could imagine because I was 'too fat' or 'a waste of space.'
Needless to say I was very depressed by this point and I wanted to leave, but I was way too scared.
One night, while enduring the worst beating of my life, I ended up being pinned against the wall by my throat. He was pressing harder and harder and I knew that I was going to die there, staring into his angry eyes as mine slowly drooped and my vision blurred. The blood dripping from my forehead into them wasn't making things any easier either.
Thankfully my phone had dropped to the floor and when he stepped on it, he had speed dialled Nikki Misery - from Ash's band - who came and beat the shit out of him and saved me.
It's my own fault. I know that. Although I hate Luke with every bone in my body, every droplet of blood that courses through my veins. Every scar he gave me and every scar he caused me to give myself, the scars he left both physically and mentally will forever remain and I'll never forget all he did, but I'll always remember it was my fault. Why did I feel such stupid desire to be loved? Why did I leave my safe sanctuary with the one person who loved me? Why was I stupid enough to trust a boy I'd known for only a month. Why must I be so stupid? Why me? Just why?
Quick A/N since writing long ones has gotten extremely boring for me. Please check out my new Ricky story Walking Disaster and vote on that please. Thanks for reading guys. I love you all stay beautiful!
~Rachel