Update: Major trigger warning I wrote this chapter at a very young age before I knew it was wrong to write a suicide or attempted suicide actually happening or screen/page. If you have or in the past have had suicidal thoughts do not read this chapter the other bonus chapters are much more light hearted skip to those thank you
So do you guys remember Chapter 13? The one where Feliks tells his story about why he tried to commit suicide? Here it is from Feliks's 3rd person limited PoV
Feliks stared at the bottle of pills, heart racing. He knew what he wanted to do. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. He'd thought about it for hours.
First he wondered if he could stab himself through the heart with a knife. No, that wouldn't work. Feliks didn't think he was brave enough to go through with that.
He could hang himself. But what if the cord broke? What then?
He could jump off the roof of his house. But then his body would be a bloodied mess. Besides, his house was only a single story in the first place.
He could electrocute himself. He'd plug something into the outlet and the fill the bath and then... But his parents might hear the water running.
He could swallow a bunch of pills. Yes.
...
What was the point of this anymore anyway? His parents hated him, he didn't have many friends. Hell, even Liet didn't love him. Feliks's eyes burned with tears. He was worthless, hated, stupid.
But did he really want to do this? It would hurt Liet, he knew this, and he didn't want Liet to ever get hurt. Still, with the Pole gone, Liet would have a burden off his shoulders.
It would help everyone if I just didn't exist.
It was dark, but Feliks's eyes had adjusted enough to be able to see his close surroundings. Feliks quickly grabbed the bottle of pills and twisted the top off.
More doubt crept into him. How did he come to this? He was like so totally fabulous. Keyword: was.
Did being gay really change all that much? Feliks remembered the occasional hate comments on his video. His parents' horrified expressions when he'd come out to them. Liet's undeniable disgust at the simple prospect of the Pole flirting with him.
Without thinking twice, Feliks grabbed a handfull of pills and swallowed them dry, gagging as they pushed their way down his throat. His heart pounded faster. Feliks dumped a few more pills into his open palm, swallowing them as well.
By the time Feliks swallowed the entire bottle, the doubt came back and startled encircling him again. What have I done?
I'm so selfish...
Feliks clenched his teeth. He was half tempted to stick a finger down his own throat and vomit up the pills. But what then? How could he face his parents after what they'd said to him? How could he live knowing that he'd let everyone close to him down?
So Feliks sat. And waited. He didn't want to write a letter. If he did, it would just make his parents and Liet feel bad. He was dying because no one wanted him, not because he wanted their grief.
Ten minutes ticked by. Feliks didn't feel any different. The Pole was growing anxious, fear wrapping it's icy claws around him.
Why weren't the pills working?
Will I die slowly and painfully?
Will I live?
If I live will I just be really messed up for the rest of my life?
Feliks didn't know how long he sat, waiting to die.
**time skip. Too dramatic for a comedic sponsor**
The sun sparkled its first few rays of light.
Feliks held his breath. He recognized the sound of his father's footsteps making their way down the stairs.
Feliks's father frowned in confusion as he saw his son. "Well someone's up early," he commented.
How dare he pretend everything was normal after the awful things he'd said to Feliks the day before?
Feliks glowered at his father, heart pumping quickly. This wasn't at all what was supposed to happen. He should be dead by now.
His father picked up the bottle of pills, presumably to put them away. The Polish man frowned, shaking the bottle. "Huh. That's weird. We just filled a prescription yesterday. Why is it already..."
Feliks's father's eyes widened as he looked from the bottle to his son. A horrified realization spread across his face. He spoke in a dangerously low voice. "Why aren't there any pills left?"
Feliks swallowed. His mouth felt unusually dry. "I don't know Dad," he lied.
"Feliks," his dad said in a dark tone. "Why aren't there any pills left?"
"I said I like, don't know."
Felik's father looked his son dead in the eyes.
"WHY THE HELL AREN'T THERE ANY PILLS LEFT!?"
"I SAID I DON'T GODAMN KNOW!"
Feliks clenched his jaw under his dad's relentless stare. "I took them," he whispered softly. No reaction. "All of them."
For a second silence hung over the air. Feliks's dad closed his eyes and breathed out through his mouth.
"Son of a bitch," he cursed quietly. "Skurwysn."
"Skurwysn!" Louder this time. And then he turned and ran up the stairs, shouting... Something.
Huh. Weird. He was certainly loud enough that Feliks should have been able to make out what he was saying, but he couldn't. What language was his father speaking in? Polish? English? Feliks wasn't even sure.
Did the room just get about 10° warmer? Feliks could feel himself sweating. And his mouth grew drier. His eyes too, now.
Was that a flicker of movement? There, in the corner of the room? Feliks tried to tilt his head in the direction the movement came from, but his muscles seemed to object. Instead, he twitched.
What the hell? Wait... The pills.
Feliks's heart leapt. Literally; he could could feel it palpitate irregularly, pounding hard against his ribcage.
He twitched again.
The flicker from the corner of his hazy eyes seemed to peice itself together. Feliks's brain slowly recognized it as... A man? A man that holding something. A knife.
Feliks tried to scream, to run, but again he only succeeded in making useless jerky motions.
And suddenly, there were two men. Or rather, the first man was mirrored across Feliks's vision. More fear took hold of him. Was that him screaming? He wasn't even sure.
And the blood red ceiling seemed to be alive with motion. It curled and bubbled, almost as if it were aglow with lava.
Feliks felt his breath halt in his throat. He couldn't breath. He couldn't breath!
The Pole had always heard that when you pass out, it's quick. One moment you're there, and then the next, everything is black. But that was not at all what he experienced. He did not seem to fall into the relief of oblivion. Instead, the little crumbs of reality faded away, and whatever nightmarish hellhole he was in took over.
Suddenly Feliks was falling, the floor pulling away from underneath him. His father's shouts were silenced. His house disappeared, replaced by frightening images conjured from Feliks's hallucinating state.
All senses of awareness and comprehension disappeared from Feliks. He forget who he was, blind to everything but his hallucination. His hallucination and a single name that remained fresh in Feliks's mind.
Liet.
A/N: Well that was dark af, wasn't it?
QOTD: Should I make more bonus chapters like this, of start on the sequel? Note: the sequel is more Gilbert's third person POV and it's a PrussiaxHungaryxAustria fanfiction ^J^