Partners In Crime (lietpol/Poliet)

Chapter 7

Toris showed up to Felik's house the next day, feeling motivated. He was ready to make a damn YouTube video; he would do anything to salvage a long lasting relationship with Natalia.

Toris arrived at Felik's just after noon that day. Felik's parents were out, so the two had the house to themselves.

"I like, convinced my parents to let me spend my chore money on camera equipment," Feliks explained to Toris, pointing the tripod and HD Camcorder stashed in his closet.

"Thank you so much for buying everything." Toris was genuine.

"Yeah well I totally know how much it means to you that like, the photo doesn't get spilled."

Was that a trace of bitterness Toris detected behind Felik's words? No, surely not. Feliks himself had admitted that he was out of line in crushing on Toris.

"Ok," the Lithuanian clapped his hands together, trying to get off the subject of the previous Friday. "First things first, what's the video going to be about?"

Feliks rubbed his chin. "It can like, be about my morning routine," he suggested.

Toris frowned. "Sorry but no. It took the YouTubers that post that kind of content years to build a following. We don't have time like that. Besides, no one watches videos of boy's morning routines anyway."

Feliks shrugged. "Well what can, like, get us views quickly then?"

Toris paced, full brainstorm mode taking over. "That's probably the smartest thing you've ever said to me, and it was just a question." Feliks beamed, and Toris continued. "There has to be some sort of trend to instantly viral videos. We just need to do our research."

** Time skips are a not-so-proud sponsor of England's cooking. **

An hour later, Toris was sitting on Felik's bed with the little blond Pole, gazing into his laptop. The bed comforters were--guess what?--pink.

Feliks giggled as another cat video came on screen. They were watching "viral YouTube videos 2k15" for inspiration. So far it had just been cats with the occasional prank video, and, ever so rarely, a video of people whipping or nay-naying or something.

But then something seemed to catch Felik's eye. He leaned up a little straighter and laughed harder than before at the next clip.

"What is it?" Toris asked quizzically.

On screen was a slightly overweight lady. She glanced at her friends, looking unsure of herself. "I don't think this is a good idea," she said. No one answered her.

Eventually the lady grabbed a rope hanging from a tree branch above her. She jumped onto it, presumably to try to swing into a lake visible on the corner of the screen.

However, the ladie's weight proved to be too much for the branch, as it cracked with a starting snap! It plunged to Earth seconds later.

Then the clip was over and a new excert filled the screen. Feliks was still laughing at the previous clip.

"What is it?" Toris repeated.

Felik's face was red. His breath came in ragged gasps by the time he calmed himself down. Finally, he resonded, "It's just that that lady totally looked like you when I first met you. Remember, when you like, broke that branch, too? Except you're not fat."

"Yes, I remember," Toris sighed. "And it's not nice to call people fat. Labeling people is... Wait a minute, what did you just say?"

"I said you looked like a not-fat version of that lady."

Toris's eyes widened. "So in other words," he said slowly. "I did the same thing that occurred in a viral video?"

Feliks twirled a strand of hair around his finger. "Uh, yeah. That's like, what I just said."

Toris leaped off the bed. "Feliks, I know what we're going to do for our video!"

"What?"

"You're going to..." Toris hesitated, looking for a way to word it. "You're going to film me... contusing myself."

"Ooh! Totally awesome idea! Except I don't really know what that means. That isn't like, another word for masturbation, is it? Because no offense but no one wants to see that."

Toris sighed. "Hurt. It means getting hurt."

"Oh. Well why would we do that?"

Toris frowned. "For the video. It has to be funny."

Feliks shrugged, still looking unconvinced. "I guess. But like, people hurting themselves is only funny when it's not staged."

"Good point, but no one will know it's staged besides us."

"Okaaay," Feliks said in a singsong voice. "Well I'll go like, set up the recording stuff in the backyard."

...

Toris found himself nestled within two tree branches. Feliks was about 10 feet below him, filming.

As Toris reached for the branch above, his feet "slipped", sending him tumbling earthward. He crashed to the ground, groaning as he sat up. He had to have been badly bruised.

"Did you get it?"

Feliks nodded. "Yeah but it looks like, totally fake."

Toris winced as he found his feet, and made his way over to the Camcorder. As he watched the video of himself, he frowned. Feliks was right. Toris looked as if he had intentionally jumped rather than slipped.

"I'll try again."

Toris began scaling the tree again. Again, it looked staged. Again he began scaling the tree. Again he looked fake. And then again, and then again.

Toris must've climbed and fallen at least 10 times before Feliks called out, "Okay stop. You're going to like, kill yourself if you keep at it."

Toris rubbed sweat from his brow, accidentally smearing his forehead with dirt. "But we need to film the video..." He trailed off, glancing at his skimmed knees and bruised arms and legs.

"I don't like seeing you get hurt, Liet."

Toris stopped in his tracks and turned to face the Pole.

Feliks stammered, "I-I mean, I don't like, want you, my friend, to get hurt."

Toris stared for a second. "Uh, no. I mean, uh, that's okay. But, erm," Suddenly he was at a loss for words. "It's fine. What you said."

Feliks's face grew red. "Oh." Was all he muster.

...

Toris attempted the scene one more time, but again he was met with the same outcome.

Feliks flinched as Toris hit the ground. "You're not very good at hurting yourself, are you?"

Toris grunted in frustration. "Well I should be. I get plenty practice with Ivan... Ivan."

"You are totally not suggesting what I think you're suggesting."

Toris dusted off his pant legs. "We need Ivan to help us."