[Goodbye-Secondhand Serenade on the Then There's Faith In Love Fanfic playlist on spotify, dearxadriana]
"Arianna, I don't know what to say." He begins once I hand him a cup of coffee.
Instead of interrupting I let him speak, wanting to hear his side of things before I put my opinions in it.
"I screwed up, I've been doing that a lot lately, but I never meant to hurt you. You mean so much to me and you know I'd never intentionally do anything to ruin what we have." He finishes, playing with the handle of his coffee cup.
"I know Jaime, but this is going to be so hard to come back from."
"I know, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove that you can trust me, whatever you want me to do I'll do it." He pleas.
"It's not me asking you to do anything Hime; you just have to do it on your own. Drunk or not you knew what you were doing..." I trail off.
"I know, I should've had more sense than that, and I regret it, it kills me every day knowing what I did, and how much of a fuck up I can be."
"Jaime, you're not a fuck up, you're human, shit happens. But now you have to deal with the consequences your choices bring." I explain.
"I just don't want you to leave me, I can't take that hurt. I've seen you walk away more times than I've liked already and I can't deal with it again." He mumbles, his head looking towards the ground as I see a tear roll down his cheek.
I put my cup on the counter and look down at my fingers, my promise ring taken off and put away, "Look at me." I say getting him to look in my direction.
"We've worked too hard to get to where we are to just throw it away; I'm not giving up yet."
"I-I'm so s-sorry Arianna." He begins to sob running his hand down his face.
I run a hand through my hair and take in a deep breath going around to his side of the counter and pulling him into a small hug.
"We'll get through this Jaime." I assure.
"I love you so much." He whispers.
"I love you too Jaime." I reply rubbing his back.
"Don't give up on me."
"I'm not, but please be honest with me from now on." I ask.
"I will, I promise." He replies.
I walk away and take a seat next to him taking a sip of my warm coffee, thinking of what to say next, "So when are you going to talk to her?"
"I don't know, I talked to her when she told me and she said she wanted to meet up with me to talk about what we're going to do." He explains.
"Well, okay." I mutter.
"Everything's going to be different now isn't it?" He asks after a moment of awkward silence.
"I don't know." I mumble.
"I can already feel it, and I don't like it." He replies.
"I-" I begin but am cut off by the ringing of Jaime's phone.
I see a glimpse of the name on the screen seeing Jessica's name flash on it and feel my gut wrench at the sight of it.
He gives me a sympathetic look before answering it, "Hello?"
I grab my coffee cup and wash it quickly before heading upstairs and to the bathroom shutting and locking it behind me before starting the shower and stepping in.
I take my time washing my hair and body then run a razor over my legs taking away any stubble that it might have before turning off the water and wrapping a towel around myself and my hair.
I walk out of the bathroom and see Jaime tying some vans to his feet then look up to me, "Where are you going?" I ask.
"That was Jessica, she wants to meet up and talk." He says.
"Oh okay, cool." I say pulling the towel off my head.
"You can come too if you want."
"Jaime I think both you and I know that I have no place there." I reply throwing the towel into the hamper.
"Yes you do, you're my girlfriend. You're a part of this too Arianna, you have a say."
"No I don't Jaime." I begin.
"Whether you like it or not, I'm not part of that. All of the parental decisions are between you and Jessica, and for all we know she might not want me around the baby, what are you going to do then?" I question starting to feel the tears prick in my eyes.
"She can't do that."
"Yes she can Jaime!" I shout.
"I won't let her!" He shouts back.
"Then she won't let you see the baby, and I'm not about to be the reason why."
"You're not the reason for anything Arianna, you're in my life forever and she has no say in that." He crosses his arms.
"I just don't trust her Jaime." I say feeling a tear fall down my cheek.
"She's gone above and beyond to pull us apart and I feel like she's doing a good job at it." I finish.
"What are you trying to say?" He asks dropping his arms to his sides.
"Nothing, I don't know I just can't be broken anymore Jaime." I mumble.
"I know and I'm sorry for everything I've caused, I can't begin to explain how sorry I am Ari."
"Just, promise me that you won't be alone with her all the time. Doctors office and that's it, I really don't feel comfortable with you being alone with her. I don't want to be one of those girlfriends but I will be when it comes to Jessica." I state firmly.
"I promise nothing but doctor's appointments. I'm yours any other time than that." He reassures.
I just nod my head in agreement and look down to the floor hearing him walk closer to me then wrap his arms around my body.
"I never want to break you again, if anything I want to repair all the things that broke you in the first place. I never meant to hurt you, you mean so much to me and I can't bear to lose you." He says into my neck.
"Then keep your promise Jaime." I mumble into his shirt.
"I will."
I pull away from his hug then look up at him, "Well you better get going before you're late."
"Yeah, I'll let you know when I'm on my way back, shouldn't be long." He says grabbing his wallet from the dresser.
"What are you going to do?" He asks.
"Probably watch TV or something." I say.
"Okay well I'll be back."
He leans in and kisses my cheek before running out the door and to his car; once I hear him drive away I feel all the tears pool into my eyes finally feeling the numbness drift from my body and all the hurt find its way in.
I sit down on the bed and place my head in my hands feeling a sob rack through my body as all the tears begin to fall from my cheeks and down to my knee that's covered by the towel I'm still wearing.
He's right, things are different, I didn't want to admit it before but I feel the tension between us and it hit me like a thousand bricks. I never thought Jaime and I would get to the point where we can't be in the same room together without it feeling awkward almost like you're breathing in thick air.
I got up from my seat on the bed and dug through the drawers pulling out a matching under wear and bra set dropping the towel and covering myself with those then throwing on a grey and black Pink tank top then slipping my legs through some black and white Pink shorts.
I placed some black and white knee high socks on and then went to the bathroom grabbing a rubber band and throwing my hair into a messy bun before running to my bedside table and grabbing my glasses that I rarely ever wear, but seeing as I need to go get new contacts I'm stuck with these for a while.
I also grab my recipe journal and desert books as well as my old iPod touch then make my way down stairs with Max following closely behind.
I grab a water bottle from the fridge and a cookie then go sit on the couch Indian style plugging in my headphones and opening up my iPod screen and pressing the shuffle button the first song being Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade, great.
I brushed it off and began writing ideas down in my journal, Max finding his way onto the couch and curling up into a ball next to me drifting off to sleep quickly.
My phone vibrates with a text and I stop what I'm doing to check it smiling at the text instantly,
Austin: Hey you! Whatcha doin?
Arianna: Just making new recipes waiting for Jaime to get home.
Austin: He won't get mad that we're texting will he?
I roll my eyes at the text, last night when I was at Spencer's and she had already fell asleep I called Austin and explained what happened, and needless to say he was furious that Jaime thought I was cheating with him.
Arianna: No, he has no reason to...
About two hours later my phone began to ring with Jaime's face on it, I pressed pause on my iPod and answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey I'm on my way home already, did you want me to pick anything up to eat?" He asks.
"Um if you want, I'm not really hungry." I reply truthfully, all the events of today making me lose my appetite completely.
"Oh okay, well then I'll be home soon."
"Okay see you then." I say hanging up after.
I hated being this way with him, and I know it hurts both of us but I can't just let him right back in. He broke my heart and that's hard to repair all at once.
I shut my journal and cook book putting it on the coffee table then began my way upstairs and to our room pulling back the covers and getting in falling to sleep almost instantly.
-Jaime's POV-
I walked into the restaurant that Jessica wanted to meet at, of course she picked the one I took her to on our first date.
I saw her sitting at a booth towards the back; I walked over slowly trying to figure out what to say before I get there.
"Hey." She says with a small smile getting up to give me a hug to which I reluctantly give back.
I sit down across from her and don't even bother looking at the menu because I'm not hungry, "So we need to talk." She begins.
"Yeah, you can start with how the hell I got you pregnant because I swear I used protection." I spit.
"Look Jaime I don't know how it happened, it just did and it's too late to go back now." She retorts.
"So what happens now? When do we go to the doctor?"
"I have an appointment next week." She says more calmly now.
"Look Jaime I don't want to fight, I know we both screwed up, and you're happy with your girlfriend but we're going to be parents and I need us to be civil for him or her."
I realize she's right and nod my head in agreement, "You're right, but I can't let any of this interfere with me and Arianna."
"I totally understand, but Jaime if she says one thing bad about me or our baby I'm done with her."
"You won't have to worry about that, she's not like that." I assure her.
We spent another two hours at the restaurant talking about anything, the past, the baby, what we would like to name it. I can't lie and say I hated it, because I didn't, I loved every minute talking about that stuff.
But on the other hand I wished that I'd be having this conversation with Arianna instead, she's the one I'd want to have a family with, and unfortunately I don't know if that will happen after all the shit I've caused.
I gave Jessica a hug and watched her get in her car and drive away before I made my way to my black explorer. I turned on the Bluetooth in the car and on my phone then began calling Arianna to let her know I was going home.
"Hello?" She comes through on the other end.
"Hey I'm on my way home already, did you want me to pick anything up to eat?" I ask.
"Um if you want, I'm not really hungry." I can hear the uninterested sound coming from her voice.
"Oh okay, well then I'll be home soon." I say trying to push past the awkwardness.
"Okay see you then."
And before I could say anything else the line went dead, I banged my hand on the steering wheel feeling the anger boiling through my veins.
I pulled up to our home and parked my car in the driveway looking up to our bedroom window and seeing the lights turned off, I sat in the car for a few moments tears falling down my cheeks and onto my jeans.
I gather myself together and get out of the car going towards the door and walking in to see all the lights turned off. I walk upstairs and to the bedroom, opening the door and seeing Arianna fast asleep in bed, nothing but the sound of the wind blowing through the open patio door.
I walk over and shut it as quietly as possible then go through my drawers to find some basketball shorts discarding my jeans and shirt to the dirty clothes then climbing into bed next to my sleeping girlfriend.
I wrap my arms around her and press my lips to the back of her neck getting her to move around and face me.
When she does I see the redness of her eyes and pull her into my chest tightly letting the tears fall from my eyes as well, not saying a word but just holding each other as if we'd disappear if we let go.
"Remember the first night I spent the night with you?" I randomly say.
"Yes?"
"I was scared shitless when you asked me to lay with you." I chuckle.
She begins to laugh, the sound sending a million chills through my body at once, "Why? Did you think I would seduce you?"
"Yeah! I thought you'd hit it and quit it." I laugh.
"You're ridiculous, I could never do that. You're too cute." She smiles.
"Not as cute as you." I reply, and even though I can't see it I knew she blushed.
"I miss you." I mumble.
"But I'm right here." She replies.
"I know but what's happening to us?" I ask.
"We're drifting..." She trails off.
"I don't want to do that." I reply wiping away her tears.
"Me neither." She shakes her head.
"I love you so much Jaime, you complete me."
My heart picks up speed and I brush a loose strand of hair out of her eyes seeing them sparkle from the reflection of the moon outside.
"And you complete me."
[A/N: I am so sorry for a crappy update, one thing I miss about being unemployed was being able to write all day every day.
But no fear amigos, I will be writing as much as I can when I get off so I can update as quick as a ninja.
So what do you think? I personally HATE them being apart, I feel so attached to Arianna that when she's sad I get depressed lol #writerprobs
Thank you for being so patient I love you guys so much it hurts!
-Adri]
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