**Unedited**
There's nothing like a little sun, clears waters and white sandy beaches to give life a whole new perspective. While that may not exactly be the case here but I was definitely having a wonderful vacation. In the background I could hear the girls playing, Ben chasing them up and down the beach. From the outside we looked like the perfect little family and the rest of the world certainly thought so. In the beginning the tabloids had much to say when Ben and I were caught out with the girls, at the park, movies, restaurants. We were the talk of the town for weeks but after a fair amount of time they got bored and move on to bigger and better drama. It's been at least a month since we were last in the paper and with that we thought a family vacation would be a good idea. The original plan was just for Ben and the girls but when my mother got wind of my plans she decided a family vacation was long overdue and that meant the entire family: mother, father, brother- and his current fling-she even wanted to bring a few of the staff.
To be fair the trip had been going quite well, it would seem all my mother needed to mellow out was unfettered access to cocktails in her cabana on the beach. Looking over I see her adjusting her obscenely large hat, which I didn't understand she never bother to leave the cabana so there was no need to block any sun from her face. My dad was sitting next to her reading a novel, Cole rented a jet ski for the day the only time we get a glimpse of him is when he jets pass the shore. April-Cole's fling-laid contently on a lounge tanning her ridiculous skinny figure, I swear I haven't seen her eat more than a leaf of lettuce and a protein bar since we arrived.
We chose to stay at Wailea, at Andaz Residences; beautiful villas with all amenities one could wish for, or better to facilitate a worry-free vacation. We have already been here for a week, we've gone whale watching and snorkelling by Molokini Crater, visited 'Iao Valley and a few of the surround local sights. We decided to spend a few days just doing nothing by the beach but next on the agenda was to get a few cabins out by Haleakala. It was really turning out to be an adventure, fun-packed family vacation, a perfect distraction with the upcoming anniversary of the plane crash.
"Excuse Miss Romanos, your lunch is ready for." Our concierge Jared informed.
"Thank you Jared, would you mind informing my parents while I gather the rest." I stood and walked towards April. "April," I nudged her shoulder to get her attention, spinning her head around she popped out one of her earbuds. "Lunch is ready; would you mind trying to signal Cole to come in?"
"Yeah totally!" She practically squealed in excitement; I was still coming to terms with her degree of perkiness, it was typical of my brother to date the 'model-type' but this was the first cheerleader and I hope the last.
"Thanks much." I smiled at her as she flittered off in the direction of Cole. "Ben! Lunch time." I shouted to them down by the shore. He signalled okay and then turned to tell the girls. From here I could see their protest about having to leave the water; he continued to reason with them and within a few seconds they were running towards me. As soon as they reach me they tackled my legs in a hug. Looking up at Ben I made a face, "What did you promise them I'd do now."
"Nothing much. Just a ride on the glass bottom boat." He shrugged it off and grabbed towel off his lounge chair, "I might have also volunteered you for that parent-kids costume parade at their school." He laughed at me.
"Oh no that's not fair, you that coin toss." I ushered the girls towards my parents to go with them.
"True but I think the girls would the girls would much rather see you in a princess dress."
"You didn't have to wear a dress, we agreed you'd be Olaf."
"Suck it up, you're in the parade." He stuck out his tongue and then threw the towel at me before taking off towards the hotel.
"I'll get you for this." I wasn't completely serious but I did already have something in mind for payback.
Ben and I have really come a long way these last six months, through our love for the girls we've formed a strong friendship and we had informal shared-custody agreement. We lived separately but a few times we've all stayed together at the manor. The manor has never been more lively and we all love it-things are falling into place. It's almost a year to the crash and the death of Michelle-the trip had done a good job in distracting us but I can't help but think how different my life would have been if I never got on that plane, if I'd stay and married Marc. If I never got the chance to tell Nate how I felt about him. Then again I never did tell him.
Nate and I haven't really spoken these past months, of course I would see him from time to time: charity events, my father's office, I even sent a gift on his birthday though I chose to skip the celebrations. It was hard enough to always see in the society pages with Lindsay on his arm-I was not going to be "his ex" at that party. Though to be fair I couldn't be upset as the way the tabloids would paint Ben and I, they all assumed we were a couple since we were raising two children together. We didn't bother to fight them on this and chose to focus or efforts on the girls and building a stable environment for them.
"Hey you." Cole called out as he walked towards me, he turned to say something to April who then turned towards the hotel. "Are you planning on joining us or you gonna stay here contemplating life forever?" He nudged my shoulder with his.
"Just getting a little perspective."
"No your sulking an I know it's about Nate."
"No. He's the furthest thing from my mind." I lied terribly.
"It's been six months sis, might be time to bury the hatchet and call him."
"I think it might be too late for that. He's moved on." Cole moved to stand in front of me blocking my view to the sea.
"Alright, firstly there is no concrete evidence to say he is-you're just speculating." His face was stern as he spoke and I knew he was being very serious. "And secondly, he was a good friend, great friend even, long before any of this mess. If you valued the friendship you once had with him you'd swallow your pride and fix this." He was definitely angry.
"Jeesh Cole don't hold back, tell me what you really think."
"I don't mean to sound so judgemental, I'm just tired of watching you pine over him or blame yourself for each day that passes and you haven't tried to make this all right."
"Well why can't he be the one to fix this?"
"Because you're the one who told him to stay away and he's respecting your wishes as he's always done. Now come on, this is our vacation-it should be worry-free and fun. And right now I'm starved."
"Right, let's go I'm sure mother will be fussy if the food gets cold." We walked side by side, his arm flung over my shoulder- he was right I needed to fix this between me and Nate and most of all try to fully enjoy this vacation. After all I am surrounded by people who love me and who I love.
"Hey baby! I saved you a seat." And of course April.
After lunch Ben offered to take the girls out for the rest of the day, giving me a little time to myself. The plan was to go to the shopping village within Wailea but I found myself back on the beach, I stayed out until sunset; the sunset was so beautiful here that every day it was like watching it for the first time all over again.
"I wish you could see this Michelle. It's fantastic-the colours, the waves-they weren't kidding about this place being paradise." I knew if anyone was to walk by they would think I was crazy but to me it was crazier to think that just because we die that we don't leave a piece of us behind. "This past year has really seen so many ups and downs, it's hard to think that today would have been my one-year anniversary to Marc, which means tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of your death." I drew circles in the sand with my feet as if I expected that the answers I sought would suddenly appear written in the sand.
"The plan is to talk to the girls, you know in your memory. Maybe do something special but I don't think I'm strong enough to smile-how do I turn such a tragedy around for them?" On Michelle birthday we had a small dinner in her honour but that was easier, this day is about her death-how do I get two three-year-old girls to acknowledge the death of their mother. "If you have any ideas Michelle-I would love it." I took in the last of the sun rays with one deep breath I close my eyes "Or maybe just a bit of strength so that I can be there for them."
I stood there for a few more minutes now that I was just focused on listening to the waves I got the weird sensation of being watched. I tried not be paranoid as it wasn't uncommon for people to take a stroll along the beach-it could just be a passer-by, I rationalised. The sky had darkened considerably and I knew that Ben and girls would be returning soon probably hungry and hopefully tired.
As I got back to the suite, everyone was spread through the family room, the girls focus on the television my mother was sitting on the breakfast stool with April right next to her. My mother's expression told me that she was trying her best to entertain the conversation without looking too annoyed. My father and Cole were in the kitchen attempting to not burn down the kitchen-they had the brilliant idea that tonight the Romanos men would cook a traditional Greek dish, which was supposed to connect us to our rich heritage. Watching the pair was like watching a Three Stooges bit.
"Where's Ben?" I asked as I stooped down to give the girls a kiss.
"Bath time!" Amy answered.
"Oh! And did you two already have your bath time?" They shook their heads no. "And why is that?"
"Not dirty." They smiled.
"Is that right?" I grabbed Emily and started tickling her, causing Amy to jump on me trying to tickle me. We rolled around for a few minutes while they administered their version of a tickle attack.
"Okay, okay, I give up." They stopped tickling but chose to stay on top of me like I was to be their pillow. "Are you going to let me up?"
"Maybe..." Emily giggled, her eyes still bright with mischief but before she could do anything Ben came up from behind and grabbed them both up, freeing me.
"Are you causing trouble again?" They were shaking their heads no but they couldn't control their giggles.
"Nothing I couldn't handle." I laughed as stood up from the ground, "I'm gonna see if I can get a quick shower in before dinner is done."
My father was scolding Cole about something as I walked by the kitchen to my room; our villa had four bedrooms, one went to my parents, the girls of course shared one room the other two went to Ben and myself. Cole and April got a separate suite altogether-it was just a master bedroom and a small living quarters attached to it. We were all thankful that they had their own space so we were free from all their 'fun nightly-activities' Every day we had at least breakfast and lunch together in the villa, dinner was flexible as there was so much restaurants to try. Tonight was the first time we were having dinner altogether.
My shower took longer than I thought but these showers were designed to perfection-I literally felt like my troubles were washing away. When I got back to the living room, the table was set and the girls were already seated.
"Sorry guys, you know how these showers are." I joked.
"OMG yes! I don't think my shower back home will ever compare this. I keep thinking how cool it would be able to pack the shower in my suitcase-you know how people steal bathrobes." My mother gave her a blank stare which made her squirm a little.
"I know exactly what you mean April." I smiled at her to give her a little comfort to feel at ease, which seem to work. Mother gave me a brief look as if to say 'don't get too comfortable with that one.' True, Cole will probably move on within the next month but that didn't mean we should treat April any different.
"Mom how about a glass of wine?" Cole asked, he too was trying to bring the tension level down.
"Yes please." She politely answered.
"While Cole serves us our wine," I smiled at him mischievously, he faked annoyance at me volunteering him to play butler. "Let's watch take the first bite, just to make sure it's not poisoned." We all laughed.
"I'll have you know this moussaka will be the best you've ever tasted. Tell them Vivian" He bragged.
"Oh darling," my mother reached over and patted his hand, "Your moussaka is lovely." Her words were nice but her expression told us to prepare for the worse. We each took a mouthful at the same time, at different paces we chewed and swallowed. There was nothing but silence at the table as we waited for April to swallow her mouthful, the girls we happily eating their spaghetti. My dad took a sip of his water then used his napkin to wipe the sides of his mouth.
"So a ham and pineapple pizza?" He said flatly to which we all answered 'yes' in relief.
"Don't forget the cheesy bread." Cole added.
The pizza came and we had a lovely traditional American-style family dinner together on the living room floor of or Villa. We laughed and shared embarrassing cooking stories, my dad finally found out that the first time he made moussaka for our mother she lied and hid most of it in her purse. That was the best story of the night. It was great to see my family enjoying each other like this, even April was finally relaxed around my mother.
It was the perfect distraction I needed. I realised I wasn't alone and all I needed was my family to help me through tomorrow.