➡Why do we need to watch the sky to enjoy the stars when the ultimate star is me.
➡ME AS A PARENT
Child: *starts screaming*
Me: She gets that from me.
➡I heard u like bad girls.
I'm bad at everything.
➡Throwing fertilizer at people so they grow the hell up.
➡ctrl alt delete my fat.
➡"why"
"because i said so"
good one mum you should be a lawyer.
➡there are 10 years olds with an iPhone 6 and my parents wont even buy me burger king.
➡I hate how spiders just sit there on your wall, acting like they pay rent.
➡Can u lose weight by running away from ur feelings.
➡I make myself laugh. I should date me.
➡If you can't handle me at my worst then leave, because i dont have a best im always awful.
➡Instead of "have a nice day", i think I'll start saying "have the day you deserve." Ya know, let karma sort that one out.
➡ Maybe all my friends just constantly forget I have unlimited texting.
➡I don't dress up for boys. Ew. I dress up to stare at my reflections as I walk by store windows.
➡Please don't flirt with people I secretly like it's rude and disrespectful.
➡The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap...STAY SAFE...EAT CAKE!
➡"you look tired, are you???" "no, im just ugly"
➡Never give up on your dreams keep sleeping
➡Hey sorry im late i didnt want to come.
➡*falls into trashcan* nice. so good to finally be home.
➡i had a pun about insanity but then i lost it
➡me: *pulling petals off flower* he loves me. he loves me not. he loves m-
Flower: he's cheating on you jill
➡The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren't me
➡the people who say "1 second has passed' when ur like 'just give me a sec' are the people u need to avoid and sacrifice to the aztec gods
➡i wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap
➡I have to be funny because being hot is not an option
➡I know I'm a handful but that's why you got 2 hands
➡if im ever angry with u, just give me mcdonalds fries. im not saying ill forgive u but ill have fries and its a start
➡how do u get nice body without moving
➡u unfollow me or ignore me because ur afraid of falling in love with me, i know
➡fun prank: put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me
➡There is an app on my phone that makes me look fat. It is called camera.
➡Parents: "Why are you awake so early?" Me: "Who said I went to sleep?"
➡I tried to put myself in your shoes but they were cheap and ugly just like you.
➡I wish we could all agree to adjust our cultural perspective on beauty so that I could eat more.
➡I don't get why people pay to exercise in a GYM when it's FREE to not exercise.
➡Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there's no more soda?