chapter thirty-eight ; the fabrication of fear
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We spend our whole lives living in fear. When we were kids, we were scared of the dark. And as teens, we were scared of failing and rejection. But as we continue to grow older, our fears, though some may stick with us through the years, manifest into deeper and darker terrors. And when we have to face those fears head on, all of the walls we built to keep them out crumble.
Natalie woke with a fright, a small scream escaping her lips as she shot out of bed. Her fear haunting her dreams, seeing the Reverse Flash and her father taking everyone she loved from her. The brunette girl stared at the wall opposite her, regaining her breath, but her heart rate increased again when she saw the empty bed and crumpled sheets next to her, the emptiness causing her to think she was still in a nightmare. Pulling on one of Barry's sweatshirts and a pair of her pajama shorts, Natalie stepped into the hall, looking all around her, screaming yet again when she felt a pair of strong hands on her shoulders.
"Woah, woah, Natalie. It's just me. It's just me." The brunette calmed when she saw Joe, his face expressing concern as he stared at the scared girl. "I heard you scream. What happened?"
"I had a nightmare. And then Barry was gone, which was a part of my nightmare," she explained and Joe nodded in understanding. He squeezed her shoulder and gave her a small hug, his paternal instincts kicking in, "Well, kid, how about we go downstairs, you make some hot cocoa and I'll make some pancakes. Sound good?"
"Barry headed out earlier to search the city some more for Eddie," Jo explained as he started to mix the pancake batter. "Last night, you have no idea how hard it was to try and comfort Iris even though I wasn't supposed to know what happened. She didn't tell me anything, just like The Flash told her to." Natalie nodded her head, "How is she?"
Joe sighed, pouring the batter onto the griddle. "Traumatized, upset, worried, angry, confused.. Everything she's supposed to be feeling. Her boyfriend was taken from her right in front of her eyes."
Silence fell over the two and all the could be heard was the pancakes sizzling and the microwave heating up the milk for the cocoa. "So," Joe started with a clearing of his throat, "Barry tells me that you agreed to move in? I have to say I agree with Captain Singh, it is better for you to stay here for the time being."
"I hope you don't mind, Joe," Natalie said as she started look for the cocoa mix, excited when she saw a can of Cherry Cordial Hot Chocolate Iris had left in the cabinet. Joe chuckled in response, "To be honest, the more in this house the merrier. But that doesn't count little kids so don't you and Barry start getting ideas." Natalie's eyes widened at the subject and she focused on removing the milk from the microwave and said a small 'yes'. She set down the two cups of cocoa as Joe handed her a plate of chocolate chip pancakes, the two attempting some normalcy amidst the nightmare they were living.
About an hour later, Joe and Natalie headed to the station and seeing Barry by Eddie's desk. Before either could speak to the other, Captain Singh walked up the three, "Where is Thawne."
"He took some personal time," Joe explained as he looked up at his boss.
"Yeah..uh, Eddie's been going through some stuff, Captain," Natalie added as her finger ran absentmindedly on the edge of his desk.
The Captain scoffed, "Aren't we all? You got anything on these gold store robberies? Perp's hit up two more in the past week and we still got nothing"
Barry nodded as his hand slid up and down on the folder he was holding, "Yeah, I'm just waiting on the final results from the lab."
"Alright, pick up the pace," Captain Singh ordered, "And see if somebody can contact The Flash. Maybe he can help speed things up."
Joe waited until the captain was gone before he could talk to Barry, "Anything?"
By the solemn expression, Natalie knew he didn't have any good news, only for this to be confirmed when he shook his head. "No. I've looked everywhere, Joe, and I can't find him."
"Well keep looking," Joe said before he walked off.
Barry's hand found Natalie's, looking down at their joined hands as he intertwined their fingers, "Look Natalie, for today, can you please just stay with me, in my sight. I don't want to take any chances and with your dad released now and Wells on the loose.."
"Of course," Natalie replied, causing the worry on Barry's face to lessen as he cracked a smile and led the two up to his lab to finish up the evidence Singh asked for.
Barry smiled softly to himself as Natalie curled up as best as she could in the office chair beside him as he stood and worked. "Is that my sweatshirt?" Barry asked with a small laugh. Natalie cracked open her eyes and looked at the black sweatshirt, "Yeah, I kind of stole it from you room. Expect a lot of that since we're gonna be roomies."
"I don't mind. Besides, you look good in my clothes," Barry remarked just as Iris walked into the room.
"Hey, Barry. Can I talk to you to, alone?" she asked looking at Natalie. Barry glanced a his girlfriend, wanting to say no to keep her in his sight. Natalie opened her mouth, no words coming out until she saw the pained expression on Iris' face, "Barry, I'm just gonna go wait in the lobby."
Natalie quickly slipped on her black converse that she had taken off and retied her hair in a messy bun as she climbed down the stairs. She took a seat on a bench in the lobby, just like she said she would, making sure it was well in view of people so Barry would be satisfied. The brunette played with the rips in her light skinny jeans as she took out her phone, unlocking it to see that Cisco's and Caitlin's updates held no news on Eddie.
Barry walked in front of Natalie so that she could see his face and prevent from scaring her, given that Joe had texted Barry about her nightmare, "Hey, babe, we're gonna go to S.T.A.R. Labs, okay?" Natalie nodded her head and took his outstretched hand, "Am I allowed to know what Iris wanted to talk to you about or is it a brother-sister-only kind of thing."
"To sum it all up, she told me what happened with Eddie and she doesn't think The Flash is doing enough. Which just means I need to try harder, push harder because she thinks the cops should be looking for Eddie," Barry explained as he led them to an alleyway, picking her up gently before he ran the two to S.T.A.R. Labs.
Letting Natalie regain her surroundings as she leaned against his body, Barry stared warily at Cisco, who was pulling apart the pieces of a camera, "Hey Cisco, you planning on keeping all those cameras Wells used to spy on us?" Luckily Barry had sped around last night and pulled all of the cameras out of the walls, dropping them off at S.T.A.R. Labs, much to Cisco's delight. Natalie shifted and stood up straight giving Barry the sign she was good, "That's kind of creepy don't you think?" Barry chuckled but Cisco seemed nothing close to amused.
"First rule of mechanical engineering, guys: never waster good tech," Cisco answered as he continued to pry apart the pieces. He set the semi dismantled camera down on the desk as an alert popped up on the computer. "Central City Gold Reserve is under attack."
"Gold. Isn't that the case Singh has you on, Bare?" Natalie asked as she turned from the computer to her boyfriend. Barry nodded, "I'll be right back, babe. Keep an eye on her, Cisco." Cisco raised a brow as Barry left them in a blink of the eye, "Keep an eye on you?"
Natalie shrugged as she plopped down in the chair beside him, turning on the intercom, "Barry just wants to make sure I'm okay with Wells and my dad running wild." Cisco nodded his head in understanding as he brought up Barry's vitals for Natalie to keep an eye on, given Caitlin's absence in the room. "Where's Cait?"
"She's around town picking up the food for the metahumans. They're really picky. Like The Weather Wizard orders Thai food, every single day, Peek-A-Boo loves enchiladas. Oh and Deathbolt is vegan. Pretty interesting stuff," Cisco said as he worked on the computers, monitoring Barry. Natalie couldn't help but giggle at the information he had just given her.
Her stomach flipped as she saw alerts and flashes pop up on the screen, "Barry's vitals just spiked and it's not stopping." She rolled her chair over to the intercom, "Barry? Barry. Are you okay? What's going on?" She looked over at Cisco when all she got was grunts of pain. Cisco rolled back over to is computer, searching through the street cameras until he found one showing Barry on the ground, getting up to the relief of the two, and a guy in a bulky armor-protecting suit walking away.
"I'm okay, Natalie. I don't know what happened," Barry said, his voice filling the air in the Cortex as he mumbled into his ear com. Natalie cracked a small smile to herself at the sound of his voice, "Just get back here, okay?"
Caitlin arrived, storing the food in the fridge as Barry raced back stumbling into the Cortex and plopping down on the medical table as the young doctor went straight to work checking his vitals. Barry grabbed Natalie's hand, the touch easing both of them. "What happened, Bare?"
Barry explained to them how he felt a flood of pain, mainly in his head but trickling into his body, the flood of images, memories, that weren't his own. Caitlin shined a light into his eyes and frowned, "Your eye movement is normal. No signs of neurological damage."
"Do you think the thief might have bee a metahuman that put the whammy on you or something?" Cisco asked as he leaned against the small desk in Caitlin's lab, his arms crossed as he stared worriedly at his suited and unmasked friend. Barry shook his head, "I don't know. When.. Rainbow Raider-"
"Really, Cisco? Rainbow Raider?" Natalie mumbled as she looked at her long haired friend. Cisco held his hands up as Caitlin scowled. "I named that one," Caitlin muttered, making Natalie feel instantly guilty.
Barry shook his head again an focused back on task, "The last time I was whammied, all I felt was anger. But this was not that. This was overwhelming fear." His words making Natalie think back to her thoughts, the fear she had felt earlier in the morning when she first woke up.
"Looks like when you went down, the thief went down too," Cisco noted as he pulled back and rewind the security footage. Natalie turned from the video to look between Barry and Caitlin, "Maybe you both got..whammied."
"Then he should know how it feels."
The four in the room turned to the doorway leading to the Cortex to see Iris walking in, all of their mouth's open in shock as she did so. "Hi, Barry, or should I say The Flash," Iris said, her face pained and angered as she looked at Barry in the suit. Natalie couldn't understand how she was doing it, acting so calm and collected as she saw their secret. "We need to talk, Barry."
Caitlin, Cisco, and Natalie were at the computer desk as Barry and Iris headed into the training room with the treadmill. Cisco brought up the camera to the room as he and Caitlin paced in-between the screen and Natalie who had taken a seat.
"This is one of the few times I would not wanna be Barry Allen," Cisco said looking between the two cousins as he stopped pacing. Caitlin nodded, "I wonder what he's gonna say."
"Knowing Barry, probably something that's going to get him in even more trouble," Natalie said making the other two nod. Cisco narrowed his eyes, "We should absolutely not listen in."
Caitlin nodded, "It's none of our business. But The Flash is our business."
"Iris did just find out Barry's The Flash."
"And by the transitive property that does make Barry and Iris our business."
"You guys do know that you can use me to make yourselves feel better, right?" Natalie said gesturing to herself in the chair. Cisco nodded and cracked a smile, "She's right. We have his girlfriend and she is definitely his business. Hit the button, Cait."
Caitlin cocked her head at the two of them before hitting the sound button on the screen, wincing as the volume sprung to life. I don't- How, How did you find out? Barry asked as he paced in front of Iris, who was sat on the treadmill.
Iris clasped her hands together, In the past, when The Flash.. you, used to try and get me to stop writing my blog, your voice vibrated and your face was blurred. Yesterday, I guess in the moment with everything that happened.. I saw your eyes, Barry. And your voice, I could hear your voice. It didn't take long to piece together all of the lies and all of your disappearing over the past year and connect it to The Flash. I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner.
Natalie sighed as she saw the pained expression on Barry's face through he screen as he was caught lying to someone he loved, Caitlin and Cisco seemed to have the same thoughts. I can only imagine how angry you are, Barry said, his voice cracking.
Iris shook her head, I'm not angry, Barry. I'm just disappointed. Does Eddie know?
Yes, he does. Barry said after he struggled to get out words.
Caitlin bit her lip as she watched Iris hold back tears, Is that why he got kidnapped?
Barry held his head in his hands as he continued to pace, No. I don't know why Wells took Eddie-
-Dr. Wells is the Man in Yellow, Iris asked in disbelief, her head picking up.
Cisco picked up his pen and began to chew on it as the three continued to spy on what was supposed to be a private conversation.
Everything he's been doing, helping me, it's all been a lie. Barry said and Natalie noticed his breathing getting heavy onve again as his emotions started to become heavy. Wells killed my mom.
Iris let out a small sob at the piece of information and wiped her eyes as a tear spilled over, Is he gonna kill Eddie?
No, he's not. I'm gonna get Eddie back, I swear, Barry said quickly, and Natalie smiled sadly as the determination hardened over his face.
Iris scoffed as the tears fell silently down her cheeks, Yeah, The Flash said the same thing.
Look, Iris, you have to believe me, there were so many times I wanted to tell you. You were the first person I wanted to tell, Barry spat out, his face growing red as he grew frustrated.
Iris took a long look at him, If you wanted to tell me first then how come Natalie and Eddie knows?
We needed Eddie's help and Natalie found out on accident like you. She was there when the military attacked Jitters. He took a deep breath and threw his arms out, You're my family, Iris. I tell you everything, you have to understand how hard it's been. It's just everything started getting crazy and I thought maybe Joe was right-
-Wait, you're telling me that my dad knew and he told you not to tell me, Iris asked and Cisco muttered an 'uh oh' as she started to get angry.
Barry sighed, He was trying to protect you. We both were.
Iris glared at him, the tears staining her cheeks and the betrayal she felt evident on her face, Well I think it's time you both stopped.
Caught up in the moment and feeling sorry for both Barry and Iris, the three at the desk quickly scrambled around as Iris stormed out of the room, Natalie and Caitlin standing in front of the computer screen and Cisco picking up the phone and mumbling nonsense into it. Luckily she ignored their pathetic attempts. Natalie patted the two on their back before she walked into the room where Barry has taken a seat on the treadmill.
"I'm not even gonna ask if you're okay because I know you're not," Natalie mumbled as she took a seat beside him. Seeing as his hands were cupping his mouth, Natalie placed her hand on his leg, "Barry, you have a lot on your plate right now. Worrying about whether Iris will come around should not be one of them, because eventually she will. Having those walls you and Joe placed around her kept her not only in the dark but also shielded. When those walls come down, everything you thought you knew breaks. It takes time to sort through everything that starts to close in on you. Just give her time, Barry. You'll get your family back."
Barry nodded at her words and pulled her in for a kiss, "Thank you, for everything. For being there for me. I told you before I fell in love with you one piece at a time and to this day I just keep falling."
"Same here, speedy," Natalie muttered, her lips brushing against his. Barry sighed, blowing the free falling pieces of hair away from Natalie's face when his phone rang. After listening to what the person had to say, Barry grabbed her hand and got Caitlin and Cisco. "Joe just called. The Central City Gold Reserve is about to transfer three million dollars worth of gold bars to the Coast City Vault. Singh called Joe, they think the man in the mask is gonna make a play for it."
Caitlin shook her head, "Okay well we don't know if he was the cause of the weird images you saw." Cisco took note of that before looking back at Barry, "How are they transporting the gold?"
Barry cocked his head and smirked before he raced off and changed into his suit, stopping so that he could kiss his girlfriend goodbye, "An ice cream truck."
"Bring me back some ice cream," Natalie said, the light reaching her eyes as she smiled.
"What? No, 'Do good. Stay safe.' from you today?" Barry said as he held her close to him, his hands on her waist as she pulled his mask on.
"Do good. Stay safe. Bring back some ice cream to your loving girlfriend."
~~~~~
"What is wrong with him?" Barry asked as he, Joe, Caitlin, and Natalie stared at General Eiling, who was standing straight up and blank in the middle of one of the pods used for the metahumans. The truck being used to transport the gold was attacked by the man in the mask, who was revealed to be the one and only General.
"I said bring back ice cream. Not the guy who almost killed us," Natalie muttered as she stared at the General, who in her opinion, looked awful.
Barry cracked a small smile, "We'll get ice cream when we move some of your stuff in, babe."
Caitlin shook her head as she looked at the man, "I pulled a bullet out of his shoulder, which should hurt like hell, and it didn't even seem like he felt it. And I did a complete body scan, his body is perfectly healthy."
"So why is he just standing there like a robot?" Joe asked.
"It's like he's not even registering that we're right in front of him, or talking about him for that matter," Natalie added as she waved her hand trying to get the man's attention.
"I just got off the phone with ARGUS," Cisco announced as he joined the rest of them, "Officially, Eiling is on administrative leave."
"Unofficially?"
"I spoke with Diggle's wife, Lyla, she said Eiling's been missing for the past three months and ARGUS has been covering up for it."
All of them turned back to the General, all staring in curiosity and confusion. "So where has he been since then," Joe mumbled to himself before he spoke up to the man, "General Eiling, why were you trying to rob the gold reserve?"
The group glanced at one another as he gave no response. "Maybe he's in some kind of trance," Caitlin suggested as they all take a step closer to the glass separating the general from them.
"General? Do you remember me?" Barry asked from his spot where he was leaning against the wall.
The general's eyes flickered up to Barry. His voice low, like a grumble, and demonic sounding, "Flash."
"Woah, how does he know you're The Flash?" Joe muttered as Barry looked just as confused. Barry shook his head and turned back to the man, "General-"
"-Eiling. Not here," the general said back in response. "Eiling bad."
Natalie glanced at Caitlin, who only shrugged, "Maybe it's some kind of psychotic break presenting itself as dissociative identity disorder?"
"Caitlin. Caitlin good," the general growled as he looked towards Caitlin. Natalie's eyes widened as she looked at her cousin, "Um.." Barry and Joe both looked back at Caitlin, confused as well.
Caitlin tilted her head, obviously confused on what it meant, "Uh.. thank you?"
Cisco let out a shaky laugh, "Forget multiple personalities. You guys have seen the exorcist, right?"
"Keep talking to him," Joe said as he nudged Barry, ignoring Cisco's comment, "He seems to respond to you."
Barry nodded and blinked his eyes several times, "Why is Eiling bad?"
"Eiling hurt me. I hurt Eiling," the general growled as he stared straight ahead, his demonic voice sending chills down Natalie's spine making her think of all the fears she had.
"So if you're not Eiling, who are you?"
"I. Am Grodd.
Fear me."