Chapter 21:
I ran my hand through my blonde hair, once, twice, and finally three times. My leg was shaking as I sat on my couch and scrolled through my Instagram feed. I was supposed to see Zayn in concert tonight and I knew I wasn't emotionally ready to see him again. He was the reason I left, after all. Being in the same country as him was bad enough, but the last thing I wanted to do was see him in concert. What if he saw me? What if he still hated me? Of course he'd still hate me. I could still see the anger in his eyes and remembered how angry he was when he yelled at me.
And Kylie just had to have backstage passes as well didn't she? I had considered locking myself in my bathroom and pretend to vomit or have some weird illness so Kylie would leave me alone, but unfortunately that wouldn't work either. Kylie's mother was a doctor and she knew a lot about illnesses and...well I wouldn't get away with anything if I tried.
However, my plan so far was to go to the bathroom after the concert and stay there. Kylie could meet them alone and I could just stay...in the bathroom...for the rest of the night.
Kylie had gotten me a shirt, plastered with One Direction's faces on it. I refused to wear it, but she told me to keep it. I would probably wear it to sleep or something. But that was weird in many other ways, considering that I knew all five of these boys even if they knew me as someone else at the time.
Intead of dressing like an obsessed fangirl, because I definitely wasn't one, I dressed up just enough so Kylie wouldn't yell at me.
I had decided on a faded tank top with a British flag printed on it, since I had refused to wear the One Direction shirt Kylie so desperately wanted me to wear. With that, I wore a pair of my favorite denim shorts. Paired with that, I wore a pair of black combat boots.
"PENELOPE!" Kylie screamed from the other side of the door. I reluctantly got up to open the door for the screaming girl. "LET'S GO! I'm so excited!"
"Yeah, I know," I sighed. I was trying to be excited, but I couldn't. I knew that once I was in the concert, I would be surrounded by screaming and jumping girls. Then there'd be me, trying to avoid looking at the one single person that I thought I loved. I had to move on though right? I couldn't just let one boy dictate how I lived for the rest of my life!
But I found his hazel eyes so mesmerizing and his touch igniting. His laugh had the ability to make me feel all these emotions that I had never felt before. I guess that's what love feels like right? But love also sucks.
It leaves you with a feeling of guilt, dread, and questions like: What could I have done? What did I do? Why did it have to end the way it did?
Kylie told me to hurry up countless times as I gathered by phone, money, and keys into my purse. Kylie was shaking, jumping up and down. I swore she was a thirteen year old at heart. I was pretty sure that I was the only person holding her back from letting out a full and loud scream.
As soon as I locked my apartment, Kylie grabbed my arm and started dragging me out of the building, telling me over and over how late we already were.
She was my best friend, yes, but she was sometimes too crazy for me to believe. Kylie shoved me into her car and sat down in the driver's seat. She fixed her rearview mirror, did a little breathing exercise, then started the engine.
"I take that you're not the biggest fan of One Direction?" Kylie assumed. In more ways than one, I had been less enthusiastic to the idea of attending a One Direction concert than she. It wasn't that I hated their music, I just didn't want to see Zayn in person. I could take seeing him on billboards, seeing him on magazines, and listening to him on the radio. What I couldn't take, however, was actually seeing him in person.
"Not as big as a fan as you," I responded. Kylie rolled her eyes. Through the entire car ride as well as getting to our seats in the stadium, Kylie wouldn't shut up about how excited she was and how she thought Niall was really really hot. She told me how she had already named her children with him and how they'd look.
It was funny to see how excited she was though. Normally, she was calm and collected. Once you press that one button though, she ignites and starts to go off on these long rants that seemed to never end. After being such close friends, the only time I remembered her being so calm was when we were on the set filming our show.
Kylie and I settled into our seats, making ourselves comfortable. Much to our displeasure, we were seated in between two groups of twelve year olds, holding giant signs. They were crying and screaming although the concert had yet to begin.
"I guess in way it'd be awkward to see your sister's ex... Is that why you didn't want to come? Oh god! I shouldn't have dragged you all the way over here. I feel so awful now. What have I done? I-"
"It's fine Kylie, it wasn't like he was ever my boyfriend," I told her. She seemed to calm down and didn't know the truth behind that lie.
That was why I was such a good actress. I lied. Lies lies lies.
"OH MY GOD IT'S STARTING!" Kylie squealed. She sounded almost the exact same way the twelve year olds were.
I caught my breath as I saw Zayn enter the stage along with the other four boys. They all wore giant grins on their face, probably like they did at every single concert they've performed. No one had spotted me yet. That was good.
I silently cursed myself for not bring a hoodie to hide my face, but Kylie would've forced the damn thing off my head in the car. She wasn't a fan of my clothing style. Dress for comfort. That was my excuse for my lacking choices in clothes.
They started off with a song from their first album, Up All Night. It was a jumpy song that Kylie seemed to know. I wasn't that familiar with it so I decided to just jump along and act like I wanted to be there. It was the least I could do for Kylie.
As the songs progressed on, I felt myself starting to get bored. No one had noticed me yet, thank god. One or two girls around me had asked if I was Perrie Edwards, but I had to explain the situation that no I was not her and that I was her unknown twin sister.
By the fourth song, however, I got noticed. It wasn't my choice either. Zayn's eyes happened to land on me and it wasn't that simple glance over the crowd. His hazel eyes locked with mine, during his solo in More Than This.
Yeah, I've never had the words to say,
But now I'm askin' you to stay
For a little while inside my arms,
And as you close your eyes tonight,
I pray that you will see the light,
That's shining from the stars above...
I heard hitches in his voice as he sang and I couldn't bring myself to look away from his eyes. Did he think I was Perrie? Did he know that it wasn't her? Had I been mistaken all over again? Of course, he'd want it to be Perrie. Through his eyes, it was her who he had fallen in love with. He didn't know who Penelope Edwards was. He didn't know a single thing about who I really was.
Two songs later, there was an outfit change, leaving Kylie to fangirl over how Zayn's eyes had been hovering over our section of the crowd for the past two or three songs.
Zayn's P.O.V.
I was sweating. My palms were sweating and shaking at the same time. My head felt like it was about to burst and the rate of my heart was too fast to be in the classification of normal. I ran my hand through my hair, earning myself a scolding from Lou, our stylist, who would end up having to fix it up all over again.
"What happened?" Louis asked. "Right after More Than This, I thought you were about to pass out!"
It couldn't be her right? It could be Perrie... No, it couldn't be Perrie. The last I heard from her was this morning and she had posted on Twitter that she was on a plane, leaving to France with her bandmate Jade for a couple of days. Adding to that, her hair was back to its lilac color, not blonde. So there was only one option left.
Penelope.
It could be someone that looked similar to her... Couldn't it be? Or was I hallucinating, thinking that it'd be her since all I had been thinking about since I had found out she was in LA was her. Penelope had gotten into my head.
"I just thought...I just thought I saw Penelope, Perrie's sister. That's all. Must've been a hallucination. I think I'm a bit dehydrated or something..."
I stripped off my shirt as I was thrown another one to change into.
"Oh I thought I was the only one!" Liam chuckled. "Guess it's her after all."
"Yeah," Harry agreed, "saw her with some red head. Pretty hot chick I must say-"
"Are you talking about her red head friend or Penelope herself?" Niall asked. "And I saw em too. The red head was screaming her head off."
So it was her...
Pen's P.O.V.
As the concert ended, Kylie was jumping up and down because she finally got to meet One Direction. She had told me that she had at least ten phones around her on speed dial to the radio so she could win those tickets.
"Did you see Niall though? God, he looks so sexy with that tank top! And his biceps! I can't even- I think I'm going to die. Pen, help me."
"God, calm down Ky," I rolled my eyes. We were lead by two burly men to the backstage area to meet One Direction. At this point, I wasn't too sure who was more nervous. Me or Kylie.
"They'll be here in a couple of minutes," one of the men said.
Phase one of plan I don't wanna see my ex.
"Excuse me? Do you happen to know where there's a bathroom? I've got to go..."
"British huh?"
"Yes. Is there a problem?"
"No m'am. Right this way," he said. Kylie gave me a disappointed look as the man lead me through little clusters of people until we reached a small area. There were two bathrooms, one for men and one for women. "I think you know your way from here."
"Thank you," I replied.
I locked myself in the bathroom since it was the one with only one toilet. I took out my phone to text Kylie.
To Kylie:
Give me a ring when you're done...
From Kylie:
Get your ass out here right now
From Kylie:
I see them
From Kylie:
Did you not get my text? I SAID NOW
From Kylie:
One of em asked if I had a blonde friend with me. Told em yes and they knew your name Pen! Oh my god, they said that they know you! Well you are Perrie's sister I guess so...
From Kylie:
So I take it that you're dead?
God, she just had to tell them didn't she?
To Kylie:
Not dead. Just dont feel too good
From Kylie:
Hi Pen! This is Louis here. Imma call you like right now...
My phone started to ring, loudly I must add.
Should I just press end call? I really really really wanted to, but what kind of girl would that make me? One that was weak and afraid? One that was afraid of putting up with her ex that hated her guts?
Immediately regretting it, I pressed the green button.
"Hello?"
"Nice to hear your voice again!" Louis chirped.
"Please tell me you didn't put it on speaker phone," I whispered.
"I'm afraid that if did tell you that, I'd be lying!"
"Hi Pen!" A chorus of voices said.
Just great. Just great.
"Now how about you get out of that restroom and come to see us face to face? We haven't seen you in six months... Plus, imagine how much Kylie here wants you to share this experience with us..."
Making me feel guilty. Of course... "Louis, please don't-"
"Or I could just send someone over there to unlock the door and drag you out. We have people for that, just FYI," Louis said.
"You wouldn't..."
"Honey, the whole world knows that I would."
"I'll be out..."
"OKAY BYE!"
He hung up and I sighed, placing my phone back into my purse. Louis was such a blackmailer. I unlocked the door and angrily shoved it open, almost knocking someone down. What kind of fool stands behind a door? A stupid one I bet.
I didn't bother to say sorry.
"Not gonna say sorry?"
I froze in my spot, clenched my fists into balls, and turned around. Zayn was looking at the ground, but his eyes traveled from my feet to my face. He was leaning against the wall, his hair slightly tousled, and his hands were stuffed deeply into his pockets.
"I think you deserved that one," I responded.
"I saw your interview Pen, after I saw your show. Good episode I must say..."
That meant he had probably heard me tell him to screw himself.
"Thanks," I stiffly said, "so I'm going to go back before Louis sends your big burly security guards after me. I prefer not to be dragged against my will."
"I'll walk with you," Zayn offered.
You could basically taste the tension in the air. We were both stiff, trying to avoid contact, as well as awkwardly standing in an awkward silence.
I started to walk and he walked beside me. I finally saw Kylie, whose face was pale but filled with such excitement. She was in a deep conversation with Niall, smiling and grinning like never before.
"Pen!" Louis grinned. "Nice to see you when you're not Perrie!"
"What's he talking about?" Kylie questioned.
"Long story. Maybe I'll tell you another day," I waved it off. Kylie shrugged it off and returned to her conversation with Niall.
"Saw your show on TV the other night. Great I must say. Fantastic acting!" Louis said.
"Yeah, because acting is basically lying," Zayn said.
I turned around and glared at the tanned boy, who wore no emotion on his face. His eyes avoided mine. He was the same wasn't he? I meant nothing to him. Why would I mean anything to him anyways? All I had done was hurt him, but he had done the same to me.
Love...so confusing and I hated it.
"Zayn," Liam scolded.
"Screw you," I snarled towards Zayn.
"Just like your sister aren't you?" Zayn smirked.
"I am nothing like Perrie alright?"
"Well that's hard to believe."
"Is there something that I'm missing?" Kylie asked.
"I'm not putting up with your shit, Zayn," I rolled my eyes, "I'll take a cab home Kylie. Stay and enjoy yourself. Nice seeing the rest of you. I'll be heading home."
One of the security guards told me the instructions to leave the stadium. After I thanked him, I gave a small wave towards Kylie who didn't seem me because she was so engrossed with Niall.
As I exited the stadium, out onto the LA streets, I slid down against the wall and sat down on the ground. He hated me. So so much.
I cried, because that's what weak people did. I cried because I was weak and I was crying because that was the only thing I seemed to be able to do. Why did I ever think that I could make it ten minutes, with Zayn in the same room, and not cry? What foolish thoughts.
Zayn's P.O.V.
I hated her.
But I still loved her.
~~~
If you didn't know, there was a bombing here in the USA in Boston. Two bombs went off at the finish line of a marathon. One of the two that died was an eight year old boy. There are said to be more bombs around the area. No one knows who is responsible for this attack. Many are injured and some are in critical condition. Please keep them in your prayers. Please.
Honestly, this is sick. So far, there has been a shooting in a movie theater as well as a school. Now a bombing in Boston? What is this world- this country, coming to? These are all public places. A movie theater? A school? A marathon? This could easily be anyone. My friend's aunt was in Boston today and luckily made it out alive and uninjured. Please pray for everyone in that area to be safe and unharmed. I hope you read this. This entire chapter is dedicated to those people in Boston. I know it doesn't mean that much, but it'll make me feel better.
-Adriana
To those in Boston, you are in my prayers <3