Chapter 6
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
Mil u are beautiful
y were u scared 2 show me ur pic?
MilliVanilli:
i don’t feel beautiful
lexi is gorgeous
i was always compared 2 her
she’s perfect
then the night...that it happened
the man
i don’t want people 2 look at me like he did
so, i hide and cover up when i need 2
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
i understand
but promise me 1 thing
MilliVanilli:
ok?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
promise me u won’t hide from me
i know we said truth
and we r friends
but no secrets
i want 2 know the real u
and i promise 2 let u c the real me
promise?
MilliVanilli:
yeah
i promise
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
:-)
hey, i was reading on wattpad
the other day
i thought of u
MilliVanilli:
really?
y?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
this story i read
about this girl who was afraid
2 see herself and her talent
2 the fullest
MilliVanilli:
what’s the name?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
Made to Shine
goldie68
writing was OK
but story was good
she needs more contractions
MilliVanilli:
i’ll check it out
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
hey
MilliVanilli:
yeah?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
What tabs do u have open
u know i can really relate 2 that Tab poem u did
MilliVanilli:
seriously that was because of
tabs that i had open
i thought it was funny
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
it was
i LOL reading it
MilliVanilli:
glad 2 make u LOL
:-D
tabs now?
facebook
gmail
wattpad
google docs
photoshop
flickr
hulu
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
hulu?
whatcha watchin?
MilliVanilli:
Gilligan’s Island
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
really?
MilliVanilli:
yeah - <3 that show
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
which episode?
MilliVanilli:
one with the japanese fighter that thinks
WW2 is still going on and takes them all hostage
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
my fav is the one with the veggie seeds that grow huge
MilliVanilli:
loved that 1
who is ur fav?
character?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
professor
MilliVanilli:
really? y?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
he is smart
y? who was urs?
MilliVanilli:
gilligan
just surprised u didn’t say ginger or maryann
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
i’m not the normal guy
MilliVanilli:
u can say that again!
LOL
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
i’m not the normal guy
MilliVanilli:
LOL
Several more weeks passed and Millie and Paul continued their online friendship. Even though Wattpad was the place that they met and still chatted quite often, they also began sending emails and became friends on Facebook as well. Paul even talked Millie into joining his online Virtual Home Group.
Cautious at first to speak out, only because there were already foundations of friendships with the other people within the group, Millie observed the first week and talked with Paul afterwards about the dynamics of the group and asked questions about what was discussed. They had talked about forgiveness one night and Millie had some questions when they met later on Wattpad.
MilliVanilli:
y do u think it is so hard 2 4give?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
bcause we r human
if it wasn’t so hard, every1 would do it
MilliVanilli:
true
but i am a good person
i did not do anything bad
and i was the 1 wronged
y do i need 2 4give
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
because Jesus tells us 2 forgive
so we don’t have hate and anger n our <3
even if someone does something over and over
2 hurt us, we still need 2 4give them
now I am not saying 2 let them do it 2 u again,
but u need 2 4give
MilliVanilli:
y?
what does it do 2 them
if they r going 2 do it again?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
bcause it is not 4 them
it is for us
we can’t move on with our lives
and harbor hate
MilliVanilli:
but what if u don’t even know the person
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
4giveness comes from the <3
not the words spoken
don’t get me wrong
saying the words is closure
but b4 u can say the words
4giveness has 2 come from the <3
MilliVanilli:
i guess
but i don’t know if i can
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
y?
what do u think is stopping u?
MilliVanilli:
u know what he did
i don’t know if i can ever 4give
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
is he the only 1?
that u can’t 4give?
MilliVanilli:
the 1 that comes to mind
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
what about ur father?
MilliVanilli:
y?
u mean 4 not supporting me
after the attack
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
yeah
MilliVanilli:
i was use to it
that was dad
if he would have reacted any other way
that would have surprised me
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
how do u feel about ur dad
always doing that?
MilliVanilli:
it use 2 bother me
i use 2 hate it
but now...just use 2 it
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
but did u forgive him?
MilliVanilli:
i don’t get it
y?
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
u just said ur self
u use 2 hate it
MilliVanilli:
so bcause of that?
the years of dropping the ball?
putting things before me?
Suddenly as she typed, realization hit Millie, he was right. She didn’t hate her father like she did the man that hurt her, but she was carrying around baggage from before that night. Her father not coming to piano recitals as a child, work always coming before family, putting on a show for others to name him Father of the Year, yet not see the real man that was basically a stranger to his wife and daughters. She needed to forgive him.
“God, please help me to forgive my father and the man that hurt me. Help me to overcome my fears, in Jesus name. Amen.”
MilliVanilli:
u r right
HeDied4Me-ILive4Him:
if every1 was as good as u
my job would b easy
:-)
MilliVanilli:
now don’t get all stuck on urself!
:-)
One day after a staff meeting, Sydney asked Paul to meet her for coffee later on that afternoon. When he arrived, she started quizzing him about what was going on in his life.
“I just hardly ever see you anymore. I want to hear what is new,” Sydney had been informed by several people in Paul’s Virtual Bible Study that he had met someone online. They could not give her any more information than that, so she thought she would invite him to coffee and get him to spill the beans, so to speak, over a cup of coffee.
“Things are going good. Virtual Bible Study is great. We have new people joining every week.”
“Anyone from church? That I would know?” Sydney raised an eyebrow to emphasize her question.
“Yeah, Emily and Julie,” Paul said with a smile. He knew that she already knew they joined because they were all really good friends. That was when he figured out that she knew about Millie. He had been tight lipped about it and only told his mother and RealityCheck, a good friend from college that joined his Virtual Bible Study. “And I think you already know what else is new. Don’t you?”
“About the girl you met? Yeah, I know. What is going on with that?”
“Syd, you know I can’t tell you everything,” Paul looked over at her with a guarded smile. Millie may not go to church, but he considered those he ministered on the Internet his church. He was not about to tell Sydney or anyone else things Millie or anyone else had told him in confidence.
“I am not asking about her because she is a ‘member of your flock’, I am asking because ever since you figured out what I am talking about, you have this different look on your face. One like someone in love. But, I know that can’t be true because you have never met her. Right? Tell me I right. Please?”
“I can’t explain it Syd, so don’t ask me to. It is different.”
“Paul, I don’t know. You don’t know anything about this person. Are you even sure it is a woman?” Sydney was worried about her friend, but she also didn’t want him to get his hopes up for this perfect woman and then have it blow up in his face when he found out she was lying or something.
“Syd, I have been getting to know her for the past six months. The things she has shared with me, she needs help overcoming her fears. I don’t want to get into that with you because it is something I can’t share. But, she needs a friend and I am going to be there for her.”
Sydney took a sip of her coffee and then shook her head, “But, what makes you think she is telling you the truth. She could be feeding you a line and then get you invested in her ‘story’ and then try to get money or something.”
“She is not like that. I know her.”
“You wouldn’t even know her if she walked into this coffee shop right now!”
“Yes I would,” Paul got very defensive. “I have seen a picture of her and I would recognize her anywhere.”
“Paul,” Sydney said shaking her head again, “You are smarter than this. How do you know that she did not just download the picture from Google or something? She could be playing you and I don’t want to see you get played.”
“Sydney,” Paul took a deep breath, “I appreciate your concern and wanting to protect me. I do this for a living, meet people online and minister to them. I think I could tell if she was lying to me or playing me.”
“But,” Sydney stopped him, “this is different than the others. I can tell in your voice and your eyes. There is more you are not telling me.”
“Nothing that matters.” Paul took a sip of his coffee and tried to avoid the stare of his best friend, the person that could tell his mood with a single look across the room. He knew he could not hide things from her when she is only sitting across the table.
“You LOVE her!?! Don’t deny it. I can see it.”
“She won’t meet me. So, it doesn’t matter.”
Paul shook his head and Sydney could tell that he was sad and maybe even a little depressed. She wondered how this had happened without her knowing about it.
“Talk to me. We have never had any secrets. Paul, I love you, no matter what. I want what is best for you. Just ask yourself if these feelings are what is best for you? Maybe you should stop all contact with her.”
“NO! I can’t do that. No matter what I feel, she deserves a friend.” Paul took a sip of his now lukewarm coffee.
Sydney looked up at him, reached across the table and placed her hand on his. “Paul, I know what it is like to love someone and not have them return those feelings. I know how bad this is for you, how much you hurt. I don’t want to see you hurting.”
“I am sorry things did not work out for us,” Paul said as he slowly pulled his hand away so he would not offend her. “But, this is not like that. She has feelings for me, but she can’t see past her fear. So, I am going to do what I can to be her friend. And if the time should ever come where she lets go and lets God heal her, then I will be there.”
“Do you even know where she lives? Do you know anything about her family? Do you know anything about her that sends up warning flags?” Sydney reached out to him again, but pulled her hand away when she saw the look in Paul’s eyes.
“No I don’t know where she lives. She has a sister and both parents. And no reason to think that she has or will lie to me.” This time, it was Paul’s turn to reach across the table and take Sydney’s hand. “Syd, I know her on a different level than anyone I have ever known. Our whole relationship has been based on honest communication. There are things that she has shared and things that I have shared that no one else in the world knows.”
“Look Paulie, I know we did not work out. I understand. I get that. But, just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean that there is not a girl out there for you. I know a lot of great single women at church and stuff. Please let me set you up with someone?” Sydney’s eyes were pleading and she squeezed his hand, wishing he would let her do this for him, but knowing the answer as soon as she said it and saw the look on his face.
“I can’t not right now. Maybe in a year or two, but right now I want to concentrate on my ministry. And if something should happen between Millie and I, great! But, if not, then I will have to be OK with that.” He squeezed her hand back, “Just like you have had to be OK with us not working out.”
“OK.” Sydney said, “But the offer still stands. Let me know if you want me to set you up with anyone. I love you, you know that, right?”
“Yeah, and I love you too.”