Nigel:
Nigel was there again in the morning, though. The skin around his eyes had gone even more puffy and dark overnight, - as if he hadn't slept at all. He hadn't.. He was unable to for strange lose sentences in Alex voice had haunted him over the night.. It was probably a sign his illusions were coming back. And of course being sleep-deprived didn't do any good to his mental state either.
His eyes - puffy or not - were scanning the room for one person in particular. He had wanted to ask this person something all night.. and now he'd finally get the chance to. When he spotted Grace walking to the couch she'd been sitting on yesterday as well - there was no need to sit at a table because she wouldn't get any food anyway - he got up and sat down on the couch next to her, staring at her intently.
"What did you mean?" was the first thing he asked.
Alex:
Grace smiled politely and stroked a tress behind her ear so she could look Nigel in the eyes again. She was satisfied, though he had been punished quietly brutal today. She'd helped Nigel. Sort of rescued him from another punishment, and that really felt good. She had something with this guy. Maybe it was his facial expressions that took all of her interests, or just the atmosphere that floated around him? Perhaps both? She felt attracted to him, but in a blurry incomprehensible way.
Grace didn't noticed anything of her speaking utter nonsense - or at least, speaking things that she shouldn't. Of course it weren't Grace her words. Grace had never said those sentences before. The urge to speak to Nigel again was way too big for Alex, and the urge of feeling him closely again - and being able to, but not allowed to - made everything even harder. He had been so close to his destiny, his body. And in one snap of the finger, everything disappeared in blurry grey clouds.
She kept her blue, curious eyes pinned upon his, and smiled mischievous as they walked further - noticing his struggles of walking. Why was he suddenly so surprised. Why did he seemed to be so confused out of nowhere? She stroked the tip of her tongue along her lips and titled her head, not struggling at all as the guards pushed her in her room, closing the door roughly behind her. She stared out of the gratings for a moment, following Nigel who got pushed further but still stared at her as if she had said something really awkward, and she smiled again - lightly, soft. Then she disappeared in shadows.
The morning of he house awaking was cold and oppressive, with an occasional heavy raindrop falling from the low grey skies. Miranda was noisy, as always - even though her head must have still been hurting, and Sasha tried to seduce some other patients again, craving for sex, sensuality and contiguity. A guard had carried in out two tables and arranged them in the front of the house since we apparently got new dinner tables - or something.
Grace sat on her familiar couch, staring straight in front of her - since she didn't dared to move much. Her but ached, and so did her belly and her head. Her head by a headache - too lack of sleep - and her belly by too less nutrition. Her butt? Yeah, that was obvious, of course.
Nigel came toward her, completely out of nowhere, and honestly she hadn't seen him coming. She startled a bit, just from his sudden appearance, but smiled as soon as she caught his blue eyes - though they were surrounded by puffy dark circles.
'You look horrible,' she mumbled worried as she pulled him closer, forcing him to sit on the couch - not realizing it could perhaps hurt even more for him. He wasn't used to the pain, perhaps. Grace was in time. She frowned as she heard his question, and crooked her head by it. 'What do you mean?'
Nigel:
He opened him mouth to say something else but she already pulled him closer, setting him down on the edge of the couch. He flinched lightly in response but tried not to show any other sign of pain. He had to learn to get used to it and not to show it, just like Grace did.
The comment on his appearance he discarded entirely as well. He hadn't looked into the mirror this morning, but he didn't have to in order to know he looked terrific. He didn't care. In this institute it didn't matter one bit, especially with patients like Mathilda walking around. No he was more interested in Grace's answer. And 'more interested' was of course an understatement.
"Yesterday, after the beating, you told me it was going to be okay, and that you'll always be here. What did you mean?"
There was something in his eyes.. it wasn't all empty all of a sudden, like it had been before. There was something there, and though it wasn't visible enough to call it hope, it was something remotely positive.
For a moment he cast a glance from the corner of his eyes to the new tables. Were they getting new patients? However, he quickly reminded himself that he didn't care and looked back at Grace, eager for an explanation.
Alex:
Of course Grace saw Nigel flinching by the quick pull against the couch, and she immediately felt a bit sorry for it. She could've known it, but she didn't took the effort to think clearly. She was happy enough that he was here, close to her, allowed to listen to her things She wasn't alone anymore. Finally she could talk to somebody about her things instead of hiding everything away. Nobody understood her. Nobody understood anyone in here. They were all insane, even the scientists, doctors and the nuns themselves.
She didn't thought about giving her apology, though. And she kept staring at him with her eyes wide open, curiously. She slowly curled up her legs, covering up her scars and shades with her grey dress, and covering up her cold pale skin. It was freezing in here, but they hadn't given them any warm clothes yet. She was starving, and just as she wanted to ask him something about breakfast, he began to speak again. She pressed her lips, frowning lightly as she titled her head. Did she say that? Why could't she remember?
'It's obvious what I mean, you silly. I'll always be here for you, and we'll be fine.' She took his hand and started to play with it, having a bright smile on her face as if she actually believed she was going to get out of this place - sooner or later. 'Why do you ask?'
She gazed up, staring him straight in the eyes again. The way she began to stroke his hand was gently, almost like she was stroking a kitten, and her eyes were big and widened - her face as neutral as possible.
'I missed you,' she whispered as she took his other hand too now, pulling him closer to captivate him in a cuddle. This wasn't Grace. Not at all. She would've never done this. Not here.
Nigel:
He frowned and studied her. Obviously it wasn't what he wanted to hear.
"But you..-" Grace's expression betrayed nothing of a deeper meaning. She had just meant to make him feel better. There was nothing more to it. Nigel swallowed and then slowly shook his head, looking down again.
"Nevermind. Forget what I said."
Dissapointment slowly washing over him. The little light in his eyes died again. He had just imagined it.. Or, better said, made something of it that it wasn't.. Just like he always did. They were all right about him. He was delusional.. it would never be real.
A silence fell between them.. putting strength to the dissapointment when all of a sudden.. Nigel's head looked back up, truly confused now. It wouldn't take long or his confused expression would become permanent for the many times his face displayed it. And to make it even more bewildering he suddenly felt both her arms around him.
For a moment he just said awkwardly in astonishment, - arms raised as if he wasn't sure where to put them, - but finally he folded his arms around her tiny form and hugged her back, burrying his face in her neck. He wasn't sure why he did so.. He'd never done this with anyone but Jack, but it didn't feel all that wrong.
Alex:
She didn't listened to the muttering of Nigel anymore. She just kept staring in front of herself for a moment, emotionless and thoughtful. Many thoughts ran through her head. Memories of two boys - one was Nigel - having such a special bond together. Something that normal people wouldn't understand. Feelings crept over her body, and for a second she glanced at Nigel by her eye corners. How weird?
Grace her mouth corners curled up though, as she noticed Nigel began to cuddle back. First she hadn't expected him to. She didn't even knew exactly why she did cuddled him anyway, but then, then when she felt the feeling of two caring arms around her. That was priceless - in the real form of incomprehensibly expensive. She couldn't remember her once that anyone had ever cuddled how. How sad was that?
Nigel buried his face in her neck, and Grace pressed her chin upon his shoulder as she stroked his back. She glanced at the guards at once, which were staring incomprehensible at them. Of course they did. Grace was barely friendly to anyone since there was no one to trust.
She turned her head, making a way toward his neck where she breathed against for a moment. She closed her eyes, moving his hand towards his neck as well now, and she smiled.
'I want to show you something,' she whispered. 'I really want to.' She pulled back her head a bit, and glanced down - at the space between their bodies.
Nigel:
Nigel didn't notice the guard watching them. And even if he did he wouldn't care. It felt good somehow, just like her massage had yesterday. He wasn't the type to enjoy things like this either. He had never really cared for physical contact but now he did. And he couldn't wrap his head around why that was.
He lifted his chin again when she pulled back and looked at her, studying her expression curiously. What an odd but pleasant girl she was.
"Then show me," he muttered. Though they had pulled back their heads Nigel hadn't unwrapped his arms around her body just yet. He didn't plan to, until she would or something else would pull them apart.
Alex:
Grace kept staring at the space between them for a moment, as if she was calculating something. A smile crossed her lips again, and as soon as Nigel spoke, she glanced up - pointing her bright blue irises upon his. She was just as curious as he was. What was she about to show? She had no idea, honestly - or at least, it wasn't clear enough to understand.
'Okay,' she whispered as she smiled lightly. Her sunken cheeks wrinkled by her smile, they made the sad wrinkles disappear. For a moment she kept sitting like this, though. She liked it way too much, sitting like this for the first. This was how it felt like, being close to someone. Knowing that you're not alone on this dark whole called earth. Of course she still didn't entirely knew if Nigel was really on her side, but this at least made her feel comfortable, and wanted. Not loved of course, since there was nothing to call love between these to, was there?
'Follow me,' she whispered as she moved her lips toward his ear. She stared at the guards, watching them as she kept breathing in his ear, and let her hand slid downwards to his back. 'First we have to get out of the living room.' An over-happy French song got played out loud, almost everyday, and every time it gave Grace the creeps again. What the meaning was of these weird songs? She had honestly no idea.
She pressed herself up, pulling Nigel up as well what made them still cuddling, and now she even dared to press her closer against him. This was at least a way how they communicate in secret to each other, but they would also catch a lot of attention while standing like this.
'I want to cuddle him too!' Sasha suddenly yelled as she walked up to us. She made weird, "sensual" moves - as in stroking her body and fingertips around every object she passed, and biting on the tip of her index finger as soon as she reached Nigel and Grace. Grace pulled her head a little bit back, staring at Sasha who began to touch Nigel his shoulder.
'Back off Sasha,' Grace muttered with a murderous glance in her eyes. Sasha hissed, and started to pull against Nigel his shirt.
'Be nice, be polite, at least share him! You've had him long enough already, you had him yesterday as well.'
Grace inhaled deeply and shut her eyes, trying to keep her anger away again, and buried her face in Nigel his neck now as she sighed.
'Please...' she groaned. 'Go away, the scientists are waiting for you.'
'Do they?' Sasha immediately gasped as she backed off. A grin appeared on her face, a meaning that she knew exactly what Grace meant with this. Nigel didn't, probably. Apparently the scientists and doctors thought that paying with court was a punishment too. A way of paying back for your sins.
'But still,' Sasha continued. 'Let me at least play with him for a few minutes.'
Nigel:
Nigel moved along with her as she pulled him up and kept embracing her, but his lips moved to his ears as well to whisper back. Apparently he understood Grace's intentions. Like this they could speak without risking the guards hearing them, and without letting them notice their whispers.
"Where to then?"
Before Grace got any chance to answer they were rudely interrupted by another mental patience of whom he didn't know the name of until Grace mentioned it was Sasha.
He pulled his shoulder back when she touched him but she just reached out again and grabbed his shirt. For a moment Nigel considered attacking her again.. But the sore in all of his body reminded him that he shouldn't.. that he couldn't take much anymore. So he controlled himself. But there were other ways of getting rid of the insane girl.
"Let me guess," Nigel started laconically. "A mental patient with primitive sexual tendencies.. Abused in her youth, probably by her father which would explain the lack of discipline. Abused throughout whole your life which made it an indispensible ritual in your life. Obviously neither of your parents ever loved you, or died at a young age which made the sexual abuse the only way you know how to be loved, and you're too mentally disturbed to see that it is actual love that you need. Only you never get it because no one cares for a noisy, barbaric woman of no morals. Tell me, did I go wrong somewhere?"
It was probably the longest speech he had every held since.. what was it now, four years? three? He wasn't sure, it seemed like ages. It was also the cruelest things he had ever said, probably.
Alex:
Grace slowly loosened her grip, and twisted her body a bit as soon as Sasha even started to beg. How pathetic, and out of control could you be? She lifted her chin, looking down at Sasha who sat on her knees now, pulling against Nigel his dress as if she begged for her own life. Grace pursed her lips, annoyed, disgusted. But not only because of Sasha's way of being so pathetic, but also of wanting to blame Nigel as well. Something that was honestly weird, and awkward. Why should she be jealous at anyone? Nigel wasn't hers, in no single way. How could she not like the attention that Sasha gave him, on a different way then only by disgust and hate?
'Leave him alone, he's mine!'
Those words had left Grace her sealed lips in no time. It was actually more some kind of growl then normal angry speaking. She hit her eyes, confused, and listened blurry to the words Nigel spoke. He said them as if he was reading up the words out from a book. As if he had studied them before this gathering. She thumbed through her hair, softly pressing the side of her body against Nigel's again, and bit on her thumbnail as she stared at the ground, still confused.
'That's right,' Grace mumbled hoarsely now, embarrassed by her sudden outfall. She cleaned her throat and looked up now, searching for Sasha her widened eyes. 'That's right,' she repeated now, louder. 'Everything he said is a summary of your miserable life. Now get the fuck out of here, or I'll kick you head from your nasty deformed body.'
Sasha her lower lip trembled a bit, and she bit on the tips of her fingers as she stumbled away, confused and lightly in panic, and she started to hum something that was familiar to the French weird music.
'Come,' Grace whispered now as she searched for Nigel his hand - being more pulled back now.
Nigel:
Nigel didn't even look up at her possessive growl. His eyes were fixed on Sasha and it was like he hadn't even heard it. He hád heard it, but he didn't want to show her he did. Because if he admitted he heard it he would have to show a reaction or emotion over it and he didn't even know what he felt over it himself. Yes, ignoring it was the only solution for now, even though the comment would stick on his brain like glue. Also when Sasha left his face remained hardened and composed. There was nothing to read upon his expression whatsoever and that was probably for the best.
Instead Nigel took Grace's hand and walked along with her. He had no idea where she was taking him, but for some reason he was willing to trust her blindly, even though he shouldn't.
In some way, Sasha had done them a favor though. After that disgusting scene it wasn't that odd for Nigel and Grace to suddenly get away from there. It was understandable, and so it didn't draw any suspicions.
"Where are you taking me?"
Alex:
Grace nibbled on her lower lip, staring at her feet as she slowly walked away with Nigel on her right hand. She captivated it, and squeezed it softly each time she gazed up and searched for his eyes - though he didn't looked at her. They passed the table, and a pack of cigarettes caught her eyes. For a moment she sneaked toward it, taking one cigarette out of it so quickly, that could've missed it by only blinking, and they walked further.
The tip of her tongue stroke along her lips again, and she stared Nigel in the eyes as they left the living room, without any permission but still free to. None of the guards kept them from walking away, and a little grin appeared on her face by that. She started to walk closer to Nigel, looking around before she brought her lips to his ear again.
'We made it,' she giggled softly, squeezing his hand as she stared at the cigarette in the other. 'Sorry for taking only one with me,' she mumbled in thoughts. 'We'll share. It will less the hunger, trust me.'
She pulled Nigel along the jails, the place were the most insane "creatures" lived, and sneaked into one unused one.
'Come on,' she whispered as she pulled him in, closing the door after grabbing some matches from the table in front. 'I like your hair,' she smiled as she placed the cigarette between her lips, lighting a match and kindle it. She inhaled deeply, gazing him straight in the eyes as she pursed her lips.
'Come closer,' she mumbled then. Nigel was already standing like incredibly close to her, but she wanted less space between the two of them.
Nigel:
He walked along with Grace without even looking around to see if the guards were watching them. It would only raise suspicion.. And through that and an incredible amount of luck they managed to get out of the dining room. Of course this didn't mean they'd ever be able to escape or anything. But it was nice to be alone for a moment, in privacy, where not guard or patient could see and hear them.
He looked down at the cigarette when she mentioned it but shook his head in response. "I don't smoke," he replied flatly.
He didn't need it to take away the hunger either. The hunger was the least of his problems. He was used to hunger because he barely ate anymore at all. He didn't in his previous institution either. It would have to be an extremely fortunate day when a nurse or doctor finally got him to eat anything.. At first he just didn't eat because he thought the hunger was a way to punish himself for letting Alex get away. But later it just became habit. He didn't even really feel it anymore. If he'd die of starvation at least he and Alex would be reunited.
He followed her into the jail and looked around curiously. He hadn't been in this part of the asylum before yet. ... He should probably be lucky he didn't ended up here because it's not like the staff hadn't considered putting him here after the murder in the forest. They probably still would if he made one more slip-up of violence.
He ignored the comment about his hair and only turned his head back to Grace when she asked him to come closer. He didn't, though. He just stared at her, hesitating, as if he wasn't sure whether to come closer was a good idea.
Alex:
'You do smoke now,' Grace mumbled as she stared at the burning tip. 'It's for your own best, trust me.' She blinked a couple of times, gazing up to look at Nigel who didn't came closer, nor started to make a move to take a lit of the cigarette. Grace lowered her shoulders, and hit her eyes to the ground as she tapped the ash from the little "hunger-easer".
'Anyway,' she sighed as she started to come closer to him now - since he didn't moved. She smiled a bit, taking another inhale from her cigarette as she stared at him with compulsive eyes. 'What I wanted to show you is-' she blew out the smoke in his face, completely just because. Maybe a sort of tease. Alex had done that before, somewhere in the past. 'Jack,' she mumbled as she stared at his lips for a moment. Almost as she asked for approval. 'Jack,' she repeated again, this time confirming. 'I didn't knew you two where lovers.' She slowly came closer and closer toward Nigel, until her lips almost touched Nigel's. 'We're not, Nigel's just my companion.'
A soft chuckle escaped Grace her lips, and she hit her eyes as she stroked her fingertips over Nigel his shoulder. 'Don't lie,' she spoke further, pulling her head back to gaze Nigel in the eyes. It was awkward, how Grace didn't seem to realize that she was having a conversation with herself.
'You're so sad,' she spoke now as she laid her hand on Nigel his cheek. 'So beautiful...' She pursed her lips, and titled her head now - frowning lightly. 'Could you tell me what happened between the both of you?' Grace took another inhale from her cigarette, and pressed her hand against Nigel's cheek to push him softly backwards - so his back would press against the wall.
Nigel:
He didn't move or say anything. That made it quite clear he didn't need any drag of the cigarette, it was all hers. He couldn't afford to give himself a treat. That wouldn't be proper punishment, would it?
He didn't move back when she walked closer, though he had the urge to. Or better said, his mind told him to move back, but there was something in her eyes that made him unable to. And when she mentioned Alex again another shock went through his system, one that nailed him to the ground like a statue and knocked the breath out of his lungs.
"We're not, he was just my companion."
His own voice was echoed by Grace at exactly the same time, and it confused him to no end. How did she know he was going to say that?
"Can you read my mind?" he asked suddenly, for he couldn't think of any other possible or logical explanation. He frowned when she touched his cheek and pushed him back against the wall but his eyes never left hers. Not even for the split of a second. He was like a wounded animal trapped in the headlights of a car.
"I..- No, I can't."
Alex:
Grace frowned a little, and blew out the smoke while staring at him - not understanding why he suddenly changed into such an awkward, withdrawn boy. She licked her lips again, staring at their feet for a moment as she thought of several things. She felt dizzy again, and all the things she honestly wanted to say and do were gone out of nowhere.
'Why are you afraid Nigel?' she suddenly asked as she'd been before. Innocent, sweet, unknown. It was like she had the most weirdest mood switches ever. 'Have I frightened you? Did I do something wrong?' She gazed at her cigarette and pulled back her head, nodding now. 'Sorry, it's about the cigarette... I understand.'
She lowered her shoulders again and rubbed her arms, looking around as she shook her head. 'Of course I can't read minds...' She chuckled, mockingly. 'That's impossible, isn't it?'
Another step she took closer, gently and honestly not dangerous at all.
'Why can't you? Jack told me a couple of things about the both of you. He's very sweet, and kind. Just as you are. You two are lucky to have each other.' Grace her eyes widened, her face turning into stone.
'It's Alex.'
She lowered her chin now, smiling again.
'Alex, of course. Beg my pardon. I forgot Jack was the name you gave him. I call him Jack since that's the name I got used to. He's right here, you know?'
Nigel:
He didn't answer the questions even though it wasn't about the cigarette at all. She could press the burning end to his chest and he still wouldn't care about it. It was her mentioning of Jack. It was bad enough when his doctors did it, it was worse when she did in such a light-hearted way.
He wanted to ask her to drop the subject when she mentioned Alex told her some things about him and he closed his eyes again, staring at her in shock. He studied her, trying to find something in her expression or posture.. a tinge of mocker, a sense of cruelty, but he didn't find it.
Another long silence fell because for a long time he was speechless. He didn't have any words to express what he was feeling, not yet at least, and after a few minutes he gave up.
"No," he just whispered, pushing past her and walking away. Both his hand reached up to his head, cradling through his hair in a display of despair.
"No, no, no," he repeated panicky, continuing his pass. When he was at the door of the cell he suddenly halted abruptly, - pausing - and then turned back to her speedily, staring at her angrily.
"What are you doing to me? Why are you doing this!? What did I do to you to deserve this!? hmm!? Why can't you just leave me the hell alone?"
Halfway his last sentence his voice broke, along with the anger in it, and before he'd do anything else that he'd regret later he turned and left through the door.
Alex:
Grace had just stood there, rubbing her arms because of the coldness that laid in here. It was like ten degrees in here - or at least it looked like so. She nibbled on her lower lip, allowing the silence to stay. She wouldn't brake it. She had to find her normal thoughts back at first. She gaze up as Nigel spoke again, parted her lips, allowing her breath to escape again.
Before Grace could actually say anything, Nigel passed her, speedily and abruptly. Just out of nowhere. She turned, frowning, confused, lightly in panic. What had she done?
'Nigel? What's the matter?' She reached out her hand, wanting to grab Nigel his shoulder as soon as possible. 'I'm so sorry,' Grace stammered as she stepped back. 'I'm so sorry, Nigel, please.' She begged him to look at her. 'Please...'
But he left. Grace stroked her hair behind her ear, shutting her eyes as she held her breath for a moment. She had to let all these things come clear to her. Everything seemed to be so blurry. She got confused by herself. She had to follow him. She had to tell Nigel what was wrong, what was really the matter.
'Nigel, Nigel come back!'
Of course he didn't, so she decided to just walk after him - on a quite quick pass. 'Nigel, please, you don't understand! He's right here Nigel. He's been here the entire time. I'm here.'