Edited:
Published: Monday July 27 2015 8:55 p.m
Ayah:
July 14th
As I awoke from my slumber, I rubbed at my eyes to get the sleep out. I was about to go back to sleep without realizing I was still in my clothes from yesterday. How did that happen? Last night was such a blur. I remember Jafar trying to tell me that we were at my house, but everything after that is non-existent in my mind. I really hope I didn't say anything crazy, I tend to do that when I'm half asleep. Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I stood up and went to take a shower.
I really must have been tired if I slept in my clothes. I never do that...
As I stood underneath the hot water that was flowing from the shower head, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of yesterday. It went better than I thought it would. All the tension was dropped by our laughter and replaced with smiles. But even though yesterday was fun, it wasn't enough. It doesn't make me want to scream 'I forgive you'. I hate having the feeling of not wanting to forgive so easily, but I just...can't.
Every time I try to make myself come to the realization that I shouldn't hold this grudge, I think about what he made me go through for almost a year, and all the urges to forgive are gone. Anyone else in my position would do the same.
-*-
After I finished up in the shower, I made my way in the kitchen to see Mama sat on the couch with one of her friends--Afifa Begum.
"Asalamu Alaikum." I greeted as I walked into the front room to give her a hug.
"Wa Alaikum Salam." She smiled and returning the hug as eagerly as I did. "How have you been? I haven't seen you for a while, Ayah."
Mama and Afifa Begum have been friends since they were very young. It's safe to say that they were very good friends, considering they tried to have girls at the same time at one point. But Afifa Begun ended up having a son a couple of months before I was born, so when we were young they tried to plan Ahmed and I's wedding. Unfortunately for both, Ahmed is going to medical school across the country and I married Jafar. We just couldn't stop screwing up their fantasies.
"I'm well, Masha Allah. I was just about to make coffee, did you want some?"
Afifa Begum and Mama shared a look before she smirked. "Actually--"
"I'm sorry it took so long." Jafar suddenly said from where he was coming from the kitchen with two cups. He didn't notice me yet and handed Mama and Afifa Begum their cups. "I forgot how to use the coffee maker."
My mouth hung open in shock as I watched Jafar serve my mother and her friend coffee. When did he get here, and how long was I asleep?!
"You're too kind, Jafar. Ayah, why didn't you tell me how wonderful your husband is?" Afifa Begun scolded and took a sip of her coffee and smiled at Jafar. He quickly returned the smile before turning to stare at me.
I shrugged at her. "I forgot to, I guess."
"Ayah, we're planning a baby shower for Ahmed's wife Sarah right now, so if you and Jafar could..." Mama trailed off, raising her eyebrow at me to get the hint.
Nodding slowly, I walked to the kitchen to grab a snack before I head out. Jafar followed right behind me. But the strange thing is that as I'm stood in the kitchen doing what I normally do, it's not weird and awkward like it was a couple of days ago. It's still different but not unbearable.
"Can I help you with anything?" Jafar asked making me jump slightly as he came to the side of me.
"No," I Shook my head and scrunched my eyebrowstogether as I looked around the refrigerator for any leftover food.
I really don't feel like cooking anything.
"I can cook something for you if you want?"
I pursed my lips. "Did I say that out loud?"
Smirking at me in amusement, Jafar moved towards the refrigerator and took out eggs, cheese and butter.
"You just sit down and let me make you breakfast."
"I thought the women were suppose to do the cooking." I respond and raised an eyebrow at him.
"In some cases it's different."
"Like in this case?"
Jafar turned around and smiled. "Especially this case."
-*-
"I forgot you can cook almost as good as me." I moaned and shovelled the last piece of omelet into my mouth. We were sat near the water at the lake eating up the breakfast Jafar so nicely made.
"Almost?" Jafar scoffed at me mid bite of his apple that he calls breakfast.
"I will have you know that my cooking skills can not be taken lightly." I told him, smiling slightly as he let out a laugh.
"Trust me, I know how good your cooking is. I missed it the whole time I was in California."
"You could have come back for it," I whispered to myself, but he seemed to of heard me because he smiled sadly.
"I should have."
We sat there staring at each other for at least ten minutes, neither of us dared to turn away. It was one of those moments when you can tell what the other is thinking just by looking in their eyes, towards all the emotions. He looked calm and collected while he studies my features, but I could see a mixture of hope and guilt as I brought up the past, a time we both were vulnerable to new things.
We never really talked about what we did in our time apart. I know he did a tour and produced an album, but that's all I've heard. The first couple of months we talked I know he went on a few tours of Hollywood and met a couple actors and all, but I don't know anything else. Pathetic, isn't it? If someone asked me about my own husbands recent career moves, I wouldn't be able to tell them.
"Well this just got intense."
Pulling away from the staring competition Jafar and I were having, we both turned to see Jamila and Amna stood a couple of feet away with amused smiles. Well Amna is intensely typing on her phone.
"I shouldn't have showed her this spot." Jafar groaned in frustration, making me smile.
Jamila walked towards us and crouched down near Jafar.
"Now Jafar, if you didn't show me how to get here, you wouldn't have been able to suprise Ayah." She finished, smirking.
"Aunt Jamila, no offense but didn't that end badly?"
Jamila glared at her Amna who shrugged and went to sit by the water.
"Anyways," Jamila turned to us. "I thought we were going shopping for Zahrah!"
"Oh yeah," I remembered and placed a hand on my forehead. "I completely forgot. When do you want to go to the mall?"
"Now if you want," Jamila suggested, taking some of my omelet. "Jafar can drive us."
"Hmm," Jafar hummed, looking up from his phone to look at us in confusion. Now we know where Amna gets it from. "I can drive you where?"
Jamila threw a handful of grass at his obliviousness. "Keep up!"
I rolled my eyes. I might as well tell him. All they're going to do is argue.
"Your sister Zahrah is in a few weeks and we need to buy her a gift." I explained.
Jafar still looked confused. "Due for what?"
"Her baby." I told him. "She's going to try and come to town for the birth, but she does live in Alaska."
"So can you drive us?" Jamila asked impatiently.
"Yes, but we need to be in and out. I don't like being in the mall for long amounts of time."
I turned to him. "Why?"
"Because teenage girls find me. It's one thing to be slightly famous, but once Allen had my picture put in the teen magazine..."
"I saw that," Amna laughed. "My friends cut out the pictures of you and nailed them on their walls."
"Okay, creepy!" Jamila exclaimed in disgust. "We will be in and out as you please, because none of us want to see teens fawn over you, agreed?"
"Agreed." We all said in unison.
-*-
Even though we agreed, we weren't so lucky. About five minutes in to the mall, a group of girls came rushing forward to take a picture with Jafar. Some might get jealous because he's taking pictures with young females, but Jamila, Amna and I found it amusing. Even some guys came over to get a picture and a autograph.
To them he was smiling and laughing along with them, but we knew him. We could see how upset he was that his worry came true. They had him there for atleast fifteen minutes before he was able to continue walking with us. You have the occasional someone who pops up with a camera and pen, but that's it. It's Saturday so the mall is pretty packed. We haven't even found something yet and I can tell Jafar is annoyed. Not at us but at all the creepy fans he has.
"Finally," Jafar exclaimed, walking in the children's store along with Amna. He took her with him so they would go a little easier, but I doubt it. Amna is as sweet as a cookie.
"Why is there bright red lipstick on your cheek?" Jamila asked and pointed to his cheek and I stiffened a little.
Jafar turned to me with panic evident in his eyes. "I swear I didn't see her coming."
"He's right, Aunt Ayah," Amna piped in smiling with amusement. "The girl just started running toward us like her hair was on fire. By the time I told Uncle Jafar he was under attack, she was all up on him."
"Worst experience of my life."
"Wait, that's her!" Amna exclaimed while pointing out the window. She was dressed in a pair of denim capris and a white and yellow halter top that stopped mid thigh. She didn't look as crazy as her lips, but the way she's waving like she's lost her mind proves my suspicions. I couldn't help but glare at her.
"You need to wipe that off your face before you catch her crazy," Jamila laughed.
"I'll get some paper towel." I offered.
Jafar looked up and saw me leave and caught up with me.
"I'll come with you."
"No it's fine I--" I began to protest but he cut me off.
"No, you won't. I've been walking around the mall with my sister and niece, I want to walk with you, my wife."
I smiled and continued walking besides him until we reached the bathroom. When we did, I went in to grab a couple of peices of paper towel. With the amount of lipstick she had on, I wouldn't be suprised if it is permanently stuck to his face. Just the thought of another woman's face connecting with Jafar's sickened me. We have our fair share of problems, but it's still doesn't make me feel any better.
As I walked out, I handed the paper towel to Jafar and he started to wipe his face, but he was missing the main part.
"Up not down." I biy my lip as I watched as he continued to miss the spot that was on the top of his cheek. "No, you're missing!"
Jafar pulled back the paper towel in frustration and pushed it my way. "Can you do it?"
Hesitantly, I took the paper towel from him and held it in my slightly shaky hand. Jafar looked down at me with a slightly hurt expression of realization.
"You don't have to," He told me softly, reaching for the paper towel still in my hand.
"No," I shook my head. "Can you just bend your head a little?"
I lifted my arm to wipe the lipstick off his face, supringly I wasn't shaking. I don't even remember the last time I touched his face, it's been so long. He has slight stuble on his face, but up higher where I'm wiping is smooth. Surprisingly smoother than mine.
Suddenly Jafar looked down to me. "I don't want you to have to wipe the proof of my fans off of my face, especially the girls."
I swallowed the small lump in my throat. "It doesn't bother me as much as before, but it's still disturbing."
Jafar let out a laugh. "Imagine being the one who gets tackled. Not so much fun."
This time I smiled. "Some people have no shame. I'm sure they would take you home if they could."
His eyes widen. "I may need to hire a bodyguard."
Laughing, I finished and threw away the paper towel I used and turned around to see Jafar's curious gaze on me.
"Does it feel like you still have been marked."
Jafar smirked and shook his head. "Another one would take my mind off of it."
"Jafar-"
"One little kiss?" He pouted playfully, pointing to his untouched cheek. "Right here. Come on!"
Laughing, I shook my head. "We should head back."
Jafar slumped his shoulders as he turned towards the end of the hallway that we were in.
-*-
After a crazy day of shopping, we piled our bags into the car and started our journey back home. The car ride was silent just like yesterday. Jamila was in the back reading a book, and Amna is fast asleep.
Salam, Ayah. Didn't I say to come over soon?!-Safeer
"I wonder who can make you smile like that." Jafar said while stealing looks at me.
"It's Safeer," I told him and he visibly relaxed. "He wants us to come over for dinner soon."
"Does he still want to beat me up?" Jafar asked in a teasing tone, but with a hint of seriousness.
"Not since I calmed him down," I waved off.
When do you want us to come? Jafar still thinks your fist wants to meet his stomach-Ayah
He replied almost instantly.
Tell your husband that yes, my fist misses the thoughts of punching the wind out of him, but I won't. We do need to talk though. Annie said we're free on Wednesday-Safeer
"They want us to come over on Wednesday."
"Okay that's fine."
Dinner is a go :)-Ayah
As we pulled up to my house, Jafar got out and grabbed my bags from the trunk and set them inside after I opened the door.
"I won't be in Riverside for the next two days, but I'm not going far. Wasim and I are taking Zak to a baseball game and staying for a few days."
"That sounds fun," I smiled. "Do you really want to go to dinner because we don't--"
He cut me off with a shake of his head. "We're going and there is nothing stopping us, Insha Allah."
I smiled. "Okay."
"I have to get going so I can plan our trip for tomorrow, but I'll see you soon."
"Insha Allah."
"Jafar smiled back. "Insha Allah."
As he started to walk down the steps, his words from earlier replayed in my mind.
Another one will take my mind off of it.
I could call him back like he did to me and kiss him on the cheek, but as I watched him get in his car I couldn't do it.
Not yet.
-*-
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