Konnichiwa!
Welcome to chapter ten of 'Indebted'. Yes, the wait was ridiculously long and stupid. Sorry? xD Here it is now, though. I hope you enjoy it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.
WARNINGS: Nothing, really.
This is what a letter looks like :o
--
To my family-
I thought I wouldn't have to force the words out.
I thought they would come easily, and I'd be able to tell you all about my adventures so far. But I can't. I can't tell you what I've had to do. It's not even been three months and I can't even write it out. Because then you'd be just as ashamed of me as I am. You already know part of my actions, and I'm sure you all hate me already.
I welcome that with open arms. I deserve it. I hate myself so much, more than I ever thought was possible. I hate myself for it. I hate myself for everything I am, hate myself for bending to fate's will, for even being born. That reflects my greatest fault, my inability to stand by myself.
I am sorry. So endlessly regretful, and if I could get past that fatal flaw of mine I'd be dead by seppuku already. I can't think about it without wanting to die. I don't think I ever will, not even a little bit, despite what Kisame-sama says.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't deserve life. Please don't forgive me. Tell the village of how I abandoned Taki of my own free will to join the Akatsuki. Tell them I enjoyed stabbing Nao, that I loved the way the blood felt like it was boiling on my skin and that it soaked in and stained my hands. If you convince them, make me out to be a monster who wanted nothing but to kill and have them think I am as low as Kakuzu-sama, then I'll be happy. I need them to hate me. It will feel better knowing I can't come back if I also know they don't want me to.
Amaya.
--
We make it back to base about three days before we were due back. I don't feel satisfied about this in the slightest, because that meant it was that much sooner I'd have to be back and be around others. I didn't mind being around Itachi-sama, because he didn't acknowledge my presence. That was a bit comforting, knowing that he didn't care about me in the slightest. What else did I deserve or expect?
When we get back we go directly to Leader-sama's office. My feet feel like they're going to fall off, my hands are callused and my katana has dried blood caked onto the handle. We ran into a few groups of bandits on our way back. I knock twice on the door to his office and after a few moments, the door swings open. Tobi exits, and upon seeing me he tackles me. I manage to keep my balance as he clings to me like a child.
"AMAYA-CHAN! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"
I look down at him, raising my eyebrow. "Hello," I reply evenly. "Please let go now."
He frowns, pouting at me. "Amaya-chan..." he sniffles, "Is Tobi a bad boy?"
"He will be if he doesn't let go now," I reply, narrowing my eyes upon seeing the almost calculating way Tobi's eye glinted in his mask. It was, as far as I could tell, onyx. And that specific shade of the color reminded me of something, something that I couldn't quite fucking place. I tense a little at the thought that occurs to me next- maybe Tobi wasn't so innocent. More deceptive.
Tobi lets go, looking more than a little bit suspicious. I turn and enter Leader-sama's office after Itachi, taking a seat next to him. Leader-sama seems a bit tense, leaning forward with his elbows on the desk and a distinctly annoyed look on his face. The door shuts with a flick of his wrist.
"Begin," he murmurs, eyes training in on the two of us. Itachi follows his orders, giving him the mission report up until the point I went under cover. He left out the extremely embarrassing incident, for which I am extremely grateful and very surprised at. But then he falls silent and I am left to pick up where he left off.
"I infiltrated his compound on the aforementioned day, under the guise that I was recently kicked out by my mother and needed a place to stay. I remained in position for a week, gathering all information I could. I discovered where the supplies were going to, who, and why. They are going to a man named Kurita Genzo in Kiri. Kurita is building a base of missing and S-class ninja in an attempt to overthrow other groups of missing and S-class ninja. Including us. The seventh night I killed him by throwing a knife across a table at him and having it embed itself into his forehead. I killed his wife as well, and discovered useful information on taking down several trafficking rings that can cause harm to our group."
Leader-sama seems to be musing to himself. After a pause, he states, "Alright. You shall submit a full, detailed report on the details you gathered by tomorrow, Tsukino. Now both of you, leave me."
We nod respectfully and stand, filing quickly and quietly from his office. I go to find Konan-sama to let her know about the... development ... that occurred to me while away. It takes some searching but I find her in the same room she took me to to get my measurements taken for my cloak. She doesn't look up from her work as I enter, just quietly saying, "Welcome back, Amaya-san."
"Konan-sama, I... w-well, I, um..." I flush bright red, dropping my gaze to.my feet.
"What is it?" She asks, a hint of concern entering her voice. She's looking up now- I can see that much from the corner of my eye.
"I, well, y-you see... IstartedmyperiodforthefirsttimeonthemissionwithItachi-sama," I blurt, knotting my fingers together. They're hidden by my cloak, and I am slightly grateful she can't see how much I am fidgeting. My chest is constricting too, like it did when I was panicking because I thought I angered Itachi-sama.
"Oh, Amaya," Konan says, standing immediately from her position. "Come with me. I will explain..."
And so, two hours and many self-directed death threats later I have fully realized my situation. And I highly doubt I will ever be able to look any where near Itachi-sama, much less even go on a mission with him. I would die of sheer embarrassment and shame. I am walking back to my room, the kit Konan-sama gave me tucked securely under my arm, when I encountered someone I never actually looked forward to seeing.
Hidan.
"Hey, little bitch!" He says, smirking at me like he's the coolest fucking thing on the face of the planet. Honestly, his self-absorption is disgusting. He is a teeny tiny bit cute though, what with the violet eyes and lack of shirt... dammit, no! I still loved Nao and I didn't want to let myself feel anything for anyone like I did for him. There was no point, I don't deserve any happiness anyways. And I highly doubt that Hidan would ever be interested in giving that happiness to me. So yeah.
I give him a firm scowl. "Hidan-baka-sama."
He laughs, a sharp sound. "You're fuckin' a cheeky thing, little bitch! I think I fuckin' like you!"
"I am surprised you know what the word 'cheeky' means. Your intelligence remains to be seen. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go..." I trail off. I had to get to writing the report for Pein-sama.
He scowls mockingly. "Blah blah blah. Whatever, little bitch, I have a fuckin' life to get to."
I nod once, not saying anything further and simply continuing upon my path to my room. He was, once again, true.
--
Three grueling hours later and my complete report is filled out. While I should likely get the report to Pein-sama as soon as possible, the thought of a shower sounded simply amazing as of now. I stand from my spot and stretch, listening to the bones in my back crack with the movement. I relax my stance and roll my shoulder blades in their sockets, stopping when I felt my muscles weren't going to stretch out much more.
I gather some casual clothes- an oversized tank top and shorts that were a bit loose around my waist- and go to the bathroom. I finish up my shower relatively quickly, not wanting to get prune-like as I tended to do if I started to think too much, because I'd drift off into my thoughts and lose track of time.
Once I am mostly dried and completely dressed I grab the report for Pein-sama, exiting my room and heading downstairs. I pass Sasori-sama in the living room. He glances at my thin frame and I automatically feel a bit self-conscious, because I know I have the body of a ten year old boy, with only a little bit of visible muscle. Not very grown up.
I knock twice on the door to Pein-sama's office, waiting for permission to enter. It comes after a few moments, and I open the door and step forth. I stop in front of him and show him the scroll. "You are dismissed," he murmurs, reaching for the scroll. I hand it over and exit quickly. I make it back upstairs without any incidents, something I am grateful for. Upon reaching my room, however, I realize that I'm really fucking hungry. So back downstairs I go, into the kitchen. Kakuzu-sama is the only one within, rifling through the cabinets, and upon my entrance tells me, "In one week you will be leaving with Hidan to collect a bounty for me. You will be due back in a week's time. He will tell you the details before then."
With those words, he leaves, a small box of food in hand.
I shrug. It would feel like walking through hell being around Hidan for that long, but what was I to do about it? Tell him no? No, I wouldn't.
--
The End. Sorry for the wait, I've had so much going on that it's ridiculous. Plus, juggling three stories and oneshots that I've started writing bits of to get out of writer's block and then having those morph into fullblown pieces that I have an insane compulsion to finish just makes it that much harder. But I'm trying! Expect an 'extra' for this story, dealing with Shippuden plot (: I'm excited for this, it won't exceed 1500 words so not much but oh well xD
Can we see a potential bond possibly, maybe forming between Amaya and the Akatsuki mentioned in every chapter at least once, but mostly several times? Yeah, forget what I was gonna do, I've added in someone else! <3