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B r u m o u s
/bruːməs/
(adj.) of grey skies and winter days; filled with heavy clouds or fog; relating to winter or cold, sunless weather.
●●●
I'm sorry.
●●●
He felt terrible.
Absolutely, immensely, heart achingly terrible.
He didn't have any right to do what he did, he didn't even have the authority to question her motives.
H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶.̶
But Aaron couldn't help it, he couldn't stop the sudden anger and solitude that erupted through his body; he couldn't stop the thoughts of James spilling everywhere.
Sometimes Aaron hated the fact that he ever got into reading.
Sometimes he wished he never snuck around his parent's house and rummaged through thousands of books each night before he went to bed.
Sometimes, it all seemed worthless.
All Aaron knew was when James started reflecting through his eyes, and when his caged thoughts of loneliness and worthlessness broke free, it all shattered.
Even now, sitting on a rusty old slide, Aaron still felt as bad as he did when he walked out the door.
The pain and shame was like a snake; slithering its way from the tips of his toes, to the center of his heart.
Aaron knew that at some point he was going to fuck everything up, and he just reached that point earlier than he initially planned to.
He ran a shaky hand through his hair before muttering out a trembling breath. Her teary eyed expression was glued onto his brain, glimmering through his eyes wherever he looked. It was a pain that he couldn't control, a pain he couldn't help but feel.
Aaron always shrugged off things that didn't matter, but no matter how much he tried, or how much effort he applied, he simply couldn't couldn't couldn't do it.
Rose wasn't something that he could simply wipe off a dinner table, she was a stain; a stain so prominent and noticeable that leaving it would feel like fire creeping up your body.
Because right now as Aaron stared at the kids that aimlessly played with himself, it was when he felt the most terrified.
It wasn't the kind of fear he felt for his brother -one where the adrenalin flowing through your veins was achingly comforting but absolutely terrifying at the same time- but this fear was something much much worse.
It was a fear that dwelled in the depths of your soul; one that seemed to always be sealed within a small sack, but not, it was as though the whole sack exploded open right in his guts.
A fear so absolutely terrorising, so immensely nerve wrecking that Aaron raced back to his apartment.
H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶.̶
It was this sudden terror that jolted his body so unexpectedly; so ferociously strong that it seemed to knock the breath out of Aaron.
S̶o̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶.̶
⌘⌘⌘
Aaron quietly entered his apartment again, sighing when he saw the door unlocked. He entered the cold home before fumbling with the keys as he locked the door, shutting it.
And when Aaron turned around, he jumped a little.
Luke was seated on the sofa, his arms crossed as his hazel eyes were hard, angry. Aaron swallowed. Looked away. "I really screwed up this time haven't I?" He whispered quietly, feeling the pang of pain travel up his throat.
Aaron noticed how quiet the apartment was, and he knew the rest of them have already left. It didn't help him feel better.
Luke's stare softened. He sighed, setting his jaw. "You did."
Aaron grimly nodded his head. Looked down on his shoes. Clenched his fists. D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶.̶
Aaron let out a small breath as he quietly took a seat by the couch, his elbow resting against the armrest as he buried his face in his hand. It always seemed so sudden to Aaron how the pain always seems to catch him off guard.
J̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶.̶
"You shouldn't have been too harsh on her," Luke mumbled, pursing his lips in disapproval. "She didn't know."
Aaron swallowed. "I know."
Luke exhaled a frustrated breath. "Then why did you?"
Aaron shook his head, clenching his jaw. He didn't know how to answer Luke, and he'd never understand anyway. It was like a sudden drive; almost like a demon possessing his soul. He couldn't control it, because James, James, James. "Did she cry?" Aaron asked quietly, panicking when he heard the despair in his voice.
Luke grimly nodded his head. H̶i̶s̶ ̶c̶h̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶. "She was sobbing." His chest hurt.
Aaron looked down onto his lap, feeling his fingers unconsciously clench. I̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶,̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶,̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶. This chunk of guilt, despair and pain settled itself right in the middle of his chest, contracting the most vicious streams of pain throughout his body.
E̶s̶p̶e̶c̶i̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶.̶
Aaron let out a quiet breath, not bearing to meet Luke's disappointed gaze. Usually he'd be the one giving them to him; Aaron didn't know how they switched roles.
"I'm going to go do some homework," Aaron muttered quietly, swallowing as he got up.
"She left you something in your room," Luke said mindlessly, looking up to meet Aaron's wide eyed stare.
H̶e̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶a̶s̶k̶. "What?"
Luke shrugged. "She didn't tell us, she just told me she kept it on your night stand."
P̶a̶i̶n̶,̶ ̶p̶a̶i̶n̶,̶ ̶p̶a̶i̶n̶. Aaron swallowed before he nodded his head, and off he went.
Thrills of anxiety climbed up his body; from the tips of his toes to the ends of his disheveled hair. It was as though the pain was a mountain climber; soaring up from his stomach to his heart. He could feel bits of his heart tear off as the pain lingered, and it was then that he thought, he deserved it.
Every ounce and fibre of that pain was his to bear.
Aaron seemed like he was purposely trying to reach his room in the slowest pace he could master because he knew that if he saw what she left for him h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶k the pain would be unbearable.
He swallowed once more when he entered his room, closing the door with a heavy heart. His eyes darted to every corner of the room, utterly petrified on what could be waiting for him and he couldn't breathe couldn't breathe couldn't breathe-
and he saw it.
Aaron didn't know what he expected, but all he knew was when he laid eyes on the book that quietly sat on his bed side table, everything in him hurt.
His legs, his arms, his head, his shoulders, his heart, everything.
He slowly started walking towards the book, each step becoming harder than the other. Aaron could feel the tightness of his lips, and the vulnerability of his eyes. He really hoped Luke wouldn't barge in now.
H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶.̶
With shallow breaths, Aaron walked so close to the bed side table that he could see the cover, and he broke, broke, broke.
By the time he took the book in hand and read her little note on the sticky note, Aaron had tears in his eyes.
His fingers toyed with the edges of the 2 granola bars she left him - Rose had a way of making Aaron feel like shit, and so far, it was hitting him so hard.
And Aaron knew that if there was anyone in the world that he could trust more than Luke, then it would be Rose.
And he was going to make it clear tomorrow.
⌘⌘⌘
She wasn't there the next day.
And Aaron didn't take that lightly.
He looked for her everywhere, small, desperate prayers were whispering against his lips as he tried one more time to spot her in the hallway.
This wasn't an anxiety that could be forgotten, it was an anxiety that kept reminding Aaron it was there.
And considering the fact that Aaron barely managed to get any sleep the night before (Guilt tends to do that to him), this made him even more alert and anxious.
He could barely wrap his brain around what Mr. Jeffrey was blabbering about in Accounting, and his heart always seemed to clench with worry whenever he would look at the corner of his eye to find Rose's seat empty in English.
The pain was starting to become unbearable when he sat himself down at lunch, watching as everyone else made small talk while Rose's empty chair was screaming the most harshest words at him.
"Where the hell is Rose?" Aiden asked, giving Aaron a small glance before his blue eyes settled on Chase. Aaron unconsciously bit his lip.
Chase shrugged. "She told me she wasn't coming in today anyway,"
Andrew seemed upset, almost heartbroken. "My day doesn't feel the same without her hug."
Aaron didn't know why no one questioned him about his outburst on Rose yesterday, but he figured Luke made up a very believable excuse. But perhaps that was the problem, he wanted to be shouted at, he wanted to Aiden to give him a good punch in the face for it.
Tristan frowned. "I miss her,"
Aiden heaved a sigh, giving another glance to Aaron. "Did she tell you why Chase?" And Aaron knew that Aiden had a way of making people feel guilty, and it was working.
Chase shrugged again. "She didn't tell me why, she just told me she wasn't coming."
Tristan's frown deepened.
Aiden seemed restless too, squirming in his place as his eyes darted everywhere around the cafeteria. But Aaron didn't question it.
Because he had bigger problems.
"And where's Lana too?" Tristan said, talking a sip of his milk.
Andrew shrugged. "I saw her in Algebra last time, so she's probably catching up on some work."
Luke sighed. "So I guess it's just us today."
Tristan nodded, frowning. "And it's not fun."
Aaron could notice the way Aiden was messing around with his hands; unconsciously clenching them as a crease formed right in between his eyebrows.
But Aaron was too focused on Rose's empty seat to notice that his hands were trembling. H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶.̶
"But don't you all think it's weird? I mean, Rose would've told us if she wasn't coming in today." Andrew frowned. He was so, so scared.
Aiden shrugged. "Maybe it was a last minute thing or something," But his uneasy blue eyes told Aaron otherwise.
Tristan heaved a small sigh. Luke rubbed his temples, frowning. "Well whatever it is, it isn't the same without her," Andrew said, pursing his light pink lips, the frustration obvious in his dark eyes.
Chase groaned. "You guys are so depressing."
Tristan shrugged. "Rose was our ball of sunshine." H̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶.̶
Andrew sighed. "And Lana was the sarcastic piece of work that always slayed Aiden's ass."
Aiden sent a glare to his dark skinned friend. "Really Andrew? Really?"
Andrew shrugged in response. "You can't really deny it."
Tristan buried his face in his fingers. "Both of you cut it out," The corner of his mouth quirked up in an almost grimace. "But quite frankly, I also miss the feisty lil fellow too."
Luke rolled his eyes. "Why are we so weird today?"
"Maybe because we were never normal?"
"Speak for yourself Tris,"
"You are in no position to talk Aiden, you of all people should know that you are nowhere near normal."
"You're saying that as if you are pretty normal Andrew."
"I guess the most normal here is Chase,"
"I'd suggest you reconsider Luke."
"But what about...."
Aaron's mind already drifted from their heated topic of normality, because all he could really think of was this burning pain in his chest.
Aaron quieted got on his feet, slinging his back pack on his shoulder before he shoved his free hand in his pocket and walked away.
He didn't know if anyone really noticed if he was gone, but there was a small part in him that wished Aiden or Luke would just beat him up already. H̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶ ̶d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶,̶ ̶d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶
Aaron watched as he made the familiar way to the library, a sad sigh leaving his lips as he opened the door and entered. It felt so weird being in here without Rose.
H̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶s̶o̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶u̶c̶h̶.̶
He decided to browse through the Classics section of the library today, taking a seat against the shelf as his eyes roamed around all the books.
And when his blue gaze caught Great Expectations, he could feel the long lived pain weave through his body more fiercely than ever before. He lowered his gaze in shame.
And when he caught the liable gaze of Oliver from Oliver Twist from the bottom shelf, he couldn't handle it anymore.
He could feel the tears burn the back of his eyes; blurring his vision with unshed tears. Aaron never really knew why, but whenever he was around books, he seemed to always be true to himself.
Because he knew that if he were anywhere else, there was absolutely no way he would ever be caught crying; let alone starring at Oliver Twist as though it was a dagger to his heart.
Perhaps this was a punishment for everything he had ever done; for all the foul words he has ever said, for all the idiotic things he let happen. But dear God, Aaron just silently pleaded that it would be any other punishment but this, anything else, but just not Rose.
Because Rose, was the only thing he wanted by his side. The only person he was willing to strip his armor off, to show her how fragile he really is.
N̶o̶t̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶.̶
He could handle anything else: a bad grade, eternal loneliness, no home, and he would gladly leave Rose alone if that's what she desires, but the thought of Rose upset by him, made his entire existence shake with this concentrated remorse; as though he was drowning in his own toxic acid.
He didn't let one tear shed, j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶e̶n̶t̶s̶ ̶t̶a̶u̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶, but he let his heart do it for him.
His heart was shedding tears of his soul; ripping apart the fragile pieces that always held him together.
He either felt numb, or he felt every fragment of pain slitting his chest.
As Aaron sat ideally on the library floor, his eyes kept flickering to the door, in desperate hope that Rose would barge in any moment and take her usual seat beside him.
H̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶u̶c̶h̶.̶
"I knew I would find you in here,"
Aaron's eyes snapped to Aiden's mischievous blue ones, watching as he made himself comfortable next to him.
"What do you want Aiden?" Aaron wasn't in the mood for anything funny, a̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶.̶
"Well it's nice to see you too Aaron," Aiden sarcastically rolled his eyes before he heaved a sigh, all seriousness now in his face. "I came here to talk."
"Talk about what?" Aaron said tiredly, rubbing his eyes. H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶r̶u̶b̶b̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶e̶x̶c̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶t̶e̶a̶r̶s̶.̶
"Well about Rose of course," Aaron choked on air.
Aiden noticed how tense Aaron became. He let out a small sigh. "What you did to her was wrong Aaron,"
Aaron solemnly nodded his head, swallowing the lump of shame down his throat. "I know."
"Luke told us that you were in a pretty bad mood, and that you just snapped," Aiden said casually, flicking some of his hair off his eyes. "But I didn't buy that crap."
Aaron shrugged. "What do you want me to do about it?"
Aiden ignored him. "I am not trying to sweet talk my way into your personal life and nor am I putting pressure on you to tell me what the fuck happened back there," He was frowning now, directing his annoyed blue stare at Aaron. "But it did kind of piss me off."
He was finally going to get it. H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶h̶a̶p̶p̶y̶.̶
"Are you going to beat the shit out of me?" Aaron slightly panicked when he could hear the hope in his voice.
"I am sadly not going to," Aiden was smiling now, grinning. "You want me to?"
Aaron found himself nodding his head.
Aiden looked even more amused. "Wow, I wasn't expecting that."
Aaron let out a small breath before he looked around. He hated being cornered like this, especially when it's Aiden. Because he had a way with these kind of things, and Aaron wasn't willing to expose himself just yet.
Maybe sometime in the near future, but not now. N̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶x̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶h̶i̶m̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶.̶
Aaron thought it was better to keep quiet, and so he did.
Aiden quirked a questioning eyebrow, almost amusingly. "What? Cat got your tongue?"
Aaron gritted his teeth. Now wasn't the time. "Did you come here to piss me off and I'll be the one who starts this fucking fist fight?"
Aiden grinned. "If you insist."
K̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶c̶a̶l̶m̶. "Aiden, what do you need?"
"I need you to apologise to her Aaron," Aiden said. "And I need you to do it quick."
Aaron sent his friend a scowl. "You're saying that as though I wasn't,"
Aiden's blue eyes widened. "You're going to apologise?"
"Of course I am you moron," Aaron sighed, finally allowing his eyes to reflect some of his guilt. "She didn't deserve it."
Aiden nodded, still shocked. "Yeah...This is still coming off as a shock to me,"
Aaron clenched his jaw, obviously agitated. "I might be an asshole and all, but I still know how to apologise alright Aiden?"
Aiden held his hands up in surrender. "Alright then dude, calm your tits."
Aaron exhaled a breath, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair. "Are we done here?"
Aiden nodded. "Yeah, I told you everything I had to say."
Aaron nodded before he took his bag and stood on his feet. "Then I need to go,"
Aiden looked at him weirdly, his lips pressed in a tight line. "But you have a free period now,"
Aaron shrugged. "I have some things I need to do."
"And what is that?"
Aaron ignored Aiden's question before his desperate footsteps padded along the library floor.
Because he was going to go to Chase.
⌘⌘⌘
Aaron was never one to be seen in the locker room, much less be waiting in it.
B̶u̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶.̶
Aaron sat down quietly on the benches right in the middle of the locker room, and he could feel his eyes burning from the God forsaken stench of sweat and exercise.
He refrained from covering his nose (He wanted to seem polite after all) but he couldn't stop his eyes from watering.
When the team players finally started pooling into the room, Aaron got to his feet as his eyes scanned for a particular brown haired boy. He felt awkward considering how all the boys were probably a 100 times more muscular than him, and how he seemed to be an inch or so taller than all of them, making his head seem as though it was floating in mid air.
When Aaron finally spotted Chase, he gave him a small wave.
Chase looked at Aaron, smiling. "Oh hey Aaron, is there something you need?"
"Actually yeah," Aaron said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "It's about Rose."
Chase's smile seemed to widen. "Well, what is it?"
"When is her birthday?" Aaron asked quietly, feeling the eyes of the several jocks glued onto his back. I̶g̶n̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶m̶.̶
"This Saturday," Chase said, wiping away sweat from his forehead using the towel around his neck.
Aaron could feel his eyes widen. "Seriously?"
Chase nodded. "Yeah, why?"
"You're suppose to tell us that!" Aaron had no idea why he was getting worked up about this.
"Rose doesn't like celebrating her birthday," Chase shrugged. "She would've killed me if I told you guys."
Aaron furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?"
"Because knowing Aiden, he would probably throw some surprise party or something, and Rose wouldn't like it that much," Chase reasoned. "She likes it low key, like when we were kids."
Aaron nodded. "So this Saturday?"
Chase nodded too. "Yes."
Aaron let out a small breath. Nodded his head. "Alright then, thanks."
But just as Aaron started walking away, Chase hollered after him. "What are you planning?"
Aaron just gave him a small smile as an answer, and judging from the little smirk that climbed onto Chase's lips, he thought it was good enough.
H̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶e̶n̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶.̶
⌘⌘⌘
He was nervous.
Aaron couldn't remember the last time he was this nervous, but it was slowly killing him.
His hands felt clammy and sweaty as he walked towards the familiar house, clearing his throat at attempting to remove the lump settling there.
Aaron just hoped with all his heart that she wouldn't send him away. H̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶.̶
When he reached her front door, he let out a shaky breath before he rang the door bell. H̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶,̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶,̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶.̶
And when the door opened, he couldn't breathe couldn't breathe couldn't breathe.
"Mom you're early today-" He missed her brown eyes so much so much so much. "Aaron,"
He gulped once more. "Hey Rose," He said quietly, feeling the lump tickle his vocal cords. "I brought you some notes and today's homework since you were absent."
Disappointment flashed through her eyes, but she concealed it as quick as it came. "Thank you," She smiled, but Aaron could see the force behind it. "You didn't need to."
"Can I come in?" Aaron asked, feeling his hands tremble as his fingers played with the straps of his bag.
"Uh-yeah sure!" Rose shook her head. "Where are my manners?"
Aaron stepped into the familiar house, watching as Rose closed the door.
"Let me get you some water-"
And Aaron had no idea what possessed him, or what in God's name was he thinking, but he pulled her towards his chest, wrapping his arms around her. I̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶.̶
He let out a small breath against her shoulder, sending some of her stray hairs from her bun flying through the air as he held her tighter.
"Aaron?" Her grip around him tightened. H̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶s̶o̶l̶u̶t̶e̶l̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶
"Don't do that Rose," He whispered quietly. "Don't disappear on me like that."
He could feel her rubbing small circles on his back, but all he was focused on was telling her: "It doesn't matter if you are mad at me, or even despise me, just don't make me worry like that."
He could feel her smile against his neck. "I could never despise you Aaron,"
Aaron could smell the berries in her hair, the perfume in her neck, and he couldn't breathe.
He was convinced that Rose's scent could prevent global warming, and that as long as he was with her, he didn't need to worry about any holes in the Ozone layer.
He reluctantly let her go, before he ducked his head in shame. He entered her house without her complete permission, managed to touch her when she wasn't expecting it and didn't even ask once about her parents.
Aaron could feel the shame lather up his body.
"Are your parents home?" He asked her, watching as she shook her head.
"They're out with the family," Rose smiled, and it was real. "Come, we can talk in my room. I'm in the middle of reading anyway."
Aaron nodded stiffly as he followed her to her room; his eyes always flickering towards the family photos that hung on the walls. H̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶e̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶. And it wasn't long before they reached her room (He still remembered the way) and Rose entered first, giving Aaron a reassuring smile before he entered too.
Rose didn't even bother to close the door (He was kind of grateful she did) before she plopped onto her bed again, and it was then that it hit Aaron hard on what she was wearing.
Dressed in a pair of pajama shorts with a matching shirt, Aaron could feel his cheeks burn with embarrassment - his Mom would kill him if she saw all he did. D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶.̶
That probably explained her embarrassed expression when she opened the door.
He looked away in humiliation.
And even though he just barged into her house and he did manage to crack a smile out of Rose, her posture told him otherwise. Her shoulders were tight, almost carved into place as they shook with uneasiness. And her brown eyes didn't have the twinkle that they always had, and Aaron could feel another wave of pain flooding his body.
He heaved a small breath as he took his bag in hand, and he could feel Rose's eyes burn onto him. B̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶,̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶,̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶.̶
He maneuvered his little package until it was settled in his hand safely, and he could hear Rose let out a small gasp. H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶.̶
"Aaron..." The shock in her voice made the edges of his mouth twirl up into a small smile. "What are those?"
He stood up straight again. Walked over to her side. Fell on his knees. And then finally locked eyes with her questioning gaze.
"Rose," He whispered, looking down on the floor he was kneeling at. "I'm sorry." He breathed, tightly shutting his eyes as his grip around the bouquet of flowers tightened. "I am truly and immensely sorry for what happened yesterday," It was becoming so hard to breathe.
"15 roses mean 'I am truly sorry, please forgive me'." He told her, biting his bottom lip in anticipation. "And the colour orange usually signifies enthusiasm and captivation." Her stare was starting to make him sweat in apprehension. He ducked his head down as he offered her the bouquet of orange roses. "Please accept my apology." Or I will never forgive myself.
And even though these flowers cost him more than anything did in the past few months, and that he was probably a little bit too late for his apology, it was all for Rose. A̶n̶d̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶t̶h̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶
But when he looked up to her, he could see tears swirling in her eyes.
Panic crushed his chest, his blue eyes widening in shock. "Rose why are you crying? I didn't mean to upset you, I just thought-"
Without another word more, Rose leaped out of the bed and crashed onto his chest. I̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶n̶i̶c̶e̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶n̶i̶c̶e̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶n̶i̶c̶e̶.̶
She knocked the breath out of him, his eyes darting towards her as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. The feeling was so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
And when he could feel moisture on his shoulders-
"Rose why are you crying?" He mumbled, cheeks flaming in embarrassment. H̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶e̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶u̶t̶i̶f̶u̶l̶. "I didn't mean to make you cry."
Rose just hugged him tighter; her arms wrapped around his neck while she basically occupied his lap. He again, tried not to look at her in this clothing.
He reluctantly placed the bouquet on the floor, before he too, wrapped his own arms around her. And embraced her.
Now Aaron was never one for hugs (He thinks they invade personal space), but Rose was making him reconsider his decision.
He felt so safe with her, as though nothing evil could ever happen to him. Cocooned in her warm embrace, Aaron felt so weird, so out of place. He was never used to this kind of physical contact or the delicate emotion that came along with it. But Rose was making him crave more.
"I'm sorry," He whispered to her ear. "Will you forgive me?"
Rose vigorously nodded her head against his shoulder, dampening his shirt even more.
It beats Aaron on why in God's name Rose was crying, but as long as she forgave him, nothing in the world mattered anymore.
Rose sniffled one more time before she let go of him h̶e̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶,̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶,̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o before her teary brown eyes met his ocean blue ones. She gave him a teary smile, one that made his heart explode, explode, explode.
"That was very lovely Aaron," She was smiling now, a few tears finding their way down her chin. "And I'm just really happy I guess, like I get very emotional when it comes to stuff like this."
"You scared me."
"You surprised me."
"I thought I made you cry."
"I thought you were just going to apologise like a normal person."
"After all this time do I still come off as cliche to you?"
"After all this time do I still come off as insensitive to you?"
Aaron could feel himself smiling, and he didn't want to stop. "Point taken," He told her. "I'm impressed."
"I could say the same to you," Rose said, grinning. But when she noticed on how she was sitting on his lap, she quickly got up; a flame of pink burning her cheeks. "I am so sorry I honestly had no idea-"
Aaron shrugged. "It's alright Rose, no harm done." B̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶s̶o̶l̶u̶t̶e̶l̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶
She sat back down on her bed, patting the space right in front of her. Aaron hesitantly took the spot right in front of her, feeling queasy on her bed. Perhaps it was the training of becoming a gentleman that made him feel this weird, and he knew he sat on her bed before, but that was because her parents were home. But sitting on her bed felt like he was intruding her. He tried not to show it.
"What's up with you and roses?" Rose asked, and the smile he was waiting a day and a half for was glittering on her lips.
Aaron shrugged. "I guess I'm just old fashioned."
Rose quirked an eyebrow, but she was still smiling. "Did you know that roses are used for wealth in Netherland even though they export tulips more than anything else?"
"Did you know that the black rose doesn't actually exist; the petals are just a deep red colour which look gloomy and dark."
"Wild roses bloom once a year. They are pollinated by insects."
"Rose hip a a fruit from roses. It is a high source in Vitamin C and is usually used to treat stomach pains and cancer."
Rose grinned. "You seem to know a lot about them too."
Aaron could feel his lips curl up in a smile. "Did you also know that the name 'Rose' is a latin name derived from the word 'Rosa' and it usually means delicacy and strength?"
Rose's eyes widened in surprise; her lips slightly parted as this pink flush tickled her cheeks. "No I didn't," She muttered.
"Well now you do."
"Normally I would tell you what your name means and it's origin too, but my mind is blank right now."
Aaron let out a small laugh as he shook his head. "Blank only now? I thought it was a full time thing."
She threw one of her pillows at him h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶a̶u̶g̶h. "You jerk. And here I was thinking you and your brain cells were a gift to this world."
He quirked an eyebrow, almost challenging her. "You know they are."
She smiled a goofy grin a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶u̶t̶i̶f̶u̶l̶,̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶u̶t̶i̶f̶u̶l̶,̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶u̶t̶i̶f̶u̶l. "You're weird Aaron,"
"You told me that before."
She pursed her lips. "I did?"
He nodded. "Very much so." He glanced at the opened book on her nightstand. "What are you reading there?"
"I'm almost done with Great Expectations," She told him, taking his book in hand as she showed him. "Just a few more chapters to go."
He smiled. "How are you liking it?"
She beamed. "I really like it! I mean I know it can be depressing and all, and perhaps even a bit slow paced but dear Lord it is so fantastic! It's like you get sucked into it so quick and the characters seem so real and cool and just UH! I really like Pip, I mean he has his flaws and I guess that's what I really like about him, but then I also love-" She clamped a hand over her mouth, her ears turning pink. "Sorry I'm rambling, that was probably unnecessary."
Aaron shook his head. "Not at all Rose, it's nice seeing you like this." D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶,̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶. "It makes me very pleased to know that you are enjoying it."
Rose smiled. "Did you like it?"
Aaron nodded his head. "I enjoyed it very much." He smiled a little smile. "And I am also going to enjoy the book you lent me yesterday,"
Rose's lips bloomed into a breathtaking smile; one that left him breathless. It was moments like these that he always loved to cherish. "I thought you'd like it, Harry Potter is pretty much a no brainer for feels and humor."
"Feels?"
"Yeah, feels."
"What in God's name is 'feels'?" Rose laughed at how cautious he was speaking that word.
"It just means the wave of emotion that hits you like a truck and you're like 'fuck man why'."
Aaron couldn't bear it any longer. He smiled. He smiled a smile so big and so honest that he thought his face was going to split in half. "Did you just curse?"
Rose shrugged. "Not intentionally. I got the definition off urban dictionary."
"So I guess it must be very accurate then?"
Rose nodded. Smiled. "Incredibly accurate."
"Truck of emotion huh?" It was weird feeling himself smirk. "I didn't know you liked that sort of stuff,"
Rose scoffed, pursing her lips in annoyance. "Why are you making it sound like it's a bad thing?"
"I never said it was," Aaron was smiling now. "Just interesting I guess."
She eyed him weirdly. "Do you get the feels?"
Aaron pondered in thought for a moment before he shook his head. "I never really was like 'fuck man why'."
Rose giggled. H̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶i̶c̶k̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶n̶t̶i̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶o̶d̶y̶. "I can't take you seriously sometimes Aaron," And then Rose laughed some more, and it was perhaps then that he realised he most probably lied to her.
Because Rose gave him the feels more than any book ever did.
B̶u̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶.̶
His eyes then wondered around her room, when a pack of cards caught his eye. "Are those tarot cards?"
Rose nodded her head, obviously baffled by his statement. "Yeah, you know them?"
Aaron nodded. "Not a lot of people are aware of what they are." He looked at her hesitantly. "May I?"
"Oh, yeah sure!" Rose nodded her head, smiling as she watched him take the cards carefully in hand.
Tarot cards were something that not a lot of people knew about, and Aaron thought that it was perhaps their sacredness that concealed their existence.
Aaron marveled at the stack of cards, giving Rose a small smile. "I didn't think you'd have these,"
Rose shrugged. "My aunt collects them and what not, so she always hands me down a stack."
Aaron nodded his head. "You know that Tarot cards being evil and being able to tell the future is a misconception?"
Rose nodded her head too. "Well aware Aaron, I had to google what these things were when they were first given to me."
Aaron smiled slightly. "I read a book about them,"
Rose's grin made his insides tickle. "Really?"
He casually nodded his head, darting his gaze back to the stack of 6 inch cards in his hand. "Yeah, really." He looked at Rose again. "How much do you know about this?"
Rose shrugged. "Not much, but I do know some names."
Aaron nodded. "It's actually really fun once you get the hang of it."
Rose smiled. "Which card would you think you'd be?"
Aaron took a little while to think (Considering he has never been asked this question before), but the little bubble of admiration seemed to burst in his chest. When it came to tarot cards, usually the person would ask what they would get, not what the reader thinks he would be.
I̶t̶ ̶m̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶A̶a̶r̶o̶n̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶R̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶.̶
"What I would be?" He told her, watching as she nodded her head. "I don't know," He muttered. "But I can tell you what I think you'll be,"
Rose quirked an eyebrow, as though thinking about his decision before she nodded. "Then what would I be?"
Aaron thought for another moment. "I believe you would be the High Priestess," Aaron said, giving Rose a small smile. "It suits you pretty well."
Rose's eyes widened. "Aaron no! Goodness, I can't be the High Priestess!" Her lips were parted in shock, staring at Aaron as though he was the maddest man on Earth.
Aaron shrugged. "You just don't give yourself the credit you deserve Rose," He rolled his eyes. "The High Priestess means intuition, higher power and mystery." Aaron told her. "You lead the rest of us," He whispered. "No other card is more powerful than yours," H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶. "Because you are our light of guidance, and are in all of us." He tried not to smile. "You are the one that drives us all to be strong."
He could see the smile that adorned Rose's face h̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶,̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p̶,̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶p and it felt nice to say something honest to her once in a while. "You're giving me way too much credit now,"
He shook his head. "I'm honestly not," Y̶o̶u̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶o̶n̶g̶.̶
Rose let out a small laugh, but the smile on her face as well as her flushed cheeks told Aaron that she liked his compliment. "I think I know which one you are."
He raised an eyebrow in curiousity. "Which one am I?"
Rose's shy smile made him go ballistic, so beautiful beautiful beautiful. "You'd be the World." She whispered quietly, as though she only wanted him to hear it. "You are completion, integration and accomplishment," She said softly, giving him an encouraging smile when he could feel all the breath getting sucked out of him. "It works."
Aaron looked away from her, his lips pursed in a small line. H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶l̶i̶e̶v̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶. "Thank you Rose," He was shocked on how quiet his voice was. "That's nice to hear."
She smiled. H̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶s̶h̶e̶d̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶t̶r̶e̶m̶b̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶a̶n̶d̶s̶. "I could say the same about you."
And in all the years Aaron has lived, and in all the faces Aaron has manipulated, and in all the eyes he has searched into for darkness, he could only find honest sincerity in hers. A sincerity so profound and authentic that he thought he was looking at a dream. Something so pure and innocent, something that this world no longer has.
Aaron smiled a tight lipped smile, almost looking down in shame in front of the honest girl right in front of him. "But I don't think I'd be the World Rose," He whispered to her. "It doesn't make sense."
He could feel her fingers brush against his own. "Then you can be my world." H̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶,̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶,̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶r̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶.
He looked up to her wide eyed, his chest swelling in glee, glee, glee. "What?"
She smiled at him. "I feel like you integrate happiness into me Aaron," She murmured, her eyes becoming this divine almost brick colour, some orange hues radiating out of her iris. She looked so impeccable as she told him that, like it was a hushed whisper only meant for him to hear. "And you should give yourself credit for that."
H̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶n̶d̶s̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶r̶e̶m̶b̶l̶i̶n̶g̶. "Don't say things like that Rose," His hands were trembling. He was trying not to let any hope slip through his voice.
She smiled gently, and it was becoming so hard to not let that bubble of passionate hope dwell within him. "I'm only saying the things I mean Aaron,"
"Stop," He was practically begging her now, this happiness was making him dizzy, dizzy, dizzy. "You can't like me Rose, you can't." H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶k̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶k̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶. His tone was desperate, almost in denial as he stared at the blonde haired girl right in front of him.
She frowned. "I don't expect you to like me back, good God that's not the point. All I'm telling you now is that I like you, and that I am not going to be an over reactive character in a YA book, or a lovesick role in a Chick flick, because I am not afraid of telling you the way I feel." She was becoming too perfect for him. "I like you, and I don't give a crumb for anything about you. Because when I say I like you, I mean you as a package. You and all your perfect imperfections."
"You can't like me Rose," He whispered, seeing the slight tears blurring his vision. "I am the Tower," He told her. "I destroy people." He hoped his heart would calm down. "I ruin foundations, I am toxic. I am the reason why people turn their backs on each other; the reason why the word betrayal was created."
Rose's expression didn't falter one bit. "I don't care if you ruin me either Aaron," H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶k̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶k̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶.̶
He took her hand in his, her fearless brown gaze locking onto his scared blue ones. Never in his entire life was he as scared as he was now, as tense as his shoulders were shaking, as happy as he was now. "I was right," He murmured. "You are the Highest Priestess." H̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶c̶r̶y̶.̶
She smiled. "And you are the World." Her gaze was like maple syrup on a plate of pancakes. "And I will teach you how to love yourself Aaron, I promise."
He smiled slightly at her. "I'm sure you will." He then took Rose in his arms, embracing her in all the gratitude, all the foreign happiness, and all the comfort he could exhale out. He was pretty sure she could hear his racing heart, but in that moment, he forgot about being cold and mean, forgot about strengths and weaknesses, forgot about trust and loyalty; all he knew was that the girl he was embracing, and giving bits of his heart to, was his biggest strength and biggest weakness.
And it sounded absolutely beautiful to him.
Author's Note:
Hey loves! So I updated! And OMG I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS LIKE CJDSFKLJSFDKGGNM, ya know? ;) I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. :)
Vote - I fell in love with the way you voted, slowly and then all at once.
Comment - That's the thing about euphoria, it demands to be felt.
Share - Everything is unstable to Nadia.
So this chapter is dedicated to @WeirdWolfGirl for being a LOVELY BOMBSHELL AND LEAVING SUCH AMAZING COMMENTS THROUGHOUT THE BOOK! Your comments made me laugh and made me cry a bit, so thank you for the lovely words of support! I'm glad you enjoyed Hers, and I love you. <3 xx
And as per usual, more dedications are on the way. :)
Remember loves, Hers is in the Watty's2015, so please share the story and vote for it! It would mean the absolute world to me. :')
You guys, we reached 54.9+ K! That's LITERAL INSANITY. I didn't think we'd get that over a small span of time, but thank you to everyone who voted, commented and supported me on this story. It just seems so surreal you know, like spending the early hours of dawn writing chapters is worth it. :')
Thank you from the bottom of my heart loves, it is truly appreciated. :)
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So that's all for now loves, until next chapter. :')
I love you beautiful, remember that. x
-Nadia <3 :D xoxo