As we stood in the middle of the road, the angelic creature that is Shawn Mendes stood across from me in his black shirt and matching jeans, his eyes staring down into mine. A slight smile adorned his face.
"Hi," I laughed.
"Olivia, can I talk to you?" he asked.
"Of course, what is it?" I retorted.
"I'm sorry, Olivia, but... I'm with Leah now." Shawn's voice filled my ears.
"W-w-what?" I stuttered.
"I'm sorry,"
My heart stopped. "No, please Shawn this can't be happening. You're joking. No, no, no. I thought you loved me?" I screamed, my hands trembling as tears began to stream in waterfalls down my rosy cheeks.
He shook his head as he looked at me, though all the affection had disappeared from his eyes. Now there were just two empty chocolate orbs, floating where his eyes should've been. Those beautiful, loving eyes.
"No, Olivia, thats all over now," he whispered, showing me no sympathy whatsoever.
My heart felt as if it had literally been gouged right out, stomped on, chopped into a billion pieces, and set on fire. It was the most painful thing I could've ever experienced. Physically, and mentally.
Had his love for me been nothing but an illusion? The world seemed to be completely flipped over.
"How could you do this to me?" I asked, my words quiet as I tilted my head, shrugging my shoulders as my lip quivered. "I loved you more than anything in the entire world. Well, I love you more than anything in the entire world."
He plainly gazed at me as his flawless plump lips separated to say,"I'm sorry." His fingertips traced my arm until he gripped my hand, flashing a toothless grin as he turned on his heel.
I cherished his touch, and it being the last time I could ever feel him, I didn't want to let go. But I was weak. I was weak, tired, and hurting.
My arm flopped down to my side, and I immediately missed the sweet taste of his touch, for all it had turned to was sadness.
He strode away into the street, his feet guiding the way to where Leah stood, smirking happily. She hugged herself, her arms each latched onto the other. Oh how gorgeous she looked. I knew I could never be as pretty as she was. Why did I even think that a guy like Shawn and I could ever be real?
He beamed at her, the smile that he used to give to me. His hands caressed her olive skin as his lips landed on hers. Her arms chained around his neck and he clutched her waist to him. Their lips moved in sync as she hopped up, wrapping her legs around him as they dangled loosely around his hips, giggles escaping her lips.
He carried her inside, kicking the door closed, as I dropped down onto my knees, the gravel cement drawing blood, but the pain could never amount to the pain I was already experiencing.
I seemed to drown in my own tears. And I was completely okay with the idea of death just then, even though it had always scared me.
As I sat, bawling and bleeding in the middle of the street, I honestly hoped a car would've came and slammed right into me.
I wanted to die.
But then, I woke up.
+ + +
I awoke with a jolt, realizing that it was all nothing but a dream.
I took in my surroundings, to see that I was in a bland white room, in which I didn't recognize. If it weren't for all the machinery beside me, I wouldn't have realized that I was in a hospital.
My face was lodged between a pillow and an uncomfortable, thin, white bed sheet in an awkward position as gentle conversation rang in the background. My mother's voice was the only one that stood out.
"Yes, Olivia just had a panic attack. Has she had a panic attack ever before?"
"No, never." Mom responded to the unfamiliar tone.
"Oh, well it's completely normal for teenagers to get them. We actually get a lot of teenagers in because they think it's something much worse. But it's no big deal, she should be fine. If she has another severe panic attack like that again, you can bring her by and we'll give her another oxygen treatment like today. But other than that, she's perfectly okay, and is good to go anytime after she wakes up."
"Thank you so much, doctor. Do you mind explaining that to my husband now? He's really worried." she retorted.
"No problem!" the doctor said, and then I heard quiet footsteps and the door open and close.
So apparently I had a panic attack. Why though? Oh yea. It all hit me, just then. I was going over to Leah's house to find her and Shawn. And then, Leah kissed Shawn. And then I freaked out, but apparently that was a panic attack.
The heart-sinking feeling still hung in my chest. And of course, the nightmare hadn't helped at all.
I slowly pushed myself up into a seated position, and there was another presence in the room. I could feel it. I looked to my right, and sitting there was Shawn. His eyes lit up when they met mine. All the love had returned to his green-speckled brown eyes.
I jumped when I had noticed him.
"Oh, oh, sorry I didn't mean to scare you," Shawn said.
"Whoa, um, hi," I mumbled.
My dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. But what if it wasn't?
A grin tugged at the corners of his lips as he reached his hand out to mine in which was resting on the part of the bed beside me. His fingertips brushed over my skin as he twisted his fingers around mine, intertwining them together. "How are you feeling?" Quickly, I jerked my hand away.
"Perfectly fine, thank you." I snapped.
Shawn looked fixedly upon his lonely hand resting on the mattress for a long time before taking an abrupt breath and asking,"What's wrong?" Still, not shifting his eyes from where they rested.
"I had a panic attack," I stated.
"Well, yes, I know that, Olivia, but other than that. Are you mad at me?" Shawn questioned, his voice sounding unsure. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as the memory soared throughout my head.
"You know, it sucks because you actually do know why I'm so upset but you're not evening going to mention it just to protect yourself. But trust me, Shawn. Not mentioning it will get you absolutely nowhere."
"Olivia, is this about--"
"You and Leah and that kissing session you had together at her house? No! Not at all!" I replied sarcastically, wiping an escaped tear off of my cheek.
"Olivia--"
I interrupted him,"And it really hurts to see someone you love so much look at someone else the way they look at you. Or used to, anyway. It sucks. And then your entire perspective is flipped over because, it's like, everything you ever thought was actually the total opposite and I just wish Leah had never fallen for you but I know she can't help it. I hate this feeling, you know? My two best friends totally betrayed me. And what makes it even worse is that when I look at you right now, I want to be angry, and I just, I just can't because I'm so fucking in love with you. All I feel right now as I look at you is pure affection and I can't believe you would do that to me. I just wish this never would've happened." I sobbed, my head falling into my hands.
"Hey, hey, please don't cry. Don't cry," Shawn comforted, placing his hand on my back as he leaned down to try and see my face, but I moved away, out of his touch. Out of his sight.
Honestly, though, all I wanted to do was to be in his arms. I needed gratification but I couldn't get that until all of it was sorted out.
Shawn sat back and sighed. "Olivia, okay, I know it really sounds like something it isn't, but I promise you I can explain every little thing. You can even ask Leah. Let me explain?"
I flopped back over on my side as I sniffled, facing the wall away from him.
"Please, I just want to tell you the truth--"
"Talk, Mendes. I'm listening." I deadpanned weakly.
He exhaled and paused for a moment before finally explaining,"It was like twenty minutes after I dropped you off at your house, and Leah called me crying. She asked if I could come over, so I walked to her house. You know, it's not that far. She cried to me and ranted and yes, she told me that she had feelings for me but you want to know the exact thing I said to her? I said, 'I'm sorry, but Olivia and I are in a relationship and I don't want to ruin that. I love her too much.' And then she started crying again and then she thought no one would ever love her or something, and that's probably what you saw. I was reassuring her that she would find the right guy but I wouldn't be him. I told her she was going to fall way harder for someone who will feel the same way. Because she will find her soul mate. Just like I found mine; you." he halted his story for a second,"But anyway, that's when she hopped up and kissed me. I stopped her though, I swear I did. I stepped back and pushed her off of me. Then I had to re-explain that I couldn't do that to you, and then I went marching out, and I found you pulsing on the ground, so I picked you up and your mom and I brought you here. I would never cheat on you, Olivia. There's never a thought in my mind that says I should go for another girl. You're mine and that's all I want. I know I've said it before, but you still need to know that you are all I want. Please, promise me you'll never doubt that. Never again." Shawn concluded.
I sat up, moisture flooding my eyes as I gazed intently at him. Heart racing in my chest, I was quick to say,"I love you so much," before practically tackling him as I soared out of the hospital bed and into his grasp, my arms wrapping around his neck as my face grazed his hair. His large hands pressed against my back, keeping me stable.
"I love you too," he whispered as he sighed peacefully beneath my touch as his fingertips skimmed along the back of my head, triggering chills down my spine.
I wanted to affirm the story with Leah, but I knew he wasn't lying so there really wasn't a need.
And I was happy in his arms, I didn't want to let go. Ever.
Unfortunately we were interrupted by my mom as she came in.
"Oh! Sorry, am I interrupting something?" she chuckled.
"Yes," I joked as Shawn's,"Nope!" overlapped my response.
We immediately made eye contact and busted into fits of laughter.
She smiled awkwardly as she lean in the doorway. "Well, come on, guys, we're good to go. Oh, and, Olivia, your father and your brothers want to see you to make sure you're okay." she said, waving us into the hallway.
Shawn and I then followed, lacing our fingers together on the way out.
- - -
(A/N) 6/21/15
that was long...and intense
well, im glad that's all sorted out!
aslo im still making people book covers for free! message me if your interested. (if you want to see some that i've made, check my reading list: 'covers i made'
love ya
-sophia