t h i r t y - f o u r :
Ashton unlocks his door and waits for me to follow him inside before he turns to close and lock it. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. I finally feel safe, something that only Luke could make me feel, but then here I am with Ashton, the boy I cheated on, the boy I loved, and I've never felt safer. Funny how drastically things can change, as well as fast.
A part of me will truly miss the way things were with Luke. A part of me figures that they'll never be the same while another part argues that they'll be so damn close to the way they were before. I've been so torn over things today I feel like I'm being ripped apart by my own mind.
The layout of his apartment was familiar, and I found that to my liking and comfort. The smell of Ashton filled the room, as he walked with me to the couch, his arm wrapped around my waist; protective.
Ashton was my refuge at the moment and he was something that I realize in this moment that I should never had let go of. I mentally slap myself for choosing my own step father over the sweet, gentleman who is Ashton.
Memories of everything that Ashton and I have done flood to my mind and I cannot help but smile for the first time since Calum told me about Brandon. Ashton, who is sitting next to me, smiles in question as he sees me smile.
"What are you thinking about beautiful?" He asks me, smiling, pushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
"You." I whisper to him, feeling terrible for playing him before.
"And what about me?" He asks, his lips losing distance between mine, his hazel eyes shining in the dull lighting of his apartment.
"Everything thing." I say the truth for once, not afraid to be caught. I want this. I want Ashton.
"So tell me Lottie, what is everything." His hands cup my face, his eyes never leave mine.
This is why I fell in love with Ashton in the first place. His kind eyes, his smile, the way he looked at life, the way he looked at me. It was like I was dreaming and I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that I never wanted to wake up from it.
"Well, I was thinking about all the things that we used to do in here. In your apartment I mean. Like how we would kiss on this couch, and what we would do in your bedroom." I let my voice become quieter in slight embarrassment.
"Well you know, that while you weren't here I couldn't think about anything but all those things I did with you Lottie." He gives me a slight smile. "I knew that after what happened, I should not have still liked you but I could just lay here on this couch and replay an entire movie that I watched with you in my head, and remember every little thing that we did while we watched it. And I just couldn't forget. I tried going out and getting drunk and getting laid, but none of those girls were you. That's what bothered me the most. Because I was looking for someone new, but at the same time, I was and felt like I always will be searching for you in everyone else. I was looking for your smile, your eyes, and your personality. And I'd find you, I'd find pieces of you in every girl I talked to, and I'd get so happy, thinking that maybe she would be the girl who could make me forget you. But the more I got to know them, the less like you they became. And that's when I knew they weren't the one. And after so many times of trying to find you, I gave up and realized that I was looking for you. I had you, but now all I need was to find you again. And I mean you. Find some way to get you back. Because as much as it hurt to know that I didn't have you anymore, I needed you."
I didn't think that I could be speechless. And I mean truly speechless.
I had no idea of what to say in response. I didn't know Ashton was capable of making my heart break and bend. I had no idea how much I had hurt him when I chose Luke over him.
And hearing how heartbroken he was over what had happened made me feel like the most terrible, horrible person in the entire world.
Ashton was someone I should never have let go, and now that I realize that, I let myself cry over our break-up for the first time.
"Hey." He says, kissing the tears off of my cheeks, "Don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry, I just wanted you to know how I felt, how I feel."
"I know." I say, "But I still feel terrible Ashy. "
"I know."
He could be yelling at me for what I did, hell, he could kick me out. But he was so heartbroken, that he looked for me everywhere, because he missed me. Because he thought that I was the one he couldn't live without.
And when I heard those words, I felt the same way.
About him....
About Luke.
And so I'm back to the same spot where I began.
Luke or Ashton.
But this time my choice is clear.
I choose Ashton.
[A/N]
So currently trying to see how long I can go without masturbating... at 5.5 hours right now idk how much longer I can take this guys lmfao
My boobs are like my prized possession you guys mhmm people just can't seem to keep their hands away, seriously guys, come squish them if you don't believe me.
Shoutout to @The_True_Fangirl for guessing that my favorite SoMo song was Blind
Short, kind of crappy chappy, but eh... next one will be filled with drama and ashy and lukey and.....
brandon??
llmao
Welp, love ya
-Kay