short skirts ➳ l.h.

f o u r t y - t w o

I laid in Lukes bed and stared up at the ceiling, my eyes burning, my heart breaking. I couldn't find the motivation to blink anymore, let alone do anything else. I found myself here in his bed night after night, hoping, wishing, praying that I'd wake up and he'd be cuddled up next to me, his legs intertwined with mine, his arms wrapped around me, his face buried in my neck, soft snores escaping his lips. But that'll never happen again.

I can't sleep in my own room.

Too many memories I guess, too many I can't get rid of.

It's only been 17 days, but it feels like it's been longer. Without Luke with me, it feels like its been a thousand years.

I can stand in the doorway of my room, and see us there in my bed, in the dark, making love. At least I can see what I want to see.

I just want to be back with him in my bed, him holding me close to him, his fingers running through my hair as he told me he loved me and always would.

Only to be a lie when he tells me the next morning he could never love me. Ever.

I've never seen anyone walk out of my life faster than he did.

I thought waking up the next morning, that Luke would still be laid up in bed next to me, but the sheets were cold where he should've been. He had been gone for a while.

I listened carefully for signs of him elsewhere in the house but it was all silent.

I close my eyes and put myself back to a night many days ago, where I had crawled into his bed in the middle of the night, and laid with him. He had woken up as I got into bed, but not entirely, falling back into a slumber right after he put his arm around me. I snuggled up into his chest and could hear his heart beating.

I just wish I could fall asleep to his heartbeat again.

The silence was almost unbearable.

I wished time would rewind, or even stop, but instead it went as slow as time could.

And time and life went on; slowly.

Days passed and weeks and eventually months.

I started to finally get my life together.

I got a small part time job. Took a couple of classes at the community college. Learned to drive. Made some new friends. Cleaned out my house of Luke's things and made it my own.

Although Luke was not present, every bill for the house was paid, and 500$ was left in an envelope in the mailbox every first of the month. He still managed to take care of me.

I finally had grown accustomed to the silence in my house. I turned Luke's master bedroom into a media room, with big couches and a big tv. I turned my bedroom into the spare room and made my room into the spare room in the very back of the house. I hired an interior decorator with the money Luke gave me and redesigned the whole house. I made it my own.

I found ways to heal myself mentally.

Ashton and I remained friends, and although we did not see each other often, he was always there for me when I needed him and I was there for him. 

Calum moved upstate to be with his sister as well as go to school. We stayed in touch and always go for lunch when he's here.

Brandon and I probably remained the closest, which was not expected. I think we leaned heavily on each other to deal with the losses of loved ones. I spent many nights at his house before I was finally able to sleep here.

I filled the position of his best friend, and he filled the position as a lover. I found myself tangled up in the sheets with him a few times, but nothing serious ever came of it.

As time went by, I found myself seeing Brandon less and less, but he forever kept a place in my heart.

I became friends with a couple, and surprisingly (with my princess complexion) I never minded being the third wheel. Taylor and Tyler.

I had just gotten home from my job as a waitress on a Friday night, around 10 when Taylor called me.

"Hey bitch, lets go out tonight." She says, her tone excited. She was always about the party.

I laughed. "Let me change and I'll come meet you. Where are we going and what should I wear?" I ran up my stairs and into my room, throwing open the doors to my closet.

"Ooooo girl you've gotta wear those navy shorts that make your ass pop and maybe just a crop top with it?"

I look around in my closet. "What color? White?"

"Yeah that'll do." Taylor says, "Do you want Tyler and I to come pick you up? Or do you want to meet us there?"

I take a quick look at myself in the mirror and come to the conclusion that it's gonna take awhile to make my appearance acceptable for a club. "I'll just meet you there." I laugh, "Which club are you going to?"

"Neon."

The club that's downtown and definitely a closer drive from their house than it is from mine.

"Ugh why that one? Why couldn't we go to Purple Smoke?"

"Cmon Lottie, we never go to neon. Plus this one always gets wilder!" Taylor screeches with excitement.

"Okay but next time it's my choice."

"Deal bitch. See you soon."

"See ya." 

And with that the call ended and my mission to make myself presentable.

It didn't take long to straighten my hair, touch up my make up and switch into what I was wearing for the night. After a picture sent to Taylor for approval, I started my Mom's Audi and left for the club.

The drive there wasn't bad, it was just mostly highway, which was something I wasn't entirely comfortable with yet, but worst of all, the highway was under construction, and the lanes were very fucked up.

There was no border between us and oncoming traffic.

Every curve in the lanes made my heart race as I curse myself for not making Taylor come and get me.

I stay focused. Hands on the wheel. Eyes in front of me.

And I make it there safely.

Although I love going out with Taylor and Tyler, this night just felt a little dull even though I was having fun. Drunk men felt the need to grope me all night and Taylor and Tyler were dancing in their own little world.

I wish I hadn't driven and brought my fake I.D. Being drunk would've made everything better.

We didn't stay in the club until it closed, but instead decided to walk around downtown, where it was located. Taylor and I laughed at drunk passerby's and their outfits and such while Tyler walked behind us like a bodyguard.

It was around 3 when it hit me. Being tired that is.

I said my farewell's to Taylor and Tyler after they walked me to my car, and was sure to wake myself up a little bit more before driving back home.

I sharpened up my focus.

Hands on the wheel.

Eyes in front of me.

And I watched as an oncoming car moved into my lane and into right in front of me.

I took a breath.

And then it hit.

A/N

okay so this was the last chapter and theres gonna be an epilogue out whenever I get the chance to write it lmaoooo

pic is bran bran the muffin man as promised and his insta is atfcoach_brandon if you guys wanna go drool over him some more 

and to all you horny bitches out there, from me to you, go get some dick

love ya 

-kay