I stared at the door as I anxiously waited for Frank to enter at any moment. I tapped my foot nervously against the ground causing people go give me annoyed glances. The bell rang and still no Frank. Art class has begun and I know I won't focus at all till he's here. I looked over at Ray who met my gaze with an equally as nervous expression.
Frank wasn't here and we both knew that wasn't good. I don't think Ray knows much about Frank's depression, to be fair neither do I. Frank isn't the best at opening up. He does though, eventually.
On the rare occasions where he does, I feel as if there is so much he doesn't tell me because he thinks it stresses me but him not telling me is what stresses the fuck out of me because I don't know what the hell is going on in his head. It's moments like this I wish more than anything I did.
God, is he okay? Maybe I'm overreacting and he's just in the bathroom or outside smoking....
Or he could be somewhere hurting and alone. Fuck, if he's hurt I'll feel responsible, I am responsible. I need him and he needs me.
I tapped my pencil against my desk nervously while the teacher gave an endless speech about sculpting clay pots. Not for a moment did my eyes leave the clock as I counted down the minutes.
The moment that bell rang Ray and I shot up from our chairs with a loud screech as they scooted back in unison with the rest of the class. "Where do you think he is?" Ray asked as we sped walked to study hall.
"I have no idea." My voice trembled and I realized I was about to cry. Between my anxiety, stress, and my Grimm imagination I'll be sobbing by the time I find Frank, If I find Frank. Oh my god what if he's-
"Don't panic, Gerard. I'm sure he's fine." Ray placed is hands on my shoulders and gave them a firm squeeze.
"Y-you don't understand." I squeaked out. Ray looked at me quizzically.
"I don't understand what exactly?" He asked hesitantly.
"Frank, he's-he could be in self inflicting danger right now." I murmured.
"Oh." Was all he said, I continued on.
"I fear he's upset about something and he's gonna a-attempt to leave a-again..." I whined out. I stared to feel anxious.
"Leave? As in suicide? And what do you mean again?!" He stuttered out.
"You only know if he tells you. Even then you forget because he's always smiling and making sarcastic jokes. You forget he's fragile..." I'm rambling. God, we don't have time for this. "Look I'll tell you about this later. I really need to find him." I felt like dying right now.
"Okay. Just calm down. You look like your gonna pass out. Relax. It'll be okay Gerard." He assured as he peered at me with concerned eyes.
"I'm okay." I lied. I'm not okay. "Trust me, I'm okay." I sighed as I took a deep breath and wiped my sweaty hands on my pants.
"Where do you think he is?" Ray questioned.
I have some faith that Frank wouldn't go end his life and ruin everything; ruin me.
"I don't know. East section of school?" I heard myself say.
"Maybe. I'll check. You stay here till I get back. You look sick as hell so try to calm down. By the way If Mr. Joseph asks where I am say I got gum stuck in my hair again and I went to the nurse." And with that Ray was gone.
~
"Alright no talking starts now!" Mr. Joseph announced to cause the class shut up. I sat on my seat sweating gallons and fiddled with my thumbs. Five minutes. Five minutes since Ray left and since then I've done nothing but tear myself apart on the inside. I can't sit here like this. I need to find him.
I put my head in my hands and took deep breaths as a panic attack wracked into my body. I was in a cold sweat and breathing felt weird and was oddly challenging.
"Gerard?" My head lifted up to see Mr. Joseph leaning over my desk with a concerned look portrayed on his features. "You look Ill. Are you alright? I think you should go to the nurse?" He pushed.
I suddenly felt extremely tired but managed to speak.
"No, I'm okay. I just need to-" I puked.
I only witnessed a moment of my embarrassment before painful heat rushed all over my body and my head all the sudden became to heavy for my neck to hold, I felt my forehead hit my desk and Mr. Joseph say my name before I blacked out.
My final thoughts being Frank Anthony Iero and how There's a possibility I failed him.
~
God this was so bad. Cx
Okey bye.