I was sat on the benches on the Rover Fontaine bridge, watching the sunset while waiting on Miguel arriving. I thought I'd be the one to forget what was meant to be happening, but it was playing on my mind all night. And I'm sure I got Blake a little freaked out with the way I was constantly smiling. It's not my fault I was sort of happy with things. Not my fault that my dream was becoming partially true.
It's not that I wanted the dream to happen but realistically, I could feel every bump of Miguel's lips on mine, even though they were metaphorically placed there. I knew that everything was fake and that some of the details within the dream were real, and others were not, but I just couldn't fathom what was real and what wasn't. Some of the details were a blur to me.
"I see you're on time," Miguel spoke.
"And I see you're late," I smiled.
"Alissa became the problem with everything. She demanded to know who I was going off to meet."
"Thought you were broken up with her?"
"Oh I am, but she won't leave me alone, nor will she vacate our flat. Keeps saying that it's her and that I should vacate it even though I bought it. Therefore, it's in my name. You know?"
"Yeah. Why not get an injunction against her?"
"I plan to. I can't be dealing with this crap right now with her. She thinks she still owns me but she's nothing to me. She won't even stop calling or texting me," Miguel spoke. And as he answered, his phone began blaring off the classic ring tone.
"I take it that's her now?" I asked as he brought it out his pocket.
"Yep. Persistent as always."
"Can we get back to why we're here? I really need to know what was going on before the accident."
"Well," he started as he put his phone away. "Before the accident, you were the bubbliest person I've ever seen. You took life within your stride. You walked everywhere, knew almost everyone. And even when you didn't, you just smiled in their directions. You worked for Andy - I don't know if you still do. You typed up articles for things that people would often feel daily or weekly. You were always given your task well before anyone, as you're dyslexic. You take a while to process things. When we first met, I brought you to this bridge, well, you demanded me here to get me off you back. We had a laugh. We just chatted about anything and everything. Even if it was random.
"Then Joel got wind of what was happening. He became someone you didn't want to mess with. So I backed off a little. Especially because I didn't want you to get hurt from him. But, little did I know, I was already too late. Because the last time we saw each other was the night that he hurt you terribly."
"So, most of my dream was correct then. By the way, do you have a brother that you don't know about?"
"Nope. It was just Nathaniel and I. Unless my dad's had a baby to someone else, then I don't know but it was just Nathaniel and I growing up."
"Was Nathaniel the one that was meant to get the company?"
"Yeah. He was the one that was meant to be getting it. He didn't live long enough to get it."
"He died of suicide, right?"
"Yeah. But wait, how do you know this?"
"In my somewhat realistic dream you mentioned it to me. We were discussing how things were in our lives. You wanted to know why I was running from everything and as to why I moved from London to Noli. You were also intrigued as to how Alissa and I knew each other. You then went on to tell me about Nathaniel and everything about him. About how he was the most sensible one of you both, about how he was the one who should've still been here, to take over the business and that you're so irresponsible with life. That you were always one to go out and get drunk every weekend, instead of staying in and learning about everything. You were rebellious."
"Wow, that must've been some dream."
"It was. The way your lips felt against mine, the way the bumps connected against the tendrils of mine. The pressure you used and the way your hands felt. The clamminess, and the way the sunset pictured the way we were feeling. Well, what I was feeling. I don't know about you. But in the dream, we'd only kissed twice. Once on the bridge and the other in the office of an arcade you opened in memory of your brother. But, when you showed me the arcade, we fought. We had disagreements over the way you had plastered your memories of your brother around the place. Therefore, our first ever proper meeting was ruined. We then had a make-out session in the back of the arcade, but that was the end of the kissing. Then I got kidnapped by someone claiming to be your brother, and you also got put in a ditch with your car when I called you about coming to get me because someone was following me. Turned out it was him."
"How did we meet?"
"Beth's cafe. Where we supposedly met in real life. Which, I don't even know about."
"It was a random day. The day we met. We, well I, both entered the cafe at the same time. We then both went to sit down at the same table, on the same side. Before I was a gentleman and gave it to you. We both then ordered, even though we were two completely different people, thus, beginning a conversation. You ordered a caramel latte with added swirly cream and chocolate sprinkles - which Beth already knew and I my usual of black."
"Why did you stay at the cafe? You could've gone home or to your business but you decided to stay with me, why?"
"I was intrigued by you. You had this distant look upon your face and I was troubled as to why it was upon that beautiful frame." When he said this, I blushed beetroot. "You never did tell me,, you only looked at me, pissed. I think you thought I was the devil reincarnated or something. I don't know. After I left, I was pained by that look that you were given off. It was haunting me whenever I went off into a daydream."
"If we were friends, why can't I remember anything? I remember things from my childhood and growing up with Beth and Leon, and I remember Leon's stupid reason why he won't go into hospitals. I remember Blake and Naomi being annoying twits when I was younger, all because they were the oldest. I remember that I was picked on from Alissa - here in Noli and from everyone back in London - teachers included. But, I don't remember Blake's children, nor do I remember Naomi's children. I can barely remember my parents. Even though I was with them for nearly 24 years."
"Niamh, that's the effects of amnesia. It affects your brain in so many ways. What you're experiencing is fine. You're having mind blanks as to what everyone looked like and who is who. It's normal for that happen. Look, can I treat you to some dinner?"
"Miguel I'm not even dressed for dinner?"
"Who said it was some fancy restaurant? I'm in the mood for McDonald's. I'm craving a big fat juicy burger," he moaned at the sight.
"Fine," I said looking down at my jeans. "We'll get that burger. But you're buying."
"Deal."
We walked along the bridge to the end of the road. The thing I liked about Noli was that everything was connecting in some way or another. You didn't have to use your car to every given point in the town. Which meant that you could go to McDonald's and then to the gym within two seconds. It was the small. But, it was better than most of the places and islands around.
We made small talk on the way to the restaurant. And I was quite looking forward to it but I was petrified around strangers. As when you're fat and you're out eating a burger or something fattening, people look at you as if you're stupid and like you should be eating salads.
There's a lot of two-faced people in life. And mainly one is being a judgemental asshole. I've had it a lot. I remember that much. I remember when I was sitting in a cafe a few years ago [I actually remembered something] and having my lunch, a woman came in with her child. The disgusted look upon her face was quite disturbing. Like, was I not allowed to eat anything? Was I meant to starve myself into oblivion? It's quite ridiculous to be honest. I felt like I was being judged for just eating something so little. It was a ham salad sandwich anyhow, it's not like it was a big giant greasy burger with extra trimmings and a big glass of fizzy juice.
When we arrived at McDonald's, the place was partially empty. There were only a few people scattered over the place, using their laptops or iPad's for the WiFi that McDonald's gave you. Occasionally, I would be here too with my laptop, but that was when I hadn't paid my phone bill and they cut me off. More often than not, I had other things to be taking care of. Mostly that would be my cat's vet bills.
I know that when I woke up, I forgot all about Buttons and even owning a cat but he's fast became my best friend. He gives the most amazing cuddles that no human could even replace. Of course, there are some that could come close to it but nothing would ever compare to my cats ones.
"What would you like to order?" Miguel asked me.
"Can I please have a kids cheeseburger happy meal? With a large vanilla milkshake," I asked.
"Sure. Go get a seat and I'll bring it over."
I gave him a smile before getting the table right at the back of the restaurant. Call me crazy but I hated feeling like I was getting judged. It's like any person really, they all hate being judged but we all judge each other, it's like primary school all over again.
"So, you have two drinks here, one fizzy cola and your milkshake, you sure you're fine with your kiddies meal?" Miguel asked, as he brought our food over.
"My kiddies meal is fine. I'm truly not that hungry so this is fine," I commented back.
"Are you," he started as he took a few fries in his mouth, "sure that you're fine? Because, before the accident and the amnesia, you were more livelier and talkative and less shy. Now you're just closed off."
"I'm fine. I'm just shut off because I don't know who I'm talking to something and I often feel like I'm just strolling through my own life," I said as I took a sip of my milkshake.
"You can talk to me, Niamh. I'm not going to judge you on something that wasn't your fault. Joel knew what he was doing when he was inflicting that pain upon your body. He knew the side effects of the mixture. There was no way that anyone was walking away from that unscathed. The night I rescued you, something changed within me. I just wasn't looking at you in a friendly manner, I was looking at you in a way that could only be described as romantic."
"Wait, Beth told me that a neighbour called the cops and such. No one told me that it was you that saved me."
"No one knows that it was me. Except, the police, Joel, Beth and Blake. They - Beth and Blake - made me promise to tell you in my own time. At first, I was petrified of letting people know because I'm sure that they'd be like 'why on earth didn't he tell anyone on what he done?' and the simple reason was because I didn't want the recognition. I just wanted to help a friend in need."
"How did you know I was in trouble?" I asked. The most oblivious question of them all.
"I didn't. I was walking past after with meeting a client and a neighbour came running out asking for someone to help her because she didn't have the strength to beat in Joel's door. Therefore, I came running in, helping her beat in the door. But, once the door as beat in, I found Joel hovering over you with a baseball bat in his hand. Ready to smack you again. When he saw it was me, he took his attention off you and came after me. The neighbour quickly made her way to you, to try and get you to stop fitting. The mixture must've messed you up because you were hallucinating and taking a reaction all at the same time. The neighbour tried to get you awake with very cold water, but it didn't work. The police came not long after, midst when Joel and I were fighting and shouting profanities at each other. We both ended up with a few cuts and bruises. Him worse than me. But, one Joel was handcuffed, the police, myself and the neighbour tried everything to get you back to a living state but all you kept mumbling about was that there was unicorns floating around the place, and that they had rainbow shit sprawling about the place, but then also you were fitting. And we tried to get both under control but nothing would ever work out. The ambulance people got there, and managed to get you in a normal state. But, the molasse didn't work for long before they had to get you to the hospital. I came with you, I had to phone Blake when we arrived as he was the only family member that could answer everything about you."
"So you were my knight in shining armour that night then?"
"Nope, that would be the neighbour, not me."
"No, that would be you," I spoke half-heartedly.
"Niamh, it wasn't me. It was the dear old neighbour that called the cops, I only bashed down the door to help. Finding out it was you, that wasn't meant to happen but seeing you in that vulnerable state, it made me want to protect you at all costs."
"How did Blake take the phone call?"
"It wasn't the most pleasant phone call I've had to make. He was absolutely raging and he promised me that he'd go straight for Joel whenever he could."
"But he didn't?"
"He tried. The day of the court case, Blake tried to jump the barrier and get to him. But if it wasn't for Beth holding him back, then things would've gotten messy. Believe it or not, those two are perfect for each other."
I took a small bite of my burger before speaking, "they are. They didn't want me to know. About their relationship, I mean. They wanted to keep it a secret, because they were scared I'd kick up a fuss about it."
"If you knew before the accident, would you have?"
"No. Everyone deserves to be happy, my brother included. Elina has given him so much hell before and I just wish him happiness, even if it's at the expense of my best friend."
"So you're happy for him?"
"I am. I think Rosie and Jim are kind of happy to see their dad happy. I'm unsure though, because they hate me."
"I don't think they hate you," Miguel commented.
"They're the devil reincarnated. The other day there, they decided to play a prank on me by hiding my phone and my house keys. And because I have amnesia, I was panicking. I know how tough it is to see someone go through it but when you go through it yourself, you find yourself worrying a lot more than what you normally worry. So, basically, my house was turned inside out looking for the damn things, all while they knew where they were. I was due to throttle them. I'm not kidding you, they hate me."
"Are you sure they hid them?"
"I'm positive. I didn't even have them on me when I was eating in the kitchen. They were sitting on the sideboard in my livingroom."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did," I laughed before shoving my rubbish into my box, and picking up my happy meal toy.
"Ha, ha, ha," he said sarcastically. "Anyway, what would you do if you became pregnant while still living with your amnesia?"
"Are you planning on getting me up the duff?"
"What if I said yes?"
"Then I'd roundhouse kick you and barge out the door, leaving you sat wherever you end up. But, in all seriousness, I don't think I'd be able to handle being pregnant while suffering. Plus, I don't even think I can get preggers."
"How not?" He asked as he wiped the remainder of his burger away.
"Because, I'm way too fat, Miguel. And who'd ever want to get me pregnant? Who in their right mind would ever get me into bed? When I could just easily snap it with sitting on it."
"Do you think that low of yourself? Niamh, just because you're fat doesn't mean you're going to break someone's bed by sitting on it. Hell, there's probably been some skinny people that's sat on a bed and broke it. Just because you're fat doesn't mean you're restricted in things that you do with your life. I think I read somewhere the other day that a woman who was 35 stone had given birth to a healthy little girl. So, it's possible for that to happen."
"Miguel," I started.
"No," he jumped in. "Listen to me, you're probably thinking I'm spewing out random shit when I just said earlier that I thought of you in a romantic way rather than a friendship way but Niamh, I'm 29, and I want to settle down. I don't want it to be with Alissa - as much as she'd like it to be. I want it to be with you. Excluding your best friend and boss, but half the female population on Noli are after money and fame. But, you're grounded and want freedom from everything. You're living with the past haunting you and it hurts seeing you thinking about everything - making sure that no one's coming after you. I know you sat up the back of here to hide away from everyone. I remember the antics quite so well, actually."
"You hid? Highly unlikely."
"I did. When I was known as the eligible bachelor, I couldn't go anywhere without females all around me. Each trying to grab a piece of me. They didn't care if it was my hair, my balls or my arse, they just kept grabbing me. I had to hire Jonno in to protect me. But, just because someone's well known, doesn't mean they don't have to hide, sometimes," he spoke. "I know you're scared, Niamh. Of the stares you'd get whenever you'd place a bit in your mouth."
"You've been watching me, haven't you?"
"I've been keeping an eye on you. I've been trying to protect you from yourself. Because you're tearing yourself apart. There's no point in hiding it from me, because I know what it's like to tear yourself to pieces. I done it over my brother. I blamed his suicide on me. I blamed myself for his reasoning for jumping. Because I felt like I could've stepped up and took on my duties like I was supposed to, instead of trying to get into bed with someone else. Or two people at the same time. I blamed myself for so long that I often wondered if I was being punished for things. Punished for being so stupid with my life, while leaving my brother to do everything himself. Life sucks, in more ways than one."
"Miguel, you don't have to tell me about Nathaniel if you don't want to speak about," I said, feeling a sense of deja vu come over me.
"I don't really need to tell you about him, do I? Especially since you know through the dream you had."
"I don't want to be a burden to you, so I'm going to go," I said as I got up from the seat I was sitting in. "I'll see you around, Miguel."
I left him sitting at the table in utter shock. I knew he was feeling shocked that I just upped and walked but I needed time to think on my own. I needed to feel like I was being manipulated into thinking I was at fault for everything. I didn't ask to be beaten by Joel, I didn't ask to be hurt sexually by him either. I just wanted to be normal, to remember the last four months of my life. To not be hated by my own niece and nephew. To be loved by someone, anyone. But, it's just not for happening. I'm being manipulated by everyone around me.
I began the walk back to my house, taking in the last sight of the sun setting. The slight orange hue was visible with small streaks of blue and purple shining above. I wanted to forget everything. I just wanted to be gone right now. Like, not gone-gone, but just to disappear for a bit to recollect my thoughts. I've still not been cleared to go back to work. As my mind is still hazy and I'm still taking dizzy turns whenever I most fast or if I swivel too quick. I'm guessing that Andy's getting fed up with my lack of work, because there's been a few messages asking when I'm coming back. But, it has to be when Dr Cartwright clears me. Which could be at any time but if I'm being honest, I don't know why Andy's putting up with my crap. Especially because I'm the least faithful worker she has. I have to be given my assignments earlier than anyone because it takes me longer than most to process things.
Miguel: where are you?
Me: I'm home, Miguel. Maybe it's best if we don't see each other anymore. You know?
Miguel: No, Niamh, I don't you know? Have I done or said anything to upset you?
I was lying to him. I wasn't actually home. I was sat on the little pier under the Rover Fontaine Bridge, taking in the sights. I just didn't want to be found by anyone. Just had to disappear for a bit.
Me: Miguel, just please leave me. It's nothing you've done or that I've done. I just can't be around anyone anymore. I'm afraid that I'll just say the wrong thing. Just go back to Alissa, Miguel. She needs you more than I do. Even if she is your ex. Goodbye, Miguel.
I shut my phone off to tide over the influx of messages that I'm sure Miguel would be giving me. But, I just had to disappear for a while. I needed to disappear for a while.
"And what's a strapping young lass, like yourself, sitting down here where there's no interaction?" A typical Scottish voice asked.
I looked up and saw this old man with a full ginger beard and grey hair looking down upon me. He had this look about him that said 'one eyed gunner,' and it was quite strange but I knew his face. His face was so familiar, it felt like I was being hit by a frying pan constantly.
"You're old Tommy Turner, you used to be my dad's best friend."
"That I am, Niamh. Guess we both forgot who the other was?"
"Well, I safely can blame that on my amnesia," I laughed gently.
"Mine's just old age, darling. How have you been since your parents passed?"
"I wish I could tell you that, Tommy. I really do but sadly I've forgotten a lot of what my life was like before my accident. I can just remember your name and that you were my dad's best friend. I can remember some things from a few year ago but only certain things. I can't remember my mum's favourite perfume or my dad's favourite song. All I remember is that it was something to do with Kenny Rogers and country. Do you remember?"
"Darling, if I knew I'd tell you but for the life of me, I can't remember. I've had a few knocks in my lifetime so some details are quite limited. Plus, old age is creeping up on me, hen."
"Tommy, how do you manage with things?"
"What do you mean, darl?"
"Forgetting things? I know you're going with old age but when you first started with it, how did you manage?"
"It was difficult, darl, but I managed. Old Betty managed to get me through the times. You remember Betty don't you, honey?"
"Betty made the best chocolate cake and the best chicken and rice soup. How is old Betty getting on? I remember she got diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago. Did she manage to beat it?"
"She beat it alright. She's as fit as a fiddle now. Well, as fit as you could imagine."
"Is she still making her cakes and meals for you?" I smiled, remembering the times Betty always brought the cakes and meals round to ours.
"She's still making them, darl. I had one just not that long ago. You know what ole Betty is like, she won't stop making things, even if she develops arthritis in her hands or fingers. That woman loves her baking," Tommy laughed.
"I need to come round one day, see ole Betty again. I miss her home cooking."
"Are you keeping yourself well fed?" Tommy asked.
"Blake's there, so yeah I am. Plus, there's restaurants all around Noli, so I'm good for food. As long as you're getting fed, Tommy, that's all that matters."
"Blake? Little black Blake? Your older brother Blake?"
"Yup, little black Blake is here, Tommy. He's got his own children now, so he's got his hands busy, and he's got himself a girlfriend too."
"Please tell me it's that best friend of yours?"
"Yep, it's Beth. Wait, how did you know?"
"I've seen the interaction with them two at times, so I've been rooting for them with most of the Nolian population. They've been whispering about them both around the place," he smiled. "How's your love life?"
"Mine's absolutely shit, Tommy. I'm just out of hospital after being supposedly being beaten within an inch of death, hence my amnesia. And the guy that rescued me is now claiming he has romantic feelings towards me, after seeing me come close to death. That's why I'm hiding out. Because I don't know what I'm meant to feel. Like, am I meant to feel romantic feelings for him because he did save me? Or, am I meant to be thankful and romantic at the same time? I feel like I've lost my ability to function."
"Love, just because he saved you, doesn't mean you're meant to feel anything for him. It's up to you if you want to be romantically involved with him or not. Life often works in different ways before it becomes clear. The thing I've learnt most with losing some of my memory is that; don't take life for granted, cherish the memories you have with the loved ones. Seldomly, people come and go but you've just got to keep going. These people that come out and in your life, have no purpose of being there," he spoke graciously. "Love, I've got to go before Betty has an aneurysm. But, I'll see you around, Niamh. And maybe sometime, I'll get Betty to bring round your favourite chicken and rice soup, and chocolate cake."
"I'd love that, Tommy. I'll see you around," I smiled as he went off home.
My mouth was watering at the mere mention of Betty's chocolate cake. When I first moved here, that was my treat whenever I finished dinner. But, if I didn't I was kept from it. Like, I wasn't allowed any of it, and if a smidgen was taken from it, they knew who to blame, even if it wasn't me. But most of the time it was my dad who stole bits from it. He loved it as much as I did.
However, come to think of it, they died coming back from Tommy and Betty's party. Their car crashed into a tree, after some idiot skidded right into the back of them. They couldn't get control of the car so my dad had to let go the wheel. It was as if the springs had broken away from the ruts, leaving them without control. My dad died instantly, with my mum following within a few hours from her injuries. That was a day I had to bring the bad news to both my siblings. Heartbreak none of them needed, especially with Blake fighting with Elina and Naomi fighting with whatever husband she's on now. Even then, Blake's the only one that turned up for the funeral. Naomi was 'too busy' trying to sort out something that wasn't even worth fighting for. Thus, resulting in her children being born. A lot of angry sex it seems. Something that seems prominent in my family, because that's how I was created. My mum and dad had an argument, then it resulted in angry sex - so my mum told me. Hence the eight year gap between Blake and I, and the ten year gap between Naomi and I.
Come to think of it, I've never noticed the closeness of Naomi and I's name until now. Except, mine isn't pronounced Naomi, it's Neave. No idea why it's spelt so different and weird.
I turned my phone back on and was inundated with endless messages from Miguel and my brother. Mostly all the same thing.
Miguel: Niamh, where the hell are you? Blake says you aren't at home. Message me back asap. Please?
Miguel: Please, baby, tell me where you are? I need to see you. Please, Niamh, let me know as soon as you get this.
Blake: Niamh, what's happening? I've just had Miguel at the door looking for you. Where the hell are you?
Miguel: ANSWER ME?! WE NEED TO TALK!
Blake: Niamh, answer your damn phone, woman!!!!
Blake: Niamh, I'm worried. PLEASE JUST ANSWER YOUR PHONE NOW!!!
Just when I was finished reading the same message over and over again, Blake rang me again. I'm going to have to face the music now.
I pressed accept before placing it upon my ear.
"Blake, I'm fine... No, nothing happened... I was talking to Ole Tommy Turner... Yes, the one whose wife always made the best chocolate cake and chicken and rice soup... Look, I'll explain when I get home... He's there? ... Please get rid of him... Blake, I'm begging you, please get rid of him... I'll explain when I get home... Nothing happened between us... Not like it is with you and Beth... If you allow me to get off the phone, I'll get home quicker... No, Blake, I won't go into the cafe and buy you a fish supper... No, I won't buy you a gateau either... You know you're on a diet, Blake... Just like me, yes... Yes, I had a McDonald's but it was only a happy meal, I never even ate most of it anyhow... No, Blake... I'll see you when I get home, so stop getting your knickers in a freaking twist... Oh, wait, I forgot, you wore a g-string. So they can't get a twist, especially since they're already up your arse... I love you too, Blake, and I'll see you when I get home."
Phew! Glad that was over, but I just didn't like that Miguel was in my house waiting on me getting home.
I knew I walked out on him without so much as an explanation but how is one meant to feel when they just dump something on someone that you never quite expected and you don't know how to react? I'm on that boat sailing down the river Nile. I wish I did know how to react, but I don't. My amnesia has well and truly messed me up.
Miguel: I don't want Alissa, I want you. But, if you want me gone then just say. I'm sorry I bothered you, but I just couldn't stay away. I'll see you around, Niamh. Take care and don't let anyone walk all over you. Miguel xxx